Xander Barns: Always Wanted Forever Part 28

Did I mention the pay?

It's quite handsome...just like yours truly.

X.

Amazing, life-changing opportunity?

He was offering me a job?

Really? I pondered for a moment, as if it could actually be real.

No way.

There's no way.

He wasn't a serious person, and his promises were all bulls.h.i.+t.

Instead of texting him back, I switched my phone to silent and tucked it back inside my pocket. Setting all things Xander aside, including this f.u.c.ked-up weekend, it's time to get back to the real world. That meant going back to work tomorrow night.

My plain, low-paying job.

Lovely.

Monday April 22nd 2013 I was closing tonight, alone.

Things that didn't bother me before were painfully bothering me, like waiting on customers while they chose what flavours of ice cream they wanted, then cleaning up spilled ice cream across tables.

All for minimum wage?

The constant reminder that I worked for minimum wage killed me as the hours dragged by. As I closed the store on my own, cleaning took longer than usual.

I really was going no where in life.

If Mom, Gwen, and Ben could see me right now, they would have been proud.

I was proving them right.

Arriving home after locking up, the ba.s.s from Sheila's room blasted on high. Her door was vibrating. I shook my head in disgust and unlocked my door. Sheila being a maybe prost.i.tute didn't bother me before. Now it maybe, kind of, did.

I lived next door to a hooker.

Could it get any worse?

I was no different than a c.o.c.kroach, slumming it in an abandoned building with a bunch of junkies getting high.

Entering my room and locking the door, I still heard the ba.s.s from Sheila's room. I had to f.u.c.king live with that s.h.i.+t, because there was no way I was knocking on Sheila's door right now, interrupting whatever business transaction she had going on. I slide the leather bag Xander gave me off my shoulder and placed it on my desk. I stared sadly at it for a second.

I could have never afforded something like this prior to this weekend. I would have had to work sixty hours to pay for it.

The thought depressed me. I bet if Xander worked for sixty hours, he'd have a lot more money to buy more than just a leather bag. We're probably talking tens of thousands of dollars. I had a brief glimpse of his lifestyle this past weekend, and that took big money.

Money I wasn't well acquainted with.

Geez, even Dad's birthday gift knocked me back a few.

My bank account balance was the least of my worries thanks to the money Xander gave me. Five thousand dollars could last me up to year, maybe less with the way things were going. And with my savings dwindling down, something had to change or else I might need to get a second job.

Or would I? I stared at my phone. I opened Xander's texts from this past weekend, settling on his last few messages. I stared at them, hypnotized.

Xander carried trouble with him, but he also carried something else, something life changing. And that was a job that paid a lot.

But what about Liam?

I promised him I'd stay away from Xander.

Yeah, well he also finger f.u.c.ked me in the bathroom, then ditched me without another word. So it was safe to say that I didn't owe him s.h.i.+t.

What other options did I have?

I had no university degree, no trade skills. I could become a manager at 4Scoops, but that would take years. Living in downtown was expensive; my savings were dwindling down as each month pa.s.sed.

It could be life changing. And it wouldn't have to be forever, just until I saved enough to get me by without having to work s.h.i.+tty jobs. Just until I found out what I really wanted to do with my life, which I still had no idea of. If I became Xander's personal a.s.sistant, the life I had now would change forever.

There will be no going back. I pondered for a few seconds before opening and typing a new text.

Marisa: I accept.

I hesitated before pressing send. This was it, the moment that would change everything.

Could I handle it? I mean, how bad could it be?

Taking a giant breath, I pressed send.

Here goes nothing!

CHAPTER 26.

Here goes nothing!

Forty seconds later....

My brain went into high alert, making my body s.h.i.+ver so uncontrollably I had to grab my desk to keep still.

Wait what! NO!

My eyes widened, horrified at what I just did. Had I lost my mind? I needed to fix this, before it was too late. Frantically, my fingers trembled as they quickly texted him back.

Marisa: Ha ha ha! Just kidding!

s.h.i.+t!

That was a close one. I sighed in relief, sagging into my used leather chair.

I almost made the worst mistake of my life, and I'd already made some pretty big ones in my life so far. This one would have been catastrophic. That guy was a loose cannon. His mind was permanently in another dimension. He was too sketchy and I'd never be able to read his mind.

Mentally flus.h.i.+ng his proposal down the toilet, I happily declined my admission to Xander land.

When I sighed again, my phone vibrated and chimed loudly, making me jump. The screen lit up, displaying his name.

And here we go again.

Xander: That's too bad.... we could have had some fun together, by the way how much does that ice cream place pay you per hour again?

d.a.m.n him!

Where was one of those teleportation devices from Star Trek when you needed one? What I wouldn't give for his pervert a.s.s to be standing here, right in front of me, so I could take a swing at his smug face, wiping it off with great pleasure.

Was he trying to make a point?

I knew I got paid s.h.i.+t, but still, I wasn't going to work for him. I had things I still wanted to do in my life, and knowing him, I probably wouldn't make it to my next birthday with the s.h.i.+t he planned on making me do.

f.u.c.ked up s.h.i.+t Marisa: It's minimum wage if you have to know. The job is only temporary and it's easy, two things I probably couldn't say about working for you.

