Emperor Of Blue Flower Mountain 131 Volume 5: Barnyard Pain

[Editor: Ajax_Flameborn, Rain, Dazzling_Radiance]

Mei Hua looked at her husband lying in bed, peacefully sleeping, and ran the back of her fingers across his cheek. He was pleasantly warm, his spiritual heat reduced to the feeling of being under a warm blanket during the bitter cold. She bit her lip, feeling conflicted.

It was good that he could go into a deep sleep like this. Insomnia for a mountain spirit was extremely dangerous. As the person who'd been struggling to help reduce the insanity-inducing heat all these years, she knew better than anyone how much he needed this rest.

But she was lonely.

"This is so unfair," she complained to the sleeping man, "did I go into a coma because I needed it? Did I take all our sons with me? But look, you fell asleep and took all the important parts of my life with you."

Naturally, he didn't respond.

She curled her body next to his and stared at the hazy silhouette that the moon's light was casting on his body. After a while, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

Closing her eyes, lashes trembling slightly, she spoke softly, "Sleep well, Beloved."

— — —

Swish, swish, swish.

The sound of Mei Hua moving through her sword drills could be heard in her courtyard. Except for rare occasions, she still followed her morning routine of practicing with her sword.

When De Taihua and De Weishan were about seven or eight, they had seen Mei Hua practicing with her sword early one morning and immediately wanted to try too. They shouldn't have even been up so early, but they'd snuck away from their fairy nannies to go bother everyone they could find.

Mei Hua hadn't been eager for either one of these troublemakers to take an interest in sword fighting. But knowing their personalities, it was better to introduce them to things in safe ways versus letting them try to do whatever it was behind supervision's back.

She'd let them look at her sword and even gave it to them to hold. Neither boy was able to do it, complaining that it was too heavy for them. Mei Hua had thought it was just because they were young and didn't have the strength for it.

Before then, only three of her sons were good with weapons. Shan Hui had been forced into learning the ji (halberd) during his stay in Jianghu. Yan Li had learned the basics of most weapons to round out his army experience but preferred the long dao (saber) if he used anything at all. De Ming Yu had taken a keen interest in archery and was probably the best archer in the east. As for Jin, he viewed his body as the best weapon available and didn't see the point in using things made of "weak metals".

Yan Li had taken only a modest interest in her jian (double-edged sword) right after she'd received it but had never done any more than look at it. He seemed to feel it was her sword and not something for him to touch casually. No one outside of herself had touched her sword up until De Taihua and De Weishan. It didn't occur to her that something might be off about her sons' complaints.

Many years later, after the De twins had joined the army and caused trouble abroad, they returned and tried to use their mother's sword again. They only wanted to show off their new sword skills, but who knew they STILL couldn't lift it!

This time, Mei Hua knew something wasn't right. She had Jin try to hold it and was astonished when it slipped right out of his hands. It wasn't that it was heavy, it was more like the handle had become impossibly slippery like oil and he couldn't keep a grip on it.

Curious, Mei Hua went all around the Palace to see if anyone could hold her sword. It didn't take long for a trend to emerge: every time a man held the sword, it was impossibly heavy or slippery. But if a woman held it, there was no problem. Guilei, who was an excellent swordswoman, called it "one of the finest swords I've ever seen" and spent a long time gus.h.i.+ng over it.

Afterward, Mei Hua could only hold up her sword and conclude: this sword… didn't want to be held by men!

At this discovery, she called Xui s.h.i.+ to further test her theory. Technically, he was a rock shaped into a seal and only had the appearance of a man. He could, if he liked, look like a woman too, or a child, or even a dog.

Sure enough, this sword definitely discriminated against the s.e.xes. When Xui s.h.i.+ was a man-shaped, it wouldn't let itself be held by him. When he was woman-shaped, it remained firmly in his grasp, though its balance was off.

Interestingly, Xui s.h.i.+ could somewhat sense what the sword was thinking when he held it.

"Master, it seems this sword really, really loathes men. It was offended when I touched it. As a woman, it was irritated but tolerant. It probably didn't like me switching s.e.xes like that and felt deceived."

"Why does it hate men though?" Mei Hua asked, baffled. Shuya had given it to her and also didn't know.

"Unfortunately it speaks in a dialect of sword I've never heard of before, so I can't ask it and it can't tell me."

"...speaks… in... sword…?"

"Hn, in Jianghu, intelligent weapons are all born knowing their own language. Swords are fluent in swords language and whatnot. I'm fluent in all weapon languages, naturally. Maybe because this is a divine sword, it speaks a divine language. I can't understand it."

"...eh… sword languages… I learned something new today…"

"If it's any comfort, it's extremely fond of you."

