Emperor Of Blue Flower Mountain 20 Lies And Fears

"I did something terrible." Jin finally spoke, his face ashen.

She nodded in encouragement, waiting for him to say more.

"I chased my sister away. She was my only family. I was jealous and I chased her away… I was so angry, so very angry. For so long. I thought I was right, but I was just alone."

Mei Hua tilted her head slightly. This story sounded a bit familiar.

"Why were you jealous?" She asked, feeling that she didn't have enough information to help him.

Jin fidgeted, his hand raising to his forehead and then lowering a few times.

Finally, while continuing to avoid eye-contact, he mumbled, "…her friends."

"Her friends?"

"She spent all her time with them, and she ignored me." His face twisted at the memory, the bitterness of that time still fresh despite his remorse.

"Ah, I see… When you say you chased her away, what exactly do you mean?"

He glanced up at her, and there was real fear in his eyes when he did.

"Y..you won't like me if I say."

Mei Hua's eyebrows went so high they almost touched her hair line.

"Even if I don't like what you did, it doesn't mean I'll stop liking you."

He licked his salt-teared lips nervously and began picking at his pants.

"Do you promise?"

Mei Hua thought for a moment, hard and fast. It was strange to be asked to promise something like that. Her mind naturally skipped to the worst case scenario: murder. Could she claim to still like him if she'd found out he'd killed?

That… would… be hard.

At the same time, she really owed the Fairy Emperor. Her life had been saved, and then he'd saved over a hundred people by letting them through the mountains. If he asked her to take care of and teach a murderer how to be a proper human being… it was a small price to repay.

Yes, if she thought of it like that. She could do it.

"I promise." Her voice was resolute and without hesitation. She saw Jin noticeably relax.

Still, he confessed his sin very quietly. "I… I tried to kill her friends."

Mei Hua blinked.

"And when she stopped me, I… I beat her. And then she hit me back."

Mei Hua couldn't blame the sister for retaliating.

"That made me even more angry so… I threatened to kill… everyone."

"Uhm, what do you mean "everyone"?"

"Even people who weren't her friends, I'd kill them if she didn't listen to me."

"O-oh.." Mei Hua responded, feeling a bit speechless at learning his murderous tendencies. Other than Ye, he'd always acted harmless. "..uh, did you… in fact… kill everyone?"

He met her eyes for a moment in confusion.

"…of course I didn't?" He neglected to add: If I had, how would I be talking to you right now?

"R-right, of course you didn't." She cleared her throat, seriously relieved. Ma.s.s murder was pus.h.i.+ng the bounds of what she owed the Emperor.

"Is it good that I didn't?"

"Yes?" Why was he asking this? Wasn't it obvious?

"I see." He gave a small nod, and muttered. "…so it's good that I didn't…"

Hearing this, she felt a cold trickle of sweat run down her back. She'd thought she'd gone over this before but… "Jin, just to make things clear, it's always better NOT to murder. You understand? Not murdering people is always the better option. As long as people are alive, there's a chance for forgiveness and rest.i.tution. But if they're dead, that option is cut off. So it's always better people remain alive. Do you understand?"

"I understand." He hesitated and then asked, "Can I be forgiven?"

"Well, that's not really up to me. I wasn't directly involved in your argument. As long as the people who were involved are alive then… maybe."

"So… my sister… she could forgive me?" His dimmed eyes began to light up with hope.

Mei Hua, however, was feeling conflicted and starting to get a headache. Apparently he didn't care at all about getting forgiveness from the people he'd threatened to genocide. It only mattered that his sister forgave him.

This guy… he had a serious sister-infatuation issue. Exactly how could she break him of that and set him on a healthier path?

She rubbed her temples.

"I can't say about your sister. I imagine you threatening her friends, abusing her and then threatening everyone else made her very… angry. You said you chased her away right?"

He nodded sadly.

"Well, the thing is, how will you know if you can be forgiven if she's not around? How will she know that you're sorry, that you regret what you did, that you won't threaten people she loves anymore, if she's not here so you can apologize?"

"Apologize?" He said blankly.

She felt her headache increase exponentially.

