The Road Home Chapter 20

Sorry everyone, emergency dental stuff and stomach flu in the household has put me behind on comments. Thank you for those who have dropped a line; I will try to get to responding to comments when I'm not was.h.i.+ng bedsheets and clothes that have become casualties of the stomach flu.

The descriptions of the scenery is breathtaking.

This story was translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com only. All forms of reproduction, redistribution, or re-posting are not authorized. If you are not reading this from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com, the copy is unauthorized and has been taken without consent of the translator.

Gui Xiao's hand stroked and caressed to and fro over his back. When it contacted that one spot that she had touched a dozen or more times last night, she did not make another sound.

He reached behind himself and took her wrist into his grasp. "It's normal for people in counter-terrorism to get injured."

This was not an exaggerated statement. In their squadron, there truly was not a single person who had gone without injuries. Just last year, a young soldier new to the group had fallen and injured his leg during training, but he had been quite happy about it, declaring that he had finally gotten an injury and now dared to openly say that he belonged to this squadron.

Beneath the pads of her fingers, there was a small area of skin that was obviously b.u.mpy and uneven. Her hand would stroke over it, then double back to it yet again, her fingers drawing circles on it. It was, after all, a place that had suffered a wound, so the feel of it was different than elsewhere. And when he was being touched there, psychologically, Lu Yanchen would feel much worse.

Lu Yanchen's throat felt like it would if he had been smoking for an entire night, dry and also itchy.

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Gui Xiao rubbed her eyes and forehead against his s.h.i.+rt collar, then, after a lengthy time, lifted her head to look at him. Her eyes were red, but it was not known whether that was from her rubbing or because she truly did want to cry. "Back then, you just had to absolutely insist on being a soldier. No matter what I said, you just wouldn't listen. You've had to suffer through so much…"

She was plainly quite calm, but her nose just had to start tingling like a wimp's, and her voice was quavering slightly, too.

"Tired… Let's sleep." Afraid he would be able to tell that something was not right with her, Gui Xiao rolled over and fixed her eyes on the paint-peeled table leg that was directly in the line of her gaze. She thought about this decade and more of his life from which she had been absent, and also thought about the information and news about counter-terrorism soldiers that she, over countless times, had intentionally or otherwise learned…

Her thoughts were many and varied. Yet, still he was not saying anything. It was so quiet inside this room that she could even hear the sound of her own breathing.

Having not slept the whole night, her head was aching, and before long she grew groggy. However, the racket outside produced by that young couple startled her mind back to consciousness.

The woman's voice was especially loud and high-pitched, and it drifted into this ger through the little cracks. She was complaining that the man was a madman for insisting on coming for fun to the steppe when it was smack in the middle of winter. Other people all came in the summer. She had been frozen for an entire night already, and she basically was going to die of cold here. The most psycho part was that in just a little bit, they still needed to go watch the sunrise. Sunrise her foot…

The bed gave a shake. Lu Yanchen got off it and left the ger.

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When Lu Yanchen felt his way outside, his comrade was feeding a horse that he kept.

Lu Yanchen strolled over and stroked that horse's chestnut mane.

"Had a quarrel with Sister-In-Law?"

Other than this reason, his comrade really could not think of what a man might be coming out to do in such early morning hours before the sky had lightened, while his wife still lay in the warm bed… Lu Yanchen wordlessly took the reins from him and mounted the horse. Then, tightening the reins, he gave a low shout and hurtled off into the deep, snowy night.

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This was the place to which he truly belonged.

The Lu Chen of the past had been young but lacked the a.s.sets to be reckless. All of his self-esteem and direction in life had been crushed by the family into which he had been born, and also life itself. He had had no one to guide him, no place to turn to resolve these things, and had not known the purpose of life as a person. He had needed to find a way out, or perhaps it could be said, a road that he could follow. And so, he had left. In these ten and more years on the frontiers, he had dismantled thousands of both professionally-made and amateur, homemade explosives, seen all types of riots, and hunted down the most vicious and wicked of fugitives. There was blood on his hands, but his heart was unperturbed and free of misgivings. Now were his feet truly planted firmly on soil, and now had he found the weight of his own bones again.

The wind swept over his sweaty back and slid down, whistling clearly a long and melodious sound.

