A Snail's Wisdom 77 One Should Not Eat Garbage

The revolting sounds of mush hitting the bottom of a pail resounded in the air. All eyes turned to the side where a snail was situated on the edge of a human-sized bucket with his head sticking in.

His head rose up out of the pail and stared listlessly at the crowd.

"Forgive this Supreme One. I am quite sensitive to garbage."

The crowd looked back to his plate where the slice of egg was still sitting there untouched and uneaten.

Zhu Jidan's face inflated like a balloon as he tried to control himself.

"You have not even tasted it…"

If Snail wanted to insult his ability, he could bear it, but he should still sample the food first. Also, Snail's cultivation surpa.s.sed all of them to the point that they could not ascertain it. Forget this small slice of egg, his body should be capable of consuming hundreds of spoiled eggs without batting an eye.

"Little Egg, one does not have to eat garbage to know it is garbage or to be disgusted by its appearance."

…

Zhu Jidan wanted to retort but did not know how. Snail's words taken out of context were sound and reasonable, but the elder was still unsatisfied.

"It does not matter what you say; you are not the one judging the food. If you lose, I want you to kowtow your head to me three times and admit you have no skill." The good mood he was in from cooking had completely disappeared, and his condescending frown returned.

Snail was unperturbed.

"Sure thing. And if my disciple wins, you lower your head to my disciple and address him as senior brother." Snail learned from Kenja how satisfying it was to humiliate others in such a manner. Hizumi had to address Kenja as 'senior sister' which was an eternal reminder of his defeat.

Zhu Jidan a.s.sented with a "Hmph!"

Kenja's eye twitched. Why was he dragged into the middle of this?

Snail turned to Kenja and smiled.

"Come, disciple. Take this and pour it on the eggs." He handed the pail he had just used to Kenja.

…

This time, it was the three judges' eyes that twitched. Was he going to feed them eggs boiled in snail vomit?

Having gotten used to Snail's shenanigans, Kenja sneaked a furtive glance at the table to see that the bottles labeled one through nine were missing. Without asking any questions, he decisively poured the contents of the pail into the bowl of eggs. He stood there waiting for the next instruction.

"Now begin heating up the eggs."

Kenja looked at Snail as if he were an idiot. The only technique he could use for heat was the Flame Serpent technique, and frankly, it would not allow him to warm up an ice cube, let alone boil several dozen eggs.

"That's right. I forgot you can't do anything on your own. Here, use this." He lifted the bowl and replaced the table with a spiritual tool that Kenja recognized. Satos.h.i.+-san used something similar in his store's kitchen.

Snail's words caused Kenja's mood to sour. The pillars were stunned by Snail's words. He was ruthless; even his so-called disciple was not spared.

Sakura used the flat of her blade to pat Kenja's shoulder knowingly. They came to an implicit understanding that there would be time for revenge later.

He approached the emerald-encrusted table that Snail conjured up and scanned its silvery surface to spot a name: EMPYREAL PHOENIX TONGUE.

Spiritual architects often engraved the name of their personally-designed tools somewhere on their inventions, but because there was no collaboration amongst the architects, tools with similar functions ended up having drastically different t.i.tles. As a result, naming conventions were adopted by the users.

If the tool was unique to a particular or beloved architect, the adopted name might correlate to the creator's bestowed name, like in the case with Second Elder. His 'tribulatory demarcator' was referred to as 'TD' by nearly everyone in the sect.

On the other hand, this spiritual tool that heats things up was much more common to the point that it was sometimes seen among mortals, and most architects would try their hand at making one of these tools in hopes of creating the best version. The three similar tools Kenja had glimpsed before in the past also had ridiculous-sounding t.i.tles inscribed on their surfaces such as THOUSAND-YEAR COMBUSTINATOR, DRAGON'S BREATH and Satos.h.i.+-san's SUPER STOVEN, but the commonfolk would collectively refer to them as 'the tables that heat things up'. Only Satos.h.i.+-san would occasionally call his 'stove' or 'oven' depending on whether he used the surface or the interior.

Without needing instructions from Snail, he checked to ensure a spirit stone was installed and then turned the dial to begin heating the bowl of eggs.

