Vain 62 Uncompromised

Cielo could still remember it now, the morning after the first day of school. The morning that she thought would not come. Her head ached and her eyes were still a bit red after crying so much the night before. But still, she was alive. She was still here. And then a wave of inevitable and overwhelming happiness overcame her. She had been so distraught the night before. Though with only a little confirmation by the light of day she was finally able to regain her lost sense of self. 

And she sprung up from her bed in the next moment, when she realized that she was still herself she also realized that there was something else she had always wanted to do. There was no time for pause now, Cielo ran, almost tripping herself when she got to her door. She was still in her pajamas, but she didn't stop running. She ran and ran. She ran across the campus of the Academy. It was still early in the morning and cla.s.s would begin until awhile later. But there was somewhere that she needed to be. She rushed to the male dormitory and ran in.

Normally males and females wouldn't go into each other's dormitory. But there was no written rule banning it, so even if it was uncommon and even if people stared at her. She didn't care. She needed to get to Edmund. She didn't want to regret something that she should have long done. After her experience of almost losing herself, she didn't want something as painful as that to repeat again. 

Cielo even knew which floor and which room his dorm was at, he had told her so. Normally she would have no need for the knowledge, but she was glad that Edmund had told her. She ran up the stairs of the dormitory and she was slowly getting out of breath, the more she ran. She had run non-stop up to this point. And no matter how athletic she was, it would slowly get to her. But she didn't want to stop. She didn't want to slow down. 

She pushed herself and continued running. When she was finally close enough to Edmund's dorm, she sprinted. She got to his door, and leaned on it, out of breath. She wanted to calm herself and regain her composure before she knocked. But it seemed that she had made a lot of noise on the way. As she was panting, the door of his room opened and she fell through, right into his arms. 

❅

When Edmund had first seen Cielo that morning, he was confused as to why she was here. Seeing as she seemed so tired, she must've ran to his dormitory. He couldn't understand her reasoning, but he was happy nonetheless that she was here with him. And as she leaned on him with her flush expression, she was really cute. And he wanted to rub his eyes a few more times to a.s.sert that he wasn't dreaming. 

He led her into his room and closed the door behind them. Cielo, who was a bit disorientated sat down on his bed and stayed quiet. She had rushed here so much, but now that she was here. She didn't know how to begin. There were things she wanted to say, but she just didn't know how to say. And even if she said them, what if he rejects her. The adrenaline before had gotten rid of much of the thought that she had, but now that she was calming down. The doubts had finally returned and she was a bit tongue-tied. 

Edmund pulled a chair to sit across from Cielo. He waited for her to be ready to speak, he saw that she was still lost in her thoughts and instead of interrupting he let her take as long as she wanted. He simply sat at the side, admiring her. 

Cielo's eyes finally showed determination and she looked up at Edmund, who was still as patient as ever. She swallowed the lump in her throat and opened her mouth. 

No words came out and she sighed. She needed to pull herself together, this wasn't acceptable. Edmund smiled seeing her already fl.u.s.tered when she hadn't even begun speaking yet.

"Edmund, I don't want to regret the things I haven't done yet. And one of those things is telling you how I actually feel." Cielo took a deep breath and tried to let go of whatever anxiety she was feeling. If she was braver at that moment she would look him in the eyes, but she wasn't. So she kept her head down, she would just say what she wanted to say without pause. And she would think about the consequences later. "I wanted you to know that I've always liked you."

There was a moment of silence after her words and Cielo stopped breathing, she was nervous and she couldn't imagine what Edmund's reaction would be. But she waited for his words, she waited for any possible reaction. When she wasn't responded with anything and when she couldn't bear the silence anymore, she finally raised her head to meet his eyes. Which contrary to her thoughts were neither cold nor disdainful. 

No words needed to be said, but she knew that Edmund returned her feelings. She would be a disgrace to herself if after all these years of being together she couldn't understand his every nuance. Tears threaten to fall from her eyes and when he pulled her into his arms, she was finally able to shed tears. She wasn't sure where her fear stemmed from, but she was glad that it had driven her to this point. 

Cielo had always known that she had special feelings for her childhood friend, but she was afraid. She didn't want things to change, they were balanced imperfectly and even with a small nudge everything could break and fall. So why would she risk a consequence so harsh just for her whole peace of mind. She couldn't. So she didn't.

Not until she felt that she had no place left within her own world, that sensation of wrongness got her to admit to herself what was needed to be said. And she was happy with her decision.