What Follows 34 16.1: Silly You

`sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge`

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm lying down. Under a streetlamp. It's very bright. Bright enough to have hurt my eyes if my pain ability still existed. My blonde hair is all around my head and my red dress is spread around my knees in impossible perfection.

For a second, I pretend to be a doll.

Unfortunately, a redhead seems keen on interrupting my little fantasy as he hovers right above me with his dog barking by him excitedly. His hair is falling over his face as he gazes down on me with vividly hazel eyes and a slight frown.

"You had me thinking you were dead for a second," he tells me, his lips slowly cus.h.i.+oning the words out. I blink my drowsiness away and put out a hand that he takes. He helps me up and steadies me as I look around.

A non-ending, dimly lit street lies ahead and what I remember to say is, "I am dead."

I examine Tobias' tall figure as he paces slowly in front of me, his hands in his short's pockets and his eyes trained on the ground.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask and he stops with a small smile.

"You."

"Other than that?"

"How much of the month we have left," he tells me, puffing out a breath.

I sigh heavily. "Let's not think of that."

Tobias tsks and nods, looking away. "Do you know where we are?" He asks instead and I look closely at the streetlamps at the sides of the eerily abandoned street. And it rings a bell.

Almost immediately a motorcycle's ′vroom′ startles both of us and grabs our attention. My lips part and I start shaking my head. I know where we are.

We instinctively turn around to find two figures getting off a motorcycle and removing their helmets.

Joshua and Sierra.

"This will be one h.e.l.l of a night," Tobias comments and I exhale shakily as I walk with determination toward them. Benji struts by my side and wags his tail and I wonder if he can feel my agitation.

Sierra is leaning against the motorcycle, dressed all in black, with her hair hanging high in a ponytail and a helmet tucked under her arm. She's staring at Joshua who's standing next to me, looking unhinged with his shaky hands and quick breaths.

Joshua scans the place and I absently step back only to be stopped by Tobias' arms. He holds me from behind and it'd be too comforting if it isn't for my guts that are threatening to empty themselves on this dead street.

I step away from Tobias, feeling the world already spin around me. Because I know, I know that nothing good comes out from those two together.

"So," Sierra starts as she lets go of her helmet and a.s.sesses Joshua who stands tall in his jeans, red flannel and grey unders.h.i.+rt. "What is it that you needed to talk about?"

Joshua gulps. "What is it with this f.u.c.king street?" He says. "Why can't we meet up in the cafe or something?"

Sierra smirks. "If I didn't know better I'd think you're intimidated, Josh." She tilts her head.

"Blimey, it is intimidating," Tobias remarks.

Joshua scoffs and reaches for his back pocket for a cigarette. He lets it hang in his mouth as he looks for his lighter. Sierra lights it up for him anyway.

Joshua looks at her carefully before drawing in his first breath and exhaling it out.

"I ain't got all year," Sierra says impatiently and my anxiety manages to roll itself into a ball next to my heart. I hold my hands to my chest and almost worry that it's palpable. That Tobias can perhaps see it.

"My phone," he says. "I can't seem to find it." He flicks the cigarette and pouts at the groud.

Sierra feigns surprise. "Really?"

Joshua narrows his eyes on her and shakes his head. "Yeah."

"And?" She starts. "You want my help to find it?"

Joshua clears his throat. "Nothing much," he says. "I want you to distract Mason so I can get through his to room to his parents' to find my phone."

Sierra purses her lips as if in deep thought. "Didn't you say Mason was your best friend?"

Joshua's throat bobs and I wonder if he knows how bad he is at lying. "Yes."

"Then why not ask him? Why not let him get you your phone?" Sierra says too quietly, it's almost scary. "Why do you need to break in?"

"s.h.i.+t," Tobias breathes out and I nod in agreement. I nod, worried for the poor boy who has no clue what he's just walked into. An intricate trap.

"Are you seriously asking that?" Joshua tries to appear infuriated, but his fear is evident in his blood-shot eyes and fingers' tremor. He sounds nothing but desperate and Sierra is enjoying that.

"I don't know, Joshua. He's your 'bestie', figure it out with him, not me!" She gestures wildly and Tobias shakes his head.

"She's ruthless," Tobias says. "Makes me wonder if she was born roaring instead of crying."

