Torn: Crushed Part 1

Crushed.

(Torn Series #7).

Pamela Ann.

"There's something terribly tragic about unrequited love. Some have even committed suicide over it. Yet, in a sense, what could be more romantic? An "untried" love is virtually without limits precisely because, never really having begun, there's been no time for disillusionment to set in. The beloved-frequently distant, uninterested, unavailable, or unapproachable-can remain an object of indefinite idealization."

- Leon F. Seltzer.

Prologue.

Listening to one of my best friends exchange marital vows to her handsome Greek man, I couldn't help feeling somewhat relieved the struggle was over. Deep down, however, I knew the struggle had barely just begun, but at least in this regard, it was something I shouldn't be worried about.

I loved Lindsey. She was one of my childhood friends, and even though she and I never seemed to see eye to eye most times, I would take a bullet for her. She was my family; all of my friends were.

It was simply unfortunate she and I had fallen in love with the same man, and said man was also hopelessly in love with her. He was the very same man who was also most likely drowning his sorrows in the bottom of a tequila bottle because the love of his life had left him and chosen to be with someone else, someone who was worthy of her love and respect.

If given a choice, I would pick any other man over Brody Thompson, but my heart wasn't fickle. It was set on him and had never wavered from that love for as long as I could remember. For years, I had tried to squash it because I knew there would be no fruition; however, it still remained, preventing me from moving on and being with someone who would cherish and love me the way I did him.

Therefore, I was left with it, unsure if I wanted to nurture it or rebel and crush it.

Gazing at my best friends, I came to the realization that I was the only one without a partner. It was a sobering thought, seeing everyone was well-adjusted in their new lives, and still, there I was, all alone and left stuck in the past.

Chapter One.

"What are you going to do now?" Trista, my usual partner in crime and the one closest to me out of the other two, gave me a questioning look. She didn't need to emphasize the intent of the question.

"What is there to do?" I merely shrugged, in deep thought as I reflected on the man I harbored feelings for. "It's not as if he loves me. He's hurting right now, and there's nothing I can do to help him with that." Which was true; the guy was becoming a joke. I hadn't seen a man so distraught over a woman before Brody. Oh, scratch that; Carter might take the cake on that one since his recent antics had by far shocked us all.

"You can at least talk to him, you know. It won't hurt." Trista's suggestion was made out of concern and love for me, but truth be told, who f.u.c.king knew what truly ran through Brody's mind?

He had been in a rut since Lindsey had broken up with him. No matter what type of cheering up I could think of, nothing worked. Heck, I had tried to be the best bud there could ever be. The nurse, the teacher, the nagging mother, the annoying brother-I had attempted all of those roles just to kick him out of his funk, but he was too bent out of shape, broken from the inside out. He was gutted, and I didn't have the means to heal him.

I, for one, wasn't excluded from the realm of heartbreaks. All my life, I had endured the rollercoaster of it being inflicted by the same man over and over again. Often I wondered why. Why did it have to be him? Couldn't I have chosen someone at least worthy of my affections, someone who wasn't obsessed with someone else the way I was overpowered with my love for him? I wasn't one to voice my problems, but I was the doomed one out of all of us. My family couldn't care less if I was dying or dead in a ditch somewhere. That was just how my life was, and I had accepted that.

My disheartening thoughts had to wait for a little while longer because Emma took that moment to join Trista and me while we were eating our dessert. Emma, who was basked in the infamous pregnancy glow, seemed a little distracted as she sat next to me, sighing before she decided to take my gla.s.s of iced water and gulp it down as if she was dying of thirst.

"It's so hot. I feel as if I'm melting out here." Her airy comment made us both glance at her as she lifted her head towards the sunset, partially fanning herself.

She made even pregnancy look glamorous. Emma Anderson was one of those women people envied and loved. Whatever circ.u.mstances I found her in-whether it be crying, laughing, making silly faces, seductively dancing, hysterical-she was always gorgeous. Not only that, but she also had a heart of gold, and even though she had come into our group a little later, I loved her just as much. She was a good friend, one who didn't judge me and was always there to count on, and I wouldn't have her any other way.

My gaze dropped to her protruding belly, finding myself whimsically smiling right as I heard Trista clear her throat.

"You sure it's the balmy weather, Ems?" Trista teased.

I c.o.c.ked my head towards her, raising my brow. Leave it to dear old Trista to stir the pot.

Emma made a face, sighing as she addressed Miss Redhead. "Shut up, Tris. Now's not the time to mess with me. It's Lindsey's wedding, so let's just enjoy that, shall we?"

