Torn: Crushed Part 8

Frazzled and a bit out of sort, I found myself in a room with Rob and his other friend whose name escaped me at the moment. Not so discreetly, this nameless friend turned to his laptop and resorted to sifting through a p.o.r.n website.

"Don't mind him." Rob twisted me around so I didn't have to see what his friend was watching before he continued to lull me back into his arms. "Just keep dancing with me."

"Are you serious?" I grumbled, whining about the situation because I didn't want to dance or be in this room with some guy.

I didn't feel comfortable. Nothing was. I felt a little faint, parched more than ever, a little sweaty, and the list could go on. And Rob wanted to f.u.c.king dance? Was he out of his senses?

The only sounds in the background were the echoing cacophony of people f.u.c.king and moaning, not to mention the demeaning curses the man was using to address the woman whose v.a.g.i.n.a he was slaughtering. As much as I tried to block the noise, it was too loud to ignore.

Before I knew it, Rob's hands were cupping my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, ma.s.saging them as he backed me against the wall while I tried to get away from him.

"Rob, stop it. I don't want this. Let's just head back downstairs. This is not the kind of fun I had in mind," I tried to plead with him, but he was too out of it and too h.o.r.n.y to pay attention.

He merely laughed at my words before applying more pressure with his hands. "C'mon, sweets, we both know you like to be a s.e.x freak." He nuzzled my neck, kissing it before he dragged my body to the middle of the room where the bed was located. He then used his body to make us both free fall against the mattress, leaving me captive underneath him with a stubborn, hard c.o.c.k that sat on my thigh.

The moment I felt his hard-on, my body instantly reacted with mixed emotions. I knew one thing then, and that was I had to get out of there before something bad happened.

I tried to push him off while his eager hand sought pa.s.sage between my legs, but it got harder to keep my momentum when he furiously began to rub my p.u.s.s.y.

"Rob, no, I'm not comfortable," I hissed out, somewhat moaning. Deep down, I knew I didn't want Rob this way, but at the same time, my body's reaction was a hundred times heightened due to the pill's side effect.

"Let me just eat you out. You're going to love it," he declared, pinning me down with his hand while I felt the other viciously yank and rip off my lacy underwear. In the blink of an eye, Rob's mouth was on my p.u.s.s.y, doing what he had promised.

The intensity of his ministrations coupled with my thras.h.i.+ng as I tried to s.h.i.+ft my hips from his vicious mouth, making this worse. Unfortunately, my body was beginning to like the electrifying tingles it was getting, provoking something wild within me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his friend unb.u.t.ton his jeans and take out his d.i.c.k, yanking and stroking it at a steadfast pace. He was an eager non-partic.i.p.ant, milking whatever he could to get a different s.e.xual high as he watched his buddy have his wicked way with me.

Moisture p.r.i.c.kled at the back of my eyes as I tried to stop myself from moaning, hating my body for loving what Rob was making it do. All the while, that random guy simply jerked off while watching Rob manhandle me.

From the moment Rob felt my p.u.s.s.y getting wet, he knew he had me and could do as he pleased, f.u.c.k me as he pleased, and he didn't just do it once or twice. I honestly lost count. In the end, even my will and my mind stopped fighting as I completely shut down and let it all go.

Images flashed before my eyes at such a speedy rate it made me feel nauseous, but the moment I opened my eyes and found Rob naked next to me, the bile that had been threatening to rise up from my stomach came up. I had to run to the bathroom, clutching my naked body while the other hand covered my mouth. I didn't even reach the sink or the toilet before everything came out and landed on the floor, and then my guts couldn't stop retching.

I wasn't sure how long I was in the bathroom, crumbling after my stomach vacated all of its contents until I was left with nothing but hollowness, an emptiness that gnawed and ate at my soul.

One of the heavy burdens that came with being conscience was guilt. How? How could I have let this happen to me? The question daunted me as I tried to wipe the forming tears away.

Everything I had been through since childhood could not compare to what I was feeling at that moment. It was as if the previous night's events had compounded everything that I was-what I stood for, fought so hard for, and all I believed were out the door. I had no idea what I was anymore. I'd had something going for me, but after this-feeling highly violated-I wasn't sure where I could go. I had never dealt with anything on this scale.

Though I wasn't sure what truly had happened, I felt as though I had been stripped from any rights, as if I didn't have any say because I had basically placed myself in Rob's hands in every sense of the word.

