Bad Habits Part 43

She opened the car door timidly. He stood over her, waiting. With no other choice, she emerged. The rush of wind from pa.s.sing traffic had her hair whipping about her face wildly. She pressed her lips together, her eyes lowered, pretending at being normal. She could pa.s.s that test. She'd pretended all the time. Certainly she could do so now. "Is something wrong, officer?"

"Come with me."

She nodded, walking on jellied legs to the back of her car. He said something into the black box on his shoulder which she couldn't hear as the swoosh of a truck pa.s.sing by blocked out the sounds all around them. Then he said something to her.

"I didn't hear you. I'm sorry."

"Have you been drinking?"

Kim blinked at him, shocked. "What?"

"Have you had anything to drink?"

"No. No, I told you-"

"Will you be willing to submit to a short sobriety test for me now?"

"Sobriety? For what? I told you."

"If you refuse, I will have to take you in and have you tested for suspicion of-"

"Yes, I will."

"Fine. I will need you to do a walk and turn. Do you know what that is?"

"Uh, no."

"Nine steps, heel-to-toe, then turn and nine more steps heel-to-toe. You will walk a line. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

Kim raised her arms. She placed one foot in front of the other. Carefully, she took a step, then another. She managed. Though she shook internally, she forced her will to remain in control. The officer eyed her. Those pa.s.sing in cars along the highway slowed and gawked. She'd never felt more humiliated.

"Stay right here, ma'am," he said, returning to his cruiser.

She leaned back against her car and tried not to focus on the test or her failure. She tried not to think of who she'd call if this man took her to jail or what bail would cost her. She tried not to think of how she just ran out of her house and left her children to chase a man who most likely hated her. A sweet generous man who she was desperately falling in love with. Kim tried not to think of Diane sitting back laughing, saying she told her so. She put her hands to her face and tried not to think.

"Mrs. Jensen?"

"Yes?"

"You've been cited for illegal lane change. Please sign here."

She looked up at him, shocked. She wasn't going to jail? How was that even possible? She took the pen and did a quick scribble, then accepted the ticket.

"Drive safe. Sorry about your friend."

"Thank you, officer," she said, her body stabilizing as she returned to her car. She sat there and waited for her heart to stop racing. She picked up her phone and dropped her head back, counting the rings.

"Kim! My G.o.d, you scared the h.e.l.l out of me the way you drove out of here!"

"Anne."

"What the h.e.l.l is going on? I've never seen you this way. What was that you were taking in the car? Are you okay?"

"I lost control and I'm sorry. But I'm okay."

"No you aren't."

"I will be. I'm closer to the marina than home. Let me just go talk to Mathew then I'm coming home. I promise. How are my boys?" she asked, her voice slurring a tad as the Oxy took hold of her and things didn't seem as urgent.

"They're still asleep, but Kim-"

"Good, mommy loves them. Tell them I'll be back soon. You and I can bake a cake or have some wine," she giggled.

"Huh?"

She hung up.

Blinking her eyes, her vision blurred and then focused. She could manage. h.e.l.l, the officer tested her and she was fine. She was doing just fine! She wasn't like Diane who would turn up an entire bottle of Vodka and sleep in her own puke. She wasn't that pathetic. She was nothing like her mother. She was in control.

Sighing, she started the car and carefully merged into traffic. She felt light as she always did when she took a pill. She was actually smiling. She exited and drove the short distance to the Marina, slowing down to where his boat was anch.o.r.ed. At first, she feared he'd set sail, but to her delight, she saw his boat bobbing in the dark waters. Kim parked next to his monster truck. She smiled up at the vehicle, blinking at how huge it seemed today. Big, beautiful and a real man's truck. Mathew was so strong, powerful, dependable and lovable. She'd tell him that. Make him feel better.

Her eyes flipped up to the rearview mirror. She tried to erase the silly grin from her face. She couldn't go in there 'high'. He'd notice. She had to go in serious. Clear up this mess. Set everything straight. She reached in her purse for lipstick and noticed that her hand didn't shake anymore.

