Truth - Hidden Truth Part 20

Nawoer and learned their craft as children. You," he pointed a long finger accusingly at her, "were not called by the Hold. You were called solely by my book."

"My book," she muttered.

He glowered, saying nothing until she dropped her gaze. "As I said," he continued, "you were called by my book. Uncountable Keepers have read it, any number have held it when I was busy elsewhere, and a precious few understood a fraction of its contents, your father among them." Useless paused.

"Perhaps he understood more than I realized."

Then he shook his head and fixed her with a severe look. "I'll admit only that you have the potential to use the wisdom it contains. That," he said, shutting his eyes, "is all I will say-so don't ask anymore."

But he wasn't done quite yet, and as he leaned back, he added, "It's this potential that prompts me to divulge more of my secrets than normal. That, and I like you. You make me laugh." The last was almost inaudible, and Alissa wasn't sure how to take it.

Clearing his throat, Useless shook the dusting of snow from his overcoat. "Now, I understand Bailic has shown Strell how to start a fire?"

Alissa nodded absently, deep in thought.

"Good. You may, with caution, extinguish them with an impervious containment field."

"Really?" she blurted, all thoughts of her unique situation vanis.h.i.+ng.

"Yes, really." He smiled. "Just don't show Bailic such a field by error; he would have no compulsion against using it improperly."

Recalling Bailic's rapture when he removed Strell's finger, she vowed to be very careful.

"We will call it done for a time," Useless said, scanning the snow-filled skies. "You will be pleased toknow there will be no more instruction until the snow is gone."

"What!" Her head came up and she stared at him aghast. "No more lessons? You can't!"

"I can. I will. I just did. It's cold out here. It has gotten ridiculous."

"I don't care!" Alissa wailed. "Come inside. Bailic will never know." It was an old argument. One she had yet to win.

"He would know," Useless all but growled, but he was irritated at Bailic, not her.

Her lips pursed. "How?"

"He would smell me." He touched his nose, and Alissa slumped. "So," he smiled, "you have a brief reprieve from new lessons. Be content practicing what you know. Just keep a trace of thought upon Bailic when you do."

Alissa hadn't much to show for her interrupted sleep, and she couldn't stop her heavy sigh. Halfway to a stand, Useless changed his mind and sat down again. "Before I go," he asked slowly, "was Lodesh exaggerating about the direction your desires have taken?"

Silently, her face turned red. She had been hoping he might have forgotten the night Lodesh first met her in the firepit, teasing her with bemoaning his fate in that he was not meant for her, and that her heart had already been lost to another.

"Ah. I can see he wasn't." Useless s.h.i.+fted the coals about, leaving his stick to burn. "Go gently, Alissa," he warned. "Make no ties with Strell that can't be sundered easily."

"Useless!" It was all she could manage. It was so embarra.s.sing!

"It's for the good of both of you. You're irrevocably tied to the Hold in ways you can't imagine yet. I can't change this. You wouldn't have me change this, even if I could." Seeing her defiant look, he shook his head sadly. "Once Bailic is gone, Strell can't stay. It isn't safe."

"I'll go with him then," she said, her chin upraised.

Useless shook his head, looking grim and determined. "If you leave before I decide you have control over yourself and your mouth, I will be forced to hunt you down." He paused. "I am obligated to burn your tracings to permanent ash rather than let a rogue Keeper access to the hills and plains again." His eyes closed, and he shuddered. "Not again."

Alissa stiffened, knowing enough of his cursed sense of honor to realize he would, apologizing all the while. Only now did she see the trap she had built and fallen into, and her jaw clenched. Frustrated and betrayed, she could say nothing.

"I won't apologize," he said softly. "It's hard to be forced to stay until someone else decides, freeing you to follow your heart. That's how Ese' Nawoer came to be."

There was true regret in his voice, and her anger slowed at the empathy in his eyes.

