Unleashing The Power Of Rubber Bands Part 4

defining Moments.

LEADERS LIKE TO TALK about defining moments: critical timeswhen we draw a line in the sand, put a stake in the ground. Defining moments are vivid times of commitment where direction is clarified, corners are turned, hills are taken. You can't always predict when they will occur, but it's this very element of surprise that adds to the drama. about defining moments: critical timeswhen we draw a line in the sand, put a stake in the ground. Defining moments are vivid times of commitment where direction is clarified, corners are turned, hills are taken. You can't always predict when they will occur, but it's this very element of surprise that adds to the drama.

We cannot live or lead without defining moments. We need them both individually and corporately. They write our history. They help us start new chapters, give us the courage to turn over new leaves, and breathe fresh wind into complacent and mediocre inst.i.tutions. Defining moments are new beginnings and fresh starts.

They are all those things and at the same time, theyare just moments. Anyone who has experienced a defining moment knows this. Some moments "take" and some don't, but the ones that count are those that somehow have the power to produce a new way of living.

Sometimes we mistakenly think that the power is in the defining moment itself. But the power is actually in the resolve following the moment, the momentum that emanates from it. It may be more accurate to say that the power is in the tandem of the two: the defining moment and the plan that follows. Defining moments are only as significant as the lifestyles they produce. If defining moments don't change things, they didn't define anything.

During my time in Axis, I experienced two particular defining moments, one that resulted in widespread lifestyle change, and one that didn't. Therefore one was truly a defining moment and the other wasn't, but I didn't know that at the time.

During the first few months in my leaders.h.i.+p role at Axis, I joined regular attendees and people new to the ministry at a weekend retreat in Wisconsin. We started with a great teaching and wors.h.i.+p session on Friday night, and then another similar session followed small-group experiences on Sat.u.r.day morning. The afternoon was full of great outdoor free-time activities, and after dinner on Sat.u.r.day evening, we had an evening wors.h.i.+p service.

To say that the wors.h.i.+p service was an event is an understatement. The band was amazing, and the energy in that room was just short of "rock concert." People wouldn't let the band finish, they kept clamoring for more, and as it got closer to midnight, I told my staff that I was going to bed and to be sure and wake me if they ended up having to call the police. Mostly that was a joke (although as myson constantly reminds me, in order to be a joke it needs to be funny), but that's how high the energy was.

Defining moments are only as significant as the lifestyles they produce.

The next morning I thinkmost of the people were suffering from a "wors.h.i.+p hangover," and breakfast attendance was spa.r.s.e. By the time the final morning teaching session was ready to start, many people had told me how amazing the wors.h.i.+p had been the night before.

I was sure the concert itself had been amazing, but I wondered if people were trying to make it into something it wasn't. When I spoke that morning I said this: "When the day comes that this Axis community-myself included-is giving at unbelievable levels, serving the poor with the same kind of energy I saw last night, and living deeply in authentic, Christ-centered, transformational relations.h.i.+p with one another, then I will believe that what we experienced last night was true wors.h.i.+p."

But without all those things, our concert was nothing more than intentional frenzy that may have felt good in the moment but had no real, deep connection to the inner core of G.o.d. On the outside, the event had all the markings of a defining moment. But a closer look revealed that it was more like cotton candy: one bite and it dissolved. Nothing significant or lasting came from it.

(Now, as a side note, here is what I think is one of the most difficult things about leaders.h.i.+p: I could have been wrong. It wouldn't have been the first time. My internal hunch could have been completely off. So saying what I said was a risk. But I couldn't shake the sense that something was off. Let me be even more honest. I wish it had had been a defining moment. It would have been great for my reputation as a leader to have one so soon after starting.) been a defining moment. It would have been great for my reputation as a leader to have one so soon after starting.) Fast-forward a little over a year later to a summer series we did in Axis called "21 C: How to Live an Authentic Faith in the 21st Century." We wanted to highlight people in their twenties and early thirties who were living out their faith in unique and authentic ways, and one of the people we invited to speak was Shane Claiborne.

