The Master of Mrs. Chilvers Part 17

Tell her she ought to be here.

GINGER Yes, your ladys.h.i.+p. [She crosses, opens door.]

JAWBONES Shut the door.

GINGER Oh, shut -

[She finds herself face to face with a MESSENGER carrying a ballot- box.]

I beg yer pardon! [She goes out, closes door.]

LADY MOGTON [To the MESSENGER.] Is that the last?

MESSENGER Generally is. Isle of Dogs!

[He goes into the other room.]

LADY MOGTON [To JAWBONES.] Do you know where Mr. Chilvers is?

[There comes a bloodthirsty yell from the crowd outside.]

JAWBONES Not unless that's 'im. [He finishes for the time being with the fire. Rises.]

[JANET enters.]

LADY MOGTON Was that you they were yelling at?

JANET No, it's Mr. Sigsby.

[Another yell is heard. Out of it a shrill female voice--"Mind 'is fice; yer spoiling it!"]

The Woman's Laundry Union have taken such a strong dislike to him.

[A final yell. Then a voice: "That's taken some of the starch out of him!" followed by a shriek of laughter.]

JAWBONES 'E only suggested as 'ow there was enough old washerwomen in Parliament as it was.

LADY MOGTON A most unnecessary remark. It will teach him -

[SIGSBY enters, damaged. His appearance is comic. LADY MOGTON makes no effort to repress a grim smile.]

SIGSBY Funny, ain't it?

LADY MOGTON I am sorry.

SIGSBY [He snarls.] "The Mother's Hand shall Help Us!" One of your posters, I think.

LADY MOGTON You shouldn't have insulted them--calling them old washerwomen!

SIGSBY Insult! Can't one indulge in a harmless jeu d'esprit--[he p.r.o.nounces it according to his own ideas]--without having one's clothes torn off one's back? [Fiercely.] What do you mean by it-- disgracing your s.e.x?

LADY MOGTON Are you addressing me?

SIGSBY All of you. Upsetting the foundations upon which society has been reared--the natural and lawful subjection of the woman to the man. Why don't you read St. Paul?

LADY MOGTON St. Paul was addressing Christians. When men behave like Christians there will be no need of Votes for Women. You read St. Paul on men. [To JANET.] I shall want you!

[She goes out, followed by JANET.]

[SIGSBY gives vent to a gesture.]

JAWBONES Getting saucy, ain't they?

SIGSBY Over-indulgence. That's what the modern woman is suffering from. Gets an idea on Monday that she'd like the whole world altered; if it isn't done by Sat.u.r.day, raises h.e.l.l! Where's the guv'nor?

JAWBONES Hasn't been here.

SIGSBY [Hands JAWBONES his damaged hat.] See if they can do anything to that. If not, get me a new one. [He forks out a sovereign.] Sure to be some shops open in the High Street. [LAMB and ST. HERBERT enter.]

LAMB Hallo! have they been mauling you?

SIGSBY [He s.n.a.t.c.hes the damaged hat from JAWBONES, to hand it back the next moment; holds it out.] Woman's contribution to politics.

Get me a collar at the same time--sixteen and a half.

[JAWBONES takes his cap and goes out. The men hang up their overcoats.]

SIGSBY Where's it all going to end? That's what I want to know!

ST. HERBERT Where most things end. In the millennium, according to its advocates. In the ruin of the country, according to its opponents. In mild surprise on the part of the next generation that ever there was any fuss about it.

SIGSBY In amazement, you mean, that their fathers were so blind as not to see where it was leading. My boy, this is going to alter the whole relations.h.i.+p between the s.e.xes!

ST. HERBERT Is it so perfect as it is?

[A silence.]

Might it not be established on a more workable, a more enduring basis if woman were allowed a share in the shaping of it?

[Some woman in the crowd starts the refrain, "We'll hang old Asquith on a sour apple tree." It is taken up with quiet earnestness by others.]

SIGSBY Shaping it! Nice sort of shape it will be by the time that lot [with a gesture, including the crowd, LADY MOGTON & Co.] have done knocking it about. Wouldn't be any next generation to be surprised at anything if some of them had their way.

ST. HERBERT The housebreakers come first--not a cla.s.s of work demanding much intelligence; the builders come later. Have you seen Chilvers?

LAMB I left him at the House. He couldn't get away.

SIGSBY There's your object-lesson for you. We don't need to go far. A man's whole career ruined by the wife he nourishes.

ST. HERBERT How do you mean, "ruined?"