"Jin… you remember that scroll… the one t.i.tled "Moralities: Human Virtues and Vices"? I know I had you read it."

"I remember." If he read something once, he'd remember it. Though of course he didn't put a lot of value in memories he wasn't interested in.

"Right. And what did it say to those who had wronged a person and were seeking reconciliation?"

Jin squinted his puffy eyes, recalling: "To approach the offended, one must acknowledge their wrong and plan a righteous path. In so confessing, both the evil and the good, the offended may be gracious and forgive. And in such forgiveness, the once broken relations.h.i.+p may be made whole again."

"Very nicely quoted. 'Acknowledging their wrong' means to apologize. And you must be able to approach the person you've offended to do that. Since you chased your sister away, you can't do either."

His eyes darkened and his shoulders slumped at her harsh a.s.sessment of his situation. She could even see tears forming again his eyes.

Feeling a bit bad for crus.h.i.+ng his tiny flicker of hope, she asked gently, "Do you know which way your sister went? You chased her away, but if you know the direction she went you can follow and—"

"I can't follow her." He cut Mei Hua off.

"What do you mean?"

"I… I can not leave the mountains."

"What, why?"

He hesitated. "The mountains… they keep me alive. The reason this body is even breathing right now is from the power of the mountain. Without it I… I… I will cease."

Mei Hua looked at Ye inquiringly. He'd been oddly silent through the two human's conversation.

Ye shrugged. "It's true. Though I think it'd be more accurate to say we don't know what will happen. We know it'll be really bad, just not exactly in what way."

"…really bad?"

"Yep. He'd tied to the mountain. Without him here, I don't know exactly what will happen… to the mountain or to him."

"How is he tied to the mountain?"

This time Ye looked over at Jin and waved his hand. "You decide."

Jin looked uncomfortable and started to fidget again.

"MeiMei…"

"Yes?"

"What do you think of the Emperor?"

"How is that related?"

"Please, just answer."

She wrinkled her brow. "When I think of the Emperor… I think of someone very distant from myself… someone who I owe a lot to, but who I also don't want to anger." She chuckled slightly. "Now that I think on it, I treat him very like humans treat their own human Emperors."

"What if he wanted to be friends with you? Would you be willing?"

"Uh, I seriously doubt he—"

"But let's just say he did. Want to be friends with you."

Mei Hua scratched her head, frowning. "To be truthful, I think it'd be difficult. On the east and west sides of the mountains, there are stories of him killing humans. He's known for his horrible temper. What if I made him angry? He might turn that terrible temper on me."

"Didn't you once say you'd served the Emperor by singing for many years? After serving him so many years… Surely you don't… surely you don't think he'd hurt you for no reason?"

"I don't know about that. When he gets really angry, he loses his reason. So he'll just attack and you won't know why. Honestly, that's scary. And being friends… doesn't that seem like I'm increasing my chances of upsetting him? Staying a safe distance away and doing whatever he wants seems the best way to secure a long life for myself. Yep, like a real Emperor. Keep it respectful and keep it distant."

Jin's face was becoming gradually more pale as she talked, though Mei Hua herself didn't notice. His face was still a mess from weeping.

"Ah… Now that I think about it," She continued. "You and the Emperor are really similar, aren't you? Are you—"

"I'm not the Emperor!" Jin interrupted, almost yelling in her face, then looked just as surprised as the person he yelled at.

"Uh… that wasn't what I—"

"I'm not the Emperor," He reiterated with quiet anxiety, grabbing her hand. "So you don't need to be afraid of me."

"…okay…" She tried pulling her hand away, eying him suspiciously. It had never once crossed her mind that he was, considering he was very much a human and the Emperor was a spirit. However now that he'd said he wasn't, she conversely began to wonder if he was.

Seeing the doubt in her eyes, he bit his lower lip and then began to mutter quietly to himself while squeezing her hand. After a bit, he explained: "The Emperor… what's the word? Sympathized. He sympathized with me, because we have a similar problem. When he resurrected this body, he put a lot of his power into it. Now, my body is tied to the mountain like his is… if I leave, as Ye says, it would be bad. As bad as if the Emperor left."