The Donovan Dynasty: Bind Part 42

He nodded.

"Well, I violated that. I fell totally, madly in love with you. Don't you see? I can't marry you. You keep telling me to be strong. The truth is, I'm not made of that kind of steel. I'm not. I can't stand to be close to you, all the time knowing that you are f.u.c.king me, dominating me, wanting me to wear your collar and no matter what I do, no matter how I behave, how much I try, you will never love me in return." Her voice cracked. "I'm destroyed right now. The times we've been together, going to the coffee shop, working out, talking, dating like a real couple...they've been magic, and they've been unbelievably difficult to endure because I know they're not real to you, that you don't have the same responses that I do."

She took a deep, steadying breath, but she knew it wouldn't help. Her voice was cracking with the force of her emotion. "I blame myself-"

"Lara."

"No. Don't. You warned me. I should have paid attention, but I didn't listen. After two more years of feeling your physical response and being denied your heart, I'd be decimated. I'm sorry. My dad's offering me a way out, and I have to take it."

With all of her resolve, she walked from his office.

As she closed the door, she heard him call, "Lara! Wait!"

Knowing that if she looked back, she'd be undone, she kept moving.

Chapter Thirteen.

"You look like s.h.i.+t."

"Thanks, sis."

Uninvited, Erin walked into Connor's kitchen, opened the refrigerator, pulled out an unopened bottle of wine and uncorked it. She poured herself a great big gla.s.s. Then, still, uninvited, went and plopped herself onto his couch.

That she had shown up annoyed him, but it wasn't a shock. He hadn't responded to her texts or calls. In fact, he hadn't spoken to anyone in the family for almost a week.

When she'd arrived in the lobby, she'd buzzed for entrance, and he'd ignored her. Undeterred, she'd let herself in. And she hadn't been at all concerned to find him working out. Instead, she'd said she'd wait.

He'd stayed on the rower for another twenty minutes. But then he realized he might pa.s.s out from exhaustion before she gave up.

When he'd sought her out, he'd found her on the couch, in his spot, with his channel changer in hand watching some G.o.dawful tear-jerker channel. The movie had to be as old as she was, but she'd been staring at it as if it were a gripping drama filled with award-winning actors.

He'd plucked the remote from her hand then turned off the television.

But now that she was back in his spot with a full gla.s.s of wine, appearing that she'd settled in for the evening, he wished he'd gone about his business.

She slipped out of her shoes and folded herself into a semi-lotus position.

Resigning himself, he poured himself a gla.s.s of wine and took a chair across from her. "To what do I owe this honor?"

"I came to get Lara's stuff."

The statement made him blink. On some level, he'd expected she'd come herself. Hoped, maybe. Which was probably why he hadn't boxed it up and returned it himself. Instead, he'd left dresses hanging in the closet, lingerie in the laundry hamper, her hairbrush on the vanity, even a bar of soap in the bathtub tray. Everything as if she were coming back.

"So, tell me. What the h.e.l.l happened between you two? We've all been waiting to hear news of the wedding, then poof, nothing. What are we supposed to think?"

"You'll need to ask Lara."

"I did."

"And?"

"Other than saying things had worked out for both companies and that it was no longer necessary, she was pretty quiet. Well, except for the tears part."

That got to him.

"So I asked her for details. She gave me none."

"And?"

"h.e.l.lo, dumbnuts. She's been a friend for years. We share everything. That she's not telling me means she's protecting you. And that annoys the c.r.a.p out of me. What did you do that you called off the wedding and she feels the need to protect you from my wrath?"

"Clearly that didn't work."

"Clearly." She took a long drink before putting her gla.s.s down. "I want the details, Conn. And you can skip the plat.i.tudes."

"You're a.s.suming it was my fault."

She rolled her eyes.

"Really, Erin, it's none of your business."

"You hurt my friend," she countered. "And that makes it my business."

All week, Julien's words about Connor being an a.s.s had returned to haunt him. Julien had said love was a messy thing and Connor's personal experience had proved him right.

After she'd left his office on Friday afternoon, Connor had been angry. He'd felt betrayed that she hadn't turned to him and that she'd made a decision about their future without consulting him.

Anger had built, and after he'd canceled the appointment with the judge and let his lawyer know that the prenuptial agreement was now void, he'd turned up the notch until he was p.i.s.sed.

Sat.u.r.day he'd woken up morose. It should have been his honeymoon. Instead, he'd been taunted by the sight of their rings on his dresser. He'd spent too much time that evening with a well-aged bottle of whisky.

He'd woken on Sunday with a determination to forget about her. He'd worked out, grabbed his bike and gone for a grueling ride in the punis.h.i.+ng heat then had returned home to pump some iron and finally swim his way into exhaustion.

Sometime yesterday, he'd tried to convince himself that her decision had been a good one.

But no matter how hard he worked out, he couldn't outrun her last words. She loved him.

That statement had him tied in emotional knots.