I glance at him and his ridiculous smile that drops immediately when he sees my face.

"Please, Sierra, okay?" Joshua says. "Just do it."

"What's in it for me?" She asks, arching an eyebrow.

Joshua drops his cigarette. Crushes it with his black, worn-out, unlaced converse. "What do you want?"

"I want your secret."

Joshua's hands get too shaky, he shoves them in his pants' pockets. "Secret? What secret?"

"Your secret to your roaring reputation."

"There's no secret in that," he says. "I don't understand. What do you want from me? Why are you so keen on haunting me?"

She smiles. "I don't know?" She crosses her arms across her chest. "Maybe the challenge I'm working on, the person I'm 'ruining', is you?"

Joshua shakes his head and lifts a brow almost smugly. "You don't even have your phone."

Sierra says nothing to that and I find it difficult to stand regardless of the effort it doesn't need. "Answer my question."

"I'm popular because I'm awesome. What stupid s.h.i.+t are you on?"

"Make me your girlfriend."

"My what?"

"His what?"

Tobias and Joshua say simultaneously and I shake my head in shock. She wants to bask in Joshua's popularity light. She'd do whatever it takes to get to wherever she wants to be.

Sierra smiles and approaches Joshua only to rest her palms on his chest and her eyes on his. Joshua, Tobias and I stand very still, not knowing what to antic.i.p.ate.

"I'm a lady, you know," she whispers. "I can fulfil your needs." She tiptoes and leans in his ear. "I can be much better than your Roseline-"

At that, Joshua's hands find her wrists and push her away. He holds her eyes and very slowly says, "You'll be nothing like her. You're a vile creature who feeds on people's insecurities for fun. I'd rather die than have you stand by my side as a servant, never mind a girlfriend." Her lips part. "It'd shame my every cell to be thought of as your boyfriend. Just the mere thought of it disgusts me." He then lets go of her wrists as she stumbles back, a little disoriented.

And it confuses me, really, how her eyes tear up. I wonder if Joshua noticed.

Sierra clears her throat and blinks a couple of times as Joshua grimaces at her. "Well, then," she says, collecting herself. "Well, then, I guess you will die."

Joshua loses his composure and lashes out on her. "Just stop talking and making everything worse!"

"I just asked to be your girlfriend," Sierra says calmly and my dead bones rattle in their grave.

"It's impossible!"

"So is finding your phone!" Sierra finally shouts back and Joshua stops for a second to point his index finger at her.

"It's not impossible. I don't need your help!"

"It is impossible, Joshua."

"It's not!"

"It is because it's not lost!" Sierra announces and Tobias whistles lowly.

Joshua takes a small step back. "What do you mean?"

"It's not lost," Sierra smiles. "Because I have it, Joshua. I have it, just like you had my phone all along and never gave it to me!"

Joshua's facial expressions turn furious as he approaches Sierra and grasps her arms to shake her. "I'll f.u.c.king kill you! I'll f.u.c.king kill you, Sierra." His face and neck turn red as Sierra recoils a little.

"No, you won't," she says, locking his eyes. She smiles. "You can't."

Joshua lets her go with a grunt and steps away with his hands in his hair. He closes his eyes, then snaps them open on an antic.i.p.ating Sierra.

"Give me my phone," he tells her gently and I wonder how is it that he's not bas.h.i.+ng her head to the tarmac and leaving her to bleed to her death.

"And did you expect me to?" Sierra says smugly and Joshua bares his teeth.

"I've had enough of your bulls.h.i.+t! Give me my d.a.m.n phone!" He thunders and Sierra remains unshaken.

"What's in it for me?" She asks again and Joshua pinches his nose.

"You're not going to be my f.u.c.king girlfriend, Sierra. I f.u.c.king hate you!" Joshua seethes and Sierra's face falls a little.

"You don't hate me."

Joshua looks at her and puffs out a breath. "Just give me my phone."

"You will have to answer a few of my questions," she says.

"If her question is, can I be your girlfriend? I'll be p.i.s.sed," Tobias says from next to me.

"You will be?" I reply and Tobias smirks.

"I'll be more p.i.s.sed."

Joshua paces around in front of her before waving a hand at her. "Okay, ask me some questions."

"Why did you start playing in the first place?" She asks and Joshua stops to narrow his eyes on her.

"Why do you care?"

