Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy Part 20

"Yeah!" Liv yelled, making my head hurt. "And you've been digging in the Bombay garden!"

I was getting confused, and Dak was as slippery as ... well, something slippery. I stood straighter in a vain attempt to sober up.

"Dahhhkotahhh?" A female German voice trilled from the hallway.

"OhmyG.o.d!" I screamed. "The Germans are in on this too?"

Liv a.s.sumed a defensive stance by raising her fists in front of her face. But something went wrong and instead she fell over, hitting her head on the foot-board. She was out cold.

"Liv!" I shouted, climbing over the bed. Somehow I managed to snag my foot in the covers and ended up diving to the floor. At least, that's what I remembered before the world went dark.

I awoke in my bedroom without a clue as to how I got there. My body felt like s.h.i.+t, my head hurt, my tongue had been recently carpeted and there were some really strange bruises on my arms and legs. After hitting the ibuprofen pretty hard and gulping down two gla.s.ses of water, I took a shower and climbed into a pair of jeans and T-s.h.i.+rt.

Obviously, I wasn't dead. My brain thumped hard against my skull as if trying to get out. I didn't think I'd mind if it did. Romi wasn't in her room and it was ten a.m., according to the clock in the kitchen. After my third cup of coffee, the head pain began to subside and I noticed a note on the counter. It was from Dad. Apparently, Liv and I had made spectacles of ourselves at Dak's last night and so Dad had taken Liv home to her family and brought me here, while Mom kept Romi and took her to school this morning. Dad left one more note saying he was confiscating Poppy. Something about this being an unhealthy environment for a puppy.

s.h.i.+t. The whole Dak betrayal flooded back and tears started coursing down my cheeks. How could he do this? I didn't even care what motivated him. It didn't really matter. My brother-my best friend-had sold his family down the river for ... for what? Like I said earlier, it didn't even matter. I was pretty sure he didn't have an alibi that included anything like saving the lives of fluffy, homeless kittens or curing leprosy.

How ironic that I should be the one to turn him in. Maybe the Council had even known it was him and this was another G.o.dd.a.m.ned test! I shuddered in spite of the warmth of my sunny kitchen. That idea hadn't occurred to me earlier. It would make sense (at least it would in my family) if the Council knew Dak was the traitor and sent me after him. Maybe they realized I was wary of training my daughter, or thought I'd lost my nerve.

That would seriously p.i.s.s me off. I mean, I killed my lover's client-not only humiliating Diego, but putting him out of a job! Wasn't that enough? Now those octogeneric a.s.sholes were getting cheap thrills imagining me frog-marching my brother into the Brutus conference room at Santa Muerta.

My body started shaking. Too much anger and leftover alcohol was coursing through my veins. But if the Council had put me through this, I'd have to take them out. All of them. Even Grandma. Maybe especially Grandma.

Whoa, Gin! Is that what you're considering? Killing off the leaders of the Bombay Family? That's just crazy talk! My schizophrenic side kicked in, responding appropriately. Is it? Wouldn't it be worth it to be rid of this family curse, once and for all? I was pretty sure my cousins would be happy with it. Our trust funds exceeded 100 million dollars ... each. We'd all live pretty comfortably for the rest of our days. My schizophrenic side kicked in, responding appropriately. Is it? Wouldn't it be worth it to be rid of this family curse, once and for all? I was pretty sure my cousins would be happy with it. Our trust funds exceeded 100 million dollars ... each. We'd all live pretty comfortably for the rest of our days.

My hands shook as I held my coffee cup. Why hadn't anyone thought of this sooner? I mean, wasn't Grandma p.i.s.sed when her brother took out her daughter all those years ago? Wasn't it reasonable to a.s.sume that someone, somewhere down the line had tried at some point to put their foot down?

Maybe we were all genetically deprived of rebellious thoughts. Could be the family had found a way to remove whatever DNA strain exists that would make us question authority.

I set the coffee mug down. I had to. My hands had lost control, and I wasn't fond of third-degree burns. I forced myself to sit. All of these thoughts swirled around in my head, making me nauseated. Or was that the hangover? Standing up, I went to the fridge and got out some bacon to fry. Greasy food always helped me think.

