My Soul Will Find Yours 83 The Opportunity We Need

"I demand you to tell me this secret!" he ordered.

I grabbed a comb and pretended to be busy detangling my locks. "Kaname, there are things that you are not meant to know."

"There should be no secret between a husband and his wife," he insisted.

My lips twitched. "Why do you want to know anyway?"

"It concerns me so of course I have to know."

"It's nothing serious. We just talked about what happened when you visited her after your return to Kai."

"What!" he stomped to where I was standing and grabbed my hand. He looked agitated. "Tell me, Hina, what did she say?"

"What do you think did she tell me?" I countered. "By the way, you seem to be forgetting my no touch policy."

He let go of me slowly. I smirked and continued combing the tips of my hair.

"You're really not telling me?"

"And are you really going to keep on pretending that you have no idea?"

"I'm glad your relations.h.i.+p has gotten better but I didn't antic.i.p.ate this betrayal from her," he sighed.

I laughed. "Don't worry, I already forgave you for your actions from that time."

"And I will do my best to make you forgive me for my recent stupidity," Kaname said, the atmosphere in the room instantly turned serious.

"Kaname, I will never lie to you," I placed the comb on the dresser to look him in the eye. "My love for you is not a superficial thing. It comes with my promise to remain faithful and loyal to you no matter what."

"I know, Hina," he stepped closer, his hand reached out to probably caress my cheek but he stopped halfway. "I was blinded by rage and jealousy… I felt like I was going to go crazy! But when I saw how what I did hurt you, when I saw your blood on Ryuko-san's hand… I felt like my entire being was being torn apart..."

He knelt before me and bowed his head until it touched the floor. He was performing dogeza as a sign of complete surrender to me.

"Kaname, don't," I did not expect to see him this way. "You don't have to do this…"

"No, I have to—"

I got down on the floor and hugged him. "You don't have to put yourself in this shameful position. You are the shogun, how could you neglect your image just like this for a mere woman like me?"

"You are not just a 'mere woman'! I realized you are so much more important than my pride and ego, Hina," his palms remained flat on the ground and his back, bent. "For you, I can probably do anything."

"Get up," I grabbed the sleeves of his robe and pulled. "Please stop this…"

He slowly lifted his head, he looked like he was fighting his tears. "I will wait for you, my love. I will wait for the day when you'll love and trust me completely again."

~~~

The days turned into weeks and the new year[1] was just around the corner. I slowly found myself letting my guard down against Kaname as he continued to stay in my quarters and work there. He only leaves the inner palace when he has to be in the omote. Of course, he has to visit Ayaka from time to time. I do not like the woman, but as she is with child, I decided not to say anything and let him be a responsible father. He might not say it but I know he is excited to see his child soon.

Mami dropped by from time to time. With Kaname's guarantee, I started to trust her. She is surprisingly genuinely kind, I didn't feel the need to have to act like someone I am not. Her kindness did not come with the uncomfortable feeling of constantly wanting to be like her, she evoked an a.s.suring calmness.

"So how are things with the shogun?" she asked one afternoon.

We were playing our third round of kai awase or sh.e.l.l matching game, she has already beaten me twice so I was doing my best to catch up.

"We're trying to work things out," I replied before matching one gold painted seash.e.l.l from the right corner with one in the middle.

"He still can't touch you without your permission?" she probed.

"Hai."

"You sure are tough," she remarked. "If it was me, I'd have forgiven him easily."

"Do you think I'm being too much?" I looked at her as I waited for her answer with a bit of nervousness.

"No, Lady Hinata," she shook her head. "No one can fault you for acting this way. What he did to you was too much. I was just saying that, were I in your position, I'd have caved by now and forgiven him… Especially since he went so far as prostrate himself before you. He loves you that much."

"I must admit I miss him," although he asked me to let him hold me during evenings, he hasn't made a move after that one night. The last time he touched me was when Mami paid me a visit for the second time.

"It must be hard wanting to feel his skin against yours but having to hold back because it still hurts," she said sympathetically. "I hope things go back to normal soon."

"Yes. I hope so, too."

~~~

"Hina, can I ask you something?" Kaname asked as we were preparing for bed.

"Sure, what is it?" I replied while adjusting my blanket.

"What do you think about going out on new year with me?" his eyes shone with antic.i.p.ation. "We weren't able to spend Tori no Ichi as planned. How about it?"

It's been a while since I last saw the outside world so I agreed… Besides, maybe, just maybe, this is the opportunity we need to restart our relations.h.i.+p.