And his little sister's visit wasn't helping.

"You know why I'm confused? I thought you liked her. She's the only woman you've ever brought to a family function."

"We were supposed to be getting married," he reminded her.

"But I saw the way you looked at her, the way you touched her."

"I was being polite and courteous."

"When you all but banged her up against the side of your car?"

Carefully, very carefully, he put down his wine. "You saw?"

"Nathan, too. He was walking me to my car. He had to work fast so that Grandfather didn't see you. He wanted to leave so he could go train for his five-k walk. You were so fixed on Lara that you never saw us leave the house. And she certainly looked as if she were a willing partic.i.p.ant. So you can tell yourself whatever story you want, big brother, but something happened, and my friend is still upset. Now excuse me while I get her stuff. Do you still have the boxes? Or should I use bags?"

"Pantry," he replied.

She stood, hands on her hips. "Do you want to get them?" Without waiting for a response, she went into his bedroom.

By the time he got there with two boxes, she had Lara's clothing and personal effects spread out across his bed.

"You know, Conn, you could do this yourself." Her voice was softer than it had been since she arrived. "Take it to her, talk to her."

He shook his head, but he helped her pack it up. He sealed the boxes, then carried them down to her car.

After the last one was loaded, she looked at him. "I'm not sure what you're afraid of. Aunt Kathryn and I have been worried about you for a long time. Since Dad. It's okay to live. To move on."

"I have. I just remember the lessons."

"What lessons?" she asked. As they'd been working, her hair had come loose from a clip, and she took it out then re-secured it.

"The same ones we all learned."

"Which ones?" She frowned. "Everyone reacts differently. Grandfather decided to start focusing on his health so he'll be around a lot longer. Aunt Kathryn's learned to seize every moment, and that's why she's going to say f.u.c.k us all-and whatever we think-to run off with a guy thirty-something years younger than she is. As for me? I've learned that life is too short to stay on the sidelines. I'm going to give my friend a shot at opening her corset shop. Maybe I'm reckless, like Nathan says, but you know what? I don't care. If I burn through my money, I'll figure something else out. So tell me again, Connor. What's the lesson?"

He scowled.

She kissed his cheek. "You don't have to go through your life being a dumbnuts. Relax a little. You don't have to be responsible for the whole world. The earth was in orbit when we got here, and it will be here when we leave. I love you." She got in her car. Before pulling away, she paused to wave.

Despite what she'd said, Connor wasn't persuaded.

Lara might have believed that she loved him. But he lived every day with the damages of trusting that seductive emotion.

In retrospect, the way she'd handled it was probably best. If she was in love with him, then it was better that they'd ended it now.

He went back inside to take a shower. Instead, he changed his mind and put on his swim trunks before heading for the pool. Anything to keep the demons at bay.

"That's it," Erin said, carrying in the last box.

"Wine?" Lara offered.

"Don't mind if I do. I opened a bottle of Connor's to irritate him, but I didn't have a chance to drink it all."

Lara gave her friend a quick hug and ignored the few boxes that were stacked in the kitchen. "Outside?"

"Sounds good."

She poured them each a gla.s.s, and they sat next to each other on the swing.

"Sorry," Erin said. "I feel like a heel."

"Why?"

"It's my fault. I was the one to suggest you two get married, but I had no idea how f.u.c.ked up he really is."

"I don't know how true that is."

"Okay, so tell me. I want to hear your side. I've been unbelievably patient. And now that I've brought you a small fortune's worth of your stuff, you owe me."

"Was this your form of bribery?"

"I'm not above it. Now dish before I drink all your wine."

"He's your brother."

"Chicks before d.i.c.ks," Erin reminded her.

Erin set the swing in motion, and Lara debated how much to say.

Her mother had stopped by twice, and she'd listened until Lara couldn't talk anymore. While her mother had been wonderful, she hadn't fully understood. Lara had kept the D/s part silent, and that information complicated things in a way that wasn't possible to explain. "I fell in love with your brother."

"I thought you were going to tell me something I didn't know." Erin rolled her eyes. "That was obvious at the family gathering."

She blinked. So much for the big reveal.

"And Connor has a big ol' chunk of lead where his heart is supposed to be," Erin added. "So, did you tell him?"

"Yeah." She took a small drink. "He said nothing."

"It's not you, Lara," Erin said. "It's him. He's always been reserved, but he's been worse since Dad died."

"The thing is, he's capable of showing great affection." In the short time they'd been together, she'd gotten accustomed to sleeping in his arms, to having him draw her a bath, and once, a foot rub while they'd talked.

"I can tell you this, he can pretend all he wants. But we all saw the way he looked at you, and it took him a long d.a.m.n time to put your dresses in a box. Your underwear took even longer. There was a garter belt I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pry out of his hand." She snickered.

"You made him do that?"

"And carry down all the boxes."

They chatted for a few minutes about the progress on the BHI Communications sale before Erin stood to leave.