Introduction To Tantra 2 The Path Of Yoga And The Path Of Tantra

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TRADITIONAL YOGA AND TANTRA?

ARE THEY THE SAME?

Tantra and yoga are basically different. They reach to the same goal; however, their paths are not only different, but contrary also. So this has to be understood very clearly.

The yoga process is also methodology; yoga is also technique. Yoga is not philosophy, just like tantra - yoga depends on action, method, technique. Doing leads to being in yoga also, but the process is different. In yoga one has to fight; it is the path of the warrior. On the path of tantra one does not have to fight at all. Rather, on the contrary, one has to indulge - but with awareness.

Yoga is suppression with awareness; tantra is indulgence with awareness. Tantra says that whatsoever you are, the ultimate is not opposite to it. It is a growth; you can grow to be the ultimate.

There is no opposition between you and the reality. You are part of it, so no struggle, no conflict, no opposition to nature is needed. You have to use nature; you have to use whatsoever you are to go beyond.

In yoga you have to fight with yourself to go beyond. In yoga, the world and MOKSHA, liberation - you as you are and you as you can be - are two opposite things. Suppress, fight, dissolve that which you are so that you can attain that which you can be. Going beyond is a death in yoga. You must die for your real being to be born.

In the eyes of tantra, yoga is a deep suicide. You must kill your natural self - your body, your instincts, your desires, everything. Tantra says accept yourself as you are. It is a deep acceptance. Do not create a gap between you and the real, between the world and NIRVANA. Do not create any gap.

There is no gap for tantra; no death is needed. For your rebirth, no death is needed - rather, a transcendence. For this transcendence, use yourself.

For example, s.e.x is there, the basic energy - the basic energy you are born through, born with. The basic cells of your being and of your body are s.e.xual, so the human mind revolves around s.e.x. For yoga you must fight with this energy. Through fight you create a different center in yourself. The more you fight, the more you become integrated in a different center. Then s.e.x is not your center.

Fighting with s.e.x - of course, consciously - will create in you a new center of being, a new emphasis, a new crystallization. Then s.e.x will not be your energy. You will create your energy fighting with s.e.x.

A different energy will come into being and a different center of existence.

For tantra you have to use the energy of s.e.x. Do not fight with it, transform it. Do not think in terms of enmity, be friendly to it. It is your energy. It is not evil, it is not bad. Every energy is just natural.

It can be used for you, it can be used against you. You can make a block of it, a barrier, or you can make it a step. It can be used. Rightly used, it becomes friendly; wrongly used, it becomes your enemy. But it is neither. Energy is just natural. As ordinary man is using s.e.x, it becomes an enemy, it destroys him; he simply dissipates in it.

Yoga takes the opposite view - opposite to the ordinary mind. The ordinary mind is being destroyed by its own desires, so yoga says stop desiring, be desireless. Fight desire and create an integration in you which is desireless.

Tantra says be aware of the desire; do not create any fight. Move in desire with full consciousness, and when you move into desire with full consciousness you transcend it. You are into it and still you are not in it. You pa.s.s through it, but you remain an outsider.

Yoga appeals much because yoga is just the opposite of the ordinary mind, so the ordinary mind can understand the language of yoga. You know how s.e.x is destroying you - how it has destroyed you, how you go on revolving around it like a slave, like a puppet. You know this by your experience.

So when yoga says fight it, you immediately understand the language. That is the appeal, the easy appeal of yoga.

Tantra can not be so easily appealing. It seems difficult: how to move into desire without being overwhelmed by it? How to be in the s.e.x act consciously, with full awareness? The ordinary mind becomes afraid. It seems dangerous. Not that it is dangerous; whatsoever you know about s.e.x creates this danger for you. You know yourself, you know how you can deceive yourself. You know very well that your mind is cunning. You can move in desire, in s.e.x, in everything, and you can deceive yourself that you are moving with full awareness. That is why you feel the danger.

The danger is not in tantra; it is in you. And the appeal of yoga is because of you, because of your ordinary mind, your s.e.x-suppressed, s.e.x-starved, s.e.x-indulging mind. Because the ordinary mind is not healthy about s.e.x, yoga has an appeal. With a better humanity, with a healthy s.e.x - natural, normal - the case would be different. We are not normal and natural. We are absolutely abnormal, unhealthy, really insane. But because everyone is like us, we never feel it.

Madness is so normal that not to be mad may look abnormal. A Buddha is abnormal, a Jesus is abnormal amidst us. They do not belong to us. This "normalcy" is a disease. This "normal" mind has created the appeal of yoga. If you take s.e.x naturally - with no philosophy around it, with no philosophy for or against - if you take s.e.x as you take your hands, your eyes; if it is totally accepted as a natural thing, then tantra will have an appeal. And only then can tantra be useful for many.