"That's good, I'm fond of it too."

"Oh. It liked that. I recommend saying nice things to it regularly. Weapons are generally straightforward types. Things you hate, they'll hate. Things you love, they'll love."

"Except men."

"Ah… yes. Though it's not being vicious to the men holding it. If a weapon really hates someone, it won't just be heavy or slippery. They'll find a way to bring pain to the other person. So it can be said that this sword is being lenient because it knows you love the people who you're letting hold it."

Mei Hua smiled slightly at this memory as she finished the last repet.i.tion of her "arch and dodge" drill. She used her sleeve to wipe the sweat on her face and felt a little less put out having exercised. Having something to do helped distract her from Jin's absence.

Holding the sword in front of her, she gave it a gentle flick. "Good job today."

A gentle hum came from it at her praise. She chuckled slightly before putting it away.

"Good morning, your Highness!"

"Oh, Bai Yan, what are you doing here so early in the morning?"

A young teenager with white fluffy hair and a simple but elegant outfit walked over. Behind her were two other girls with equally white hair but more plain clothing. This was Bai Yan, leader of the remnants of the White Fox Clan, and the two others were part of her clan. As a five tailed fox, she could transform into a human. Usually, she was in her fox form but because of the dignitaries, she'd maintained a human appearance.

Bai Yan raised her eyebrows, "Didn't the Queen Consort ask this one to come and help prepare her for court last night?"

"I did but isn't it too early to start? I haven't even had breakfast yet..."

"This isn't early at all, Queen Consort. You specifically said that we'll go all out today to impress those foreigners. That means we'd have to start at least this early to be ready by the time the court is open."

"But… but breakfast…"

"Not to worry, we'll have something small prepared."

"Small?!" Ever since they'd gotten a fairy cook, Mei Hua had never shorted herself a single meal. This behavior was a holdover from her early years of hunting for her own food.

Bai Yan waved her hands to the two other girls, "Sisters, let's get the Queen ready."

"Wait, at least let me have a decent breakfast—!"

The two young girls grabbed Mei Hua by the arms and started pulling.

"My Queen, there's no such thing as fas.h.i.+on without sacrifice!" Bai Yan spoke, raising her fist enthusiastically.

"Geh, how much time have you been spending around Cai Fang?!"

"Oh, speaking of the Master Seamstress, she could only make three new dresses and modify some of your older ones for you to choose from. That fatigue going around is really making things hard for her. Hopefully, that will get you through the next few days at least."

"...I didn't even ask for any new dresses though..."

"Queen Consort, if you're going to sit before a court of sn.o.bby foreigners, you can't be lacking in style."

"...hu… I don't want to be in charge anymore…"

"Your Highness never wanted to be in charge to begin with."

Mei Hua pouted as she was dragged away, muttering, "You were so cute when you first got here, what happened?"

— — —

"I don't understand fas.h.i.+on outside Lanhua." Mei Hua gazed sadly at her own reflection in the mirror.

She was wearing makeup commonly worn by royalty in surrounding countries. White facial powder, black painted brows, red rouge for the cheeks and lips, and an intricate red-painted flower between her eyebrows and vertical lines around on her temples. There were even two dots on her cheeks, where her dimples would be if she had any.

This was a stark contrast to the makeup used in Lanhua. Mei Hua's tendency was to focus heavily on cleanliness and skin lotions that improved the base quality of the skin. The only Princess Consort had scars all over her face, which she didn't cover with makeup at all, and yet was still considered a great beauty. Because the two most influential women in the country neither wore heavy makeup nor worried excessively about unblemished skin, all the women of Lanhua weren't concerned either.

What counted as makeup in Lanhua was more like art. Women in Lanhua liked to paint their faces, necks, and their hands. There were many different kinds of colored skin inks. Within the last few years, thanks to a certain Prince, even men were painting their bodies. The color, designs, and quant.i.ty put on the body varied from year to year. Foreigners often commented that women in Lanhua "treated their bodies like a painter treats paper".

As for Mei Hua, she didn't put on any skin paints unless it was an official function. Otherwise, she found the paint tickled and without meaning to she'd always rub it off and have a huge smear across her face. The only other woman in the Palace who understood Mei Hua's distaste for skin paint and makeup, in general, was Guilei. Not even her Daughter-in-law gave her any pity when she complained about having to wear it.

Naturally having her whole face covered in white powder and painted with red was enough to make her internal organs itch. It felt like her skin was being smothered to death. She was clenching her fists in an effort not to scratch and rub like crazy.

"This one thinks your Highness looks lovely." Bai Yan clapped her hands and smiled cutely, her two companions nodded enthusiastically.

