Truth - Hidden Truth Part 13

Talon chittered merrily from the short wall, and Alissa ran her fingers over the small bird's feathers in greeting, surprised to find her with Lodesh. "What are you doing down here?" she asked Lodesh as she set her cups beside the teapot and ran her eyes over the small hidey-hole. He had strewn fabric overeverything to disguise the rough timbers and old dust, enough good material to make an entire dress and underskirt. He must have gotten it from the annexes. It reminded her of a child's playhouse, only made from silk and linen instead of rough woolen sheets. "Is Talo-Toecan here, too?"

Lodesh shook his head, pulling her farther in. "No. Just me, milady."

Feeling a faint wash of caution, Alissa took her hands from him. He hadn't answered her question. "I was taking Strell some tea," she said. "He's next door in the kitchen annex. Come with me and meet him? We could have tea together."

"No." His eyes met hers, his look sending a pang of emotion through her. Her pulse quickened, and she looked toward the unseen runnel. That feeling of forgotten memory coursed through her, the same she felt at the grove, and her heart seemed to clench in an unnamed grief. Her face went cold. Frightened by feelings that couldn't be hers, she stepped back.

"Alissa," Lodesh said, his eyes crinkling from worry. "Don't go. Not just yet. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. It's just-"

"It's not you. It's the stables." Alissa looked away from the half lie, glancing at the forgotten brushes and shovels. Horses made her uneasy, but the paradoxical emotions Lodesh stirred in her were far more troubling. But to be frightened by a feeling was childish. And the emotions were gone now.

His worried look s.h.i.+fted to dismay. "I forgot. You don't like horses, do you."

Talon chattered a warning and hopped to her shoulder. Wincing from the claws, Alissa wrapped her hand in the tea towel and moved the kestrel back to the short, rug-draped wall. "No, I don't," she said.

Her brow furrowed. "How did you know-"

"Oh. Well." Lodesh turned to relight one of the candles that had gone out. "You were raised foothills, yes? All foothills folk dislike horses, don't they?"

"No," she said. "My mother used to have one, but she told me it broke the fence and ran away shortly after I was born. We never had the need to get another." She scuffed her slipper over a rug.

"Horses don't like me," she finished, feeling a sliver of childhood fear.

"My mistake," he said. "Sit with me?" He slipped an arm about her waist and eased her forward to sit on a bale of straw covered in a warm red linen. "Just for a moment? I promise, I won't... embarra.s.s you again."

Her brows rose as she settled herself. It sounded like a challenge. "You haven't," she said with a confidence she didn't feel. "But why don't you come up with me? Strell has a fire going. I don't think he believes me that you exist."

Lodesh shook his head as he sat down across from her. His high mannerisms had fallen from him, leaving him, Alissa thought, all the more charming. "I ought not to be here at all," he said. "I'm pus.h.i.+ng my luck as it is. If Bailic should run a general search of the Hold rather than a specific one for you or Strell, he'll find me. My presence might be difficult to explain."

"I didn't know he could do that," she said softly, now realizing how Bailic found them so quickly whenever they were noisy.

"The stables offer a modic.u.m of protection," Lodesh continued. "Horses are sensitive beasts. Can't even run a ward to keep out the dust. The walls are partially s.h.i.+elded here, but a concentrated effort, or if Bailic knows who he's looking for, would reveal me. I'll stay here until the afternoon snow is heavy enough to cover my tracks on my way back home."

She smiled. Home must be Ese' Nawoer. It was quite a trek. But then a frown pinched her brow.

What was he doing here, sitting in the dark, eating nuts? "You've been here before," she said, feeling a stir of ire. "You've been checking up on me between my lessons, haven't you."Lodesh seemed to wince. "Please, Alissa. Don't tell Talo-Toecan I let you find me."

He had been here before? she thought angrily. "Let me find you?" she said, her voice rising. "Did Useless send you to spy on me between his visits?"

Lodesh straightened. "Um, no, not really, well. Mayhap." His eyes pleaded with her. "Don't tell him you caught me. He would outright tell me to stay away, and I would be bound to listen to him if he makes his request flat out." Lodesh reached across the small s.p.a.ce to take her hands, and she pulled away, angry he would try to soothe her like that.

"You have been spying on me!" she shouted.