In temperatures below minus-twenty degrees Celsius, he urged the horse forward, flying over the snowy ground and not feeling any chill whatsoever. In this way, completely unfettered, he galloped southward.

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Gui Xiao waited for a long time but still did not see him return, so bundling herself up like a coc.o.o.n and shrouding more than half her face with a scarf, she braved the wind and stepped outside.

A few stars remained in the dark, ash-coloured sky.

This presently was the final darkness before the arrival of dawn.

The bonfire that had been lit on a whim last night while they were drinking was now nearly extinguished, with mostly ashes remaining, and as the wind rushed over it, deep red sparks of ember would whip up with the ashes and soar far away.

With legs spread, Lu Yanchen sat at one end of a bench beside the fire, his hand holding a bowl, chatting with an elderly man in Mongolian, a language she did not understand.

No obvious emotion could be seen on Lu Yanchen's face, as if that little bit of conflict and silent treatment that they had given one another had not occurred at all. He reached out and pulled Gui Xiao over, pressing her down onto the edge of the bench between his legs. Pulling the zipper of his thick, padded jacket all the way down, he enfolded her inside the jacket and then, while he was at it, fed her the milk tea that was in the bowl.

As she was cold, she could clearly perceive how the warmth pa.s.sed her throat and then flowed downwards into her stomach.

"What were you talking about with that person?"

"He said, last night that young married couple could not handle the cold. They had a huge argument and didn't even stay to watch the sunrise. They just went straight to the city."

It was frigid. When Gui Xiao and he were squeezed on the same bed together, she had clearly been perspiring, but when she lay alone, wrapped in the quilt, the very palms of her hands and soles of her feet had all grown icy in less than ten minutes, and she had been unbearably cold.

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Her chin was taken between icy fingers. Lu Yanchen turned her head so that she faced eastward.

Light appeared on the distant horizon.

In the clear sky, a ladder of clouds climbed up in layers upon layers. All around, there were not many large objects that could obstruct their gazes. In the vast, empty surroundings that stretched far and wide, there was only snow, and only the sky and clouds were seeped with scarlet. Very soon, the red colour faded and a stunning golden radiance fell upon their eyelids…

In the stillness, Lu Yanchen pressed his hand over her brow, helping her to block the dazzling glow of sunrise as he asked, "Do you know what this is called?"

"What?" Her voice was small, nearly engulfed in the morning wind.

After quite some time, she heard, above her head, Lu Yanchen quietly state, "Chen xiao[1] [dawn's light]."

She paused blankly for a moment before her mind caught up enough to react. That endless golden gleam along the horizon seemed to give off a burning heat that seared her face.

The rays of dawn cast a film of light over Lu Yanchen's deep-black eyes, so bright that it was stunning. He had lowered his eyes and was looking at her.

Although they had not actually done the "entire deed" and taken things to the last step, in his heart, from last night onwards, Gui Xiao was no different than if she were his wife. Hence, in this moment, the look in his eyes as he gazed at her was very different. It was that type of look that a man has when he is looking at his woman.

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After day had broken, snow once more began to drift from the sky.

Now that that young married couple had left, they truly had become the only honoured guests of this establishment, not just in name but in reality as well.

To be a guest in Inner Mongolia is a wonderful blessing. The hosts are all heartfelt in their welcome, and they have an enthusiastic hospitableness that people are unable to resist.

Last time when Gui Xiao came with Xiao Cai, they also had along the way come across a family that they did not know at all. They had only asked for some directions, but ended up being pulled inside and stuffed a bowl of milk tea as well as a handful of dried meat, all of which had left her terribly overwhelmed and unsure over how to respond.

This dinner now was the same. Luckily, she was a woman and would not be constantly urged to drink.

Lu Yanchen, though, was wholly unable to escape that fate.

That elderly man who had conversed idly with Lu Yanchen early in the morning was not the least bit perfunctory when it came to urging someone to drink. Gui Xiao could not understand the majority of the content of their conversations. She only saw Lu Yanchen drinking nonstop, unable to decline in the slightest.

Nearby, a child holding a remote control switched from the Mongolian television station over to a CCTV[2] channel, then jumped back again, such that the television was continually switching between two languages. When that old comrade of Lu Yanchen snapped out a couple words of scolding, the child then changed back to a channel that Gui Xiao could understand… With her chin held in one hand and her shoulder against Lu Yanchen's arm, Gui Xiao watched as the wine bowl in his hand was filled, then drunk dry, then filled again.

