Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy Part 14

Grandma folded her hands. "The last two jobs were tests, Ginny. We wanted to see how you could handle the stress. The real job is what you are here for." She waved her arms around her. "What we are all here for."

There was a pause, and for a moment, I opened my mouth, then closed it. The Council was going to tell me what the job was, right? Or were we going to play charades? And let me tell you, I sucked at charades.

"There is a mole in the family," Lou said. "We need you to find out who it is and take care of it."

Okay, now I was stunned. It was hard enough to get over the complimentpalooza earlier, but a mole? In our family ? Who'd be that stupid?

"We've learned through our sources," Dela explained, "that one of the Bombays has been providing information to the FBI and Scotland Yard. We don't believe at this time that the information is damaging, but we want it stopped."

Well, duh! Can I talk now?

"We are trusting you to find out who the traitor is and dispatch them," Troy said. "Any questions?"

"Yeah!" I shouted, earning a stern look from Grandma. "I mean, yes. I have several. First, are you convinced it's blooded family?" The Council nodded (rather creepily) in unison. "Okay, how do you know that? What do you have? What information will you give me? What is my timeline? Do I really have to kill them, or do I just turn them over to you?" Actually, it would be a more merciful death if I just killed whoever it was.

Lou held up his hand. "I know this is a tough a.s.signment. I once had to take out a family member, as you well know. But it's the way we do things. It's what has made our enterprise successful all these thousands of years."

"No one else here will know what we've told you," Grandma said. "We are announcing that it has to do with the children who have reached ritual age. You are, under no circ.u.mstances, to talk to anyone about this." She waved her finger at me. "Not your mother. Not your brother or your cousin. No one."

Troy made a face. "It could even be one of them, Virginia. That is why we must tread lightly."

I really, really wanted to roll my eyes.

Grandma slapped the table, startling me. "I mean it! Tell no one!"

Dang, she was touchy. Well, I guess she did watch her brother kill her daughter. Okay, fine. Geez.

"Dela will be your contact," Lou added. "You'll meet with her tonight at five p.m. in her room. Don't talk about that either."

Flo smiled, trying to lighten the situation. "Just tell everyone we are pleased with your work. Dela will be your handler in all matters relating to this. Any other questions?"

"Yea ... I mean yes. Why only Dela?" I had many more questions but this one popped out first.

Troy glared. "Because it will be easier for you and for us. This way we know the situation is being handled competently and you only need to go to one person to report."

A rap at the door told me my evaluation was over. Someone else waited outside. I rose and nodded to the Council, letting myself out.

Richie sneered at me on his way in. I smiled back because he might be the mole. Well, he could be, right? Well, he could be, right?

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE.

"No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know, for a little bit? I feel like the maid; I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for ... for ten minutes?"

-Mr. Incredible, The Incredibles The Incredibles

A mole. In the Bombay family. I kid you not-these were the two sentences that went through my mind over and over again as I sat by the pool, watching Liv and Dak play with the kids. I told everyone I got a good review, but they seemed doubtful. Gee, maybe it was the cartoon thundercloud over my head, or the fact I only responded in monosyllabic grunts.

Okay, so I wasn't much of an actress. I twirled my straw in the lemonade Paco brought me. He kept asking if I wanted something stronger in it, but I said no. The hangover was long forgotten, but worry had set in. And I needed to be sober to meet with Dela.

My eyes searched the pool, scanning every family member nearby. One of these thirty-five people was ratting out the family. Again I thought of Richie, but then realized I had to be more practical. The only things that condemned him were (1) he was an idiot, and (2) I wanted it to be him.

I cleared my throat in hopes of clearing my thoughts. No. This was serious. And it wasn't going to be easy. Even though I fantasized that Aunt Dela would give me a complete dossier with the traitor's photo and schedule for the next week, I knew better. If they had even the slightest idea who it was, that person would be made an example of at the reunion. Not good.

So I would have to find out who it was. But how? I wasn't a detective. I guess the only good thing about this was that the Council felt certain it wasn't me. I was not a suspect. Well, that and the fact that I knew I wasn't talking to the Feds. And I knew it couldn't be Mom, Dak or Liv. Okay. That's four people out of thirty-five. Only thirty-one more suspects to go.

What was the first thing to look at? I thought about all those Agatha Christie novels I had read in high school. Now, what was that "m" word thingy that every murderer had to have? Motion ... motor ... motel ... motive! That's it! If I could figure out the motivation behind the treason, I might be able to find the fink.

I s.h.i.+fted in my rattan seat, causing my sungla.s.ses to slip to the end of my nose. I pushed them back up. Somehow, they felt like protection. A barrier between me and disaster.

What would it take to betray the family? Money was out. We were all filthy rich. And it wasn't like the government could tempt us with more than we already had. Maybe the mole got caught? Perhaps it was some kind of blackmail?

In spite of the hot weather, I s.h.i.+vered. The entire Bombay family could be put in prison for the things we'd done. And right or wrong, what we'd been doing for millennia (although I was pretty sure the statute of limitations had run out on historical a.s.sa.s.sinations) really boiled down to murder, plain and simple. s.h.i.+t.

If it was blackmail, then we were all in danger. h.e.l.l, if the Scotland Yard was involved, the European branch was in trouble too. I felt my frown lines deepen. Wouldn't that be ironic? The government imprisoning a.s.sa.s.sins they hired regularly? Of course, I wasn't supposed to know about that, but I'm not an idiot.

Okay, blackmail was bad. It meant the mole could be anyone. Not good. How about revenge? No, that wouldn't be it. Anyone implicating the family would turn up implicated as well. That left stupidity.