But the days of tantra are coming. Sooner or later tantra will explode for the first time in the ma.s.ses, because for the first time the time is ripe - ripe to take s.e.x naturally. It is possible that the explosion may come from the West, because Freud, Jung, Reich, they have prepared the background. They did not know anything about tantra, but they have made the basic ground for tantra to evolve.

Western psychology has come to a conclusion that the basic human disease is somewhere around s.e.x, the basic insanity of man is s.e.x-oriented.

So unless this s.e.x orientation is dissolved, man cannot be natural, normal. Man has gone wrong only because of his att.i.tudes about s.e.x. No att.i.tude is needed. Only then are you natural. What att.i.tude have you about your eyes? Are they evil or are they divine? Are you for your eyes or against them? There is no att.i.tude! That is why your eyes are normal.

Take some att.i.tude - think that eyes are evil. Then seeing will become difficult. Then seeing will take the same problematic shape that s.e.x has taken. Then you will want to see, you will desire and you will hanker to see. But when you see you will feel guilty. Whenever you see you will feel guilty that you have done something wrong, that you have sinned. You would like to kill your very instrument of seeing; you would like to destroy your eyes. And the more you want to destroy them, the more you will become eye centered. Then you will start a very absurd activity. You will want to see more and more, and simultaneously you will feel more and more guilty. The same has happened with the s.e.x center.

Tantra says, accept whatsoever you are. This is the basic note - total acceptance. And only through total acceptance can you grow. Then use every energy you have. How can you use them? Accept them, then find out what these energies are - what is s.e.x, what is this phenomenon. We are not acquainted with it. We know many things about s.e.x, taught by others. We may have pa.s.sed through the s.e.x act, but with a guilty mind, with a suppressive att.i.tude, in haste, in a hurry. Something has to be done in order to become unburdened. The s.e.x act is not a loving act. You are not happy in it, but you cannot leave it. The more you try to leave it, the more attractive it becomes. The more you want to negate it, the more you feel invited.

You cannot negate it, but this att.i.tude to negate, to destroy, destroys the very mind, the very awareness, the very sensitivity which can understand it. So s.e.x goes on with no sensitivity into it. Then you cannot understand it. Only a deep sensitivity can understand anything; only a deep feeling, a deep moving into it, can understand anything. You can understand s.e.x only if you move in it as a poet moves amidst flowers - only then! If you feel guilty about flowers, you may pa.s.s through the garden, but you will pa.s.s with closed eyes. And you will be in a hurry, in a deep, mad haste.

Somehow you have to go out of the garden. Then how can you be aware?

So tantra says, accept whatsoever you are. You are a great mystery of many multidimensional energies. Accept it, and move with every energy with deep sensitivity, with awareness, with love, with understanding. Move with it! Then every desire becomes a vehicle to go beyond it. Then every energy becomes a help. And then this very world is nirvana, this very body is a temple - a holy temple, a holy place.

Yoga is negation; tantra is affirmation. Yoga thinks in terms of duality - that is the reason for the word 'yoga'. It means to put two things together, to 'yoke' two things together. But two things are there; the duality is there. Tantra says there is no duality. If there is duality, then you cannot put them together. And howsoever you try they will remain two. Howsoever put together they will remain two, and the fight will continue, the dualism will remain.

If the world and the divine are two, then they cannot be put together. If really they are not two, if they are only appearing as two, only then can they be one. If your body and your soul are two, then they cannot be put together. If you and G.o.d are two, then there is no possibility of putting them together.

They will remain two.

Tantra says there is no duality; it is only an appearance. So why help appearance to grow stronger?

Tantra asks, why help this appearance of duality to grow stronger? Dissolve it this very moment! Be one! Through acceptance you become one, not through fight. Accept the world, accept the body, accept everything that is inherent in it. Do not create a different center in yourself, because for tantra that different center is nothing but the ego. Do not create an ego. Just be aware of what you are. If you fight, then the ego will be there.

So it is difficult to find a yogi who is not an egoist. And yogis may go on talking about egolessness, but they cannot be egoless. The very process they go through creates the ego. The fight is the process. If you fight, you are bound to create an ego. And the more you fight, the more strengthened the ego will be. And if you win your fight, then you will achieve the supreme ego.

Tantra says, no fight! Then there is no possibility of the ego. If we understand tantra there will be many problems, because for us, if there is no fight there is only indulgence. No fight means indulgence for us. Then we become afraid. We have indulged for lives together and we have reached nowhere. But for tantra indulgence is not "our" indulgence. Tantra says indulge, but be aware.