Shane's talk was a defining moment that s.h.i.+fted Axis into a lifestyle change. One hot August night, and the following morning, Shane talked to our community about what it meant to follow a Jesus who talked more about serving the poor than about prayer and what it means to be born again, put together.

In a winsome way that had more teeth than we even knew at the time, Shane spoke words that were prophetic. Through the teachings of Jesus and numerous Old Testament pa.s.sages, he clarified for us the call for our disciples.h.i.+p to be infused with service to the underresourced. You can read a longer version of this story in Looking for G.o.d Looking for G.o.d, but the end result of Shane's sermon was an altar of sorts, made up of more than seventeen hundred pairs of shoes, which were given to be distributed immediately to the homeless in Chicago.

Most of Axis left the services that weekend in bare feet.

But this time, Axis did the hard work of determining what would come after the bare feet. Our staff, as well as our key volunteer leaders, met together and talked and prayed about how we could keep this weekend from being just another moment. How could we build a lifestyle and a legacy around the holiness of what had just happened? We recognized how far away our ministry was from the vision that Shane had painted for us.

The beauty of what had happened led to pain. And perhaps that is the key to moving from a defining moment to a lifestyle, this mixture of beauty and pain that prods us to movement and change. Heather, one of our Axis staff members, spent countless hours working with Axis people as well as community volunteers until she devised a rhythm of weekend serving opportunities.

Soon, the first weekend of every month, a team was heading into downtown Chicago and working with Bethel New Life, an organization that served the children of homeless families. The second weekend of every month, an Axis team was working with Feed-A-Neighbor, a downtown group that distributed food and clothing to the homeless. The third weekend of every month, a group from Axis was serving with Habitat for Humanity, doing construction on local sites. And the fourth weekend, a team was in the juvenile prison system. Every weekend, like clockwork. Regular teams were in place for each of those causes, and in addition any individual or home group could join up with these teams.

We began to make serving the underresourced central central to our community. Not just a yearly event or a good idea. Not simply a thought with no reality, but a "set your watch by this" commitment. In addition, we began to ask all of our home group leaders in Axis to lead their groups to serve together regularly each quarter. Many of them chose one of these monthly ministries, but they were free to find their own if they wished. to our community. Not just a yearly event or a good idea. Not simply a thought with no reality, but a "set your watch by this" commitment. In addition, we began to ask all of our home group leaders in Axis to lead their groups to serve together regularly each quarter. Many of them chose one of these monthly ministries, but they were free to find their own if they wished.

We intentionally moved serving from the outer ring of influence more toward the center. Shane's sermon became more than the catalyst to remove the shoes from people's feet, a one-time deal. It sp.a.w.ned a reaction throughout our entire ministry that led us sweetly down the road of real disciples.h.i.+p.

The reciprocity was staggering. The serving, which was directing our resources and our efforts toward those in need, was only the beginning, as that G.o.d-given energy flowed back toward us from those we met in life-changing ways. In our weekend Axis services, we often told stories and showed pictures of children being helped, houses being built, and meals being distributed. We also told about the changes that were occurring in the lives of our Axis attendees who went for the sole purpose of giving and were stunned to see how much they gained in the process.

This will seem like a little thing, but we also rearranged our bulletin for the weekend services. We moved the order of the service over to the side, and used that front-and-center spot for ways people could connect into community groups or partic.i.p.ate in weekend serving opportunities. We wanted even our bulletins to reflect the change and remind us of it weekly.

In our members.h.i.+p cla.s.ses and our new leader training,we embedded this value of serving. We taught about it, told stories about it, and made it one of the functions of becoming a regular part of Axis. We just expected that people would join in. As much as reading the Bible, prayer, wors.h.i.+ping together at the weekend services, and being in community, service became a part of our fabric.

