Across The Universe Part 10

He storms from the room as I clutch my sides and lean into Nim. I don't speak again until I'm sure he's out of hearing range. "Why is he being so stubborn?"

"He's afraid," Nim replies. "We all are."

"If he's scared of the Harbingers, then why's he so insistent they're under the control of The House?"

Nim sighs, leans against the wall. She rubs her temples hard before looking me dead in the eyes and revealing the truth. "Because the Harbingers are under the control of The House, Amara. They can't do anything-destroy anything-without the say so of one of us. Which means-"

"-a member of The House is telling them to do this," I finish for her. "One of us is behind this whole thing."

A s.h.i.+ver rocks my spine and I slide down to the floor again, drinking it all in. It was easier to believe the Harbingers acted alone-that they were evil ent.i.ties h.e.l.l bent on bringing The House to its knees. Knowing that a fellow member is behind it all makes me question everything I know and everyone I see. I feel betrayed, like something dirty has crawled into me and turned my stomach into its home. No amount of scrubbing will ever make the sensation go away.

"Who could it be?" I ask Nim.

She comes to sit next to me, smoothing the fabric of her dress over her knees as she draws her legs into her chest. "I don't know. But-dare I say it-there's one person who's been oppressive through all of this. One person who's ordering everyone else to turn the other cheek. His role of Leader makes it quite easy for him to carry out an evil plan while we all sit here, twiddling our thumbs."

I know who she means, and the idea makes me sick inside. If she's right, there's no way I can save the Key and defeat him all on my own.

I exchange a knowing look with her. Nim can't say the name aloud, so I say it for her.

"Dante."

Chapter Fifteen.

The lake surface is a dazzling reflection of the stars and moon above, painting a perfect picture of the universe I just swam through to reach Earth.

I find Noah waiting for me on the beach, scribbling words down in a pocket notebook. He shoves it into his jacket when he sees me and rises to his feet, walking over to embrace me. I fall into him willingly, letting his arms wrap tight around my body and his chin rest against the top of my head.

"You came back," he says, as if the fact surprises him.

"Of course I did," I reply.

"I thought you might not."

I pull back and look into his eyes. There is an emotion there I haven't seen so clearly before: fear. It fills his gaze and pales his skin. Guilt fills me up like an overflowing cup when I realize I'm the reason for his terror. He's scared to lose me, just as I am to lose him.

My thoughts spill out into the open air, my voice soft on the breeze. "Every instinct should be telling me to run back to The House-to protect my home and turn you into a second priority-but my brain's doing exactly the opposite. It's like some unseen force is telling me to protect you, to watch over you just as I'm supposed to watch over my universe."

Noah squeezes me tighter. "Maybe it's the same force that makes me feel so connected to you."

I try hard to hold back my tears as I admit the truth. "The House is drowning in blood. Watchers are dying. Someone is trying to destroy the balance. I'm caught in the middle, and all I want to do is spend time here with you. What does that make me? A traitor? A coward? In love?" I lean my cheek against his shoulder and close my eyes. "Is that what this is? Love?"

"Maybe. I hope so. The idea that it isn't makes me feel broken inside. Empty."

I don't want him to feel broken or empty or fearful, and so I entangle one hand in his hair and gently press his mouth to mine. We sink into the cold sand, holding each other for a long time under the moonlight. Eventually I avert my gaze to the stars, counting them as if I'll never run out of numbers.

"You have to go back again, don't you?" Noah says when he notices how distracted I've become.

I nod. "I only came to check on you. To make sure you're alright. But The House needs me. If Dante's really behind all this, I have to convince the other members to cast him out. I don't know when I'll be able to come back again, or if I'll still be alive to do so. He could easily convince the others to throw me into the void. He's tried once already."

"You'll survive. You have to. And then you'll come back and stay here forever. I'll show you everything good about Earth. The seasons, the holidays, the snow, the sun. You'll never want to leave."

I smile and stand up. His hands trail along my arms as I pull out of his embrace, like his fingers still linger to hold me. "Wouldn't that be nice, to see all of it outside of books. More than ill.u.s.trations drawn on musty old parchment."

"One day," he promises. "One day you'll be free of The House. Free of its rule. And then you can live a life here with me."

I don't bother telling him it will never happen-that even if I can escape the grasp of The House, there's no future for us. I wasn't born; I simply came to be. There is no beginning or end to my life, but there is one to his, and while he gets old and wrinkly I'll stay the way I am now. He'll get bitter, angry. I'll want for more. It's an imperfect plan that can only end badly.

But I want him anyway, and as I burst into smoke and fly away, I can still feel his fingers playing across my skin.

Elli is not behind the desk when I arrive to the Archives Room. I wander through curving tunnels and past thousands of dusty books before I find her standing in front of a set of shelves. She a.n.a.lyzes the bindings, mumbling under her breath as she ticks off each t.i.tle.

"Don't you want to read more than what's on the outside of them?" I ask.