After sending the text, I waited anxiously for his reply. When he didn't reply in the same timely manner as his previous texts, it made me think I hurt his feelings. That b.a.s.t.a.r.d wasn't used to hearing the words 'No thank you'.

I pressed the power b.u.t.ton on my laptop and the screen popped up with my Hotmail account in the window, just the way I left it this afternoon before leaving for work. Getting off the bus at my stop earlier, my phone had chimed loudly. I had two incoming emails.

The first one was from Darcy and the second one was from...

Ben?

What the h.e.l.l did he want? I thought we hashed out whatever was left between us last Sat.u.r.day.

Whatever!

I opened Darcy's email first.

Marisa!

I've been asked to grade eight prom! OMG! OMG! His name is Wesley and he's on the soccer team with Cameron. He's taller than Cameron. He has blue eyes and blonde hair. He's so cute. I've liked him for a while! I said yes!!!! You have to help my pick out a dress! The formal is in one month! Look for dresses online and send the links to me please, this is the biggest moment in my life, I need it to be perfect! Email me back big sis!

Ummm excuse me?

Awhile?

How come this was the first time I was hearing about this? Wasn't it mandatory for little sisters to always tell their older sisters whenever they had a crush on somebody? Especially when it was really cute guy?

Totally p.i.s.sed!

Oh s.h.i.+t! Instantly, my eyes watered and tears quickly escaped, rolling down my face. My baby sister was all grown up. I wiped the tears away, blew my nose and opened Ben's email. Hopefully the high from Darcy's email would be a s.h.i.+eld, just in case Ben's email was the complete opposite to hers in terms of the 'joy' factor.

No Subject.

I c.o.c.ked an eyebrow. He could have at least given me a subject t.i.tle, so I could have at least prepared myself for whatever it was he wrote, especially considering the theme of all his other emails, which were not happy emails at all. They've been nothing but bitter and accusing till now.

Casting that notion to the side, his letter popped into the screen, or should I say essay by the size of it. Holy s.h.i.+t!

Dear Marisa I don't know where to start with this letter. But here goes.

I'm a fool, a stupid idiot dumba.s.s, fool.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for doing what I did to you. It was all my fault. I ruined us and every single day we spent together these last five years. My head was up my a.s.s for so long I couldn't see what I'd actually done.

I lost my baby.....

I lost my baby. My eyes immediately shut.

I gulped, trying to destroy the choking pain in my throat. My lips rippled with a soft moan escaping its cracks. I quickly sucked in a breath to help calm the quivers down. I couldn't destroy myself, not now, it's been too long. That s.h.i.+t was supposed to be over and done with.

The rim of my eyelids stung as they reopened. I had to read the rest, even if it destroyed me as it brought me back six months ago to a part of my life that really did destroy me. When that s.h.i.+t happened at Kyle's party, I died inside. If I was being honest, I hadn't really recovered.

Sitting here in this average sized room was supposed to be the rebirth of me. But it was all bravado. I was still the same, still scorned, still emotionally devastated. I hadn't grieved, hadn't even cried like a maniac whose life was thrown upside down. I hadn't allowed myself to. I couldn't show them all the satisfaction of my teary breakdown.

I wiped my cheeks with the sleeve of my favourite sweater. It was ratty and filled with holes, but I'd never throw it away just because it wasn't perfect anymore.

Just like I wasn't.

I eyed the screen again. It's been black for a while. Moving the cursor, the screen popped back up with Ben's email in the window. I start from where I left off.

I lost my baby... I mean it. I'm not alive. I haven't been since that day in the park when you rightfully broke up with me. If I could do it all over again, right from that moment, the worst moment of my life, I would have begged, pleaded, thrown myself in front of a moving car just to prove to you how sorry I was, how sorry I still am and will be for the rest of my life.

My pride cost me the one thing, the most important thing, what I should have cherished for the rest of my life, because baby there ain't anyone out there like you, not even close. You're one of a kind.

I know right now you've probably moved on to bigger and better things, that's just who you are, you move at your own rate not giving a s.h.i.+t what other people think. You should probably know everyone was always jealous of that quality. They wished they could have been free like you.

I f.u.c.ked up and there's no repairing the damage my stupidity caused. I hope one day we can be a part of each other's lives again, as friends of course. But I guess that's a privilege I'll have to take the time to prove I deserve again. Might be awhile, I have a lot to make up for. I shouldn't have taken you for granted and because of that, I'm paying.

Hope to talk to you soon. We can talk about anything you want. I just want to hear from you, read your words.

Love Ben At this point the strength of my lips failed to keep sealed. Desperate to escape, the monster of all cries, roared loudly through my newly widened mouth. My body spasmed violently, breaking easily the hold I was trying to have over it. My neck hunched over and salted tears dripped down my face, colliding into a puddle on the hard wood. The painful memories, one by one as they resurfaced, only fuelled the urge to cry louder, harder. My forehead hits the desks surface, the pain of the collision nothing compared to the pain my heart was feeling.