MAGDA: A Mother's Struggles 1 Magda

He is humming a happy song for he is happy. He is happy for the talk he had with an owner of a nearby restaurant who is a friend of a friend went well; once again, he has a job… once again, he can take care of his family.

Jano was outside his house. He was smiling for he can't help it. He looked at the paper bag he was holding, finally, something for his family. The good news will be a surprise to his children and her beloved wife, Magda.

He entered the key in the keyhole, turned the k.n.o.b and pushed the door open. He was surprised...

The traffic light was giving off a signal that no pedestrian should cross. On the side walk, a woman who is wearing a scruffy red s.h.i.+rt is patiently waiting for the go signal. She is carrying a little boy named Biano on her back while holding the hand of her daughter, Nene, who is standing beside her. The woman's name is Magda. She has five children: two sons and three daughters. Before the present day, Magda was an epitome of beauty and a carrier of wild imaginations; however, now, things have changed. Her then soft and white complexion is now dry and dark due to her work--- selling homemade burgers along the roads to bus travelers. The bright eyes which were full of dreams are now dull and encircled with dark eye bags as she always stayed sleepless while tending every night to little Biano who, with no milk to drink, cries all night. Moreover, she who had once longed to be the perfect mother is now known as the mother of the girl-who-uses-drugs. She looks troubled… alive but dead inside. As the signal from the traffic light turned from an animated red man to green, Magda together with her children crossed the street, heading home.

On the malodorous squatters' area known as Cantarilla, lives Magda and her family. While she and her children trudged through the skimpy alley, she can't dismiss the mocking stares of her neighbors. 'They know me and my daughter, how could they…' she thought to herself. In a moment they were in front of their little house, made of woods and sc.r.a.p metals. She knocked on the door and in an instant someone opened it. The person who has unlocked the door was a man, who is obviously just newly woke up with all of his s.h.i.+rt creased. The person is Magda's husband, Jano. He was out last night, drowning himself in alcohol together with his friends. It was a miracle that he was able to go home by himself. Jano tried to give Magda a peck on her cheeks but she moved away.

"You still reek of alcohol, go wash yourself." Magda said. She walked past him.

She carefully positioned the sleeping Biano in his crib and Nene just sat down on the couch. Meanwhile, there was Jano who went inside their bedroom and lie down again.

Magda just shook her head in disappointment. Jano was once the perfect husband before he got laid off from his work in a food company a month ago. He was a contractual worker and has failed to be regularized.

Furthermore, there was the death of their daughter which changed them all.

When she went to the kitchen, she found out that the table was empty… there was no food when supposedly it is already lunch.

"Nene, go to Aling Lupe and ask her to lend us some canned sardines," Magda ordered. Nene stood up and silently headed to the house door.

Magda found herself in front of the room of her children. Before she opened the door she yelled, "Have they taken some medicine?" but, of course, no reply has been received for her husband was again soundly sleeping on the next room. She went inside, there she found her eight-year-old daughter, Rina and her oldest son, Dondon, lay unmoving. They have been sick for four days now. Magda touched their foreheads and they were burning up. Their fever has not abated. On the bedside was a table and atop is a bottle of aspirin. She opened the lid but she found no tablets inside. Frustrated, she threw the bottle in the room corner and it blew into pieces.

"Mama, I'm back." it was Nene's voice. She went outside the room and she found herself in the living room with Nene who has a worried face.

"Aling Lupe said that she will not be lending anymore canned goods to us not until we pay up our past dues," Nene narrated. Magda, with nothing to say just gave out a long sigh.

"I guess no lunch for us then," she sadly stated.

It was a little past three in the afternoon when Magda started to feel that the day would not stay still for her. She has no time to think at all. Then Jano, the love of her life, showed up fully suited. He even smelled cologne. The man who has been sleeping all day long walked past from where she was seated.

"Where are you going?" she asked. Magda heard a clicking sound from the door as a response. Her husband is out, and she wasn't able to know where Jano will go.

Then, the overthinking. In the Candarilla where making rumors is the trend, her husband has been told to have an affair.