"Only Keepers may safely choose to reside behind the Hold's walls," he said, "Masters as tradition dictates, and students, always, until they attain what status they can. It's a lengthy process, spanning decades. Ese' Nawoer began as a small group of wives and husbands caught as you now seem to be.

Slowly it grew into the stature you see today, imposing even as a ruin. It was lovingly ruled over by a hereditary line who, not surprisingly, were strongly influenced by their Keeper standing. Lodesh was the last of them. He was the best-is the best."

Useless's eyes began to glow with a distant pa.s.sion, and she listened, eager to learn more of the past he usually hid from her. "Once the Hold was full and alive, with many comings and goings," he said. "Ese'

Nawoer served as a willing support staff, providing all we could wish in goods and services. We couldn't stop them. It was the reason for their existence in their eyes, and when Ese' Nawoer fell, the Hold beganto follow."

Staring into the past, Useless slumped. He looked tired and worn out. His dream, having seen its zenith, appeared to be over. "Perhaps my idea of such a stronghold wasn't really a good one," he whispered.

"Perhaps you only need to modify it," Alissa suggested gently. It made her uneasy, seeing him this despondent.

His eyes grew large in astonishment at her softly spoken words, and his somber mood fell from him like water. "Harrumph," he snorted. "I'm going. Mind what I have said," he warned sternly, but she could tell his thoughts were elsewhere. "If not for yourself, then for Strell. You don't know everything yet." He stood and moved out of the pit, his head tilted in worry.

"Useless?" Alissa rose, reaching out after him, and he paused. His dark silhouette stood quietly as the snow drifted and fell, swirling about him as if he were already gone.

"It-it will be all right," she fumbled, searching for words, finding all inadequate.

"Mayhap," he replied, and he was gone in a flurry of snow, wind, and loosed power.

Chapter 23.

The faint, pleasant smell of apples and pines met Alissa as she slipped through the darkness heavy on the stairs. She would have thought it was Lodesh, had she found even one acorn since Useless had discovered her and the Warden together under the Hold. The scent was probably from the staff Lodesh had given her. She had gone to fetch it from under her bed where she had taken to keeping it lately, and she was on her way back to the dining hall. The walking stick was too long, standing well over her head.

And as all of Strell's woodworking tools were out, she was going to shorten it to a usable length.

She ghosted down the last of the stairs, spurred on by the welcoming glow of firelight spilling into the great hall. Pausing at the archway, she smiled at the domestic sight. A pot of tea sat brewing on the hearth. Two empty cups waited on the footstool before the fire. Talon was dozing on the back of her chair, her favorite perch since Alissa and Strell had brought it up from storage. Strell was slumped in his chair, staring at the fire. Alissa's smile slowly faded. He looked unhappy, and she frowned as he sighed and ran a hand through his mop of dark hair. Strell is unhappy? she thought in confusion. Strell is never unhappy, even when he should be.

Twisting awkwardly, he reached deep into a pocket to withdraw a wad of cloth. He carefully unfolded it to reveal a small bit of gold lace about the size of a coin. She could see little else, but she could tell it was fragile from the tender way he held it. "What do you think, Talon?" he said. "Is there any way under the desert sun, or should I just burn it along with the rest of my hopes?" Rising to his feet, he crouched before the fire, considering the drop of gold in his palm. Talon cluttered as if uneasy. "Oh, Alissa," she heard him whisper. "What will I do without you?"

Alissa froze. Eyes widening, she stepped back into the shadow and fought with her twin emotions of delight and misery. She had known Strell liked her, but to admit his emotions might go as deep as hers had seemed so senseless, she had denied the possibility. Alissa took a breath to go to him, to tell him it was going to be all right, that she would go with him to the coast, or he would stay here with her. But Useless's warning shocked her feet to stillness. She couldn't abandon the Hold; it held half of what made her alive. And Strell couldn't stay. Either of his two crafts needed people, and the nearest was a month'sjourney away.