Not giving him a second to check if it was working, Snail picked Kenja up and moved him to another table with a slew of vegetables and a chopping board placed in front of him.

"Now chop these up and put them in this bowl."

Kenja was stumped.

"We are only boiling eggs. Why do we need vegetables?"

It was Snail's turn to look at him like he was stupid. "What? You don't like salad?"

It was at this time that Kenja took note of the commotion happening around him. Bottles filled with liquids and spices, random fruits and vegetables, various cheeses and breads, all types of cooking utensils—essentially, everything one would find in a kitchen—was flying around to-and-fro amongst the myriad of tables and spiritual cooking tools.

A few more spiritual tools that heat things up were actively doing their jobs on pots placed on top or inside them. Several spiritual tools that blend things were mixing concoctions. A couple of spiritual tools that makes things cold were opened and shut repeatedly taking things in and out.

What the h.e.l.l?

Kenja looked back at Snail with annoyance. Was he planning to continue trying for an acknowledgment from Elder Zhu Jidan if his eggs failed?

"Snail, we do not have anymore time to waste here. We're leaving after the eggs are finished."

He was certain that they had already gone over the two hour time limit Snail agreed to. Combined with the time he had spent in here before, he roughly estimated that around ten hours had pa.s.sed since he bade Senior Aunt Hirose Hide goodbye.

Because the enchantment placed on the basin's walls made it look like he was standing in the middle of a great lake with the horizon encircling them and a cloudless sky above them, it was difficult to gauge time's pa.s.sing. Was it that troublesome for them to invest in a sun that moved across the sky?

"Don't worry, disciple. When have I ever broken my word? Now start chopping some carrots," He rea.s.sured him with eyes patting the top of his toque in a faith-inducing manner.

When have you ever kept it…was what Kenja wanted to ask him, but he held himself back once more. He was quickly learning that the less words he exchanged with Snail, the better. Kenja turned and began cutting up the vegetables.

He noticed one of carrots still had a tag from one of the grocers near Satos.h.i.+-san and Nori-san. A pang of guilt hit Kenja once more as he vowed to give reparations to all the people familiar with him that Snail had stolen from. After making that promise, his mood stabilized, and he focused on the task at hand.
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Chopping was no problem for Kenja. He might not be a divine chef, but he was the self-proclaimed older brother of two younger sisters after all.

He proudly finished his task and mixed the vegetables in a bowl. The sound of chopping coming from in front of him caught his attention. Across the table, Sakura was dicing other types of vegetables with extreme speed and precision.

A defeated sigh escaped his lips as his self-satisfaction dropped two notches. Whether you considered the fact Sakura was a female who was serious in the kitchen or a sharp object skilled in cutting things up, it was obvious he should not compete with her.

Time trickled on in this fas.h.i.+on with Snail overseeing the preparation of the various dishes. Kenja noticed that whenever he inspected a pot or bowl, he would take out a spice bottle labeled with the number eight and sprinkle a dash on it. He did the same thing to the pot of boiling eggs several times.

…

"Alright, they're done!"

Before Kenja could peer inside for a look, a dozen of the finished eggs flew out of the pot in a blur and were divided into thin slices, several times thinner than Elder Zhu Jidan's portions. Snail prepared a serving for every pillar.

The many dining tables and chairs seemed to be for the sake of ambience as the plates flew directly to each phantasm spectating from the side, puzzled expressions on each of their faces.

"This is my disciple's first time cooking under my instruction, so everyone should take part in the celebrations!"

The wills stared at their plates with reluctance. Curious from their reactions, Kenja wandered over to the bowl of eggs to personally look at them.

In contrast to the dreamlike, golden masterpiece Zhu Jidan had presented earlier, these eggs were primarily white with small, yellow circles polkdotting the surface. Plus, where did the eggsh.e.l.l go? No one saw what happened to their sh.e.l.ls.

It did not look appetizing in the least. On the contrary, the strange pattern and unusual appearance resembled something that had been poisoned.

Poisoned! It was definitely poisoned! They were all certain of it. This snail was definitely seeking retribution for refusing to acknowledge Kenja.

Perhaps one could argue they were biased against Snail and Kenja for the sake of retrieving their colleague pillar that Snail had swiped into his sh.e.l.l, but Kenja truly could not perform well in anything other than the Flowing Water technique.

