Hunter Hill University: Reaching Rose Part 14

"Uh. Yeah. Most of it. From the front of the drive all the way...it's about five acres."

"Wow."

"My dad's a farmer. He's got animals all over the place." She nods. "Anyway, you're not back in school yet, right?"

"No, no." I s.h.i.+ft on the couch and lean back, attempting to appear comfortable. "January. Knee's still healing. I am getting bored though."

"Yeah." She sighs and leans back in her chair too. "Me too."

"Yeah? You goin' back in January?"

"No." Her answer is quick. Definite.

"Maybe next fall?"

"Maybe." With the toe of her sneakers, she pushes off the floor to rock her chair.

"So...how is...everything? Are you still doing PT?"

She nods. "Yeah. It's okay. I go three times a week. What about you?"

"Same. But I might give PT a rest soon. Over winter break, I'm going to Florida with the team. Hopefully I'll be cleared to play by then."

"Oh. Good for you." She looks down at her lap for several seconds. When she looks back at me, she says, "I'm sorry. I'm not usually this...awkward." She shakes her head and sucks in her lips. Then..."I think they're lying when they tell me I didn't suffer any brain damage." She chuckles. "It's like I've forgotten how to be human." She stands up, quite nimbly, and smiles. "Can I get you a drink or something, or...does your knee hurt to walk? We can take a walk around the farm."

And just like that, the tension's lifted.

"A walk sounds good."

"Let me grab my coat."

While Rose finds a coat, and since mine is still on, I take a look at all the photos that hang in the front room. Tons of them. Many of Rose - Rose wearing short denim shorts, an ivory lace crop top, and red cowboy boots, sitting atop a beat-up red tractor. Rose in a black leotard, sitting and bending over to tie her pink satin ballet shoes. Rose in a short black dress, side straddling a white horse. There are other photos, with her sisters - I recognize the two who I met before. Another blonde graces some of the pictures too. But what strikes me most is not that Rose is the only redheaded sister, or that she is by far the most beautiful of the four; it's her legs. They are the color of light cream. They're firm.

And there are two.

I suddenly feel sad again for her.

"My mom's a photographer in her spare time. It's a hobby of hers. That, along with cooking and knitting." I turn around to see Rose standing in the doorway.

Immediately, I am drawn to her red leather coat. "Does that go with the boots?" I point to the picture of her on the tractor.

"I'm so embarra.s.sed." Her cheeks redden just a little. Well, not red so much as that bright peach color they turn.

"By what?"

"All the pictures. Mom loves her camera."

"I think they're sweet."

As we head out the door, she grabs a bamboo cane and says, "Yeah. It goes with the boots. They were a Christmas present."

"I like it. The coat and the boots."

She shrugs. "I can't wear the boots anymore though." She looks down and kicks the ground with her left foot. "This foot doesn't fit."

"Ah."

"It's made to my size, but...those boots are snug, so..."

"So you need a new pair."

She laughs. "I'm not worried about it."

There's a long gravel road that goes beyond the house, and Rose takes us along it.

"You're getting good at it." Jutting my chin toward the ground, my eyes point to her foot. "With the leg." I don't want to bring it up, but I don't want it to be the elephant in the room either.

"Yeah." She pulls her sweater out from the cuffs of her jacket and tucks her hands inside, repositioning her cane as she does.

"You cold?"

"No. Just...Yeah, it's getting easier. Walking. I still bring the cane, though, just in case. I trip a lot. I'd hate to fall."

"I don't blame you. Is it...easy to get on and off?" I lay my hand on her shoulder. "If I'm being too forward or you don't want to answer, just tell me to shut the h.e.l.l up."

Rose smiles and looks at me while we continue walking. "It's not too bad getting on and off." She tsks. "I feel like such a baby, the way I acted at Orange. So...selfish. Those people were trying to help, and I...I just..."

Thrown off by where she takes the conversation, I'm stunned into silence.

"I couldn't handle knowing I...you don't want to hear this."

I slip my fingers around her sweater-covered hand and stop walking. "Rose. I wanna hear everything you have to say about anything. Please don't be afraid to share what's on your mind. And don't ever feel silly or like a baby...What you went through...are going through...it's life-altering. There is no right way or wrong way to react."