Still, she couldn't stand in the great hall all night, so she straightened her shoulders and scuffed her feet loudly as she entered the dining hall. Strell jumped to his feet, one hand deep in his pocket, the other waving weakly at her. "Hey there," he called.

"Tea ready?" she asked, unable to look at him.

"I would think it probably is."

Alissa watched from the corner of her eye as he took the pot off the fire, but it was as if his distress had never existed. He isn't that good of an actor, is he? she wondered. But upon recalling their success in duping Bailic, she realized he probably was.

"Look what I found in the pantry!" Strell said. His voice carried a hint of forced cheerfulness as he held up a familiar cup.

"It's Lodesh's," she said dismally. She had hidden Lodesh's cup ages ago, not wanting to risk Bailic seeing it.

Stroll's smile seemed to freeze. "Oh. I probably shouldn't use it then."

"No," she said. "I don't think he'd mind."

His eyes flicked from her to the cup as he poured out first her cup, then his. Still not saying anything, he took a quick sip from the larger cup. "I wish I could have met him," he said, his tone giving no indication of his mood.

Alissa knelt to tend the fire, immensely relieved that "Lodesh the Bold" was staying away from "Strell the Impressionable." All she needed was for Strell to pick up Lodesh's disarming ways. Strell was charming enough. He didn't need any help. Settling back on her heels, Alissa replaced the fire irons and gazed glumly into the bright flames. A sigh slipped from her as she settled back into her chair.

"What is it?" Strell asked gently.

"Nothing," she mumbled, hiding behind her cup. She couldn't tell him. She couldn't bear it if he should love her, and he still had to leave.

"Come on," he cajoled. "You know you'll tell me sooner or later."

"It-it's my staff," she blurted. "It's far too long." Alissa s.n.a.t.c.hed the offending piece of wood from the floor as if that would make her story less of a lie than it was. With a saucy flip of her tail, Talon abandoned Alissa for the rafters.

Strell leaned forward, sending the scent of the desert to fill her senses. "So cut it."

"You're right." She jumped up, trying to distance herself from him.

"What! You're going to do it now?" came Strell's cry.

Avoiding his eyes, she nodded. "If I wait, I might lose my nerve. Mind if I use one of your saws?"

"Go ahead," he said with a puff.

Alissa slowly moved to the end of the long worktable loosely designated as Strell's. Wrapping her staff in a fold of cloth, she placed it in a vise and spun it tight. Secured as it was, she half expected Lodesh to appear and demand to know what she was doing. Talon forgave her for her falsehood and fluttered down. Hopping to the clamp, the small bird tugged on the fabric.

"It is mine," Alissa said, feeling as if it wasn't right to cut the valuable wood.

His back to her, Strell snorted and slurped from his cup.

"Which one?" she mused, looking over the myriad tools neatly laid out. There were quite a few tochoose from. Strell liked tools, and he used them all, even if another would do. He kept his treasures well oiled and sharp, looking better now than when he had found them. Alissa's hand went to a fine-toothed saw with a bright red handle.

"Try the red one," advised Strell, not bothering to get up.

Shooting him a look he couldn't possibly see, Alissa grasped it and positioned herself. She gently pulled back to start the cut, wincing as she did. It didn't seem proper to mar the smooth finish. The saw slipped smoothly over the wood to leave barely a mark. Dense wood, indeed. Frowning, she tried again using more force but getting the same result. She stared at the wood, then the saw. Maybe she should use a different one.

"Are you sure you have it right side up?" Strell called from his chair.

"I know how to use a saw, Strell." With a faint feeling of exasperation, she looked to see if he was watching, then checked to see if it was tooth-side down. Once more she drew a line across the staff.

Absolutely nothing. Burn him to ash, she thought, Lodesh must have warded it.

Strell chuckled, and Alissa's eyes narrowed. She looked up at Talon, who promptly closed her eyes and pretended to sleep. "Would you like to try?" Alissa asked him sweetly.