By my second plate of bacon, I started to relax. By the third, I felt better. Rational thought was what I needed. Bear in mind, I consumed half a pound of bacon in order to realize this. I revisited the conspiracy theories. It hurt to think that my family could knowingly cause me so much pain. Diabolical as they were, I still loved them. Well, all but Richie. I couldn't even like like that b.a.s.t.a.r.d. that b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

Was it really possible that I'd been set up to do this s.h.i.+t job? It sucked that I couldn't tell anyone, because I could use some advice from Mom or Dak.

Dak. Dakota Bombay. He was questioning authority, wasn't he? He'd found a way to rebel. And his carefree att.i.tude showed he could still sleep at night. But why?

I shook my head. This wasn't getting me anywhere. "Dirty Deeds" chimed from my cell phone. It was the Council, or at least Dela. How long could I stall her? I answered it-mainly because a small part of me wondered if they had implanted an explosive device in my brain and could set it off at will.

"Gin." Dela's usually calm voice sounded frantic. "What do you know?"

"Nothing more than yesterday." Okay, so I lied. Sue me.

She sighed into the phone. "We're running out of time, Gin. The Council thought you'd come through before now."

Was that a threat? Or was my conspiracy-addled brain thinking it was a threat? If a family conspiracy happens, but all of the Bombays are dead, is it really a family conspiracy?

"I'm using some high-speed stuff Missi gave me," I stalled. "I should have something for you in a couple of days."

"I don't know if we can wait that long," Dela replied.

"What do you mean?" I shouted. "You guys gave me two weeks! Why did you give me two weeks if you really wanted it in one?" Okay, cross me off for an appointment in the diplomatic corps, but I was p.i.s.sed.

"I know we said two, Gin. But what we meant was immediately. The Council's afraid the mole will b.u.mp things up."

I adopted a very juvenile posture (good thing she couldn't see me). "Oh yeah? Well, how do I know that you you don't know who this guy is?" don't know who this guy is?"

There was a pause in the conversation and I thought that wasn't good.

"Do you really think we'd set you up?" Dela was not exactly happy. "If we knew, we would've made a very public example of him at the reunion. Do you think we're idiots, Gin?"

Time for some damage control. "I'm sorry. My mind's just running wild over this whole thing."

"I understand, Gin, but the fate of the Bombays rests on you. Find him!" Dela hung up.

I clicked off the phone, thinking I'd made it to the most miserable point in my life. My att.i.tude hadn't helped. Oh well. Screw 'em. As long as they couldn't tell I was stalling, I didn't care what they thought. At least it would be another twenty-four hours before I heard from them again.

So, what did I know? I felt pretty sure they didn't know Dak was the one. There had been only one time in our history-about three hundred years ago, I think, when an example had been made at a family reunion. I seem to recall it included thumbscrews, feral weasels and strategically placed raw meat. Ugh.

Okay, I had time on my side. And they didn't know who the mole was. Maybe if I got Dak to convince them this was one big misunderstanding ... But how could I do that? It wasn't like he had accidentally made appointments with agents from D.C. and London, then accidentally kept the appointments and accidentally promised them information, then accidentally followed every Bombay until they made hits and accidentally recorded the hits on a digital camera. No, I'd say they wouldn't buy that.

I had to talk to Dak immediately. I needed to know why he did it. Maybe there was some miniscule, remote chance I could save him. I had started to reach for the phone when I heard the doorbell. Checking the monitors, I saw it was Diego. Wow. Did he have bad timing or what?

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE.

"Ita feri ut se mori sentiat." ("Strike him so that he can feel he is dying.") -Suetonius

"Hey, Gin," Diego started, then stepped back, scrutinizing me. "Are you all right?"

d.a.m.n. I'd been crying earlier. I must've looked like a depressed Hamburgler. Maybe I shouldn't have answered the door.

Diego stepped inside, a worried look on his gorgeous face. I closed the door, then dove into his arms. It felt so good to be held. The tears came and I gave up all shreds of dignity as I sobbed against him. My life felt like it was coming apart at the seams. But now I had someone whose shoulder I could cry on. Horrified by my obsessive use of cliches, I squeezed Diego tighter.

