Macha's Journey 82 Always

She decided to make one last effort to be with him. Looking out from the door, she found him lying on his bed. "Tyr, I'm going to sleep in the bedroom tonight." She contemplated asking him if he wanted to join her but decided not to.

She stuck her head back into the bedroom and waited, but he did not come. This made her a.s.sumed he preferred to keep their relations.h.i.+p uns.e.xual. The only reason she could imagine for his sudden disinterest was that he did not like her body. She now felt embarra.s.sed and grabbed a book to read.

After berating himself for a while longer, Tyr grabbed his sleepwear and walked into the bathroom. On the way there, he saw Macha laying on the bed reading a new book. She laid on her stomach and had her feet crossed in the air. The silk fabrics clung to her body, enticing him.

While Tyr showered, he thought of how stupid his fear was. He combed his hair dry and tried to gather the courage to face her again. When he opened the bathroom door, he looked at the bed. She was still reading in the same position and did not glance up at him, which worried him. Macha usually looked up at him when he entered a room. He made his way to the bed and sat down on the corner. "What's that book about?"

Macha turned a page, she focused intently on it and explained, "It's about a dove who falls in love with a man." She did not want to look at Tyr. The sight of him would just make her suffering worse. Seeing something she could not have would be torture, so she chose to just ignore him.

Cold tremors shot up his hands. Even when Macha had been angry at him for not telling her about Luna's disappearance, she still looked at him. His voice faltered, "Macha, are you mad at me?"

There was a long silence as she contemplated how to answer his question. Macha shook her head, "No." She still stared at the page, continuing to read her book.

Tyr placed a hand on the small of her back. "You seem mad." He realized he was not as good as Krystof at determining how people would behave, but there was no doubt in his mind that she was mad. When he put his hand on her, Macha's eyes narrowed.

Macha sighed and turned her head to look Tyr in the eyes. "I have no reason to be mad. Right now, I'm embarra.s.sed." Tyr gave her a surprised expression that vexed her and she continued, "Just tell me you don't want to be with me. I don't want to force you into a relations.h.i.+p, but at least have the decency to tell me you don't find me attractive." She turned back to the book. Macha just wanted Tyr to leave her alone. Never in her whole life had she felt so ugly and it made her want to cry.

Tyr reached over and shut the book. He tossed it to the side. He was tired of her using it as a way to ignore him. The things she said were the exact opposite of how he felt. Her words about their relations.h.i.+p confused him, but the idea she had about being unattractive needed to be dealt with.

Hearing Macha's voice quaver when she spoke to him, caused his heart to break. "Macha, I like you. You're the best thing to happen to me. You make me a better person. Why would you even think that?" Tyr could tell she did not believe him, so he continued, "You're so beautiful that I want to hide you away from the world. I really don't know what I would do without you."

Macha sat up. She wanted to accept what Tyr said, but she still had doubts. "You say that, but earlier you avoided my touch. I tried to..." She traced her fingers along the duvet. She did not want to confess to attempting to seduce him so she looked to the side.

Tyr laid back and put his head on a pillow. "Come," he said and pulled Macha onto his chest. He closed his eyes. He was embarra.s.sed to have to confess his apprehensions to her. Clearing his throat, he admitted, "I'm worried about having s.e.x with you. That's why I was avoiding you when I got back." He pinched the bridge of his nose. He imagined how Macha probably saw him as less of a man.

Macha turned around and gazed at Tyr's face. She did not understand how such an attractive man could have such low self-esteem. He always lacked confidence and put all of the burdens onto himself. It was obvious that his confession pained him. "Why would you worry about having s.e.x with me?" She took his hand that pinched his nose and pulled it down for a hesitant kiss.

Tyr looked down at Macha. She held his hand tenderly and her strength flowed into him. Tyr frowned. "One reason Fenrir left me was that I did not please her in bed. I... I want to please you more than anything else." The confession caused him to look to the side. He did not want to see Macha's reaction.

Macha nodded her head. She had met Fenrir once and heard stories about how she treated Tyr. From what she could determine, Fenrir probably lied to him. There was no way he could be that bad based upon their earlier interactions this morning. She grabbed his face and forced him to stare at her. Their eyes locked as she addressed him, "Fenrir is Fenrir and I am me. If I don't like something I'll tell you and we can work on it. You are so much older than I am, so you have more experience than me. I'm worried too. We don't have to force it."

It was not only Tyr that had worries. Macha worried that she would not be as s.e.xy as Fenrir. She was smaller and looked different than everyone else in this world that it made her self-conscious.

Hearing those words made Tyr realize something important. Macha accepted him for who he was and he realized he lied to her earlier. He did not like her, he loved her. He stared at the top of her head, resting on his chest. Tyr had never felt this sense of security before in his life. He raised his hand and ran it through Macha's hair.

As Tyr's fingers ran through Macha's hair, she thought about his fears. She wrapped her arms around his chest and gave him a little squeeze. "Tyr, thank you for telling me the truth." Imitating his direct way of speaking to her, she said, "Come." Macha got out of bed and walked to the porch that overlooked the sea. Tonight was their last night at Jimbaran, but they did not have a chance to enjoy the ocean.

Millions of stars lit up the sky and the soft sounds of waves sounded throughout the night. Macha sat at the edge of the deck and looked up at the stars. Once and a while she would see a shooting star streak across the sky. Tyr came out with two small gla.s.ses of rum and handed her one. He sat down behind her.

Tyr thought about confessing his love to Macha but decided not to. He understood Macha probably did not feel the same towards him. Tonight had been the first time he confessed to liking her, so it was enough for him that she accepted his feelings without turning him down.

Tyr was actually unsure how much Macha even liked him, despite her being his girlfriend. She was affectionate but never talked about how he made her feel. He took a sip of the rum and remembered how he told her to be patient. The memory made him smile. He secretly reminded himself to listen to his own plea and be patient with Macha.

Noticing that Tyr did not make any noise, Macha turned around and found him smiling. The wind rustled his hair and made him look carefree. "Are you happy?" She wished he would smile more. Tyr's face was so mesmerizing when he smiled.

Tyr finished his rum and put his gla.s.s to the side. He took Macha's gla.s.s and placed it beside his gla.s.s. "As long as you are beside me." Tyr decided that if he could not tell Macha he loved her, he wanted to show her.

Taking Macha's hand, he led her to an outdoor bed that lay in the corner of the large deck. The sea wind caused the gossamer curtains to sway around them. He touched her cheek and asked the same question she asked, "Are you happy?" Tyr sat down on the bed and pulled Macha closer to him, so she leaned against his chest. Then he wrapped his arms around her and waited for her response.

Macha thought of how to respond. She was not sure if he referred to this moment or her overall life. "I like it here. When I close my eyes the smells and sounds remind me of home. I'm happy you brought me here." Macha gave Tyr's arms a small hug.

Tyr moved to the side and lowered Macha onto the bed. Her dark hair fanned out against the white mattress. He moved on top of her and stared into her eyes. "That wasn't what I meant. Do I make you happy?"

For a moment, Macha was lost in his eyes. Tyr's direct question and the way he looked against the starry sky took her breath away. She reached her hand up to trace the top of Tyr's ear. "Always." Tyr had been a pillar of strength for her since she had met him. He gave her everything and expected nothing in return. Macha knew she was lucky to have met him.