"No answering questions with questions," she warns.

"Because I needed the money."

"You? Joshua Michael Peters? You need money? Your dad is a great musician. It makes no sense," she says slowly as Joshua comes to an abrupt stop.

"I just need it," he says weakly and Sierra holds her hips.

"Well, until it makes sense to me, you're not getting your phone."

Joshua shakes his head and clicks his tongue. "I don't know why I bother. Keep the phone. I don't want it."

For a moment, Sierra starts panicking, before, "If you don't answer," she says. "-I'll delete your account. It could for a fact be the 'F-rule'. It could, you know," she drawls. "-kill you."

Joshua looks at her shocked. "You'd f.u.c.king kill me?"

"Did it once, why think I won't do it again?"

Joshua looks at her, at a loss of words. "You're unbelievable."

"I'll delete it, I swear to you."

Joshua curls his hands into shaky fists and breathes out heavily. "Okay, okay," he says. "My dad is an alcoholic now." He closes his eyes. "A junkie too. c.o.ke."

"Michael f.u.c.king Peters?" Sierra gasps. "How come?"

Joshua looks up and narrows his eyes at her. "If it pleasures you to think that you can use all that to defame me, let me burst your bubble and tell you that I don't give a s.h.i.+t."

"How is it that a very renowned person suddenly turns into a junkie?" Sierra asks, ignoring him. Then, with a head tilt, she says, "How's your mom, Josh?"

Joshua looks at her like she's just slapped him. "My mom. She's fine."

"She's fine with her husband taking up drinking?" She asks with a smile.

Joshua shakes his head. "Sierr"

"I was there at her funeral, you know," she says and I gasp. "She's dead."

"I never knew!" I say and Tobias blinks at me in confusion.

"He didn't tell you?" He asks and I shake my head.

"She's not dead," Joshua says slowly, his voice breaking in halves and his eyes swimming in tears.

"And your youngest sister? Sara?" She continues answering the question for him. "Odd, isn't it? That they had the very same funeral?"

Joshua looks like he's taken a dagger to his gut. "Sierra, no-"

"What happened that Monday night?" She asks him quietly, thoroughly enjoying it.

"I didn't mean it-"

"You killed them," she says. "You killed them."

Tobias looks at me like he's too shocked to speak.

"It wasn't like that-"

"It was worse than that," she says sharply. "You were driving them home. Drunk. You survived the accident. They died."

And it suddenly makes sense. His broken leg and wrist in the summer of soph.o.m.ore year. It wasn't a stair fall. It was a car accident. He lied.

"Sierr"

"You knew you were going to drive them home that night. Why did you drink?" She pushes it and he looks at her pleadingly.

"It wasn't supposed to end like that."

"You're just as horrible as I am," Sierra says. "Harming Roseline wasn't supposed to end like that either."

"We're not the same!" Joshua fights back. "You enjoyed it!"

"I did," she says. "But the result is one. You killed your mom and sister. Your father couldn't live with it. He became a drunkard. In my opinion, you killed three people, not two." She shrugs. "Though I still don't get it. Why do you need money?"

"In the beginning, Dad had a lot of it. He wasted it all on gambling and drugs." Joshua looks at her through tears of agony. "Now I have to pay for the s.h.i.+t he's feeding himself." He sniffs. "Because if not, if not-" He shuts his eyes like it's painful to look at the world. "-he'll forcibly take Selena's hard-earnt money," he cries. "And if there's a night that she doesn't have any left, he abuses her. I couldn't let that happen."

My lips part as Tobias stares at Joshua.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sierra voices the question that popped up inside my head. "I was there for you."

Joshua looks at her in confusion, disgust. "What do you have to do with anything?"

"Who told you about DevilsPlay?" She asks him and he scoffs.

"If only I could go back in time," he says. "-I'd slap myself a thousand times."

"Who told you about it?" Sierra asks again and Joshua looks at her in defeat.

"You did."

"Can't you see?" Sierra says. "I've always been there for you."

Joshua frowns weakly and shakes his head. "I don't understand," he says. "How do you know all of that? I never told anyone-"

"You didn't need to tell me," Sierra smiles. "Can't you figure out why I've started playing DevilsPlay in the first place?"

Joshua stares at her and says nothing.

"Silly, can't you tell how much I love you?"