"No. It's your stick." But he got up and sauntered over to watch. Apparently he found something amusing in her struggles, and he peered over her shoulder at her lack of progress. Her lips pursed, she tried again. Still nothing, and she blew her hair out of her eyes, jumping when Strell tucked it behind her ear. "Here, let me," he said, unable to resist anymore.

"No," she said, her pulse quickening from his touch. "Like you said, it's my stick," and she set the blade to try again. Strell was reaching out as she spoke, and so they pulled back on the saw together, his hand atop hers.

With a loud chirrch, the saw bit deep. Startled, she dropped her hands and stepped back into Strell.

He gripped her shoulders tightly in order to keep them both from falling.

The scent of open skies and hot sands enveloped her, and her breath caught. Wide-eyed, she stared up at him, fighting her emotions of desperation and desire. He couldn't stay. She couldn't go. There was nothing she could say, frozen by her indecision.

"Are you all right?" Strell said, his brown eyes seeming to hold a twin emotion.

"Yes." She hesitated, not moving from his impromptu embrace. "Yes. I am."

Strell took a breath as if to say something, then slowly let it out, his gaze falling from hers. Saying nothing, he stood her upright, not releasing his strong grip on her shoulders until he was sure she had her footing.

The unmistakable scent of pine and apples had grown strong, and Alissa glanced at the black archway for Lodesh. But the aroma was solely from the wood itself. Strell s.h.i.+fted awkwardly from her, bending to examine the new cut. Talon hopped close, and they eyed the scoring together. "See," he said, sounding unsure. "All it took was a little muscle."

"Please," she gestured, "you do it." Miserable, Alissa stepped aside, so torn she didn't care if he could cut it or not.

Repositioning himself, Strell took the saw and drew on it. Chirrch, and he was halfway through with no effort at all. Chirrch, nearly there, and chirrch, he was done. The waste piece fell partway to the floor and stopped, caught by Alissa's field.

Strell eyed the length of wood hanging in midair. "Sweet as potatoes," he said warily. "That was easy."No it wasn't, Alissa thought in dismay. It was exceedingly unfair and probably Lodesh's idea of a jest. Giving her a staff that was too long that only Strell could cut wasn't very nice. Thinking of a few choice words she would put in the Warden's ear the next time he dared show his face, Alissa loosened the clamp and removed her staff.

She stood it upright, deciding it came to a reasonable height. Not that she was going anywhere anytime soon to use it.

"Uh ... Alissa?" Strell broke into her thoughts, and she turned. "Do you want the leftover?" Pointing to the length of wood still hanging above the floor, he shrugged.

"No, you can have it."

"Thanks." He reached out, and as his fingers encircled it, she dropped her field. "I'll try one more time," he said, sighting down the length of wood. "Such a pipe this will make," he breathed, striding over to his tools.

"Right now?" Alissa complained. How much worse could the evening get?

"Why not?" he said over his shoulder.

Depressed, Alissa returned to sit in her chair before the fire. She had stockings to mend and a hem that needed putting in on her latest skirt, but nothing seemed worth doing. Eyes closed, she concentrated on the flickering warmth of the flames, trying to imagine spending her evenings without Strell. She didn't know what she would do.

Strell worked for a time in silence. It was dark in the far corner, and Alissa set up a soft sphere of light over him. It was risky, as Bailic hadn't yet shown Strell this ward. But Talon warned them whenever Bailic came down. With a twinge of guilt, Alissa belatedly ran a mental search for Bailic as she had promised Useless she would, finding him safe in his room.

This ward was tricky, for light was only a breath away from her source's energy in the raw, so to speak. It was nearly the same thing she had done when she burned her tracings last fall, but now the reaction was firmly encased in a strong field and controlled by a ward. When done, or in the unlikely event her field broke, the energy would flow harmlessly back to her source through the proper channels, hardly a drop of it depleted. Never again would she make the mistake of harnessing such a huge amount of energy without a place to put it when done. Oblivious to her contribution, Strell puttered contentedly.

"Strell?" she said into the companionable silence.

"Hm-m-m?"