"Shhh," he whispered, "it's all right. Everything will be okay." His hands slid up and down the length of my back, and each stroke felt like a release. It had been too long since a man had comforted me. Diego took to it like he'd been born to support me. Most men would have behaved awkwardly, as if not sure they were doing the right thing. But somehow I knew Diego was genuinely concerned and wanted to help me. He never asked me what was wrong-he just knew he could help.

My sobbing slowed, but my tears came faster. That simple act of holding me had more meaning than anything else he could've done. This man cared about me. And I knew right there and then that I was in love with Diego Jones. The longer he caressed and cooed, the more fiercely I loved him. Like the Grinch, my heart felt like it grew three sizes in that one moment.

I squeezed my eyes closed. This was a defining moment in my life. I had just learned that I was in love with this man and would do anything to make him happy. Dak may have broken my heart, but Diego was healing it without a word. How cool was that?

Dak. He was the reason I was so upset-and hungover. My darling brother had betrayed us all. And I had to punish him. But how could I? My arms gripped Diego's body as I realized that there was no way I could hurt Dak.

An idea started to grow. Maybe Diego could help me. Maybe I didn't have to deal with this alone. Hope bubbled in my blood. It had been a long time since I'd had help. I missed having a partner in my life. And Diego had potential to be the partner I never had with Ed. My chest inflated with hope. This was what I needed.

Diego continued soothing me until I choked off my last sob and pulled away.

"Thanks, Diego. You don't know how much that meant to me." I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands, leaving black, inky trails on them.

"Would you like some tea?" I managed to squeak out. He nodded and followed me into the kitchen.

I knew I looked like h.e.l.l. In the movies, women look beautiful when they cry. But the truth was clear to me when I saw my reflection in the kettle. Red, puffy eyes ringed with smeared black mascara. Teenage Goth girls had nothing on me. I excused myself for a moment and raced to the bathroom to clean up my face.

"Diego, I'm so sorry ..." I began when I returned.

He held up his hands to stop me. "It's not necessary. I figured something was up when you and your family didn't show last night."

Last night? What the h.e.l.l was he ... oh no! I was supposed to invite my family to dinner with Diego last night! With everything else, I'd completely forgotten! I'd completely blown him off. In fact, he was probably over here to make sure I was alive. I didn't think it was possible to feel so terrible.

So I did the mature thing. I started crying. The tea kettle whistled and there I was, weeping like an idiot.

Diego started toward me but I stopped him.

"I really screwed up. I forgot all about the dinner. I didn't even ask my family. That's the problem."

Diego just nodded and I realized I wasn't really making any sense.

"It's my brother ... Dak. He's ... he's ..." I couldn't finish. What was I going to say? Dak betrayed the whole Bombay family, turning us in to the FBI and Scotland Yard. And he's too old to spank. In fact, the Family wants me to kill him. How are you with an ice pick? Dak betrayed the whole Bombay family, turning us in to the FBI and Scotland Yard. And he's too old to spank. In fact, the Family wants me to kill him. How are you with an ice pick?

I looked at Diego. He smiled patiently. He wasn't going to pressure me into telling him before I was ready. And I loved him even more for that. I was just getting to the part where I was mentally designing the wedding invitations when he spoke up.

"Is there something I can do?" He was sincere. Something in those simple words told me he would do all within his power to make the hurt go away. I had to trust him. I wanted to trust him. It was a low moment of complete insanity, but hey, I had nowhere to go but up.

"Diego, there's something I have to tell you. I hope you don't have anyplace to be for a while." I sat down and pushed his cup of tea toward him.

Diego leaned back and relaxed, a smile on his face. "Gin, you can tell me anything. I want to help. I don't have to be anywhere but here." He reached across the table and took my hand in his. "I love you, Gin. I want you to know that before you tell me whatever it is."

My body melted into a little puddle. "I love you too, Diego!" I would've shouted it from the floor, had I really melted.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to celebrate. "That means so much to me. What I have to tell you isn't going to be easy to hear. In fact, I'm forbidden to tell you at all." I took a deep breath. "But here goes."

I paused dramatically before continuing. "Diego, I never was a bodyguard. It's quite the opposite, really. I'm actually an a.s.sa.s.sin." I waited for the words to sink in, which, by the way his face fell into shock, happened sooner than I thought.