We contacted community leaders in neighboring Palatine, a fairly affluent community with a pocket of immigrants living in a small area that tilted the average income downward. They found ways for our Axis people to help teach ESL cla.s.ses and to do after-school tutoring. We became partners with the Palatine Police Department in their summer efforts to keep kids out of gangs by sponsoring a day camp.

You couldn't come to Axis without understanding that an enormous part of how we were being transformed by Christ had to do with giving of ourselves to others, especially those in need. We took seriously and leveraged the gift that Shane had given us, to change us. The two-way street of serving did just what G.o.d had always intended: It changed us. It changed the shape and texture of our ministry, and over time, serving became part of our reputation. It began to define us, and it all started from that one moment.

There is a downside to defining moments that we can'tignore, however. While defining moments can propel us to great things, they can also become major obstacles to moving to the next levels. It's tempting to rest for too long on last year's defining moment-talking about it, replaying its details, telling stories about it, all the while becoming oblivious to the fact that we have stopped living it. Defining moments can be like quicksand that way. Before you know it you are underground, confused as to how you got there.

Our consulting team worked with a fabulous marketing agency for about a year. I often say that we get called in to work with an organization in three different scenarios: a group that is going through major upheaval; a group that is going through some transition and needs help; or a good team that simply wants to get better. All three have their own unique joys and challenges. This was definitely a good team that just wanted to get better, and those are fun clients to work with.

They were highly motivated, which came as no surprise since in their sleek, modern offices were tasteful displays of multiple awards they had won for their work in the industry. During the first few visits to their headquarters, one of my partners and I counted over thirty awards, plaques, and trophies from the last five years alone.

At one of our meetings with their executive team, anumber of the team members were bemoaning the fact that they felt "stuck." They were certainly well respected and successful, but unlike the early days of the company, they lacked that hunger that had led them to enjoy their reputation for creativity and innovation.

As they went on talking about that, one of them reminisced, "Do you remember how we all felt the night we won that first award?" Those who had been there at the time nodded, as did the rest, who had heard about that experience many times. That night had been a defining moment for them. And for a while, it propelled them to great heights. But somewhere along the way . . .

As we talked about that defining moment, someone had an idea. I think a really great idea. In two days they would be having their monthly all-staff meeting. In preparation for that early morning meeting, what if they decided to go in and remove all the awards? What if when the staff arrived for the meeting, it looked like a burglar had stolen all of their awards-representations of all their defining moments?

We could hardly control the rest of the meeting. The energy that emanated from that one idea was unbelievable! The team talked for nearly an hour, imagining the response as well as planning what the meeting would be like after that. The ideas tumbled out, and sixty minutes later they had, at least on paper, the makings for another defining moment.

Sure enough, the meeting was everything they thought it would be, and more. The buzz in the offices was deafening, and by the time everyone had walked through the building and gathered in the large meeting room, it took them nearly five minutes just to get people quiet enough to get started.

After a great introduction by the leader, the staff was divided into fifteen or so smaller groups. One person from the leaders.h.i.+p team sat with each of the groups, and for the next sixty minutes plus, they discussed how each person reacted when he or she saw that the awards were missing. Interestingly, something else emerged clearly in each of the groups. Nearly everyone in the company shared the same frustration that the leaders.h.i.+p team had been expressing just days before. Those who had been there at the beginning missed the energy and excitement and productivity from those early days. Those who had only been there long enough to have heard the stories wondered if those stories would only be in the past.

The meeting allowed for a release and an unleas.h.i.+ng of ideas, hope, desire, and commitment that had been simmering just below the surface, but took a "burglary" to tap into. That day, another defining moment occurred. And after the initial group work, another idea emerged. Those groups spent the final few minutes of the meeting writing out on colorful poster boards all the words that described what had won those awards.

Then, they took eight-by-eight-inch poster boards and placed them on small stands to hold them upright. With words like whatever it takes whatever it takes, bold bold, relevant relevant, inspiring inspiring, and What's our next award? What's our next award? each stand was placed into the spot where just yesterday an award had stood. each stand was placed into the spot where just yesterday an award had stood.