His sleeves had very early on been rolled up to his elbows, and his scorching skin would again and again graze against her arm and shoulder.

Gui Xiao felt only that her heart, mimicking the pour after pour of wine that swayed with little waves, also had ripples undulating across it. She whispered, "Don't drink so much."

Lu Yanchen gave an almost indiscernible smile as he fished out his mobile phone, which was vibrating.

Displayed on the screen was an unfamiliar number.

He speculated briefly but was unable to guess whom it might be. After excusing himself with the elderly man, who still had his cup raised and wanted to toast him, he stepped out to take the call.

It was a rare chance to speak a few words with Gui Xiao alone, so Lu Yanchen's old comrade immediately moved his stool closer. "Sister-In-Law, how did you and Chen Ge meet?"

"We were schoolmates from when I was middle school. When he was in his senior year of high school, I was in third-year middle school."

His comrade grew even more invigorated and asked Gui Xiao to describe what Lu Yanchen was like in his student days. As Gui Xiao recalled memories based on the impressions in her mind, she ended up narrating quite a few things.

Half an hour pa.s.sed before the thick, heavy insulating curtain hanging over the door was finally lifted open again.

Lu Yanchen motioned to her to step outside.

Looking puzzledly at him, Gui Xiao pushed aside her seat and went out. She had just slipped out past the door curtain when the wind and snow gusting directly at her caused a s.h.i.+ver to come over her. After pulling up her scarf and looping it twice around her, Lu Yanchen turned his phone around to face her, handing it to her.

Gui Xiao did not understand.

"Your father."

She thought she had not heard correctly, but Lu Yanchen moved his mobile phone again a little closer to her.

The mobile phone, which had the warmth of his body on it, came down into her hand. Lu Yanchen had no intention of listening in, and skirting around the tent, his long, slender shadow slowly disappeared. In the s.p.a.ce of a thought, Gui Xiao came up with numerous reasons for how her father could have found him and what he might have said before finally telling Lu Yanchen to give the wrap-up of this phone call to her.

Calming herself for a while, she brought the mobile phone up beside her face. After a pause of several seconds, she at last spoke. "Dad."

"Xiao Xiao." The voice on the other end was composed and stern. "I had a few words with him."

She turned her back to the wind, hiding herself from it.

The duration of this phone call was not long, the general idea of it being that a few days ago Pan Hao had brought quite a few gifts over to pay Lunar New Year's greetings to her father and had mentioned Lu Yanchen, this man who had returned from Inner Mongolia. That young husband and wife couple had spoken about this like it was a joyous event that might lead to a wedding, but to Gui Xiao's father, not only was this name not unfamiliar to him, there was also a poor impression a.s.sociated with it. And hence, this telephone call came about. Gui Xiao had recognized early on that sooner or later there would be a day when this matter would come out into the open. She simply had not expected that the person on the other end of the line would still so utterly disregard respect for other people and call Lu Yanchen directly.

As he gave a lengthy spiel on that end, Gui Xiao did not say anything at all.

When her father mentioned the reason for Lu Yanchen's departure from the military, his voice became noticeably lower, and he told Gui Xiao to ask Lu Yanchen herself why he had left military service. Were it not for the fact that he had once performed a great deed worthy of merit and won honour, and someone had also all along been putting in good words for him, how could he possibly have been specially requested to be brought into the police training corps? But yet, in the face of this hard-to-come-by opportunity, he still had not wanted to stay in Inner Mongolia and wanted instead to return to Beijing…

There was great displeasure and disdain within her father's words. "Xiao Xiao, did you really think he came to find you again because there are still feelings there? It's only because he wants to get out of the military and return to Beijing to find a different line of work. I've seen many of these types of people. Do you still remember your Uncle Zhao's daughter? It was because she was too naïve…"

"He's not that type of person. I was the one who went to find him." Gui Xiao spoke unequivocally and emphatically. "No, more accurately, I hara.s.sed him and stuck to him relentlessly and begged him to get back together with me."