You are angry... tantra will not say do not be angry. Tantra will say be angry wholeheartedly, but be aware. Tantra is not against anger, tantra is only against spiritual sleepiness, spiritual unconsciousness. Be aware AND be angry. And this is the secret of the method - that if you are aware anger is transformed: it becomes compa.s.sion. So tantra says anger is not your enemy; it is compa.s.sion in seed form. The same anger, the same energy, will become compa.s.sion.

If you fight with it, then there will be no possibility for compa.s.sion. So if you succeed in fighting, in suppression, you will be a dead man. There will be no anger because you have suppressed it, but there will be no compa.s.sion either because only anger can be transformed into compa.s.sion.

If you succeed in your suppression - which is impossible - then there will be no s.e.x, but no love either, because with s.e.x dead there is no energy to grow into love. So you will be without s.e.x, but you will also be without love. And then the whole point is missed, because without love there is no divineness, without love there is no liberation, and without love there is no freedom.

Tantra says that these same energies are to be transformed. It can be said in this way: if you are against the world, then there is no nirvana - because this world itself is to be transformed into nirvana. Then you are against the basic energies which are the source.

So tantric alchemy says, do not fight, be friendly with all the energies that are given to you. Welcome them. Feel grateful that you have anger, that you have s.e.x, that you have greed. Feel grateful because these are the hidden sources, and they can be transformed, they can be opened. And when s.e.x is transformed it becomes love. The poison is lost, the ugliness is lost.

The seed is ugly, but when it becomes alive it sprouts and flowers. Then there is beauty. Do not throw away the seed, because then you are also throwing the flowers in it. They are not there yet, not yet manifest so that you can see them. They are unmanifest, but they are there. Use this seed so that you can attain to flowers. So first let there be acceptance, a sensitive understanding and awareness. Then indulgence is allowed.

One thing more which is really very strange, but one of the deepest discoveries of tantra, and that is: whatsoever you take as your enemies - greed, anger, hate, s.e.x, whatsoever - your att.i.tude that they are enemies makes them your enemies. Take them as divine gifts and approach them with a very grateful heart. For example, tantra has developed many techniques for the transformation of s.e.xual energy. Approach the s.e.x act as if you are approaching the temple of the divine. Approach the s.e.x act as if it is prayer, as if it is meditation. Feel the holiness of it.

That is why in Khajuraho, in Puri, in Konark, every temple has MAITHUN, intercourse sculptures.

The s.e.x act on the walls of temples seems illogical, particularly for Christianity, for Islam, for Jainism.

It seems inconceivable, contradictory. How is the temple connected with maithun pictures? On the outer walls of the Khajuraho temples, every conceivable type of s.e.x act is pictured in stone. Why?

In a temple it doesn't have any place, in our minds at least. Christianity cannot conceive of a church wall with Khajuraho pictures. Impossible!

Modern Hindus also feel guilty because the minds of modern Hindus are created by Christianity.

They are "Hindu-Christians" - and they are worse, because to be a Christian is good, but to be a Hindu-Christian is just weird. They feel guilty. One Hindu leader, Purshottamdas Tandon, even proposed that these temples should be destroyed, that they do not belong to us. Really, it looks like they do not belong to us because tantra has not been in our hearts for a long time, for centuries.

It has not been the main current. Yoga has been the main current, and for yoga Khajuraho is inconceivable - it must be destroyed.

Tantra says, approach the s.e.x act as if you are entering a holy temple. That is why they have pictured the s.e.x act on their holy temples. They have said, approach s.e.x as if you are entering a holy temple. Thus, when you enter a holy temple s.e.x must be there in order that the two become conjoined in your mind, a.s.sociated. Then you can feel that the world and the divine are not two fighting elements, but one. They are not contradictory, they are just polar opposites helping each other. And they can exist only because of this polarity. If this polarity is lost, the whole world is lost.

So see the deep oneness running through everything. Do not see only the polar opposites, see the inner running current which makes them one.

For tantra everything is holy. Remember this, for tantra EVERYTHING is holy; nothing is unholy.

Look at it this way: for an irreligious person, everything is unholy; for so-called religious persons something is holy, something is unholy.

For tantra, everything is holy.

One Christian missionary was with me a few days ago and he said, "G.o.d created the world." So I asked him, "Who created sin?" He said, "The devil."

Then I asked him, "Who created the devil?" Then he was at a loss. He said, "Of course, G.o.d created the devil."