When the group had come up with the original idea to remove the awards, they had planned on replacing them after the all-staff meeting. Unanimously and vigorously, however, the staff overwhelming chose to leave those words in place of the awards and only to take them down as they were replaced by new awards, which they were determined to win.

Now, the point of this story isn't simply about winning awards. It is about keeping people motivated, tapping deeply into that G.o.d-given desire and ability to create and innovate. How do we as leaders leverage defining moments for momentum? How do we recognize the signs of stagnation or decline, and do the work of leaders.h.i.+p in reminding people what a great thing it is to work, to strive, to generate, and to build?

How do we learn to use the right touch and not to pileup relentless requirements for work that makes the soul weary? How do we clarify that continual call for people to give their best in such a way that stimulates ideas and moves us to new levels? How do we create an environment where everyone knows that no matter how great the past was, it will never compare to the future?

There is often an enormous disconnect between the vision of an organization and the events that make up the daily calendar pages of the organization's leaders.

As leaders, we need to answer these questions. And perhaps, in doing so, we'll experience the most defining moment of all.

A final thought on defining moments and the momentum they shouldcreate: There is often an enormous disconnect between the vision of an organization and the events that make up the daily calendar pages of the organization's leaders. While vision can be a defining moment in an organization, often day-to-day responsibilities seem to have no connection to the realization of that vision. This inevitably leads to discouragement for leaders, teams, and organizations.

I know this well, not only because I have encountered the problem many times in coaching others, but also because it was pointed out to me during my time as a leader in the health care industry. I had a boss who was great at regularly sitting me down and going over my daily schedule to see if it aligned with my goals and the vision of the department. Too often, it did not.

His gentle question, "How will these activities result in the goals we have set?" was annoying but clarifying. I guess I just thought the vision fairy was going to come along and produce the vision while I engaged in activities that had no connection. I hate it when I am wrong.

However, a simple exercise both for individuals and for teams is to "audit" each other's calendars from time to time. Just have a simple discussion about what you are doing and why, and then speak about each other's choices, paying particular attention to the question "Does this activity move us toward our vision?"

"Does this activity move us toward our vision?"

With that simple question, my boss was able to help me use that as a grid for how I filled my days. Up to thatpoint, I had always felt busy but not always effective. And that is a frustrating feeling: overworked but underchallenged, spinning wheels with little to show for it. With such a little s.h.i.+ft, I was much better able to make good decisions about what I said yes to and what I said no to. No small feat.

Spending our yeses on activities that create movement toward the vision is very inspiring because we can see the progress. When I started leading Axis, my boss gave me a handwritten half sheet of paper with three simple goals on it. I carried that paper inside my calendar for five years. It was my compa.s.s. I can't do twenty things well. I'm not even sure I can do six things well.

But three? Now I have a fighting chance.

bad person . . . bad fit . . . Big Difference.

SO, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY get fired, but if it had been anything more than a two-week temporary job, I would have. get fired, but if it had been anything more than a two-week temporary job, I would have.

I should have.

During my soph.o.m.ore year in college, a friend asked if I would fill in for her for a month while she and her husband went to visit family. She did administrative work for a company that developed the plastic coating for the insides of dishwashers.

Sounded fascinating.

I wanted to help out a friend.

How hard could it be?

It was a disaster. No, let's put it more honestly . . . I I was a disaster. Some people are really gifted for administrative, detailed, and orderly work. Some are not. Who knew it could be so difficult? was a disaster. Some people are really gifted for administrative, detailed, and orderly work. Some are not. Who knew it could be so difficult?

