Devoted: The Blackwell Lessons Part 14

'So what is it then? Why didn't you want to see Baz?'

'Because he's my past. And I don't want that past having anything to do with my future. I was a different person when I knew Baz. A chauvinistic, over-working, man's man who didn't give a d.a.m.n about anyone. I have no desire to be that man again.'

I feel like that's true. But maybe not the whole answer.

'Surely you weren't that bad?' I say. 'What about Denise? And your sister. You cared about them, didn't you?'

'Okay. I did give a d.a.m.n about some people. Baz included, as a matter of fact. But largely, I don't want to be the person I was. It's going to be tough with Baz. He'll want his old friend back. But his old friend has gone.'

'Are you sure about that? You're still tough. Disciplined. You don't take any prisoners. It's hardly like you've gone soft or anything. I doubt many people would cross you.'

'You do.' Marc smiles. 'On a daily basis.'

'Someone has to keep you in line.'

'You certainly do that.'

'You spent a lot of time with Baz didn't you? In the past.'

'Yes. A lot of time. He was very important to me. He still is, in many ways.'

'I'm jealous that he knew you as a young man. Saw you grow up. I would have loved to have known you years ago.'

'No you wouldn't.' Marc kisses my forehead. 'Trust me on that one. When I first met Baz, I wasn't the man I am now. I was angry. Frightened. I lashed out at people I cared about. You would have hated me.'

'I could never hate you.'

'Don't be so sure about that.'

'Baz must know a lot about you.'

'He does.'

'What did he mean before? About secrets?'

'I don't have secrets from you.'

'He said earlier-'

'I know what he said. But ... just trust me, Sophia. Sometimes in life, timing is everything. There are right and wrong times. Like telling you about Sigourney in a room full of people.'

'Do you think she holds a grudge against you?'

'Hopefully she's moved on.'

'I thought she was married now?'

'I heard different.'

26.

We spend the rest of the day choosing costumes, but Sigourney doesn't turn up. I guess she must have a really bad hangover.

Leo, Baz, Ruby and I actually have a lot of fun trying on costumes.

Baz decides not to visit the pub in the end, and makes us laugh by wearing princess dresses and crowns. Ruby is considerate and interested in everyone always asking questions. And Leo is the usual Leo, flirting and joking.

In the end, our costumes all look great. And everyone agrees that the witch's dress is the best choice for me.

'It's dark, but you're so light,' says Nadia. 'So it's perfect. Lots of contrast, you know?'

Marc catches my eye at the mention of dark and light, and we smile at each other.

As we're leaving, Nadia makes an announcement.

'Okay gang! So tomorrow we're on location. Tower of London. You arrive at six yes that's right. Six in the morning for hair and makeup. And then we're shooting from nine to catch the light. So you, Baz Smith, will go straight home and have an early night. Understood? No pub for you today. Straight home.'

'Yes Mum,' says Baz.

'I mean it! I want you clear-eyed tomorrow or no breakfast churros. I know you Baz Smith.'

'Do you break your husband's b.a.l.l.s like you're breaking mine?'

'His b.a.l.l.s are already broken. A long time ago. I keep them in my handbag, you want to see them?'

'I'm not even sure you're joking,' Baz mumbles. 'All right Nadia. I hear you loud and clear. You know, I should have married you when I had the chance. You would have kept me in line. Like Sophia does with Marc here.'

'You never had the chance,' says Nadia. 'I don't like men who sleep around.'

'Oh come on!' Baz's eyes widen. 'That was years ago. I don't do that any more. I'm a changed man. Reformed.'

'A changed man? Really? What do your ex-wives say about that?'

'They all say the same thing. Can I have some more money please?'

'I hope you pay them well. They deserve it. Any wife whose husband brings three girls to bed with him deserves a medal.'

'I told you! I'm a changed man.'

'Well let me call my husband. Tell him the marriage is off. I'll run away with you instead.'

'I'll get the motor running ...'

'Nighty night all.' Nadia gives us a big wave. 'See you bright and breezy tomorrow morning.'

The next day, I wake up feeling a little tired. I don't know if it's because of our busy day yesterday. Or ...

When I tell Marc, he isn't pleased.

'You need me on set with you today,' he says. 'To take care of you. Paparazzi be dammed.'

'Marc, what if I am pregnant? We're going to be shooting this movie for a long time. What are you going to do? Come on set with me every day? If you're around, the press will cause a riot.'

'Then maybe you should pull out.'

'No way. Come on Marc. You know I'd never do that. It wouldn't be fair on Nadia or anyone else. If I am pregnant, well ... millions of women get pregnant and go to work without their husbands.'

'You're not millions of women.'

'And what if I'm not pregnant?'

Marc runs a hand through his hair. 'You should never have accepted this movie-'

'But I did. And you promised to support me.'

'Yes,' he says grimly. 'This is hard for me. But you're right. I did say I'd support you. So ... I'll try.'

We drive to the Tower of London in Marc's black Aston Martin.

London sparkles in the sun, and I find myself marvelling at how lucky I am. To think I'm married to Marc. Driving to act in my first movie.

Wow.

I find my fingers sliding to my stomach, wondering ... could I be?

Don't think about that Sophia. You'll drive yourself crazy.

When we pull off Tower Bridge, there are security guards everywhere and a huge square of London is cordoned off with tall silver fences.

'There is a lot of security around,' I tell Marc. 'Would that have something to do with you by any chance?'

Marc smiles at the windscreen. 'Perhaps.' He pulls off the road and stops by security gates. 'It's going to be hard. Letting go of you today.'

He leans over and kisses me. Then he releases me from my seatbelt and pulls me onto his lap, one hand still on the steering wheel.

'You know, I could still drive away with you.'

'You mean kidnap me?' I say lightly.

'Exactly right. Kidnap you. Tie you up.' His fingers thread into my hair.

'You think I'd be happy about that?'

'Oh I know you'd be happy. For a little while, at least.' His fingers tighten.

'Are you trying to make me late for my first day of filming?' I whisper.

'Yes.' Marc pulls my head back and kisses my neck.

'Marc,' I murmur. 'Don't make this difficult.'

'It's already difficult. Do you have any idea how much I'm going to miss you today? How much I'm going to worry about you?'

'You have nothing to worry about.' I kiss him quickly on the lips, then slide away from him back to the pa.s.senger seat. 'I love you Marc. I'll see you later, okay?'

'Not okay. But I've been without you for three months before. I can manage a day. Just about. I'll have something special planned for when you're finished filming. So don't tire yourself out.'

'What kind of special?'

'A surprise. At the townhouse. You'll have to wait and see.'

27.

After security let us through the gates, Marc and I say our goodbyes.

It's hard, watching him drive away. I miss him the moment he's gone.

'You lost, Mrs Blackwell?' says a familiar voice, as I stand awkwardly in the car park.

I smile. 'Good morning Baz.'

'It's not a bad one, is it?' Baz swaggers through the car park with a can of Monster Energy in his hand. He's so tall and muscular that his shadow covers me completely.

'Where's your car?' I ask.

'I've got an apartment just over there,' says Baz, jabbing a thumb towards the river. 'I walked.'

'Do you know where I'm supposed to go?'

'You see that big, famous building right in front of us? I think we go there.'

I look up at the Tower of London's browny-white walls and the Union Jack flying. It really is the ultimate princess's castle. The black ravens hopping around the lawns give it a slightly dark edge just perfect for a Nadia Malbeck movie.