The devil creates sin and G.o.d creates the devil. Then who is the real sinner - the devil or G.o.d?

But the dualist conception always leads to such absurdities. For tantra G.o.d and the devil are not two. Really, for tantra there is nothing that can be called "devil", everything is divine, everything is holy. And this seems to be the right standpoint, the deepest. If anything is unholy in this world, from where does it come and how can it be?

So only two alternatives are there. First, the alternative of the atheist who says everything is unholy.

This att.i.tude is okay. He is also a non-dualist; he sees no holiness in the world. Then there is the tantric's alternative - he says everything is holy. He is also a non-dualist. But between these two are the so-called religious persons, who are not really religious. They are neither religious nor irreligious because they are always in a conflict. Their whole theology is just to make ends meet, and those ends cannot meet.

If a single cell, a single atom in this world is unholy, then the whole world becomes unholy, because how can that single atom exist in a holy world? How can it be? It is supported by everything; to be, it has to be supported by everything. And if the unholy element is supported by all the holy elements, then what is the difference between them? So either the world is holy totally, unconditionally, or it is unholy; there is no middle path.

Tantra says everything is holy, that is why we cannot understand it. It is the deepest non-dual standpoint - if we can call it a standpoint. It is not, because any standpoint is bound to be dual. It is not against anything, so it is not any standpoint. It is a felt unity, a lived unity.

These are two paths, yoga and tantra. Tantra could not be so appealing because of our crippled minds. But whenever there is someone who is healthy inside, not a chaos, tantra has a beauty.

Only he can understand what tantra is. Yoga has appeal, an easy appeal, because of our disturbed minds.

Remember, it is ultimately your mind which makes anything attractive or unattractive. It is you who is the deciding factor.

These approaches are different. I am not saying that one cannot reach through yoga. One can reach through yoga also, but not through the yoga which is prevalent. The yoga which is prevalent is not really yoga, but the interpretation of your diseased minds. Yoga can be authentically an approach toward the ultimate, but that too is only possible when your mind is healthy, when your mind is not diseased and ill. Then yoga takes a different shape.

For example, Mahavir was on the path of yoga, but he was not really suppressing s.e.x. He had known it, he had lived it, he was deeply acquainted with it. But it became useless to him, so it dropped.

Buddha was on the path of yoga, but he had lived through the world, he was deeply acquainted with it. He was not fighting.

Once you know something you become free from it. It simply drops like dead leaves dropping from a tree. It is not renunciation; there is no fight involved at all. Look at Buddha's face - it doesn't look like the face of a fighter. He has not been fighting. He is so relaxed; his face is the very symbol of relaxation... no fight.

Look at your yogis. The fight is apparent on their faces. Deep down much turmoil is there - right now they are sitting on volcanos. You can look in their eyes, in their faces, and you will feel it. Deep down somewhere they have suppressed all their diseases; they have not gone beyond.

In a healthy world, where everyone is living his life authentically, individually, not imitating others but living his own life in his own way, both are possible. He may learn the deep sensitivity which transcends desires; he may come to a point where all desires become futile and drop. Yoga can also lead to this, but to me yoga will lead to it in the same world where tantra can lead to it - remember this. We need a healthy mind, a natural man. In that world where a natural man is, tantra, and yoga also, will lead to transcendence of desires.

In our so-called ill society, neither yoga nor tantra can do this, because if we choose yoga we do not choose it because desires have become useless - no! They are still meaningful; they are not dropping by themselves. We have to force them. If we choose yoga, we choose it as a technique of suppression. If we choose tantra, we choose tantra as a cunningness, as a deep deception - an excuse to indulge.

So with an unhealthy mind neither yoga nor tantra can work. They will both lead to deceptions. A healthy mind, particularly a s.e.xually healthy mind, is needed to start with. Then it is not very difficult to choose your path. You can choose yoga, you can choose tantra.

There are two types of persons basically, male and female. I do not mean biologically, but psychologically. For those who are psychologically basically male - aggressive, violent, extrovert - yoga is their path. For those who are basically feminine, receptive, pa.s.sive, non-violent, tantra is their path. So you may note it: for tantra, Mother Kali, Tara, and so many DEVIS, BHAIRAVIS - female deities - are very significant. In yoga you will never hear mentioned any name of a feminine deity. Tantra has feminine deities; yoga has male G.o.ds. Yoga is outgoing energy; tantra is energy moving inwards. So you can say in modern psychological terms that yoga is extrovert and tantra is introvert. So it depends on the personality. If you have an introverted personality, then fight is not for you. If you have an extroverted personality, then fight is for you.