"Thanks. But I was a brat. You know who I think about a lot?"

Me, I hope.

"Johnny." She gazes up at me, smiling. "He was never sad. He can't move, yet...I don't know. I think about that and...I was a brat. Still am."

"You're not a brat. And Johnny? He's not always happy. He's...resigned."

"Resigned?"

"He's accepted his fate...but only 'cause his mother has no one else. And who's to say keeping all your emotions in like that is the right thing? I'm not so sure it's all that healthy."

"You sound like my therapist."

"One day, I hope," I say, laughing.

"That's right. Dr. Ben."

"Yup."

We continue walking the gravel path through the ma.s.sive farmland. On the right side is a huge red barn and some stables. On our left is flat land covered in hay-colored gra.s.s. Four horses are roaming the field, including the white one that was in the picture with Rose.

"So...how is Johnny? Do you ever hear from him?"

"Yeah. He's home. He ended up in the hospital with pneumonia."

"Oh...my goodness."

"He's okay now. But he's...his immune system is low, so they don't want him back at rehab yet."

"Geez."

Her head is down, but we're still holding hands. Which I am very happy about.

"So when did you leave Orange?" she asks as she gently tugs me to the left.

"A few days after you."

Rose bites her lip and nods, then reaches her hand over the wooden fence she brings us to. "Come 'ere, Cloud," she says, signaling to the white horse galloping toward us.

"Cloud?"

"Yeah." Cloud lowers his nose for us to pet. "He's mine. I named him. He's white and fluffy..."

"Like a cloud," I finish.

"Yup." As she continues to pet Cloud, she says, "I had to get out of there."

I don't say anything, hoping she'll continue.

"I couldn't handle it anymore."

"Orange?"

"Yeah...it...it wasn't the place. I just...I didn't have time to adjust...to my leg...to my scars...I don't know. I got so...I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm bringing this up." She takes her hands from Cloud, and from mine, and turns to lean her b.u.t.t against the low fence, and rest her hands behind her on the rail.

"Like I said...I don't mind." I stand against the fence and mimic her stance.

After a mirthless laugh, she says, "I ended up in a mental hospital." Her eyes dart to mine, gauging my reaction?

I don't let on that I know. I try not to show any reaction.

"I couldn't even handle it at home."

"And now?" She seems better. Talkative. More confident.

"Still struggling, but better. Much better."

"That's good."

With her head down, she kicks at the gra.s.s with her...injured leg. "It is good. I just wish it were...I wish it'd just be great, you know?"

"It'll get there."

Her foot stills, and Rose s.h.i.+fts so that she's turned toward me. "I don't think so, Ben."

"And why is that? Why can't things be great?"

She continues her gaze downward and kicks her foot again. "What if someone told you you couldn't play ball anymore, and you'd never make it to the Majors?"

"Fair enough. But...Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"I guess dancing was a big part of your life? You told me you studied it, but you never went into detail."

"It was a huge part of my life. I didn't study it at Hunter. I only studied Education there. But...I belonged to a pretty prestigious dance academy. I had been rehearsing for a part in a Broadway show. It was my dream...to be up there on Broadway." She looks me in the eyes and keeps her gaze there. "I lost my leg three weeks before the show opened."

"I'm so sorry."

"That's why...I'll never get there. Not anymore."

"That's tough. I'm sorry."

"It is what it is, I guess, but...oh, anyway, let's get off this subject. Come on, we can go back for something to eat. Are you hungry?"

"A little."

She smiles and takes my hand. "You ever ride a horse?"

"No."

"Maybe one day you can come ride Cloud. Or one of the others. I don't think my sisters would mind."

"You each have your own horse?"

"Doesn't everybody?" she jokes. "Yeah. And we each take care of our own too. Well, Beth has been taking care of Cloud for me while I've been gone, but...my dad wants me to get back on the proverbial horse and start scooping p.o.o.p again." She laughs again, and I must say, I'm really enjoying the sound of it. "He says he'll give me today and tomorrow off, but come Monday, I gotta get back out there."

"I think that's a good idea. Do you?"

"I do. I miss it anyway."

"Good for you, Rose."

Her smile is big and bright as she flashes it at me. She squeezes my hand and says, "Thank you for coming here, Ben. I haven't seen any of my friends in so long, and...well, it's nice."