"Yep, I'll fix everything. I always do."

Mathew paced in his lower cabin, finally plopping down on the sofa. He dropped his head back, willing his headache to subside. He hadn't had one of these headaches in a long time. He should have gone somewhere else. At each turn, he was reminded of her and reminded of what a fool he was. The s.h.i.+t never ended with him. His ex-wife said he was pathetic.

"You really think this is my fault, Matt?"

"I think you're a cold b.i.t.c.h to do this to us. To accuse me of abusing you, after all the s.h.i.+t I've been through and after all the s.h.i.+t you've put me through!" He kicked the chair in front of him.

She sat on the sofa chair, observing him. Her visit to his home was a direct violation of the fake restraining order she took out against him to further her cause in court. He shouldn't have let her in. But if he wanted to save his medical license, he had to neutralize her as a threat. That meant giving her what she wanted.

"You know what your problem is?" she asked, tossing her long red bangs from her eye. "You need women to be weak, needy and to make you feel like a 'man' or some kind of hero. You can't take on an equal. That's your problem, Matt, and that's why you'll always be right where you are."

"No! You got me wrong, darlin'. I can't take a lying b.i.t.c.h like you!" he seethed.

She laughed. "Then why is it you went and fell in love with another lying b.i.t.c.h?"She leaned forward. Her cheery lips drew back into a seductive smile. "What do she and I have in common? Huh? YOU!"

He tensed. Eyes closed, he absorbed the seizures of pain gripping his heart.

New York was to be his chance to start over. Here he was at ground zero again. Of all the women, why did he pick Kim? Why did he work so hard to become part of her life? If he was honest, he knew why. He recognized her sadness. He saw how she survived on such little human interaction. Saw her retreat and wanted to know more. She needed a lifeline, and he f.u.c.king couldn't help himself. How could he blame her when he blindly ignored the signs? The pills, the avoidance, and her erratic mood swings were all telltale signs. He was a doctor, and again he ignored them.

He chuckled, bitterly shaking his head. "I'll never f.u.c.king learn."

"That's not true."

Mathew's eyes slowly opened. His vision s.h.i.+fted to the sound of her voice. Kim stepped inside the cabin. She gave him a meek smile. "Hey, baby."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk," she said calmly. She was calm? He was coming apart at the seams, and she just breezed in like she stopped in for a cup of sugar. She looked around at the empty beer bottles and gave him a motherly smile. "You feeling okay?"

"Get out!" he stood.

She ignored him, setting her purse down. He watched her frowning as she walked around righting up the overturned table, picking up bottles and setting them on top.

"I told you to leave, Kim."

"You shouldn't be drinking like this. Let me get a garbage bag and clean this up." She turned for the kitchen. Mathew stood there dumbfounded. She reemerged with a bag and started cleaning. "We need to talk, Mathew. What difference does it make if we do it now or when you calm down? It has to happen. You didn't give me a chance to explain."

"I don't give a s.h.i.+t about your lies. In fact, I've heard enough of them. Now go."

Kim smiled and continued to clean. Mathew narrowed his eyes on her. "Are you high now?"

"So now you think I'm some junkie? Please stop insulting me."

Mathew reached and s.n.a.t.c.hed the garbage bag from her hand, throwing it aside. He stood over her, angered and so hurt to see her again. To know what she was doing to herself and her kids without thought enraged him. He resisted the urge to shake her senses back into her thick skull.

She bit her bottom lip and looked up at him with gla.s.sy, red swollen eyes, her pupils large and dilated and her eyes s.h.i.+fting ever so slightly. He touched her face. He couldn't help himself. The blank stare she gave him tore him apart. "You are high, aren't you, Kim?"

She didn't bother to shy away from his touch.

"You get high and you drive over here? What the h.e.l.l is wrong with you, Kim?"

"I came here to see you," she said softly. "I was scared you wouldn't forgive me. I'm fine, even the police said so."

"Police?"