But we are just confused, we are just in a mess; that is why nothing helps. On the contrary, everything disturbs. Yoga will disturb you, tantra will disturb you. Every medicine is going to create a new illness for you because the chooser is ill, diseased; so the result of his choice will be illness. So I do not mean that through yoga you cannot reach. I emphasize tantra only because we are going to try to understand what tantra is.

Another question:

Question 2:

ON THE PATH OF SURRENDER, HOW DOES THE SEEKER COME TO THE RIGHT TECHNIQUE

OUT OF ONE HUNDRED AND TWELVE METHODS?

On the path of will there are methods - these one hundred and twelve methods. On the path of surrender, surrender itself is the method, there are no other methods - remember this. All methods are non-surrendering, because a method means depending on yourself. You can do something; the technique is there, so you do it. On the path of surrender, you are no more, so you cannot do anything. You have done the ultimate, the last: you have surrendered. On the path of surrender, surrender is the only method.

All these one hundred and twelve methods require a certain will; they require something to be done by you. You manipulate your energy, you balance your energy, you create a center in your chaos.

You do something. Your effort is significant, basic, required. On the path of surrender only one thing is required - you surrender. We will go deep into these one hundred and twelve methods, so it is good to say something about surrender because it has no method.

In these one hundred and twelve methods there will be nothing about surrender. Why has s.h.i.+va not said anything about surrender? Because nothing can be said. Bhairavi herself, Devi herself, has reached s.h.i.+va not through any method. She has simply surrendered. So this must be noted. She is asking these questions not for herself, these questions are asked for the whole humanity. She has attained s.h.i.+va. She is already in his lap; she is already embraced by him. She has become one with him, but still she is asking.

So remember one thing, she is not asking for herself; there is no need. She is asking for the whole humanity. But if she has attained, why is she asking s.h.i.+va? Can she herself not speak to the humanity? She has come through the path of surrender, so she doesn't know anything about method. She herself has come through love; love is enough unto itself. Love doesn't need anything more. She has come through love, so she doesn't know anything about any methods, techniques.

That is why she is asking.

So s.h.i.+va relates one hundred and twelve methods. He also will not talk about surrender because surrender is not a method really. You surrender only when every method has become futile, when you cannot reach by any method. You have tried your best. You have knocked on every door and no door opens, and you have pa.s.sed through all the routes and no route reaches. You have done whatsoever you can do, and now you feel helpless. In that total helplessness surrender happens.

So on the path of surrender there is no method.

But what is surrender and how does it work? And if surrender works, then what is the need of one hundred and twelve methods? Then why go into them unnecessarily? - the mind will ask. Then okay! If surrender works, it is better to surrender. Why go on hankering after methods? And who knows whether a particular method will suit you or not? And it may take lives to find out. So it is good to surrender, but it is difficult. It is the most difficult thing in the world.

Methods are not difficult. They are easy; you can train yourself. But for surrender you cannot train yourself... no training! You cannot ask how to surrender; the very question is absurd. How can you ask how to surrender? Can you ask how to love?

Either there is love or there is not, but you cannot ask how to love. And if someone tells you and teaches you how to love, remember, then you will never be capable of love. Once a technique is given to you for love, you will cling to the technique. That is why actors cannot love. They know so many techniques, so many methods - and we are all actors. Once you know the trick how to love, then love will not flower because you can create a facade, a deception. And with the deception you are out of it, not involved. You are protected.

Love is being totally open, vulnerable. It is dangerous. You become insecure. We cannot ask how to love, we cannot ask how to surrender. It happens! Love happens, surrender happens. Love and surrender are deeply one. But what is it? And if we cannot know how to surrender, at least we can know how we are maintaining ourselves from surrendering, how we are preventing ourselves from surrendering. That can be known and that is helpful.

How is it that you have not surrendered yet? What is your technique of non-surrendering? If you have not fallen in love yet, then the real problem is not how to love. The real problem is to dig deep to find out how you have lived without love, what is your trick, what is your technique, what is your structure - your defense structure, how you have lived without love. That can be understood, and that should be understood.

First thing: we live with the ego, in the ego, centered in the ego. I am without knowing who I am. I go on announcing, "I am." This "I-am-ness" is false, because I do not know who I am. And unless I know who I am, how can I say "I"? This "I" is a false "I". This false "I" is the ego. This is the defense.

This protects you from surrendering.

You cannot surrender, but you can become aware of this defense measure. If you have become aware of it, it dissolves. By and by, you are not strengthening it, and one day you come to feel, "I am not." The moment you come to feel "I am not," surrender happens. So try to find out whether you are. Really, is there any center in you that you can call your "I"?. Go deep down within yourself, go on trying to find out where is this "I", where is the abode of this ego.