Talon chittered again from her perch, responding to Alissa's voice. Chagrined, Lodesh sat upon his cloth-covered straw and dropped his head. When he looked up, there was true regret in his eyes. "Yes. I have. It was wrong of me. I promise I'll let you know every time I'm here from now on." He reached out, drawing back as she raised her chin. "Please, Alissa. I only wanted to see you. And I did tell you this time."

Her lips pursed, but he wasn't arguing back, and it wasn't much fun. She brushed needlessly at her skirt, trying to soothe her anger. Useless was only looking out for her, but it still rankled her.

Lodesh s.h.i.+fted uncomfortably. "Here. Let me pour you some tea." She silently waited as he took the pot she had meant for Strell and poured out two cups. He handed her the first, and she met his eyes as his fingers touched hers. She didn't jerk away, her usual embarra.s.sment overwhelmed by the traces of her disappearing anger.

"So-o-o," Lodesh drawled as he eased back to his seat. "How are your lessons going?"

The last of her anger vanished as she saw the comical arch to his eyebrows. Forgiving him, she took a sip of her drink. "Slow."

Lodesh laughed, the sound seeming to fill the small s.p.a.ce. "Isn't that the way of it? My instructor, Redal-Stan, once accused me of listening at doors to catch resonances."

"That's awful," she said, smiling at the mental picture of Lodesh crouched at a door.

Lodesh shrugged and took a swallow of tea. "I was."

"Useless gave me a ward of disguise," she said, proud of her first, real accomplishment.

"Can you hold it yet when you sleep?"

She nodded, feeling warm as Lodesh bobbed his head in approval. It was nice to have someone tell her she had done well. "Tell me of Ese' Nawoer?" she asked. "It must have been a grand city, with its orchards and paved streets. Did you ever have festivals out in the grove?"

Lodesh went still. "Festivals?" he said softly. "Such as with music and drums?"

Alissa smiled. "And dancing, with the moon high."

"And the mirth trees blooming?" he said wistfully.

"And the wind, tugging at you to join with it?" Alissa's eyes closed as she imagined it.

"Yes," Lodesh said, and her eyes flashed open at the flat sound of his voice. "Exactly like that." His eyes seemed to grow dusky in the candlelight.

She s.h.i.+fted her shoulders, uneasy at the depth in his voice. "Tell me of one?" she said as she took another swallow of tea.

"No." Lodesh looked away, refusing to meet her eyes. "Not now. Maybe later."

He looked genuinely distressed, and Alissa reached across the s.p.a.ce between them to touch hisshoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

His eyes were clear as he looked up at her light pressure. "You didn't," he said as he ran a finger across her cheek. "Even painful memories can bring a moment of contentment."

Her pulse quickened, and not knowing what to say, Alissa leaned back and hid behind her tea. "I should go," she said, setting her nearly full cup down beside the plate of candles.

"I know."

His voice was tired, and she felt bad for leaving him. "It's been nice," she said as she stood up.

"Talking with you, I mean. Strell doesn't understand-about Keeper things."

Lodesh smiled at her, but it looked forced, as if he was hiding something. "To share, and know another understands completely, is worth more than gold."

Alissa nodded, feeling as if something more was being said than she understood. Taking the teapot, Lodesh refilled it from a jug he had tucked under a fabric-draped box. "You had better go," he said. "If you promise not to look at your tracings, I'll heat your water back to boiling for you."

She nodded again, not knowing that was possible. Useless always let the fire warm their tea water.

There was a brief tug upon her awareness, and he handed her the pot, heavy and warm. "Thank you, Lodesh," she said, pausing in the aisle. "You'll make it back all right? It's getting cold."

His smile grew true. "The longest night couldn't take the warmth from me right now, Alissa. I'll be fine."

Again she hesitated. "Promise you'll tell me every time you come back?"

Beaming, he took her hand and brought it close to his lips. "Every time," he breathed upon her skin.

He held her eyes for a moment, and she struggled not to s.h.i.+ver at the dark, serious tone in his voice. He leaned close. The scent of mirth wood filled her. Before she realized his intent, he had touched his lips to hers. Shock s.h.i.+fted to curiosity as a warm feeling rose within her. Denying her first reaction to pull away, she leaned into the kiss, prolonging it. An image of her and Lodesh fell through the layers of her thoughts: a vision of them under the mirth trees, the sound of drums and pipes, her pulse pounding from more than the dance, and an urgency that she had to leave but that she didn't want to.

Her fingers slipped from the handle of the teapot, and it crashed to the floor.