She jumps and turns to me. Her eyes are distant at first, but once they focus on me she grins. "Making sure everything is where it should be. Can't be too careful after finding those pages missing the other day."

I shuffle my feet and stare at my toes. Noticing my unease, Elli adds, "What brings you here now? Another hunt for the truth? Need a question answered that only my books can give?

"I went to see the boy again. Noah. I can't stay away. I'm supposed to watch a whole universe, make sure it's safe, but all I can do is look at him."

Elli lets her expression go soft. "I don't blame you. There's no love in The House-not like there is out there in the worlds we watch over."

"We kissed." I don't know why I say it, but it comes out anyway. Maybe I need to tell someone. Mark the moment in history when it happened.

Elli's gaze drifts far away again. She lifts a hand to her lips, brus.h.i.+ng her fingers across her mouth. "A kiss. How did it feel? Momentous? Extraordinary? Tingly?"

"All of the above." I sigh, dropping to the floor and leaning my back against the shelves. "I have a horrible feeling that something bad will happen to him. To all of us. I want to protect him, but I can't think of a way how."

"You could bring him here. Hide him in The House. Ferret him away in one of my tunnels and visit him in secret every night. Wouldn't that make things so much more romantic?"

I look up at her, confused. "Even if it won't break every rule of The House, how is it even possible to take him home with me?"

"Poor girl," Elli says. "You don't know half of what you're capable of. Has it ever crossed your mind that you're not the only thing you can turn to smoke?"

"You mean I can transform others as well? Why hasn't Nim ever told me that?"

Elli shrugs. "Because she's not supposed to. The House forbids anyone from doing it. You aren't the first Watcher to get attached to a life form they've found in their universe. Can you imagine what would happen if everyone found out they could bring home a pet? There'd be strays hanging around everywhere!"

"Has anyone tried before?"

"Yes, once." Elli inclines her head so that the shadows swallow up half her face. "It didn't end well. A Watcher brought home an ent.i.ty once-this huge, tentacle-covered thing-and Dante showed no mercy. Threw them both into the void the minute they showed up."

"He'd do the same to Noah, and I can't let that happen. He's too important."

"Important how?"

I frown and scrunch up my cheeks, struggling to put the thought into words. "I can't really explain why. I just know he is."

Elli turns back to her books. "Well, it won't matter that he is if whoever's attacking The House gets his way. Do you really think he'll stop the destruction at the universes he's already taken down? It'll be all of them, every last one-including the first. Yours. Your little blue planet is included in that."

I know she's right, but hearing it still hurts. The rest of our conversation is terse and awkward, and I take the first opening to escape the tunnels and exit the Archives Room. Once I'm back in the halls I lean against the wall and let the cool marble soothe my body. It's so quiet here I can hear m.u.f.fled conversations floating in from three corridors over. I block out the noise, staring across the hall at the locked door, and that's when it dawns on me.

Every lock needs a key.

What if this one needs the Key?

I bridge the s.p.a.ce between the door and me, coming up close to the frame so that my palms lay flat against the surface. Pressing my ear to the wood, I strain to hear anything that comes across from the other side.

There is nothing. It's soundless, just as the void was when Dante opened the door at Dena's funeral, only this time I don't feel empty. A sensation fills me up like a helium balloon, and all of a sudden I feel like I might float away. It's both pleasant and disconcerting at the same time, and I yank my ear back from the door before I'm lost in it.

The colored lights that stream from underneath the frame dance across my toes as I wrap my hand around the k.n.o.b. Putting all my weight behind it, I pull. The door doesn't budge. I step back a few paces, turn sideways, and barrel my shoulder into the wood. It doesn't even splinter.

I try again and again until my arm is sore, and when that happens I still don't give up. Using my fingernails like claws, I rake my hand over the keyhole. I try to fit the edge of my palm under the door. I even try to undo the hinges that hold the door in place, but the metal is rusted and the screws are too tight for my fingers to turn.

I've become obsessed with finding out what's on the other side. The room calls to me, beckoning me in, but the door won't yield. When I finally realize I've failed I grunt in frustration and kick the wood hard with one foot.

"What in the world do you think you're doing?" Nim calls out.

I turn to see her at the opposite end of the hall. Her face is stricken with disappointment. I stumble back from the door, but it's too late. She's seen my ill-fated attempt to get inside, and it's obvious she's not happy about it.

"You're in enough trouble as it is!" she exclaims, marching up to me. "Now you're trying to destroy The House, too. If it had been anyone but me, you'd be floating through the void right now."

"It's the only door that's locked," I say. "I want to know what's on the other side."

"And so you think breaking in is how to go about that?"

"I know about the Key." The words spew out like vomit. Nim balks at me, her lips turning into a thin, pale line. When she doesn't reply, I add, "I heard you talking to Dante about it. It must be what the Harbingers are after. And this is the only locked door in the whole House. I can put two and two together, Nim."