Rinzai went to his master and he said, "Give me freedom!" The master said, "Bring yourself. If you are, I will make you free. But if you are not, then how can I make you free? You are already free. And freedom," his master said, "is not your freedom. Really, freedom is freedom from 'you'. So go and find out where this 'I' is, where you are, then come to me. This is the meditation. Go and meditate."

So the disciple Rinzai goes and meditates for weeks, months, and then he comes. Then he says, "I am not the body. Only this much I have found." So the master says, "This much you have become free. Go again. Try to find out." Then he tries, meditates, and he finds that "I am not my mind, because I can observe my thoughts. So the observer is different from the observed - I am not my mind." He comes and says, "I am not my mind." So his master says, "Now you are three-fourths liberated. Now go again and find out who you are."

So he was thinking, "I am not my body. I am not my mind." He had read, studied, he was well informed, so he was thinking, "I am not my body, not my mind, so I must be my soul, my ATMA." But he meditated, and then he found that there is no atman, no soul, because this atma is nothing but your mental information - just doctrines, words, philosophies.

So he came running one day and he said, "Now I am no more!" Then his master said, "Am I now to teach you the methods for freedom?" Rinzai said, "I am free because I am no more. There is no one to be in bondage. I am just a wide emptiness, a nothingness."

Only nothingness can be free. If you are something, you will be in bondage. If you are, you will be in bondage. Only a void, a vacant s.p.a.ce, can be free. Then you cannot bind it. Rinzai came running and said, "I am no more. Nowhere am I to be found." This is freedom. And for the first time he touched his master's feet - for the first time! Not actually, because he had touched them many times before also. But the master said, "For the first time you have touched my feet."

Rinzai asked, "Why do you say for the first time? I have touched your feet many times." The master said, "But you were there, so how could you touch my feet while you were already there? While you are there how can you touch my feet?" The "I" can never touch anybody's feet. Even though it apparently looks like it touches somebody's feet, it is touching its own feet, just in a round-about way. "You have touched my feet for the first time," the master said, "because now you are no more.

And this is also the last time," the master said. "The first and the last."

Surrender happens when you are not, so YOU cannot surrender. That is why surrender cannot be a technique. You cannot surrender - you are the hindrance. When you are not, surrender is there.

So you and surrender cannot cohabit, there is no coexistence between you and surrender. Either you are or surrender is. So find out where you are, who you are. This inquiry creates many, many surprising results.

Raman Mahars.h.i.+ used to say, "Inquire 'Who am I ?'" It was misunderstood. Even his nearest disciples have not understood the meaning of it. They think that this is an inquiry to find out really "Who am I?" It is not! if you go on inquiring "Who am I?" you are bound to come to the conclusion that you are not. This is not really an inquiry to find out "Who am I?" Really, this is an inquiry to dissolve.

I have given many this technique, to inquire within "Who am I?" Then a month or two months later, they will come to me and say, "I have still not found 'Who am I?' The question is still the same; there is no answer."

So I tell them, "Continue. Someday the answer will come." And they hope that the answer will come.

There is going to be no answer. It is only that the question will dissolve. There is not going to be an answer, that "You are this." Only the question will dissolve. There will be no one to ask even "Who am I?" And then you know.

When the "I" is not, the real "I" opens. When the ego is not, you are for the first time encountering your being. That being is void. Then you can surrender; then you have surrendered. You are surrender now. So there can be no techniques, or only negative techniques like this inquiry into "Who am I?"

How does surrender work? If you surrender, what happens? We will come to understand how methods work. We will go deep into methods, and we will come to know how they work. They have a scientific basis of working.

When you surrender you become a valley; when you are an ego you are like a peak. Ego means you are above everyone else, you are somebody. The others may recognize you, may not recognize you - that is another thing. You recognize that you are above everyone. You are like a peak; nothing can enter you.

When one surrenders, one becomes like a valley. One becomes depth, not height. Then the whole existence begins to pour into him from everywhere. He is just a vacuum, just a depth, an abyss, bottomless. The whole existence begins to pour from everywhere. You can say G.o.d runs from everywhere to him, enters him from every pore, fills him totally.

This surrender, this becoming a valley, an abyss, can be felt in many ways. There are minor surrenders; there are major surrenders. Even in minor surrenders you feel it. Surrendering to a master is a minor surrender, but you begin to feel it because the master begins to flow into you immediately. If you surrender to a master, suddenly you feel his energy flowing into you. If you cannot feel energy flowing into you, then know well you have not surrendered even in a minor way.

