I Didn't Even Want To Live, But God Forced Me To Reincarnate! - LightNovelsOnl.com
You're reading novel online at LightNovelsOnl.com. Please use the follow button to get notifications about your favorite novels and its latest chapters so you can come back anytime and won't miss anything.
After a while had pa.s.sed, I took up another objective in my life.
Alright, I might have caused her to suffer… I might be the reason Firis couldn't live a fulfilling life 'til the end, but… the Hartmann family that caused her to suffer—the Hartmann family that caused many other to suffer just like how she suffered…
I must destroy them before I go away!!
After all, Firis once told me that she also lived a hard life before she came to the Hartmann house, and who were the ones who committed so many wrongdoings and even tried to cover any illegal activities in their territory?
If only the ones who managed the Hartmann territory did right and managed the territory well, she wouldn't have to suffer so much.
If only I wasn't here, perhaps she could have lived a better life…
So…
I'm going to crush the Hartmann family before I can continue to atone for my sins!
The sin of keeping silent all these years even after knowing the Hartmann family's nasty secrets…
The sin of causing my beloved one to suffer…
Therefore, some time after I turned 13, I tried to "behave" myself the way Father would want me to be, so that he'd listen to my request.
Though it was hard, I tried to be cold and be distant with the others, especially those that Father and Dius-niisama didn't hold in high regards.
It was mainly the commoners, which included those who worked for this house. Obviously, those who knew me quite well in the past were so surprised.
After I made sure that Father was quite convinced I was too shocked due to Firis' death and tried to desperately hold on to the family members I had, I made my request.
"So, you'd like to move to a dormitory? Harmonia Academy?"
"That's right. Hi—Mother and Dius-niisama would be happy if I could go there, too, right?"
Since they won't be able to see me that way.
"Why would you want that? Could it be that you're trying to get away from me? Are you trying to oppose me?"
"No, I will listen to all your requests. I want to go to Harmonia Academy to widen my networking. I heard that some of the n.o.bility and the royal family went there. Wouldn't it be advantageous for us if I were to go there?"
Though Father frowned, he pondered and weighed the pro and contra—and finally, he agreed.
Actually… it was so that I could gain some connections to crush this house while seemingly trying to support this house.
But it was fine. For the time being, I'd try to obey all his words—no, his orders.
"Also, Icarus. Your engagement's been decided. You can't refuse it, okay? As for the engagement—"
"I understand. I'll leave that for you to take care of, Father. No matter what, I'll accept it. You know what's the best for our family, after all."
"Well said. I will tell you when you will formally greet their family with us. As for your fiancée, she is—"
"Father. Can't we just skip all those details? Isn't it more important for us to work on our prosperity rather than doing all those? It isn't like they could refuse too, right?"
I hated saying those words, but Father contently smiled. After all, he only saw the others as tools and didn't really pay any mind to them. Even to Hillde-sama, Father didn't seem to really care about her. Not like Hillde-sama minded.
Anyway, once I crush the Hartmann family, I can dissolve the engagement and let the poor family be free. It wouldn't be wise for me to get acquainted to them and involve them in my plan in the future. Not knowing them would be better for me.
In the end, I got Father's approval to enroll to Harmonia Academy. I felt that I was getting better at acting—at being two-faced. I wasn't sure whether I should say it was good or bad…
But for my goal at that time, it was good.
Before I went to Harmonia Academy, I fired Chloe after making up some ridiculous reason that a typical arrogant and cruel n.o.ble would, in order to dispose of the "p.a.w.ns" that they no longer need. It was hard for me to act cold to her—but if I were no longer here in the Hartmann's house, who could protect her?
She was now the only person I cared for, so I didn't want her to suffer.
My action boosted Father's trust in me. He felt that I was finally "seeing the right way" or "becoming even n.o.bler".
Though it was hard for me to part with Chloe, at least, knowing that she was alive and free from the Hartmann house was enough.
Chloe was the only person who tried so hard to convince me that Dius-niisama's words were false. She tried so hard to make sure that I didn't have any negativity in my mind concerning Firis, but… Dius-niisama's words were engraved so deeply in my wounded heart. Chloe's words made me feel better, but… n.o.body could know the truth other than Firis herself.
Chloe also said that she knew Firis was keeping some things for me, but in the end, even she couldn't find those things she spoke of.
Still, her words gave me hope. Even though it was such a tiny hope.
How nice if what she said was true?
"Cyan-sama!! Please reconsider! I still want to be here, to take care of you—"
On the day Chloe was to leave the Hartmann house, she still tried to cling to me, to plead for me to change my mind.
It took me quite an effort to harden my heart to shake her hands away and to say these following words.
"Go. I have no use of you already."
After turning around from her, I bitterly smiled.
Go… and live well, Chloe.
There will surely be a lot of other options for you out there. It's not good for you to stay here, although you might be so used to this kind of life.
Chloe was reluctant to go because of me and Firis' presence back then.
Now that Firis was gone, she was reluctant to go because of me. But I'd be gone from this house for… well, I didn't even think of really going back here.
She was also afraid to change. She was afraid to look for new opportunities. I knew that with her ability, she'd be able to find a better job and a better livelihood.
So… although I might be harsh, I wanted to give her the chance to get a better future.
After all, I wouldn't know what would happen to her once I left, if she were to remain in this house.
To be honest, I felt free after entering Harmonia Academy. I decided to never mention my full name and address myself as just "Cyan" there, hiding my heterochromia and my true ident.i.ty.
After all, rumors about the corrupted Hartmann family were already spreading, and apparently it was even more spread among the commoners and since there were commoners in Harmonia Academy—it won't be good for me to openly announce myself as one of the Hartmann.
Still, I was wondering. If rumors about the Hartmann family's corrupted nature were so widespread, why hadn't they been caught?
No evidence at all to back up the claim?
Father and the others seemed to be very skillful at hiding their traces, but… I hadn't expected it to be at this extent.
One day, after settling in Harmonia Academy and leading a lowkey life for a year or so, the chance that I had been looking for finally came.
I was walking around the area where there were little to no people.
I was wondering how I could reach out to powerful figures, such as the royal family members… when I happened to come across one.
I had no idea that it was a very fateful encounter.
At that time, I wanted to find another comfy place to eat my lunch while gazing at the nature.
But in the middle of my way, I just had to turn my head to my side and saw…
A figure with short light brown hair and vibrant green eyes was crouching down at a secluded small path. His hand was petting the stray cat monster as it was eating. Perhaps, that person was the one who gave it food. Since he was looking at the cat, his left hair—which was slightly longer—fell and covered a bit of his face.
But luckily, I still managed to remember the face of my country's crown prince, be as detached as I might be.
So, I immediately recognized him.
Though I was a bit nervous, I decided to approach him first.
As I approached him, he heard my footsteps and turned to look at me.
"h.e.l.lo. Feeding the cats? Can I join?"
The crown prince—t.i.tus—seemed to be a.s.sessing me from head to toe before he smiled.
"Sure. I'm t.i.tus from the Advanced Level. Who might you be?"
I smiled and braced myself.
I have to succeed. Getting closer to him would be my best bet… I can work together with him… to banish the Hartmann family.
At the same time as that thought, I could feel a little bit anger. That anger stemmed from my blaming the royal family for not being able to do anything faster to the Hartmann family.
I swallowed my mixed emotion and said in a friendly way.
"I'm Cyan, a new student from the Intermediate Level. It's nice to meet you."
That was how I got acquainted with the person who'd be the king in the future—the person who'd be my best friend.