Confused by their odd exchange, I directed a pleading look at both of them. "Umm, can someone fill me? In case no one noticed, I'm sort of lost here."

Trista's eyes glittered before she snorted a laugh, as if I was the most amusing thing she had seen today. "f.u.c.king h.e.l.l, Amber, where the h.e.l.l have you been? Haven't you seen the way Carter's been throwing looks at her?"

Carter Mason, Lindsey's big brother. Right.

"He was?" I frowned, beyond confused why Carter was, well, being plain ol' Carter. "But Emma's married and pregnant..." to Mister Ba.s.s freaking Cole.

"My thoughts exactly." Trista snickered before plucking her champagne flute to toast to against my empty one.

"Ugh. Men are a hopeless bunch." If Carter was that way, I didn't have to imagine what Brody would be like once he saw Lindsey again. Pregnant or not, their hearts were spoken for, and there was nothing I could do to make that go away. G.o.d knew I had tried.

Emma was in the throes of a mini panic attack, glaring at both of us since we were talking about her as if she wasn't even there. "Will you guys hush it?" she whispered in a hiss. "People will hear, and the last thing I need is gossip. Ba.s.s has been through enough with my Carter drama. I don't want him to think this baby isn't his, and with the way you two are going, people might think I'm having an affair with my ex."

"It is Ba.s.s's, right?" Trista raised her brow, unperturbed.

"G.o.d, Trista..." My mouth hung ajar, stunned at her audacity to ask such a direct question, while Emma froze, probably insulted by the d.a.m.ning question.

Trista innocently blinked at us. "What? It's a valid question!"

Emma's cheeks were painted beet red as she tried to hush Trista down.

It was valid, but this wasn't the place to discuss it. Why couldn't she have waited until we were back in Santa Barbara, back in our place, to open this discussion with coffee and ice cream while all of us argued our case like we normally did on girl's night?

"Trista! You can't just blurt s.h.i.+t like that. What the f.u.c.k!"

Trista merely shrugged, giving me a penetrating look. "Oh, come on, don't tell me the thought has never occurred to you?"

"I'm right here!" Emma grunted out, losing her temper. "It's Ba.s.s's, okay?" she harrumphed as calmly and as dignified as she could.

Trista nodded, beaming at her. Of course, her being Trista, she just couldn't let one slide when she could undoubtedly add more to Emma's escalating blood pressure.

"One hundred percent?"

Emma made a cute sounding growl, surprising me that she was still acting like a lady, before she declared to the both of us, "I better go, or I might be in danger of choking you!"

We both watched Emma sashay her way towards Lindsey and Dimitris' hot European friends before I huffed out a breath with a small, disapproving shake of my head.

"What's gotten into you?" I glared at my best friend. "You can't just grill her like that. She's pregnant, Trista!"

She shrugged like she didn't feel as if she had crossed the line with her crazy interrogation. "Oh, come on, you make it sound like she was in labor. She'll be fine."

"You're crazy."

She truly was. I didn't even know how or why she came up with her ideas. Then again, this was Trista after all. Out of the four of us, she was always the one who had more guts to say things that weren't meant to be said. Even Lindsey, who was normally unabashed about things, would be left speechless with Trista's direct approach to confronting things between us friends.

"It was a valid question, Amber. I love Carter and Ba.s.s, too. I mean, we're all invested in them, and if some odd s.h.i.+t happens, would you be shocked if that baby turned out to be Carter's? 'Cause, h.e.l.l, I wouldn't be." She shrugged, deep in thought. "Just sayin' is all."

It was no question we were all invested in our friends' relations.h.i.+ps, most especially Emma's confusing love triangle, because we had all been there when it happened. We had been witnesses to her downfall and blossoming love life. As a result, I got that Trista came from a good place, but seriously? There was a time and place for such intrusive subjects, and that very moment hadn't been the time.

Reflecting on Emma's rollercoaster love life, it wasn't a hard question to come up with, but after her almost losing Ba.s.s and going through a tragic miscarriage that seriously rocked everything in her life, she deserved a break from it all. Trista needed to understand and respect that.

"She did go back and forth there for quite some time..." I started to say, remembering how pa.s.sionately broken she had been when Ba.s.s had broken her heart the first time around after wrapping up their first film together. "But Emma wouldn't do that ... not with Ba.s.s, not when she has everything to lose."

Emma had made a daring choice. She had chosen the one she couldn't live without. Even though it had been tearing her apart, she had made a choice, and I couldn't have been more proud of her.

"Carter is hot-holy flippin' hot-but Ba.s.s ... He's mighty delish."