Well, pretty soon I knew, and not long after that, the boss and others on the team knew. I remember sitting in that office, typing on carbon triplicates. Some of you who are younger will have absolutely no idea what a carbon triplicate is, but suffice it to say that any typing mistake took an act of Congress to correct. This was before the days of the backs.p.a.ce key for easily correcting mistakes. In those days, your mistakes were rather permanent, changed only with copious amounts of Wite-Out on each of the four carbon copies, leaving a reminder of your errors.

Every day I left the office with my purse stuffed stuffed full of mistyped carbon forms. My purse was only full after I had surrept.i.tiously packed the restroom trash can, being careful to lay paper towels over the top so no one could see what I had put in there. I folded a few into my pants pocket and found a drawer that no one was using and made it my personal hiding place. full of mistyped carbon forms. My purse was only full after I had surrept.i.tiously packed the restroom trash can, being careful to lay paper towels over the top so no one could see what I had put in there. I folded a few into my pants pocket and found a drawer that no one was using and made it my personal hiding place.

What took my friend minutes to type-with no errors-took me hours, and I am not exaggerating. I couldn't for the life of me figure out the filing system. The questions that people asked when they called in seemed to be in another language. I began to understand that I had vastly under estimated the complexity of the world of heat-resistant plastic coating.

I was so grateful that it was a slow month; I wouldn'thave lasted two days if it hadn't been. That said, I lasted two weeks. Fortunately the boss was a big fan of my friend, and her job remained hers even though I didn't work the last two weeks. I think the way he put it was, "You know, Rob and Susan have some extra time these next two weeks, and I really think they can handle this."

I had become an obstacle to the business. (I still wonder if some units actually made it to their correct destination or are sitting in some cargo hold in East Asia.) And the leader had the courage to do something about it. I am pretty sure I heard a collective sigh of relief from the team as I left.

There is a big difference between a bad fit and a bad person. Leaders.h.i.+p is about having the courage to make that distinction. Too often, we hide behind the belief that someone is a bad person, when the reality is, he or she is simply a bad fit. Many organizations and certainly many churches have allowed people to remain in positions (paid or volunteer) for which they are poorly suited. Everyone suffers when that happens.

The organization suffers. When someone is in the wrong position, vision, strategy, and results usually suffer. The church or the ministry department or the business fails to live up to its G.o.d-given potential. The organization is crippled in its efforts to be all that it could be. That is not G.o.d's design for a church or an organization. When someone is in the wrong position, vision, strategy, and results usually suffer. The church or the ministry department or the business fails to live up to its G.o.d-given potential. The organization is crippled in its efforts to be all that it could be. That is not G.o.d's design for a church or an organization.

Individuals suffer. When a person is not well suited to his or her role, the people who work with and for that person inevitably languish in some regard. They either fail to get the support, recognition, or resources they need to do their jobs, or they are neglected in areas of disciples.h.i.+p and growth. When a person is not well suited to his or her role, the people who work with and for that person inevitably languish in some regard. They either fail to get the support, recognition, or resources they need to do their jobs, or they are neglected in areas of disciples.h.i.+p and growth.

It is one of the fundamental jobs of a leader to make sure that the right people are in the right positions in an organization. Leaders who take action and initiative to make sure this is the case engender trust. Those who don't, cultivate cynicism and mistrust.

Certainly, systems can provide an infrastructure to support the alignment of the right people in the right positions. Things like hiring according to job descriptions and giftedness, 360-degree reviews, performance feedback, and one-on-ones are all necessary to accomplish this.

But the right person in the right position is more than a systems issue. Out in front of the systems must be the willingness to intercept entropy at its earliest signs, the courage to have difficult conversations, and the ability to set deadlines for resolution. A leader's observations and questions for a person who may not be the greatest fit for a position will help move this process along in healthy ways. The bad fit may be in areas of character or competency or both.

To overcome the bad-fit syndrome that plagues so many organizations, you need to tackle it from two directions. First, you will need to start right where you are, taking a look at those who might possibly be in the category of bad fit. You will need to find out if that is the case, and then lead those people through a process that either s.h.i.+fts them into a position more suited to their abilities and strengths, or moves them out of the organization in fair and honoring ways.