Stupidity as a motive was highly underrated in this family. Look at Richie. I shook my head, looking a little insane to those around me. I couldn't count on it being Richie. But who else could it be?

I spent the rest of the day like this, excusing myself as hungover. At four-thirty I showered and dressed, and at five, I knocked on Dela's door.

"Come in, Gin!" I heard the door locks pop and went into the penthouse. I'd never been in Dela's rooms before. Oooh. She was a wicker chick. Every piece of furniture was wicker or rattan. Large ceiling fans hung in each room, lazily spinning the humid air about. Tropical potted plants and a tiled floor made me feel like I was in Mexico. And in a bizarre twist, every wall was covered with paintings of matadors on black velvet.

"Sit down," Dela said, directing me to a table laid out with dinner for two. "We're eating in here tonight."

The enchiladas and fried plantains made my mouth water. I joined her at the table and began to eat, waiting for her to speak first.

She waited until we were done with our first gla.s.s of wine. A Chilean s.h.i.+raz, I think.

"So what do you think of our little problem?"

Little problem? "Um, well, I don't know yet," I responded brilliantly.

Dela nodded. "Of course you don't. And I'll bet you were hoping I would have a complete dossier, right?"

I swallowed my wine before answering. "That's right. But I'm guessing that's not the case."

"No. I don't have much to give you, in fact."

"So how do you know about the FBI and the Yard?" I asked.

Dela sighed. "For years we've had connections in certain government departments. Our contacts tipped us off just recently."

"I suppose Interpol and the CIA are next?" All right, I probably didn't have to be such a smarta.s.s about it.

"No, they aren't involved. But the agencies that are could jeopardize our family."

That part, I'd guessed. "What have our contacts told us?"

Dela poured me another gla.s.s of wine. "Please understand, Gin, our contacts are just as upset as we are."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh sure. But they won't go to prison, now, will they? Or have their entire family put away? No, that risk is exclusively ours."

Dela frowned. "I understand that you're upset and am pleased you are concerned about the family's interests...."

"I don't give a d.a.m.n about the family's interests but I do care a lot about the family members."

"Okay. Fine, "Dela said." I agree with that. But let me tell you that the risk is minor right now. The mole has only promised information, but hasn't yet delivered it yet."

"What are they asking for? What's the motivation?"

Dela leaned back. "I don't know. The only thing we can rule out is blackmail. Apparently the mole is not under suspicion."

"Do we know if it's male or female? Do we have anything to go on whatsoever?" My voice got louder.

"I know you're upset, Gin. But don't take it out on me. I volunteered to be your handler. Just think how Lou, Troy or your own grandmother would take your att.i.tude."

She had me there. I was behaving badly. "Sorry. I'm just a little freaked out."

"I know. We are too. This isn't an easy or pleasant a.s.signment. But that's why we picked you."

"Because I'm difficult? Or unpleasant?" I smiled.

Dela laughed. "Both. But also because you're one of our sharpest employees."

I winced at her words. I never thought of myself as anything more than bungling. And calling me an employee instead of a member of the family was weird too.

"So where do we start?" I asked, polis.h.i.+ng off another gla.s.s of wine.

"Well, we know it's someone in your generation. Both contacts describe the individual as male. They refused to give us more information, perhaps because it's too sensitive, or maybe they don't know anything else."

"A young male? Well, that does narrow it down somewhat." I ticked them off on my fingers: "Coney, Richie, Lon and Phil."

"And Dak and Paris," Dela added.

I shook my head. "No way. Dak and Paris wouldn't do anything that stupid."

"It doesn't matter what you think, Gin. Dak and Paris are to be investigated just as vigorously as the others."

"Yeah," I said, "but I know neither of them are the mole."

"Do you?" Dela's blue eyes went cold and I realized that even though I felt confident of Dak's and Paris's innocence, the Council did not.

"Fine. Just to make you happy, I'll look into them too."

"This is very serious, Gin. You have to treat all six men as equal suspects, or this won't work."

"Sorry. I will." But I knew Dak and Paris weren't involved. Meaning I really had only four suspects. "What else can you tell me?"

"Only that you have two weeks to find and take care of him."

"That's it? Two weeks? Fourteen days? That's all I have?" I protested.

"In two weeks, the snitch is meeting with his contacts from both agencies at the same time. We need to neutralize the problem before that meeting happens."

"Wait, you know that much, but you don't know who it is or why he's doing it?"

She nodded. "We even know the meeting will take place at a Starbucks in Was.h.i.+ngton, D.C., at five p.m. But we don't know who it is."

I loved Starbucks. I really did. I even took offense when comedians make fun of them. For one of my cousins to besmirch the company's name for a Bombay family takedown was over the top, in my humble opinion.

"Since I know it's a male, does that mean I can enlist help from my female cousins?" Liv was smarter than I was. I'd bet she could have the info to the Council in one week.

"Absolutely not. If you're talking about Liv, her brother is a suspect, don't forget. Even your mother isn't to know because of Dak."

"So why didn't you use one of the female cousins who don't have brothers for this job?"

Dela narrowed her eyes at me. "Because we wanted you. Remember, under no circ.u.mstances are you to involve anyone else. Especially Liv."

"Is this a joke?" Liv's big brown eyes pleaded with me two hours later when I, of course, told her everything. Hey, I wasn't smart enough to do this alone. Sue me.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO.

"I've decided what I want to do with my life. I wanna be a cleaner."

-Mathilda, The Professional The Professional