She narrows her eyes. "It doesn't matter what you've heard. You have no right-"

"I have every right! Someone's trying to bring down The House, and I'm following the clues. They've led me here. Either you can tell me what's behind this door or I'll break in myself. It might not happen right away, but eventually-"

"It'll never happen. This lock can't be picked. It's protected by the same mystical energy that makes up The House. Now, you're coming with me and there won't be another word on the subject."

Nim grabs my arm, but I wrench it free just as fast. The air becomes tense as we stare daggers at each other.

"Tell me what's behind the door, Nim," I say, lowering my tone so that my voice goes calm.

Nim clasps her hands together, her fingers fidgeting over one another as she debates the best course of action. Finally, she relents. "It's the heart of The House. All the beginnings are kept there. Every one of them. And somewhere deep within, the force that powers this place is stored. If an enemy of The House really exists, the only way to overtake us is to get through this door and find that force."

"That's why the Key was hidden. To protect what's on the other side of this door," I conclude.

"It's for the best," Nim says. "And you mustn't try to break through it again. Dante's already accused you of treason once. If he finds out you're trying to get through the door-"

"He'll blame the whole thing on me. I'll be the scapegoat, and me trying to get through the door will be the proof he needs to convince the other Leaders."

Nim leans into me, dropping her voice to a whisper. "If he's the one behind all this, Amara, I imagine he'd do just about anything to reach his goal of destroying The House. That includes using you as a p.a.w.n. Don't let him do that. I couldn't bear the thought of you being cast into the void. I imagine you're as much like a child to me as anyone ever will be."

I want to be mad at her for keeping secrets. I want to do exactly what she's telling me not to. But no matter how hard I try, I can't. Her forlorn expression and wringing hands make me forget all the things I want and remember why she's so important to me in the first place.

Nim is my mentor. She is my friend. And as much as I don't want to see fear in Noah's eyes, I don't want to see it in Nim's, either.

Chapter Sixteen.

I lie down in my bedchamber, but I cannot sleep.

In the few minutes that I manage to drift off, I dream of dark marble hallways that try to swallow me as I run through them. Images of Noah dead on the floor. Nim bleeding silver as she stumbles wounded through The House. It's all too much and I jolt awake, unable to close my eyes again.

I remove my gla.s.s...o...b..from my pocket and hold it above me, letting the universe swirling within paint stars across the ceiling. I'm too afraid to put it back in its drawer at this point. Dante has a key that can access any universe, and I'm convinced he'll destroy mine as soon as I'm not watching.

I spin the orb until the galaxy I'm looking for reflects onto the walls. A line of orbiting planets revolve around a blazing ball of heat. There, the third from the sun, is my little blue planet.

Noah is somewhere on Earth, waiting for me to come back to him. My crystal ball can't show me that-only a speck of blue floating through a sea of night. I want to visit him again, to accept his invitation and stay in his world forever.

But then who will watch the universe? Who will protect it from Dante and the Harbingers?

I sigh and roll over onto my side, digging my face into the pillow to keep from weeping. I feel helpless and hopeless and lost all at once. It's too much and the flow of tears comes anyway, wetting my cheeks and leaving the taste of salt on my lips. The crying doesn't stop until there's a puddle soaking the white linen and my eyes turn puffy and sore.

I take one last look at the orb, praying Noah is safe somewhere in the pinp.r.i.c.k of blue cast across the ceiling, and then drop my universe back into my pocket.

I'm about to close my eyes and try to sleep again when a shadow cuts off the light s.h.i.+ning in from underneath my door. The sound of shuffling feet and rustling paper makes me sit upright in bed. I stare at the opposite wall, pulling the sheets tight around my frame and breathing hard.

I try to remind myself that no one in The House sleeps at the same time. We only lie down when we're tired-when there's nothing else left to do. Whoever's outside my door has every right to be there.

Unless it's Dante. What if it's him lurking on the other side of my threshold, preparing to break in and let the Harbingers destroy the universe I hold so dear?

I tremble and lean away from the shadow that flickers across the floor. The rest of the light disappears altogether when whomever it is bends down and slips something underneath the door. Then the silhouette disappears and I'm left staring at a stack of papers resting on the ground. The hall's white glow shows the aged, yellowing parchment and torn edges.

I stand and cross the room, collecting the papers into my hands. Each is jagged on one side as if ripped from a book. A fist closes around my heart as I realize what the pages really are.

Dropping the parchment on the bed, I rush from the darkness of my room into the bright hall. I blink against the harsh change in lighting, waiting for my eyes to adjust, and when they do I catch only the edge of a shadow disappearing around a corner.

Adrenaline pumps through me as I run after the figure. I'm always just behind it, too far to make out more than a blurry humanoid shape or a silhouette bending around a turn in the corridor.

"Come back!" I call out. "Please, show me who you are!"

I should be afraid, just as I'm afraid of Dante, but I can't be. I'm only curious. The person who gifted me the pages has to be helping me, I tell myself. They have to be working on my side to prevent The House from falling. Why else would they return the stolen portion from the book that holds the information about the Key?