Disgusted at the very sight of the room and the man in it, I scurried away, leaving the house like I had just witnessed someone commit a murder. Of course, the only offense there was what I had let happen. It was my fault-I had placed myself in a vulnerable situation where any man could violate me. If it hadn't been Rob, it might have been someone else.

In no time at all, things had gone from bad to worse. Had I fought it, voiced it out with anger, maybe I wouldn't be in this position. Regardless, I was, and I had to suffer what came as a result of my reckless behavior.

The blame weighed heavily on me. It was my fault. I had sought it, hadn't I? Little did I know that seeking it meant I was welcoming another tragedy in my life.

Chapter Fifteen.

When I got back to Carter's house, I was fully aware that it was past noon and that Carter had already left for South America. I could have gone straight home, but being alone at this critical time left me feeling frightened. Maybe it was the aftermath of what had happened, but in the back of my mind, I didn't want Rob seeking me out at night, and I would be there with no one to run to for protection if need be.

I was lucky enough that no one was in my way as I headed to Carter's room, maddeningly sprinting towards the bathroom before I turned the shower on because I needed a good cleansing. After last night events ... I s.h.i.+vered at the thought of what I had let happen.

Dirty, disgusting wh.o.r.e-that was what I was.

Tears rolled heavily down my face as I recalled it over and over again.

"Why?" I cried out, choking.

No one would respect me once they found out what I had done. No man, not even my best friends, would see me in the same light. What man would want a woman who was keen on drugs? On top of that, she also let her body be keen on a man having his way with her while under the influence?

All the blaming, all the self-hate wouldn't be enough to punish me. On some level, I knew I needed to find out the truth from Rob. He and I both knew I had told him not to do it, yet he had kept on. Then again, since Molly was known as the rape drug, was I even surprised that had happened? I didn't want to portray it as rape, however. I mean, at some level, I felt good when he touched me, though my mind was telling me to stop it. It was all too confusing, and rehas.h.i.+ng it persistently was driving me crazy.

I had to talk to Rob, or I wouldn't have any closure. If he and I were decent friends, he would fess up and admit he had done me wrong, that he had taken advantage of the situation. Then he needed to apologize and promise to never let it happen to me or to any other woman ever again.

Ten minutes later, I was dressed in black sweats on a hot summer day, a total contrast to the s.e.xy cutout outfits I had been sporting since I got back. There was this profound need to cover up, as if I felt safer with more clothes. It was pointless after what had happened already, but I had to wear some sort of armor to see him. I didn't want to go in there again and let the horrid episode have a second run. No, I wouldn't let that happen again.

If anything, I came out of the horrific incident not wanting to be under any influence of drugs. My recreational days were done and over with. This taught me a lesson-never trust that every single person you surrounded yourself with had the best intentions for you. They would find a way to take advantage when you were at your weakest. And that was what I had been-so weak and high out of my f.u.c.king mind that I couldn't control what was going to happen next. I had given all my desires up the moment I decided to take a drug that was known for such events while surrounded by people I barely knew.

Upon entering Rob's rented house, I found people were still pa.s.sed out in the most unconventional places. Some were on the floor or sleeping on top of someone. It was completely vile. The house parties I was used to with my friends were crazy, as well, but not to this extent. Weed was the only thing allowed, and if people gave out harder drugs, they would usually be booted from the house.

Bracing myself as I retraced the path back to the bedroom where I had left Rob sleeping, I felt like all the air was being punched out of my stomach as I recoiled from the horrid images that played out in my mind. Even though this was the last place I wanted to be in, I needed to speak to Rob, or I wouldn't ever know.

I wasn't necessarily surprised to find him still in bed like he hadn't moved since I had left over an hour before. He probably hadn't given how f.u.c.ked up he had been after mixing a c.o.c.ktail of Molly and prescription drugs.

Biting my lip, I used my foot to somewhat kick his leg to wake him, as I couldn't fathom using my hand to touch him at that point. Looking down on his pa.s.sed out body made my skin crawl. This man f.u.c.ked me last night, and I wanted to murder him.

Seeing that he was unmoving, I kicked him harder. Thank goodness it worked, or I would have used a knife to stab him in the foot because I was just so angry at him for what he had done to me.

Rob grumbled his complaints of being woken up while I took deep breaths to control my anger before I shot out my first question, past caring if he was sleepy or half dead.

"Did you use protection?" I couldn't recall if he had, because everything came in flashes with no fluidity, and I couldn't f.u.c.king rely on that.