"You're an a.s.sa.s.sin? Is this a joke?" Diego frowned.

"No." And so I began to tell him everything. About my family, our history and mission in life (and, I guess, in death). And let me tell you, the Icelandic Sagas weren't this long. I would also hazard a guess that they weren't this interesting either, judging by the way his mouth hung open. Then I launched into the family reunion and the quest for the mole. I finished with the evidence that pointed to Dak. The whole thing took two hours and would have been a lot easier to deliver with a snappy multimedia presentation, but I only had so much to work with, and time was running out.

Diego sat there silently for a while, absorbing every word I said. I could tell at the beginning that he thought I was kidding. That made sense, though. Who would believe it? It's a pretty weird story.

"Do you have anything stronger than tea?" Diego finally asked. I nodded and pulled a bottle of wine out of the cupboard, opened it and poured it into two gla.s.ses. The first sip gave me a high, stemming some of my hangover. I usually didn't drink on a hangover. But then I usually didn't get drunk either. At this point, I really had to say that scruples were for suckers.

I watched impatiently as Diego drained his gla.s.s. This wasn't something I could rush, even though it would've been nice if he'd said, That's great! I'll take on the Bombay name! Let's get married and I'll help you with your work! That's great! I'll take on the Bombay name! Let's get married and I'll help you with your work!

Instead, he looked me right in the eye. "So you're an a.s.sa.s.sin. And your whole family-your mum, your brother-are all a.s.sa.s.sins. And you have to turn Romi into one?"

I tried to read into his words as I nodded. "I know it sounds crazy." I shrugged. "I just grew up with it. I haven't really known it any other way." Okay, I fibbed here. I knew it was wrong. But I needed some sympathy.

He sat back, filling his gla.s.s again. "Did you ever realize that it's wrong to kill people?"

Whoa. I didn't expect that. "Yes, I know it's wrong to most people. But everyone I take out is really bad. Terrorists, spies, murderers ..."

"People like you," Diego said quietly.

"Um, I don't, well, yeah. Sort of." I was confused. "I mean, I'm not a terrorist or spy."

"But you are a murderer, and have been since you were fifteen. Right?" Diego's voice was very, very calm. Like, eye-of-the-hurricane-in-the-Bermuda-Triangle-on-Friday-the-Thirteenth-with-a-black-cat-and-ladder-in-your-boat calm.

My stomach flip-flopped. "I usually have only one job a year. This month was unusual in that I had two, but they were both bad guys. One was selling military secrets to the Chinese and the other used corporate money to support South American terrorists."

Diego buried his face in his hands and I realized this was going to be a lot harder than I thought. All of a sudden, I started to panic. What had I done? I'd never even told Ed any of this! Aaaaahhhhrrrg! The jackhammer left my head and started on my heart. I was pretty sure that after this next gla.s.s of wine, it would go after my liver.

"Gin, I'm trying to wrap my mind around this." Diego struggled and I knew it was the truth. "I want to believe there aren't really people like you out there."

"We just take care of people the government can't. The U.S. doesn't sanction a.s.sa.s.sination. We ..."

"So you're a patriot?" he asked doubtfully.

"I don't know about that," I answered.

"So you just do it for the money?" he countered.

I shook my head. "I'm not a profiteer! I'm not a mercenary! But I don't necessarily do it for my country." It hit me. I had never really questioned what I did. Why was that?

"Dammit, Gin!" Diego stood and shoved the chair away. "I don't know what to say! I want to buy in, but it's against everything I ever believed!"

"I can understand that. It's never easy to tell someone outside the family. I know it's difficult to accept. And it was unfair of me to unload this on you." The wine left a dry, tangy feeling in my mouth. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and drank.

"Do outsiders usually have problems dealing with this?" Diego asked.

"Yes. I guess. I don't know. I never told Ed." A small part of me felt like I was betraying his memory by telling Diego. How could I tell him when I never told my husband?

His eyebrows arched in surprise. "You never told Ed? Why?"

I sat down. Why hadn't I told him? "I guess I didn't think he'd take it very well."

"I can understand that," Diego said quietly.