Second, you must take a look at the "on-ramp" in your organization: hiring. How well does your company do at the very beginning of the process to make sure that the fit is strong? This goes to issues of knowing what your values are and asking questions in an interview setting that check for alignment with those values. Do you allow a wide variety of people within your organization to partic.i.p.ate in interviews so that you have a great cross section of opinions? Do you consistently call a candidate's references to be sure you get a fully orbed picture of his or her track record? This is not an issue of "good people"; it's more complicated than that. There are good people in every organization. This is an issue of finding good people with excellent abilities inthe area for which they are being hired.

For many of my years in leaders.h.i.+p, I seemed able tohire well in most areas-except for administrative a.s.sistants. I'm not sure exactly what the problem was, but I think one of them was that I vastly underestimated what it took to do that job well. I didn't realize that, like any other job, the skills needed to do this role required specific and unique abilities. Embarra.s.singly, I think I figured that anyone could do it. The obvious irony here was that I sure couldn't.

So I hired a great woman as the key administrative a.s.sistant for our department. Never mind that she was basically an artist. She was a good person. A really really good person: likeable and fun, filled with great energy, helpful. Those are all significant qualities, but the one thing she couldn't do was administrate. good person: likeable and fun, filled with great energy, helpful. Those are all significant qualities, but the one thing she couldn't do was administrate.

Details got overlooked, b.a.l.l.s were dropped, and follow-through was poor. Our work was suffering and people were getting frustrated. But every time she would bounce into my office with her notepad, I found myself fooled by her earnestness, and I would think, Okay, this will be fine Okay, this will be fine. And then it wasn't.

One day in my office, after we finished going over a long list of things she would need to redo, I just stopped. I looked her in the eyes and said as kindly as I could, "This isn't working, is it?"

And then I didn't say anything else. Her eyes filled upwith tears and they started spilling down her face. Without saying anything, she just shook her head.

After a few moments I said, "I think you go home every night resolving to do better tomorrow. But I don't know how good it is for you to keep trying harder at something you aren't good at, all the while not doing the things you are good at."

She listened and nodded. Then the words just came pouring out of her. She had been miserable. She was trying so so hard. She felt terrible about not doing a good job; it wasn't like this was a secret she didn't know. She knew very well how poorly she was doing, and she hated it. She thought that trying harder might help. hard. She felt terrible about not doing a good job; it wasn't like this was a secret she didn't know. She knew very well how poorly she was doing, and she hated it. She thought that trying harder might help.

But you see, she was an artist, and artists don't make the greatest administrative a.s.sistants. Certainly there may be exceptions, but she wasn't one of them.

And you know how easy it is to get frustrated with someone who isn't doing a good job? She was even more frustrated than I was-with herself. And honestly, as a leader, I had to admit that I had let her down. After our conversation I felt terrible, realizing how keeping her in that position had done her a terrible disservice. I owed her more than that.

As we've already seen, one of the most significant jobs a leader must do is to get to know his or her people, and out of that knowing, to be sure they are positioned according to their levels of character, competency, and energy. This woman and I had a wonderful conversation after the tears, and I pretty quickly moved her off staff. She has now written a number of best-selling novels and has been very successful in her life's work-once she was positioned to do what she does best.

This process takes time, and that's why one of the most important things to do is to work on finding the right fit during the hiring process. It's a lot a lot easier to increase your success rate that way. Having to deal with people who are already in the wrong position is a lot more difficult and time consuming than it is to fill the position well in the first place. easier to increase your success rate that way. Having to deal with people who are already in the wrong position is a lot more difficult and time consuming than it is to fill the position well in the first place.

When the wrong person is in the wrong position, the cost to the organization, in terms of morale and security, is high. So a leader has to be committed to that process. Max DePree often talks about leaders.h.i.+p in terms of obligation-what we owe.

