Hegel's Confession Volume 1 Chapter 9

I could feel a difference in Li Ling from earlier. She was now a little wary or anxious. She waited a few seconds before answering, “yes, they were good to me, and I had nothing to give in return, so I just did what I could as thanks.”

 “What do you usually do for them? Can you tell me?”

She frowned and said in a low voice, “I’d wash their clothes when I washed my own. When they didn’t feel like going out at night, I’d get snacks for them, get them food from the cafeteria, clean the room, stuff like that.”

“That’s it?” I intentionally dragged out my tone.

Seeing my reaction, Ling waited before continuing, “I’d go to the bathroom or the washroom with them at night if they were scared, or help them with homework and their papers.”

I thought there’s more that she did, but she couldn’t tell me. “I know that you have to work in addition to studying, wouldn’t helping them take time away from your own work?”

She looked up at me suddenly, but then quickly averted her eyes and shook her head. Biting her lips, she said “it’s fine, we’re friends, and we should help each other out.”

 “That’s true. I’ve seen your file, you were great to your brother growing up, and always a good sister. You protected him and let him win all the time. Is it because you’re used to sacrificing for others that you’re okay with all this giving?”

Ling seemed panicked now, she looked at a loss at how to answer these questions, and she was getting impatient. She probably wanted to leave but couldn’t. “I... I don’t know.”

I knew she’s lost her calm at this point, so I can’t give her any time to think. Watching her, I asked, “right, I know Lin Xiao, Zhao Qi, and Zhou Nan were all great to you, and you were like sisters. Your helping them was not a big deal, after all, they were from better backgrounds.”

Ling’s face paled at my last comment. She looked at me with anger, “So I should kiss up to them just since I’m poor? So I have to do all this c.r.a.p for them? So I have to live like a slave?”

Our eyes met, and I could see the anger and hate in her eyes. Seeing my expression, she quickly realized she has said the wrong thing. She looked down, clutching her hands together. She looked unsettled, or maybe guilty.

“I forgot to mention, the ME found mescaline, a hallucinogen from cactus, in Zhou Nan’s stomach. Do you know what that is?”

Ling’s face looked paler at my words. Her luck seemed to be running out; she probably didn’t realize how soon the police would show up and find out this critical information.

 “I don’t really know.” She said as she swallowed.

 “Even if you didn’t know, you should be happy. Why do you look worried? Is there anything you’re not telling us?” I acted confused.

Ling looked at me, not understanding my meaning. She was probably still thinking of mescaline, and not certain of what I was talking about.

 “Based on this finding, the ME redid the autopsies for Lin Xiao and Zhao Qi and found the same mescaline remnant. This meant their jumping had nothing to do with the pen oracle and it wasn’t something supernatural. You don’t have to be afraid of a ghost. We’ll find the killer very soon.” I said slowly and put on a smile, as if I thought the case was getting solved.

 “That’s impossible, mescaline disappears after twelve hours. They can’t find that in Xiao and Nan’s bodies.” Ling blurted.

Seeing her loss of control, I smiled. This conversation was coming to an end, and she was going to pay for what she did.

I have to admit that she wasn’t as calculated as I thought, I didn’t have to try too hard. But the fact that a girl like this can quietly make three people kill themselves, and all them being friends and roommates, still made me uneasy.

After Ling shouted, her twisted expression froze, then she leaned back in her chair and stayed silent. The way she looked made her seem like she was having a breakdown.

 “I read your paper where you talked about mescaline, so you were lying when you said you didn’t know what it was. And there was maybe something you didn’t know. This bottle of perfume is covered in scratches, probably made by coins. I found lots of dimes in your makeup case with smooth edges, so you really let out your anger on the bottle. Am I right?”

Ling’s shoulders shook. Even though her head was lowered, I knew her face must be covered with tears. Everything is clear by this point. We only needed her to tell us the process. Although her mental state seemed to need some soothing.

A few minutes later, her raspy voice came, “you suspected me from the beginning, right?”

I wanted to nod but shook my head instead. She laughed at herself, “there’s not much to say. I did it, I killed them. I have no regrets though. In their eyes, I was the slave. You either rise up under oppression or you die. I chose the former, I wanted to live a normal life.”

 “As far as I know, you helped them voluntarily, why do you call yourself a slave? They were nice to you. It’s your mentality that’s the problem.” I thought her thinking process was distorted.

 “Hah! What do you know? They were born with a golden spoon in their mouths, they never had to worry about anything, growing up like princesses. Their parents adored them and they had plenty of friends in college, they were talented and good at everything.”

 “They had unlimited money and never had to worry about life. But me? I never knew what happy was, I never had new clothes or new toys. I worked every day of my life, was.h.i.+ng clothes, cooking, farming, cutting firewood, carrying water from the well... I had to do everything so my father didn’t beat or yell at me.”

 “My two older sisters married young to get away from this family, but they were still unhappy. They told me I had to study hard, only being good at school meant I could improve my life and get out of this h.e.l.l.”

 “You have no idea what I’d lived through. My father beat me so many times. They wanted to marry me off so they could have gift money for my brother to go to school. I had to put my brother first in everything.”