Startled, Alissa jerked away. Her face burned as she dropped her eyes to the rocking teapot. There was a warm coolness to her lips.

"Let me get that for you," Lodesh said, retrieving the copper pot as if nothing had happened.

"Yes. Thank you," she stammered. She took it without looking at him as he proffered it. "I-I have to take this to Strell." She took a step back. "Um, he wants to meet you. It won't take a moment for me to get him. I'll be right back." Fleeing, she nearly ran back to the great hall before he could respond.

Her pulse thudded in her chest as she made her fl.u.s.tered way to Strell's porter's stead, her feet following the familiar path by rote. She held her cooling pot of tea in one hand, gripping it as if it was the only thing that made any sense, only now realizing she had left the cups in the stables. The heavy confusion from Lodesh's kiss still swirled high in her as she reached the annex kitchen and stood blinking in the threshold, watching Strell working the clay at his wheel.

The kiln fire was hot, and he had taken off his s.h.i.+rt. The muscles between his shoulders bunched and s.h.i.+fted as he manipulated the clay with a deft gentleness. He didn't know she was there, and she watched transfixed. The sun glinted on his skin, almost making it seem to glow. Her foot s.h.i.+fted, and he looked up at the small noise.

"Alissa," he said, smiling. Then his brow bunched and he pulled back from his clay. "What's thematter? You look like you've seen a ghost."

She took a quick breath, struggling to remember why she was down here. "Lodesh," she said, giving herself a little shake. "He's in the stables. You should come meet him."

"He's here?" Strell jumped to his feet, s.n.a.t.c.hing a towel and cleaning his hands. "Show me."

Grabbing his s.h.i.+rt draped on an unused table, he stuffed his arms in the sleeves. He took the teapot from her senseless fingers and set it down. Grasping her hand, he pulled her back up the annex tunnel. She stumbled along behind him, wondering why he had never kissed her like that.

It wasn't until they were in the stables that she shook off her befuddled shock and eased her hand from Strell's. "Lodesh?" she called hesitantly as they felt their way in the dark, following the faint glow of candlelight.

There was no answer, and her embarra.s.sment was tinged with relief as they came upon the lavish box stall and found it empty but for a single, lit candle, two cups, and Talon. Strell stiffened as he took in the cloth-draped straw and the plate of candles, all extinguished but for one. He went to investigate, fingering the nut lying on the plate before he set it back down with a harsh clatter. "He hasn't been gone long,"

Strell said. "The wax hasn't set on the candles that have gone out."

She said nothing. He must have left as soon as she had. She wasn't sure what that meant. "He was here," she finally said. "He was right here. We had tea and we talked."

"Tea?" Strell said, and she looked up at the dead sound in his voice. His jaw was clenched, and he had a look about him that she had never seen before.

Cluttering, Talon hopped to Alissa's shoulder, and she suffered the small bite of her claws. "Come on," Strell said, taking her elbow and pulling her back up the aisle and to the great hall. "He's not here now. Let's go back where it's warm."

Chapter 16.

"Not alone. Not the last. Keribdis. Anyone. Hear me!"

Alissa woke with a gasp, the last words from her dream resounding in her thoughts. It was dark, and for an instant she couldn't place herself. The dream had been almost more genuine than reality. There had been an icy, dark sh.o.r.e, silver under the setting full moon, the rattle of pebbles was.h.i.+ng in the water, and the smell of salt, heavy in the air. It had been so vivid, she felt she would recognize the exact spot in the unlikely event she ever made the journey to the ocean. A feeling of aching loneliness, of a promise ignored, roared within her. It wasn't her emotion, and Alissa studied it carefully before it slipped away.

The odd sensation of feelings that clearly weren't her own was confusing, and she sat up.

She was in her room in her chair before her banked fire. The thin light through the cracks in her shutters said dawn was still some time away, but sleep would be impossible now. Besides, Useless was coming tonight, and she was anxious to speak to him. She had a favor to ask.

With an excitement tempered by dread, Alissa rose and put on layer upon layer of clothing, her fingers slow and fumbling from the cold. Irate thoughts of scissors and Strell ran through her mind as she tied her hair back with a length of green ribbon. He still wouldn't cut it for her. s.h.i.+vering, she folded her luck charm into a length of cloth and tucked it into a pocket.