"I look like someone took a steamed bun and painted a face on it."

Bai Yan put her hands on her hips in annoyance. "Your Highness has seen the makeup used by foreign ladies who came with the dignitaries. It's very crude, isn't it? But we servants incorporated Jianghu techniques and made your Highness as beautiful as a celestial."

"That's right Lady Bai Yan! Our Queen looks heavenly!" The two other girls chorused behind her.

Truthfully, they did do a much better job than what was common outside Lanhua. The white was very even across her face, the red wasn't overpowering but ranged all the way to pink in just the right places. Even her eyebrows, which they'd painted into a different shape, still managed to look natural.

Mei Hua pursed her painted lips. "I don't need to look like a celestial, I need to be able to bully those dignitaries into respecting me with just a look."

"Then this makeup is even better." Bai Yan folded her arms across her chest and lifted her nose high in the air with pride. "They will take one look and wonder if they should beg for your love or mercy."

Mei Hua shuddered and was about to argue when a familiar voice could be heard outside the door, "MeiMei, you finished yet?"

"Yep, just finished." Mei Hua turned to Bai Yan, "I am finished right?"

"Hn."

After Mei Hua had gotten married, Ye never entered a room unannounced. He'd seen things he didn't want to see one too many times. Even if Jin was sleeping, the habit of checking before entering hadn't stopped.

"I'm coming in then— ARG!" Ye had taken only two steps in before screaming on sight at Mei Hua. "G.o.ds, what are you going for, a red demon?!"

All the ladies in the room lowered their eyebrows into a flat line at his response.

"I think she looks regal." Another male voice spoke behind Ye.

Ye cast Fu Jing a shocked look. "I knew westerns had a few screws loose but who knew it was this bad..."

"You really think this looks regal?" Mei Hua asked Fu Jing, pointing at her face.

"I'm not an expert or anything but…. Yes?"

"You think the dignitaries will think so as well?"

"You're worried about their opinion?"

"I'm running Court today so…" She shrugged slightly.

Westerners weren't used to women in authority. And her personality was too soft, making her an easy target for political bullying. This was why Jin led the official functions and not her, even if he often found it boring . No one was stupid enough to attempt to bully him.

"Ah… yes, I can see what you're trying to do." Fu Jing understood that her being a woman put her at a disadvantage and thought seriously before nodding, "I'm no expert but my wife always wore a lot of makeup and you look somewhat like she did. It always impressed everyone so… I think it should impress the dignitaries too."

Mei Hua sighed while Bai Yan smirked in triumph.

"See your Highness?" Bai Yan gloated, "This one didn't lead you wrong."

"Right right…" Mei Hua waved a hand in annoyance. The top of her hands had been painted in detailed phoenix feathers after Lanhua fas.h.i.+on. Seeing the paint on her hand distracted her, so she immediately stopped waving it and turned to Ye. "Since you're here, I take it that Court is starting soon?"

"That's right." Ye wrinkled his nose slightly, unable to adapt to Mei Hua's face slathered in heavy makeup. "Fu Jing wanted to tag along, that alright with you?"

"Hm…" She glanced at Fu Jing with raised eyebrows, "Are you sure? It's going to be boring."

Fu Jing smiled gently, "As I said, I have many years of experience dealing with politics. It won't hurt to have me there as a backup and… it's likely to be interesting just to watch them deal with a woman ruler."

Mei Hua snorted, "Interesting for you but not for me. I'm not a good public speaker and I'm terrible at leading people."

"You boss your family around all the time." Ye raised his eyebrow, "Just think of them as little boys."

"As to public speaking," Fu Jing added, "You don't need to speak very often if you don't want to. Those who speak less often cause their hearers to cherish their words."

"Ye, you know perfectly well that family isn't the same and those guys are anything but little boys." She paused, "Thank you for the advice Brother Fu."

Ye huffed a bit that Fu Jing got praised and he didn't. Thinking quickly, he tried again, "Alright, if that doesn't work, just channel Jin. All he does is sit there and look imposing. When he speaks, he's overbearing and arrogant. Just do that. They're used to it with Jin, if you act like that too they'll just a.s.sume that's how it works here."

This time Mei Hua blinked and nodded slowly, only to stop. Her hair was filled with glittering decorations and every movement caused them to jingle and sway.

"That's a good idea. Imitate Jin… hn…. Yes, I think I can do that."

Getting praised, Ye felt better and looked at Fu Jing arrogantly as if he'd won. Fu Jing, who hadn't been competing at all, could only stare back at him in puzzlement.
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Despite the heaviness of her clothes and the jewelry on her head, she stood up smoothly with her back straight, "Alright, let's get this over with."