There are so many stories which have become meaningless for us because we do not know how they happened. Mahakashyap came to Buddha, and Buddha just touched his head with his hand, and the thing happened. And Mahakashyap began to dance. So Ananda asked Buddha, "What has happened to him? And I have been for forty years with you! Is he mad? Or is he just fooling others?

What has happened to him? And I have touched your feet thousands and thousands of times."

Of course, to Ananda, this Mahakashyap will either look like he is mad or as if he is just deceiving.

He was with Buddha for forty years, but there was a problem. He was his elder brother, Buddha's elder brother; that was the problem. When Ananda came to Buddha forty years before, the first thing he said to Buddha was this: "I am your elder brother, and when you will initiate me, I will become your disciple. So allow me three things before I become your disciple, because then I cannot demand.

One, I will always be with you. Give me this promise, that you will not say to me, 'Go somewhere else.' I will follow you.

"Secondly, I will sleep in the same room where you sleep. You cannot say to me, 'Go out.' I will be with you like your shadow. And thirdly, if I bring anyone at any time, even at midnight, you will have to answer him. You cannot say, 'This is not the time.' And give me these three promises while I am still your elder brother, because once I become your disciple I will have to follow you. You are still younger than me, so give me these promises."

So Buddha promised, and this became the problem. For forty years Ananda was with Buddha, but he could never surrender, because this is not the spirit of surrender. Ananda asked many, many times, "When am I going to attain?" Buddha said, "Unless I die, you will not attain." And Ananda could attain only when Buddha died.

What happened to this Mahakashyap suddenly? Is Buddha partial - partial to Mahakashyap? He is not! He is flowing, constantly flowing. But you have to be a valley, a womb, to receive him. If you are above him, how can you receive? That flowing energy cannot come to you, it will miss you. So bow down. Even in a minor surrender with a master, energy begins to flow. Suddenly, immediately, you become a vehicle of a great force.

There are thousands and thousands of stories... just by a touch, just by a look, someone became enlightened. They do not appear rational to us. How is this possible? This is possible! Even a look from the master into your eyes will change your total being, but it can change only if your eyes are just vacant, valley-like. If you can absorb the look of the master, immediately you will be different.

So these are minor surrenders that happen before you surrender totally. And these minor surrenders prepare you for the total surrender. Once you have known that through surrender you receive something unknown, unbelievable, unexpected, never even dreamed of, then you are ready for a major surrender. And that is the work of the master - to help you in minor surrenders so that you can gather courage for a major surrender, for a total surrender.

One last question:

Question 3:

WHAT ARE THE EXACT INDICATIONS TO KNOW THAT THE PARTICULAR TECHNIQUE

ONE IS PRACTISING WILL LEAD TO THE ULTIMATE?

There are indications. One, you begin to feel a different ident.i.ty within you. You are no more the same. If the technique fits you, immediately you are a different person. If you are a husband, you are no more the same husband. If you are a shopkeeper, you are never again the same shopkeeper.

Whatsoever you are, if the technique fits you, you are a different person; that is the first indication.

So if you begin to feel strange about yourself, know that something is happening to you. If you remain the same and do not feel any strangeness, nothing is happening. This is the first indication of whether a technique fits you. If it fits, immediately you are transported, transformed into a different person. Suddenly this happens: you look at the world in a different way. The eyes are the same, but the looker behind them is different.

Secondly, all that creates tensions, conflicts, starts dropping. It is not that when you have practiced the method for years, then your conflicts, anxieties, tensions will drop - no! If the method fits you, immediately they start dropping. You can feel an aliveness coming to you; you are being unburdened. You will begin to feel, if the technique fits you, that gravity has become reversed. Now the earth is not pulling you down. Rather, the sky is pulling you up. How do you feel when an airplane takes off? Everything is disturbed. Suddenly there is a jerk, and gravity becomes meaningless. Now the earth is not pulling you, you are going away from gravity.

The same jerk happens if a meditative technique fits you. Suddenly you take off. Suddenly you feel the earth has become meaningless; there is no gravity. It is not pulling you down, you are being pulled up. In religious terminology, this is called "grace". There are two forces - gravity and grace.

Grace means you are being pulled upwards; gravity means you are being pulled downwards.

That is why in meditation many people suddenly feel they have no weight. That is why many people feel an inner levitation. So many have reported this to me when the technique fits them: "This is strange! We close our eyes and we feel that we are a little bit above the earth - one foot, two feet, even four feet above the earth. When we open our eyes we are just on the ground; when we close our eyes we have levitated. So what is this? When we open our eyes we are just on the ground! We never levitated."