Leaders tend to have strong personalities, and strong personalities don't often like to think in terms of obligations. But there it is. Leaders are obligated. It is inherent in leaders.h.i.+p. We are obligated to many things, not the least of which are clarity, expectations, feedback, and follow-up. We owe it to those we lead-not to mention the organizations in which we do that leading-to makeaccurate observations of their abilities and gifts and engage in honest conversations about their performance.

Time consuming, difficult, and necessary.

Leaders are obligated to many things, not the least of which are clarity, expectations, feedback, and follow-up.

Duty bound and obliged.

A few years back, one of my a.s.sociate directors came into my office and made an observation. He laughed and said, "I've been watching you, and do you know that when you have someone on our staff who is a poor fit, or for one reason or another isn't working out, you ask them to read Let Your Life Speak Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer? And if we have someone who is a great fit but might be contemplating a move, you ask them to read by Parker Palmer? And if we have someone who is a great fit but might be contemplating a move, you ask them to read Finding Contentment Finding Contentment by Neil Warren?" by Neil Warren?"

Honestly, I hadn't noticed. Funny how the subconscious works sometimes. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized he was right.

We had a guy on our staff who was a terrific guy. Good person. And when he was first hired, he did a great job. But over time, he had either outgrown his job or he needed more challenge than we could at that point provide for him. Either way, things had s.h.i.+fted. He started coming late to meetings and staring at his computer during them. (Don't even get me started on that one!) Generally, he was doing a pretty mediocre job all around.

But he had been with us long enough that I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to give him more time and understanding. I waited six months before having a direct conversation about the entropy I was seeing. That was five months and twenty-one days too long.

I was obligated to have that difficult conversation with him at the first sign of entropy. Here's the deal: Probably about eleven times out of ten, the answer to your most burning leaders.h.i.+p issue is to have the conversation have the conversation.

I know, I wish it was a different answer too. But it's not, so we might as well start practicing now.

Have the conversation.

When a conversation is going to be difficult, or when I'm not really sure what is actually going on or what thecore issue might be, I have always found it helpful to start out with observations and questions. Savethe direct statements for when there is unhealthy resistance or a blatant refusal to see the truth. Observations are not judgments, and they provide common ground for understanding. Observations imply that this is simply something you are seeing from an outside perspective and that you acknowledge there may be something you are missing or are not understanding correctly. Observations leave room for explanations that will completely resolve everything.

Questions imply the need for more information. Now of course you can ask a question that isn't really a question, but rather a statement or an accusation. Those are not the kind of questions I am talking about. Real questions, the kind that help you to get an accurate picture of the situation and/or realize you need to talk to other people, help you to fill in the blanks and cross-check. At the very least, questions help you to start the conversation out on a level playing field.

And if it turns out you are on to something, you have started the conversation in a way that hopefully will position you to move toward resolution. These difficult conversations will have give and take, truth and grace, embarra.s.sment and hope. You will have to listen, speak with boldness, forgive, understand, hold accountable, and ask for apologies. And then, most likely, you'll have to have more conversations before it is all over. If your response to all of this is "I don't have time for this," you are neglecting the obligations of leaders.h.i.+p. Sorry to have to be the one to say it. I didn't like it the first time I heard it either.

Another thing these kind of conversations do is to createleaders who know what is going on in their organizations and allow everyone in the organization to know that they know. So many leaders are clueless about so many important things-not micromanaging kinds of things, but things like recognizing and responding to bad att.i.tudes, poor work ethics, excuse making, blame s.h.i.+fting, underperformance, cynicism, and lack of results. The conversation at least implies that this is not not okay. okay.

One other type of bad fit that can affect an organization is the employee who holds everyone else hostage-the diva, the rock star. Got a name that's already popped up in your head? Certain people, often very gifted people, refuse to be team players. They do what they want, when they want. Their area is clearly the only area they care about, and everyone knows it. When their area is a central engineto the organization, the problem is magnified even more.