The Blood Hourglass Volume 1 Chapter 4

Chapter 4 Cla.s.smate

We spent our lunch break in the library. I tried to read a book I couldn't read and killed time by staring, waiting for Xiaoya to tell me when we could go back to cla.s.s.

We had gym in the afternoon, which I didn't love. Actually, my physical skills weren't bad. Whenever I beat everyone when we ran, I wondered if the secret power made me run faster. If so, I was a cheater, but if not, how would I prove it? There was no way to test it. I was born a cheater, a cheater who escaped everything the minute I was born. It was a good thing the finish line of the race was not far away, so I didn't have to keep thinking in this painful way. I was number one, again.

Xiaoya cheered, and the teachers looked at me approvingly. Everyone's praise just made me feel worse, like I couldn't breathe. I wanted to get away, but was afraid to run. I didn't want escaping to become a habit. They say when you keep doing something, it can become a habit. Then what? How would I face everyone? How would I face myself?And how could I keep on living?

I walked next to Xiaoya. She hugged me and shouted, "Yay, you won again! Let's go to KFC to celebrate!" Her joy was as if I was her biggest pride. But I couldn't feel happy. I just nodded. Maybe I forgot what joy was and how to show it.

"You have got to win at the sports meet next Monday! You're the best in cla.s.s!" The PE teacher patted my shoulders.

"I will," I answered calmly.

"If you ran, you'd definitely win." Sun Ao ran over to cheer me on. No one knew I was a cheater, though. I didn't deserve their encouragement or envy. I didn't deserve any of it.

"Of course, she's my best friend —Lin Jing!" Xiaoya chirped.

Lin Jing was the name my father gave me. With the name, I had an ident.i.ty, a few cla.s.smates,and friends, and everything else I enjoyed now. Was the name really mine? I don't know. I don't think there would be an answer 1,000 years from now.

"You talk like Lin Jing is from your family," Xiaofeng said suddenly from behind me. My back felt chilled. I felt like a victorious general standing alone on a battlefield strewn with bodies who felt a pat on his back. It was frightening.

"What's wrong? Did I scare you?" Xiaofeng asked me.

"It's fine." I said this so often my cla.s.smates called it my slogan. Maybe I did say it a lot. I said it all the time in the past couple of years, maybe because it was easy to say, or maybe I had nothing else to say, or maybe I'd forgotten how to talk one day. People often say, Time makes you forget everything.

"Why are you staring into s.p.a.ce again? You always look so lost. Is something wrong?" Xiaoya asked me.

"Xiaoya is right. You do have something on your mind," Xiaofeng whispered into my ear. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"It's fine," I said again.

"Please, you have to tell us." Xiaofeng seemed surprised.

"Fine, I don't have a boyfriend," I replied in a loud voice.

"Keep it down. The teacher is here." Xiaofeng tried to shush me. She looked around, her eyes seemed to say, "Where is the teacher?"

"Don't worry; just pretend I'm not here." Ms.Yang walked past us.

"Ms. Yang, you can't be gone. You're so young." Xiaofeng tried to cover up with a joke.

"You're a clever one. No wonder your nickname is Ji Xiaolan (An honest and clever offical in Qing Dynasty)," Ms. Yang joked back.

"Can teachers give students nicknames?" Xiaofeng chuckled.

"I didn't invent the nickname. Ask your friends." Ms. Yang left us to talk.

"If it's not a boy, then what's bothering you?" Xiaofeng asked again.

"I'm fine," I said.

"You're not worried about anything?"

"Nothing at all," I replied.

"Fine. I guess we're wrong." Xiaofeng sighed.

Without a juicy topic, everyone dispersed and got busy doing other things, playing badminton or shuttlec.o.c.k, or gossiping about everything and nothing.

I kept staring into s.p.a.ce.