"Of course I did. Come the f.u.c.k on!" He rolled his eyes at me like I was boring him already and not worth his time.

Wow, this f.u.c.ker had changed his tune from last night's high praises.

Taking a short breath, I decided to bite the bullet. "Rob, about last night..." I trailed off, trying to gather the courage to face the ugliness. "You ... well ... You had s.e.x with me, and ... I don't know why you kept going when I wasn't all the way with you." I was carefully choosing my words so I didn't come off accusing or ready to attack. I just wanted the truth and to understand his point of view. After all, the Rob I used to know wouldn't be capable of doing such horrendous acts.

Opposite of what I was expecting, he immediate took offense as he jumped off the bed and put his jeans on, giving off the vibe that he was ready to face me head on.

"Oh, come the f.u.c.k on, sweets. You were high and practically begging to be f.u.c.ked. Don't be rude and try to ruin our friends.h.i.+p by accusing me of raping you!" He was almost laughing it off, but I could see he was far from being amused.

"But you did," I shakily shot back, feeling a little crazy because he was twisting what had happened between us. Swallowing the bile that rose up my throat, I tensed as I threw him a cutting look. "That's what you did. I don't recall ever saying yes, Rob. I never said yes."

He immediately turned red, ticked off. "But you don't recall a lot of s.h.i.+t, do you? You were f.u.c.king high off your a.s.s, Amber!"

I had been ... so f.u.c.king high ... and so f.u.c.king h.o.r.n.y at the same time that, even if I hadn't really wanted to have s.e.x, I seemed to have ended up having it. Consequently, who was to blame, really?

I was so confused. Coming here to confront him and even try to straighten the facts with Rob hadn't done anything to help me at all.

"So that's it, then? You're just going to lay the blame on me?"

"Blame? You enjoyed it as much as I did, every d.a.m.n second of it. You were wet as f.u.c.k in case you don't remember that, either."

I wished I could yell back and tell him he was lying, but he wasn't. Every word he uttered was f.u.c.king right. After all the effort to come to this place again, to be slapped by something like this-the truth-left me speechless. I mean, my mind had been against it, but my body had been too wired to think for itself. As a result, where did that leave me?

"If word gets out about you accusing me of this s.h.i.+t, I have people to back me up. You were into it as much as I was," Rob vehemently said, leaving me cold.

For a moment, I stared at him, wondering what the truth was. If it wasn't rape, then what was it? I felt like he was manipulating me to believe his version of the truth, even if I wasn't so easily convinced of the bulls.h.i.+t he was feeding me.

On the verge of tears and with my body about to violently shake from anger, I whispered a quick goodbye and took my exit. I just couldn't-wouldn't-stand there while Rob kept pointing fingers at me without even having remorse about the aftermath or any consideration about my feelings and what I was going through emotionally. He was basically brus.h.i.+ng me off as though I was not important, as if for me to go through this was madness, that it was mad for me to even question any of it. After all, it wasn't rape, even if I hadn't given consent, not entirely.

It didn't take long to get back to Carter's house, and then it was frustrating that I had to park a block away because there were no available spots around due to another house party. Did these guys ever tire of boozing and whoring? I mean, I knew it was summer, but h.e.l.l, that s.h.i.+t happened on a nightly basis.

Since I was parked a little farther, I dragged each step towards the house, taking my time to process everything while drying the moisture in my eyes. Clearly, I was upset, and as much as I wanted to channel all of it to Rob, I couldn't. After the confrontation I had just had with him, it sounded like, if there was anyone to blame, it would be me. However, I didn't want to go in there and be a complete mess. Cooper and Brody would be out for blood. And it would have been fine had I known what it truly was.

Emotionally and mentally, I was chaotic madness. My thoughts kept jumping to and fro, the endless self-loathing and name-calling driving me to a darker place, one far worse than what I was used to.

I felt so alone and didn't have it in me to tell Trista, the person closest to me. I wasn't sure why, but I didn't feel comfortable sharing something so unbearable. The very idea of saying it out loud ... I just couldn't handle it.

Letting out a heavy sigh, I held my breath as I pushed the front door open, entering the foyer and antic.i.p.ating the sickening sound of happy, partying people, a noise that brought me back to last night.

f.u.c.k. f.u.c.k. f.u.c.k.

"Amber?" Cooper's voice halted my deteriorating sanity as he closed in on me before I felt his arms envelop me in a warm hug.