But, no it was not baseless. It ain't just a buzz. For she knew that her husband has been constantly meeting his friend, Susan, who according to his husband was a high school friend that is helping him find a new job. Magda had seen them together. How their shoulders touched each other as they walked on the alley. The laughs they shared as they reminisced their high school days.

Then, the tears. She doesn't want to admit but her beauty has been long gone. Her Jano who used to love her doesn't seem to care anymore.

At five in the afternoon, Magda was laying on the couch while she drank from the bottle of alcohol which she found under their bed, it was her husband's for sure. Her mind was lost in thoughts, her thoughts in chaos. She stood up and she felt the alcohol seething. Magda looked at their wooden wall and in there hanged a picture of her late daughter, Elaine. Tears came flowing down her cheeks.

Her Elaine was a beautiful daughter. She is the second eldest child among the five. She was smart and loving. Her siblings even sometimes envied her for she was the parent's favorite, the family's actually. At age 13, she already taken up some responsibilities so that she could be of help in her family's finances. After school, she will be walking around the area selling candies and cigarettes. The small amount she earned was used as her and her siblings' school allowance. But now, Elaine and everything about her is in the past.

Elaine was killed by a police officer in a drug bust operation. That being known to their area has ignited speculations about her: being an addict and a drug user. But Magda knows her little girl; however, she can't do anything to prove her innocence for she doesn't have the money.

Biano cried. Magda who had drifted away came back to reality. She went to the crib of Biano and tried to appease him, but he wouldn't stop crying. Her son is hungry but she couldn't give anything to feed him.
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As Biano continued to cry, Magda was just crouched in the dark corner of their living room… sobbing. Her hands are on her ears, trying to escape the noise. Suddenly, someone poked her. It was Nene. She looked at her child and Nene said, "Mama, I'm hungry."

Then, it hits her.

She needs to appease her mind and heart. She needs to find peace and serenity. She is now burnt-out. Everything in her life went wrong, the peaceful and happy life she wanted is now far from becoming real; yet, she can still be the best mother. Magda can still save her children from despair, from the cruelty of the world.

She offered her hand to Nene which her child immediately grabbed. She stood up and with Nene beside her, they went to the kitchen. There she ordered Nene to take a seat. Magda rummaged from their kitchenware. After several minutes, she stopped. She found it! She looked back to where Nene was seated and she gave a smile. Magda walked towards her daughter and then she hugged her. Nene started to moan and tears came flowing from her.

"Easy now," Magda said as she gently pats the head of her child. In a moment, Nene stopped breathing. She breaks free from their hug and Nene dropped dead on kitchen floor with blood gus.h.i.+ng out from her back. Magda looked at her dead daughter with blank expression as she held a knife dripping with blood.

Magda started to walk towards the room of his sick son and daughter. She gently pushed the door of their bedroom and there she was, standing beside her sleeping children. She put her free hand on the neck of her son and started choking him. Dondon opened his eyes.

"Don't be frightened, Mama is here for you." she said with a rea.s.suring voice. One moment, a slit was created on his son's neck. Then, her daughter. The white sheet covering the bed of her children had become red.

When she went out the room, she heard the still crying Biano. Her little Biano, her beloved boy. Magda walked towards the crib and in an instant, she stabbed the boy. The crying stopped.

Silence.

The silence was deafening. At last, there is no more noise. A smile curved on Magda's lips. Her mind is now at peace. She touched the cold steel on her neck and there, even the noise of her own breathing can no longer be heard.

Meanwhile, he is humming a happy song for he is happy. He is happy for the talk he had with an owner of a nearby restaurant who is a friend of a friend went well; once again, he has a job… once again, he can take care of his family. Jano was walking in the alley of Cantarilla while he held the paper bag containing the stuff he bought from the money he courageously borrowed from his friend, he is now a.s.sured he can pay back. The bag contains the milk for little Biano; the aspirin tablets for the sick Rina and Dondon; chocolate bar for his daughter Nene; food for their dinner and; the ponytail for his wife, her only dearest, Magda.

He can't help but to smile as he imagined the surprise in the faces of his beloved family. In a moment he was outside his home. He entered the key in the keyhole, turned the k.n.o.b and pushed the door open.

He was surprised.