She went to peek out her shutters, and they groaned in complaint as she leaned out. Dim and faint,the light from the moon setting behind the Hold did little to light the early morning. The frost slipped in to pool about her ankles like water in a snow-melt stream. Talon fluffed herself in the sudden draft, fixing a sharp eye upon Alissa. "Your playmate is coming," Alissa whispered, smiling as the bird began to preen in antic.i.p.ation of a terrifying game of tag.

As much as it unnerved Alissa, Useless and Talon's predawn diversion had become something of a ritual. Useless was generally it, and their murderously silent, aerial acrobatics left Alissa breathless. Talon had become increasingly inventive in trying to remain out of the raku's grip. It was obvious they spent more time at their play than she witnessed.

Alissa took Talon in hand and crept down to the kitchen without bothering with a candle. The way was as familiar as the old trails about her mother's farm by now. The bird fussed as they entered the kitchen, and Alissa let her out through the garden door before going to raise the fire and start the tea. Her dream had woken her unusually early, and she found herself waiting alone at the firepit with a cooling pot before Useless arrived.

Huddled before the snow-covered ashes, Alissa managed to start the fire with her candle, despite the dampness of the wood. Useless usually did this with a lot less effort, she thought sourly as she slipped her mittens back on. Despite her pleading, he stubbornly refused to grant her permission to try it with a ward. Lodesh knew how to start a fire with his thoughts, but using that information to convince Useless would only get the Warden in trouble.

"Where are you, Useless?" Alissa whispered, scanning the purple sky. It was breathlessly still, the icy sharpness seeming cold enough to crack the last of the stars. A few scattered clouds showed gray above the neglected garden's wall, but no Useless. She ran a nervous hand under her nose. Perhaps she had the wrong morning. It was difficult to tell a perfect moon from one just shy of full, and she hadn't seen it at all last night due to snow. But then his silhouette ghosted over the Hold, cutting a familiar swath through the brightening sky.

Ignoring Talon's valiant efforts to distract him, Useless refused their usual game, landing nearby to s.h.i.+ft to his human form in a swirl of gray and a tug on Alissa's thoughts. He held up an impossibly long hand for Talon, and together they made their way to the fire. Alissa rose to her feet and waited.

Something was bothering Useless; it showed in his step and his slumped shoulders. She watched the play of emotions over his face as he whispered something to Talon and launched her into the predawn sky.

Talon disappeared soundlessly over the garden wall.

"Good morning, Alissa." He smiled in greeting.

"Morning," she returned guardedly.

Useless arranged himself in his usual fas.h.i.+on before the fire, pouring out a share of the dark brew. He sighed contentedly as he breathed deeply of its steam. "You make splendid tea, young one. For this, I'd gladly travel half a continent." Turning to his cup, he lost himself in the steam and took a sedate draught of the scalding liquid.

Alissa s.h.i.+fted uneasily. This wasn't the Useless she had come to know. He said all the right words but seemed preoccupied, as if he were repeating a lesson, not listening to what he said. Seeming to realize she was still standing, he smiled faintly. "Don't worry about me, Alissa. I've had a trying night is all. How goes Strell's tutelage?"

She abruptly sat down, ready to forget his mood. "It's been fields again all week. Internal, exterior...

He's been over the same things before."

"He goes too fast."

"I'm keeping up," she said and poured herself a cup of tea.

"Yes..." Useless drawled. "But you have a real teacher."Shrugging, she took a sip, wincing as she burnt her tongue. The silence grew awkward as she pondered how to bring up her request. It seemed Useless was content to simply savor her tea, reluctant to mar the serenity with his teachings quite yet. "I have a question," she finally said.

His cup met the stone bench with a small clink. Eyebrows raised, he gave Alissa his full attention. She looked down, embarra.s.sed. Determined to be out with it, she took a resolute breath. "I'm concerned for Strell," she said boldly, her eyes flicking to his. "Ever since Bailic gave him that dusting of source, he has been pus.h.i.+ng him. Soon Strell will have to show some tangible results. His acting is wonderful," Alissa pleaded, "but he can't make a field. He can't even see the source Bailic gave him."

"Can you?"

"I-I don't know. I never tried."

Useless reached across her for the teapot, topping off his cup. "You might be able to see it in your thoughts until it's bound into someone's being. It's good to know you're not greedy. Many Keepers would have jumped at the chance to s.n.a.t.c.h even a dusting of unbound source. In the past, a few unfortunates were killed for it, their murderers not realizing its power was tied to them and them alone-once bound. It's one of the reasons the origin of source is so well guarded. Actually, I'm surprised Bailic managed to give some away."