My body immediately stiffened, dead as a log. I knew this was Cooper-I f.u.c.king grew up with him-but being near a man ... It was too soon for me. I just couldn't help my instant reaction, and that was to shut up immediately.

Normally, I would be cheerful, joking about him or the party, but right now, my brain was blank. I couldn't sum up a word to save my life.

Cooper's frown was deepening by the second as he stared at my odd appearance and att.i.tude.

"You don't look okay," he observed, voicing out the obvious less than stellar state I was in.

Granted, I hadn't applied any make-up or bothered doing anything to my semi-wet hair, but looking pretty was the furthest thing from my mind when I had left the house, scrambling to figure out how to confront Rob without alarming him.

Making a wan smile, I avoided his intent gaze.

"I'm just ... probably still hung over," I meekly whispered as I tried to make my way towards the stairs, avoiding any more of his questions I wasn't ready nor prepared to answer.

Heavily, I could feel his scrutinizing eyes on me, most likely puzzled and worried at my behavior. As much as I wanted to dwell on Cooper and where his thoughts might be, I was too consumed with my own s.h.i.+t storm.

How would I be able to dig myself out of this?

I was lost. I had weaved myself into a web where monsters liked to dwell.

After all that I had gone through with my almost overdose with my prior c.o.ke addiction a couple of years back, this was taking me to a dark, cold place, one I hadn't been in for so long, yet I didn't have the willpower to stop it.

And I was truly petrified.

This time, I couldn't falsely comfort myself into believing this was just a process I had to get through to get my family off my back about my addictions. This ... This was different.

G.o.d help me, because I would need all the courage I could summon, more than anything.

I had such grant optimism leaving Athens after witnessing the marriage of my dear friend to the man she had fought for and loved. Never had it occurred to me that my life was about to be shaken up in such a way, challenging every ounce of my sanity and robbing me of safety and comfort and my self-worth.

Of all things, I hadn't in a million f.u.c.king light years ever considered this happening to me.

But it had. I was a victim of date rape.

Chapter Sixteen.

"Amber?" Brody's voice came through the door just as he heavily pounded against it. "You've been holed up in that room for the last day. Are you sick or something? Do you need medicine?"

In some respects, I was ill. I was sick to my stomach. How could I face him after what had occurred? I was damaged goods now. I was definitely an equivalent of garbage. No decent man would see me the same.

"Amber, open the f.u.c.king door!" he demanded again while fumbling with the door handle, as if it would open the more he messed with it.

Gathering up courage, I held my breath before deciding to respond to him.

"I'm fine. I just need some sleep. I'm still jet-lagged," I meekly croaked out, hoping he heard my poor excuse.

Although his apparent concern deeply touched me, I was too weak to move from my curled up position in bed. After cras.h.i.+ng the prior day, I hadn't moved from this spot apart from using the bathroom. I remained confined there because it was the safest place I could think of, the only place where I felt as if I could sleep without feeling like someone was going to take advantage of me. Even if there were parties in the house, everyone knew the upstairs was off-limits, or you would get in trouble with the boys.

Cooper and Brody, though they were mostly drunk these days, would do anything to protect me. I knew that much.

"Amber." He paused, sounding as if he was getting frustrated that I wasn't giving in to him like I normally would. "If you need anything, I'm here."

Still and silent, I listened to him with my heart breaking all over again. Thank you, I quietly thought as I clutched my hand against my heart, waiting with bated breath until he left me alone. Brody stood there for a minute or two before I heard his retreating footsteps.

Tomorrow, I had scheduled a check-up with a gynecologist. I knew Rob said he used protection, but in all honesty, I just couldn't trust any word he said, and it was better to be safe than sorry. The last thing I needed to ice this s.h.i.+tty cake would be a f.u.c.king STD. If he gave me something, I would murder him in his sleep. He could count on it.

I barely slept a wink due to some graphic scenarios plaguing my mind, from different types of s.e.xual diseases to how badly it could have gone for me that night. It was like those things on the news. One would always think they wouldn't put themselves in such a weak position, but it happened, and now I had to live with the consequences. As a result, I woke up feeling like I was on trial and awaiting verdict.

The moment I was greeted by the doctor, I had to specifically ask for the expedited examination, one where the results would be available in four to five days instead of one week. I supposed someone was feeling sorry for me because everything came back negative. Regardless, those days I waited were full of trepidation and agony.