"Are you hungry? I can fix you something to eat and we can talk. That's what you want, right? To talk? I'm ready." She turned. He grabbed her arm and brought her back around.

"Kim!"

"Yes."

He let her go. He put up both hands and stepped back. "I can't do this, not again. f.u.c.k, just go."

"I don't want to."

"Go."

"No. You said you cared about me. Was that a lie? Cause, I can explain what Patel said."

He looked back at her, confused. "Explain what? How you've been popping pills from Patel and putting everyone at risk: your sons, your patients, your life?"

"It's about you," she finished. "You're mad because I lied to you."

"It's not about me! Get out. I refuse to talk to you when you're like this!"

"He started me on them. Patel did it." She took a step toward him. "I was in so much pain it hurt so bad: my back, Dennis, and my babies. They were too much. They needed so much. Suddenly, my life was all about pain. Patel gave me the pills, and I knew the risk, but I was careful then. And then I wasn't. But not like a junkie, just stressed and needing it from time to time."

"Apparently you still do," Mathew said.

She nodded. "But that's not my fault."

"Of course, it's your fault. Do you know what you've done? What I've done? You could be arrested. At the very least, you could lose your children. Do you understand that? Stealing?"

"I didn't steal," Kim frowned.

"Don't lie to me!"

"Oh, yeah. I did, but only once," Kim smiled.

"Get out, Kim."

"Mathew, please-"

"I can't," he said. He left her and walked to the back of his cabin so he didn't have to watch her go. His ex-wife was right. He loved fixing things. This one hurt too much to try.

"Mathew!" He heard her wail as he closed the door. He dropped on the bed and put his face in his hands.

Kim took a step to go after him, but stopped herself. She sniffed, drying her tears, backing away. He hated her. This she understood. She hated herself, but she needed him so desperately that she wouldn't just give up. She had confessed. Did that not count for anything? What more did he want? She'd never told anybody about the pills. Ever.

"To h.e.l.l with this!" She collected her purse. Just as she turned, her eyes went to the stairs that led topside to where the navigation deck was. She smiled. Tossing her purse, she walked back out into the night. She had to hold to the door as the boat bobbed in the calm waters. The fishy aroma of the black sea beneath her flooded her senses, and the wind pushed at her from all sides.

Cautiously, she walked along the side careful to not fall in. She saw him rope the boat to the pier before and found it fairly easy to undo. Afterwards, she returned inside. Quiet as a church mouse, she crept through the lower cabin. He remained to the back. She slowly climbed the winding stairs topside to the captain's room. There she found the control panel. Kim ran her hand back over her now frizzing hair trying to remember the lesson he gave her and the boys. She pressed the b.u.t.ton to raise the anchor. There was a low churn that echoed up from below. It was so loud that she knew he'd hear. Kim quickly backtracked to the door to the crew room and locked it. The light panel blinked green once it was secured. Kim smiled. She turned the ignition and pushed the lever up to ready the engine.

"Kim! What the h.e.l.l are you doing?" He tried the doork.n.o.b and it rattled in his hands, the lock holding.

Kim sniffed, trying hard to steer the boat away from the pier, but she immediately b.u.mped the boat next to her.

"Kim! Stop! Open the door."

"No!" she said, through her tears. She concentrated on maneuvering despite his banging on the door and eased it out of its spot at the pier. She smiled at her accomplishment, but she was only halfway out of the marina before he forced the door open.

"d.a.m.n it!" He stormed over, moving her aside. She pushed back, but he was too tall and strong to overpower. Helpless, she was forced to watch as he set the boat to coast away from any arriving vessels. Kim shook her head.

"Can't we just sail out there, Matt? You and me. We could just talk and be together. Please, please?"

She watched him spin the wheel to the left to return to the docks.

"d.a.m.n it, Mathew, I need you! I need your help!" She hit his back and beat at his back with her fists.

He sighed and stopped the turn. She seized on his hesitation, stopping her a.s.sault.

"Please," she begged.