The body remains on the ground, but you levitate. This levitation is really a pull from the above. If the technique fits you have been pulled, because the working of the technique is to make available for you the upward pull. This is what the technique means: to make you available for the force which can pull you up. So if it fits, you know - you have become weightless.

Thirdly, whatsoever you will now do, whatsoever, howsoever trivial, will be different. You will walk in a different way, you will sit in a different way, you will eat in a different way. Everything will be different. This difference you will feel everywhere. Sometimes this strange experience of being different creates fear. One wants again to go back and be the same, because one was so attuned with the old. It was a routine world, even boring, but you were efficient in it.

Now everywhere you will feel a gap. You will feel that your efficiency is lost. You will feel that your utility is reduced. You will feel that everywhere you are an outsider. One has to pa.s.s through this period. You will become attuned again. You have changed, not the world, so you will not fit. So remember the third thing: When the technique fits you, you will not fit into the world. You will become unfit. Everywhere something is loose, some bolt is missing. Everywhere you will feel that there has been an earthquake. And everything has remained the same; only you, you, have become different.

But you will be attuned again on a different plane, on a higher plane.

The disturbance is felt just like when a child grows and becomes s.e.xually mature. At the age of fourteen or fifteen every boy feels that he has become strange. A new force has entered - s.e.x. It was not there before, or it was, but it was hidden. Now for the first time he has become available for a new kind of force. That is why boys are very awkward; girls, boys, when they become s.e.xually mature, they are very awkward. They are nowhere. They are no longer children and they are not yet men, so they are in between, fitting nowhere. If they play with small children they feel awkward - they have become men. If they start making friends.h.i.+ps with men they feel awkward - they are still children. They fit with no one.
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The same phenomenon happens when a technique fits you. A new energy source becomes available that is greater than s.e.x. You are again in a transitory period. Now you cannot fit in this world of worldly men. You are not a child, and you cannot yet fit in the world of saints; and in between one feels awkward.

If a technique fits you these three things will come up. You may not have expected that I would say these things. You may have expected that I would say you will become more silent, more quiet, and I am saying quite the contrary: you will become more disturbed. When the technique fits you will become more disturbed, not more silent. Silence will come later on. And if silence comes and not disturbance, know well that this is not a technique; this is just getting adjusted to the old pattern.

That is why more people go for a prayer than for meditation because prayer gives you a consolation.

It fits you, adjusts to you, to your world. Prayer was doing virtually the same thing that psychoa.n.a.lysts are now doing. If you are disturbed they will make you less disturbed, adjusted to the pattern, to the society, to the family. So by going to a psychoa.n.a.lyst for one, two or three years you will not get better, but you will be more adjusted. Prayer does the same thing, and priests do the same thing - they make you more adjusted.

Your child has died and you are disturbed, and you go to a priest. He says, "Do not be disturbed.

Only those children die early whom G.o.d loves more. He calls them up." You feel satisfied. Your child has been "called up." G.o.d loves him more. Or the priest says something else: "Do not be worried, the soul never dies. Your child is in heaven."

One woman was here just a few days before. Her husband had died just during the past month. She was disturbed. She came to me and she said, "Only a.s.sure me that he is reborn in a good place and then everything will be okay. Just give me a certainty that he has not gone to h.e.l.l or he has not become an animal, that he is in heaven or he has become a G.o.d or some such thing. If you can just a.s.sure me of this, then everything is okay. Then I can bear it; otherwise I am miserable."

The priest would say, "Okay! Your husband is born as a G.o.d in the seventh heaven, and he is very happy. And he is waiting for you."

These prayers, they make you adjusted to the pattern... you feel better. Meditation is a science. It is not going to help you in adjustment, it is going to help you in transformation. That is why I say these three signs will be there as indications. Silence will come, but not as an adjustment. Silence will come as an inner flowering. Then silence will not be an adjustment with the society, with the family, the world, the business - no! Then silence will be a real harmony with the universe.

Then a deep harmony flowers between you and the totality, then there is silence - but that will come later. First you will get disturbed, first you will become mad.

If a technique fits, it will make you aware of everything that you are. Your anarchy, your mind, your madness, everything will come to light. You are just a dark mess. When a technique fits, it is as if suddenly there is light and the whole mess becomes apparent. For the first time you will encounter yourself as you are. You would like to put the light off and go to sleep again - it is fearful. This is the point where the master becomes helpful. He says, "Do not be afraid. This is just the beginning. And do not escape from it."

At first this light shows you what you are, and if you can go on and on, it transforms you toward what you can be.

Enough for today.