I Didn't Even Want To Live, But God Forced Me To Reincarnate! Chapter 138: Cyan's Past

My name is Icarus Valkyane Hartmann, the current duke of Hartmann family.

When my daughter, Lyra, brought along the illegitimate daughter of Baron Sorreil, I have already heard of her circ.u.mstances. I didn't plan on touching this matter too much, but when I saw her conduct, I couldn't help but relate to her and felt sympathy. Thus, I ended up revealing this fact earlier than what I planned.

Yes, it's not a tightly sealed secret, though. Many people are aware of it, especially the n.o.bles of the previous generation, and some n.o.bles of my generation.

However, since this subject was quite delicate, I was waiting for the children to grow up more before I began to explain.

And since it has come to this… I can't help but reminisce of the past.

My childhood memories weren't that clear, but I remembered spending most of my time in the secluded area of the Hartmann family's mansion at that time. It was located around the corner of the area, where not many people would visit.

The number of servants stationed at that area was also comparatively lesser than the number of servants stationed elsewhere.

I didn't go out that often—no, to be more exact, I wasn't allowed to go outside that often.

However, to the young me of that time, I didn't notice those things at all.

It wasn't until I was older that I started to notice the peculiarity of my arrangements.

There were only two familiar faces who had always been with me ever since I was very little, I guess. One was Chloe, the servant who was appointed as a chef at my living area. And the other one was… the wet nurse who raised me up.

Starting from the earliest memory I could recall…

This is my story. I probably should simplify and shorten things up for the kids, though.

[Flashback Mode: Activated. Mode: Complete Version.]

*Normal P.O.V*

"Chloe, Firis, where is mother? Why doesn't she see me that often? Is she sick? Is she busy? Or could she have forgotten about me?"

The little boy nudged at the two women's maid uniforms as his yellow and blue eyes were a little bit teary as he continued to pout.

"Cyan-sama, there's no way she's forgotten about you, she must have… some matters on her hands," the younger woman with the long dark blue hair gently placed the clothes she was folding aside before she bent her body so that her sky blue eyes would be on the same level with the little boy's.

"Then, should we go and visit mother instead? Let's give her some cookies to cheer her up!" The little boy enthusiastically suggested.

"Well, why don't you ask Boris-sama and if your father gives you the permission, we'll do that?"

The woman asked as she patted the little boy's pale white hair.

"Oh, then I will ask him during my next training! He will surely allow me, right, Firis?" Cyan's eyes shone in expectations.

Looking at his expectant eyes, Firis' hand which patted Cyan slightly trembled and her eyes slightly widened.

However, little Cyan didn't get to catch the small change in Firis' att.i.tude.

"…Of course," Firis smiled.

Looking at the two's interactions, Chloe sighed.

The two women fully understood what Boris Pax Hartmann—the current duke of Hartmann and Cyan's father—was going to say.

On the day Boris coldly said 'No,' the five-year-old Cyan threw a tantrum.

Several days after that incident, Cyan sneaked out of 'his territory' to go and see his mother.

He managed to discover his mother in the beautiful garden, leisurely drinking some tea.

His happy eyes quickly dimmed as soon as he saw another boy's figure next to his mother.

The boy looked about seven years of age, and his hair was of the same pale white color as Cyan's. His eyes were also of different color—yellow and red.

However, he emitted more of a 'n.o.ble' aura than Cyan's, and his face showed a hint of haughtiness. He was eating some cakes as he spoke to his mother.

"Oh my, Dius. Eat more carefully! Look, there's cream over here," the brown-haired woman scolded the little boy, but a hint of pampering was there in her voice.

She then took out her handkerchief and wiped the cream off Dius' cheek.

"I'm sorry, Mother!" Dius apologized.

Jealousy began to surge from deep inside Cyan's heart as he witnessed this scene.

Why? Why can older brother be with Mother? I also want to be pampered like that.

In the spur of the moment, Cyan quickly rushed off to approach his mother.

"Mother!"

Hearing that word so suddenly, Dius and Hillde—the current d.u.c.h.ess of Hartmann, turned around and saw Cyan.

The moment Hillde's eyes stopped at Cyan's figure, a hint of disdain appeared.

Cyan couldn't really understand that it was disdain, but he could tell clearly how different was the gaze that his mother threw to him compared to his older brother.

"I missed you so much! Why didn't you come to see me?" Cyan paid no mind to those 'trivial' things and quickly reached out to embrace his mother.

Contrary to his expectations, Hillde quickly stood up from her chair and shunned his arms. Since Cyan didn't control his power, he fell to the ground.

"Don't touch me with your dirty hands," Hillde coldly said as she covered half of her face with her folding fan.

Hearing the cold voice of his mother, Cyan's eyes quickly turned teary again, but he quickly stood up and dusted off the dirt from his clothes. He recalled the little education he's gone through and tried to display the correct way to greet one's elder.

"I apologize for my impoliteness, Mother. How do you do?"

The naïve Cyan believed that after displaying the correct etiquette, his mother would surely praise him. However…

"Why are you here? Where are your maids? Why didn't they monitor you more?"

"Mother, I—"

"Return. I don't want to see you."

Up until this time, Cyan only spent very little time with his mother and his older brother.

In every occasion, his father was also there. In every occasion, his mother didn't really respond well to him, so did his older brother.

However, Cyan believed that it was only due to the awkwardness they felt.

This was the first time he acted on an impulse and went to see his mother.

It was the first time he met his mother without his father present.

This was the first time he saw his mother's gentle eyes—but they weren't for him, but for his older brother.

This was also the first time he saw his mother's blatant rejection of him.

"Mother, tell me, what did I do wrong? Cyan will definitely fix it! So, don't say that, please?"

"Let's head back inside. I don't have the mood to continue drinking tea anymore."

However, Hillde continued to ignore Cyan and grabbed Dius' hand.