The spirit that Kenja recognized as 'Little Scratchpost' spoke out for them, "You left your disciple out of the festivities."

Kenja had not received a plate, so this was an attempt to test the waters. If he was provided with a serving as well, then they could breathe a sigh of relief. Surely, he would not poison his own disciple.

"He's the chef, so he must preside over the dining experience. You didn't see Little Egg eat his own cooking after all."

Their eyes twitched upon hearing this. This reasoning was also sound when taken out of context, but all Kenja did was twist a dial on the spiritual tool that heats things up. Snail prepared the eggs, the liquid used for boiling and the spiritual tool for heating. He was also the one who announced when they were finished, sliced them up and plated them. Could he really claim that Kenja cooked these eggs?

Kenja was thankful he did not have to eat the a.s.sumably-poisoned egg. He raised his eyebrows at Little Scratchpost who returned a wry and apologetic smile as he sheepishly scratched his chin.

"Well, what are you all waiting for? Eat quickly before they get cold," he pushed them to begin.

Their gazes all moved to the three spirits who agreed to judge the compet.i.tion. Like lambs brought to a slaughter, their focus on them made it clear that they should be the first to eat their eggs.

Huai Yi and Xiang Xin hesitated but the third judge, the affable monk, resolutely brought his hand to the plate. There was no way they could rudely accuse Snail of trying to poison them without proof, so someone had to volunteer to go first.

Kenja squinted his eyes to ensure he did not miss anything this time. The monk's hand covered the thin slice, and when he withdrew it, the egg was gone. The will directly consumed it.

All eyes were trained on his reaction. He stood there with his eyes closed. They a.s.sumed he was waiting for the effects of the poison to manifest, but a solemn minute pa.s.sed with still no reaction.

Snail gave Huai Yi and Xiang Xin a loud cough and a meaningful glance. They knew they could not stall for anymore time.

Nodding to each other for encouragement, they both repeated the monk's actions and consumed the sickly-looking slice of egg.

Another minute had pa.s.sed, and all three judges continued to stand there motionless. Then, without any warning, the air around the monk changed as a breeze rose from his feet all the way to his head, merging with a completely content and serene exhale from his mouth.

Before anyone could inquire if he was alright, he spoke out in a decisive manner, "It is elder brother's loss."

The next moment, a similar breeze and exhale arose from Huai Yi and Xiang Xin.

"Mmm," Huai Yi agreed with the monk.

"There is no shame in this defeat, elder brother. More importantly, brothers, take a look at my soul," Xiang Xin solidified Snail's victory with a unanimous vote before bringing their attention elsewhere.

Completely flabbergasted, Elder Zhu Jidan held himself back to join everyone in examining the state of Xiang Xin's soul.

"…"

"It's quality…has improved!"

"Heavens, the egg helped him make a breakthrough!"

"His food can help us cultivate our souls?"

The spirits turned to examine Huai Yi and the monk.

Huai Yi and the monk smiled knowingly at each other.

"I also noticed my soul being affected by the egg, but it seems I did not have the necessary luck to take hold of the opportunity."

"I feel the same. I was also not prepared. By the time I noticed its affect on my soul, I had already finished processing the egg."

"Do not feel remorse my brothers. My soul had reached the edge of a bottleneck for decades without any way to take the final step. The egg helped me through it without any exertion on my end. I cannot take any of the credit."

The shock permeating the basin lasted less than a breath before everyone hurriedly consumed the entire egg on their plate.

A Pillar of Will was a consciousness borne from the earth and relied on a devoted Immortal to cultivate atop their heads to improve their own progress. Even though they had attained their Nascent Soul and received a sliver of their original owner's spirit, their progress speed was one-hundredth of what it had been. Combined with the fact that Nascent Souls were meant to be nourished on the surface with a real sky and natural elements abound, these stationary rocks that could not take a step out of the basin had long given up on advancing their cultivations, merely acting as storage units for the sake of the sect's future protection and prosperity.

But now a newfound light radiated from their eyes!

Zhu Jidan was even more eager to try the egg because he wanted a taste of the victor's cooking. After all, he was a foodie more than a cultivator. There was no way he would be satisfied by the result without tasting it personally.