But the person on the other end of the call was still the same as before, never caring about anyone's circ.u.mstances or feelings. He only forcefully emphasized that he absolutely would not agree to let them date, and as for marriage, even more so they should not even hope for that.

To Gui Xiao's father, Lu Yanchen was no different from years ago. In the past, he had been a punk who had not a single good quality about him, had absolutely no aspirations, and could rely only on being a soldier to get by in life. He had finally managed to amount to something that was somewhat presentable, but now, he had gone back to his true colours again. Such a piece of junk that you could not make anything useful out of[3].

That man was still the same as he had been in the past, wanting to use Gui Xiao to change his life.

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Gui Xiao did not try to debate even one sentence with him. The call was disconnected. A suffocating feeling pressed down on her until she felt she could not catch her breath.

In that half an hour before she and her father spoke on the phone, what had he said to her father, or heard? She was utterly unable to imagine it. Or perhaps, she did not dare ponder too deeply on it.

The snow was too deep and she could not walk very quickly.

She took a wide circle. As she, gasping, put a hand on the outer wall of an unoccupied ger and leaned against it, she at last spotted Lu Yanchen, who had pulled over the same bench that they had sat on this morning to watch the sunrise and was sitting beside the shed where the horses were kept, his right leg raised slightly and stepping on the railing of the wooden fence.

He was looking out into the distance, quietly smoking.

Gui Xiao was terribly cold already. Das.h.i.+ng over, she stuffed his mobile phone into the pocket of his thick winter jacket and then wrapped her arms around him from behind. Softly, she asked, "The reception here is really bad. Just now… was it the same for you?"

Lu Yanchen did not answer. Biting down on the end of his cigarette, he enclosed both her hands within his palms and began rubbing them, helping her to warm them.

<>Copyright of Fanatical, hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com. Translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com only 

[1] 晨晓 "chen xiao." The first character, 晨 "chen" means "morning." It is one of the characters in the given name of Lu Yanchen 路炎晨 (or simply the given name of Lu Chen 路晨). The second character, 晓 "xiao" means "daybreak/dawn/sunrise" and is also Gui Xiao's 归晓 given name. Combined, the two characters 晨晓 "chen xiao" mean "the first light of the morning" or "dawn's light." Therefore, dawn or sunrise is a romantic combination of him and her.

[2] 央视. This is the shortened name of 中国中央电视台 China Central Television. It is the main state television broadcaster in China and has multiple channels. Its programs would be in Mandarin.

[3] 烂泥扶不上墙. The sentence in the translation is not a literal translation. The actual saying literally means, "mud cannot stick to the wall." As a building material, mud is not strong enough to build and hold a wall together, and too slick to cover a wall, as it will slide back down. This saying is a metaphor for a person who is useless, either due to incompetence or an indolent att.i.tude, and will not succeed in anything.

This story was translated with the express permission of the author for hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com only. All forms of reproduction, redistribution, or re-posting are not authorized. If you are not reading this from hui3r[dot]wordpress[dot]com, the copy is unauthorized and has been taken without consent of the translator.

Some of my favourite lines are in this chapter. This whole paragraph speaks to me:

The Lu Chen of the past had been young but lacked the a.s.sets to be reckless. All of his self-esteem and direction in life had been crushed by the family into which he had been born, and also life itself. He had had no one to guide him, no place to turn to resolve these things, and had not known the purpose of life as a person. He had needed to find a way out, or perhaps it could be said, a road that he could follow. And so, he had left. […] There was blood on his hands, but his heart was unperturbed and free of misgivings. Now were his feet truly planted firmly on soil, and now had he found the weight of his own bones again.

Lu Chen probably could have stayed behind, gone to university, and did something with his life. But he didn't. He left—because he didn't know who he was and what his purpose in life was. He was insistent on it, enlisting himself into the armed forces without even discussing it with Gui Xiao. From a relations.h.i.+p perspective, that is selfish, not the decision itself but how he executed it—and could certainly have been done better. However, in his heart of hearts, he knew he needed this, for himself and, I dare argue, for Gui Xiao. If you yourself don't even know and understand who you are, how can you love someone and take care of her? You will constantly be searching for who you are in the relations.h.i.+p, trying to ground yourself but not even knowing how.

Completed:
1 of 1 Prologue
20 of 43 Chapters
0 of 1 Epilogues

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