Trista was rather too enthusiastic to say the least. I knew she didn't mean anything by it, but seriously, I wondered what Taylor would think if he heard her adore other men that way. He was a secure man-I knew that-but surely he would feel a tinge of something, wouldn't he?

"You have a boyfriend who's really head over heels in love with your crazy a.s.s. Please take note."

She beamed before wistfully sighing. "I love my Taylor, but one can dream. Who would you have chosen, Carter or Ba.s.s?" she asked before shaking her head. "Oh, never mind, knowing your singular taste in men, you'd choose Carter."

Was that a light jab? I knew I had been obsessed with one man all my life, but there wasn't any need to talk down to me.

"Wow, you're on it today, aren't you? Good, ol', judgmental you. Who knew?"

She made a face, as if stating she was sorry I had taken offence in her jab. "I think it's all this bulls.h.i.+t wedding gloom. It's just us two left. No surprise there."

Uh, what was this woman on?

"Oh, shut up. You're practically married. While I, on the other hand, have been purely and truly single for as long as I can remember."

She immediately had a somber look about her, as though thinking on my personal pain. "You can change that any time you want, but you're so f.u.c.king stubborn. I'm not even going to start on that."

"It's not that easy." Thinking it was different than acting on it. The taking initiative part was the hardest thing of all. She was with me through it all. Surely she must know how tough it was for me. I had tried, hadn't I?

"Nothing ever is, but you gotta try harder until it's not hard anymore. You have to make a decision and stick to it, even if it hurts."

"I know, Tris," I murmured, not in the least upset by her concern. "I know he won't ever come to love me the way he loved her. I'm not stupid."

"Then what are you doing? Since you already know this, what are you waiting for?"

Who f.u.c.king knew? I was a lost cause.

"I don't have a clue." Sometimes, it was better to accept things the way they were instead of fighting against them. After all, it would only exhausted me, and I was at that point. When it came to Brody, when it came to my parents, I had all but given up hope that things would be different.

"Want my thoughts on it?"

"No thanks." I directed a warm smile at her before reaching out to give her a tight hug. She was insufferable, but I loved her like a sister.

Upon being releasing from my grasp, she instantly cupped my face, staring directly into my eyes. "I'm going to give it to you, anyway," she declared. "I think you should hook up with Carter."

Uh...

I barked out a deep-bellied laugh, wondering if she had been smoking a joint or something. It was the most bizarre thing she had said all day.

"Are you trying to get me thrown in the water in the middle of the Aegean Sea, Trista? Because that's a surefire way to get it done right there. Lindsey and I just made up. Hooking up with her brother is out of the question. Besides, Emma might murder me in my sleep. I know she's married to Ba.s.s and loves him to death, but Carter and Ems ... There's a lot of history there, too."

"It was just an idea; that's all."

Yeah, and a crazy one at that! Seriously.

I took a moment to take in her face before bellowing another round of laughter. I was already a wreck; there was no need to add on to my problems.

"He's single and you're single, both lonely birds out here mending broken hearts. What could be a more perfect solution?" she said as if it made the perfect sense, as if it was something I should have thought of.

"You. Are. Out. Of. Your. Mind." She was, pure and simple.

Her green eyes lit up, signaling she had conjured another wacky suggestion. "I can ask Lindsey if it'll be okay with her. I can play matchmaker."

It was my turn to snicker, warming at the sight of her being inspired by her conspiring, beautiful mind. "How about I light your a.s.s on fire?"

She rolled her eyes at me yet remained persistent in her cause. "You need spice, babe, and I believe Carter Mason can supply the demand, so why the h.e.l.l not?"

Because...

Because!

"I think I need to get away from you," I finally said, knowing I couldn't take any more of this "you need to move on" speech. Not today, anyway.

"You love me. Besides, we're on this yacht, and as big as this mega boat is, you can't run that far from me."

She had a point, but it didn't mean I couldn't try.

When I didn't respond to her, she immediately pressed on. "Come on, Amber! You used to be fun."

"Truth or dare doesn't work that way anymore." Her life was so different than mine. While hers had stabilized, mine hadn't really changed. I was happy for them all-I truly was-but I couldn't help wondering when I could get a break from it all.

Hailing down a pa.s.sing waiter, she took two gla.s.ses of white wine before handing me one then taking a hefty sip of hers. "You loved teasing Mr. Wilson with that cute, little, plaid skirt you had on so he would give us a better grade in Chemistry cla.s.s."

Ah, good ol' memory lane. One could always count on a good laugh with that in mind.

"We were caught cheating! I had to do something. If it weren't for your cheat sheet, that wouldn't have been necessary. And who goes into their finals drunk, anyway?"