The same scene displayed by the three judges happened again with the rest of them. Each phantasm was silent for about a minute before releasing a refreshed and reinvigorated aura with bright expressions on their faces. All of them experienced their souls becoming stronger and more vivid, and a handful actually advanced their long-frozen cultivation a tier.

Each one inspected themselves with delight before comparing their growth with their colleagues. It was Elder Zhu Jidan's loud voice that broke their reverie, and the sight before them left them speechless once more.

"Junior greets senior brother. Junior greets master."

Elder Zhu Jidan's forehead was touching the floor in front of Kenja's shoes. Snail who had taken his seat atop Kenja's right shoulder gazed down at the formerly proud pillar.

"Who's your master? What can a little chicken like me teach a proud eagle such as yourself?"

Elder Zhu Jidan shuddered at Snail's words. He rose up and bowed his head on the floor once more.

"Master already knows. This one is no eagle. This one is Little Egg. Please, do not turn Little Egg away."

To the entire Dragon Basin's surprise, the ever-proud and always-solemn elder brother had completely vanished and been replaced with a student desperate for a teacher's tutelage. Kenja eyed the snail sitting on his shoulder with, not surprise, but suspicion.

When Kenja witnessed the amazing response everyone had from eating their slices of egg, he walked over to the pot to retrieve one for himself only to have the pot fly off to the various cooking stations happening in the background. Why did he stop Kenja from eating one?

Snail must have felt Kenja staring because he did not go too far in his humiliating Zhu Jidan.

"If Little Egg understands, then show your senior brother some sincerity?"

Almost immediately, Zhu Jidan's pillar gave off the familiar glow and dipped several cun into the water. The Qi grew richer, and the water's color brighter.

The aforementioned handful of pillars stood together and approached Kenja and Snail. Xiang Xin and Little Scratchpost was among them as they took the lead in bowing towards the disciple.

"We would also like to show our grat.i.tude for the favor you have shown us."

The pillars had mixed feelings when Zhu Jidan acknowledged Kenja since that meant they could no longer rescue the kidnapped pillar. But with that no longer holding them back, the pillars that advanced their cultivation thanks to Kenja's (Snail's) eggs felt obligated to this junior.

Their respective pillars repeated the same motion in dipping further into the water and elevating the level of Qi in the surroundings.

Snail let out a loud laugh. "My disciple has attained a new junior brother, and you all have achieved a new level in your cultivation. Let us continue the festivities!"

New plates with a white scramble mixed with yellow polkdots, diced vegetables and mushrooms flew to the bowing phantasms and Zhu Jidan. Its strange appearance did not stop the wills from desiring the plates, especially Zhu Jidan who was excited at the prospect of a new and exotic dish offered by his master.

"Please try my disciple's omelettes." No one cared enough to ask how he had made an omelette out of boiled eggs as the pillars immediately consumed their gifted meals.

As he said that, the spirits who did not receive a plate stared with envy at the lucky few who did. If they could obtain a second plate of food, perhaps they would also achieve a breakthrough in their cultivation.

One could no longer hold himself back and inquired Snail, "Senior, perhaps we may join in the festivities as well?"

Snail gave him a look filled with confusion. "You did not like my disciple's boiled eggs. Why would you want to eat his omelettes?"

While the spirits pondered over Snail's words, another pillar repeated the same motion of donating Qi into the water and Kenja's cave. Elder Grunty spoke out clearly from within her pillar, "My student's boiled eggs were quite good. I would like to try his omelette next."

Snail's eyes squinted happily from above his toque and nodded, sending a plate to the top of her pillar.

The other spirits no longer had to ponder over Snail's words. His meaning was clear: if they wanted more food, then they must offer something in return.

The remaining pillars followed Elder Grunty's actions and received their own plate. As they consumed and processed the omelette, Snail lectured Zhu Jidan and the others on his recipe. When they finished, several more pillars experienced a rise in their cultivation, prompting Snail to begin another round of festivities along with another round of acknowledgments.

"Try my disciple's egg-topped salad with my own secret vinaigrette dressing!"

"How about this egg-drop noodle soup? It's best eaten hot!"

"Ease your stomachs with my signature crème brûlée!"