Moonglass. Part 7

For the rest of the period I yearned for and dreaded the bell . When it finally rang, I took in a deep breath and slowly packed up my stuff. The room cleared out, and I was left standing uncomfortably, backpack slung over one shoulder, ready to make a quick exit if need be.

Once everyone was gone, she walked over to a packed shelf behind her desk and pulled a worn book out, flipping through it with a faint smile. "You may like this one. Your mother sure did. Said it inspired some of her paintings."

Paintings?

The question must have shown on my face.

"She was a brilliant artist, even at a young age. I think it was the way she tried to work things out for herself. We've all got something we do, and hers was painting." She nodded to herself. "I'm guessing your dad didn't save any of her work, then." I had no memory of her painting. Ever. Never heard my dad mention it either. I stared down at the book she held out to me. Adorning the cover, in curling ornate lettering, was the t.i.tle Mermaids: Daughters of the Sea.

I didn't say anything. She pushed it gently into my hands. "Take it. It's a place to start."

"Thanks," I managed, pus.h.i.+ng it to the crook of my arm.

"Anna," she said softly, "Answers to most of our questions do exist. You just have to ask them."

"Yeah," I said curtly. "I need to go. Um ... thank you for this." I walked past her and out the door, sure of two things: One, I needed to change my English cla.s.s, and two, I could run for miles today and not feel a thing.

"Long. Slow. Distance.... Also known as LSD in running. It's what you'll be doing today." Coach Martin stood in the center of a ring of stretching runners.

He put his clipboard behind his back and walked the ring our feet made as we reached for our toes. "Today's run is about enduring. It's about getting your mind to a place where it can rest and let your body take over. Don't look at your watch, don't guess the mileage, and don't think. Just run. Settle into a pace that you can hold as long as I ask you to." I didn't flinch. All the better. Bent in a stretch, I exhaled into my knees and welcomed the time to not think about anything but running.

"We're going to head back into the canyon. I'll be in front of you on my bike with water if you need it." I leaned forward again and looked out of the corner of my eye for Jillian. She was already up on her feet, kicking out her legs. I stood up casually and stretched my arms above my head. Coach Martin glanced at each of us. "And one last thing. No racing. Let it go for today or you won't last the run. Now, let's go."

Our shoes crunched over the dirt track, first in a walk and then accelerating into a slow jog. I was conscious of Jillian a foot or so behind me, but didn't alter my pace. When she caught up and I could see her in my peripheral vision, I queled the urge to pick it up. She looked over at me and nodded, and I nodded back. We squeezed through the gate that separated the track from the land behind the campus, and headed down a dirt road that twisted far back into the green canyon. The air was hot and dry until we rounded the first curve into it. Under the shade of towering eucalyptus trees, I began to relax into the pace and let fall away all of the things that weighed me down. I pictured the trail of them behind me-the cottage my mother had lived in; the unsettled feeling my dream had left me with; the fact that everywhere I went, someone knew something about my past that I didn't- "Slow down." Her words jolted me from my thoughts. "You don't always have to run like you're racing. Relax." I checked my pace. "Sorry. It's been a long day."

"Well, it's gonna get even longer. He wasn't joking about this being a distance day. So relax. Breathe." She smiled over at me. "tell me about you and Tyler Evans." I tried not to react, but felt a tiny wave of nervousness zing through me. "Nothing to tell , really." She gave me a look as our shoes crunched together in rhythm. "Come on ... spill it. We need something to talk about to take up this run." I glanced around, cheeks burning. At our pace we'd left the rest of the girls trailing some distance behind. Her tone was easy and comfortable, so I figured it was safe. "All right. There's nothing interesting to tell . We were both at this lifeguard bonfire, and we swam out to jump this rock, and I gave him every opening I possibly could have to make a move, but he didn't. And I wasn't naked. Or drunk." I paused and glanced over at Jillian, who was smiling knowingly. "Too bad the truth doesn't live up to the rumors, huh?"

She rolled her eyes. "It never does. I figured it was something like that. Don't worry about it. People just like to talk. They'll forget by Friday." We took a few more strides before she spoke again. "And don't count Tyler out either. For all his c.o.c.kiness, he's actually kind of a gentleman, so I'm not surprised he didn't do anything. It's probably a good sign, actually. If you're into him."

Oh, G.o.d. "Did you guys ... I'm sorry. I had no idea-"

She laughed out loud. "Me? Oh, G.o.d, no. I didn't date Tyler. No offense, but he's not really my type." We'd picked up the pace the slightest bit. "No, my sister went out with him a few times, and she said the same thing about him. That he pa.s.sed up a few good moments before he actually kissed her." The previous moment's awkwardness paled in comparison to this. What was I supposed to say? That I knew about her sister? Ask about her? Say I was sorry? That I'd banish Tyler from my thoughts? I was so used to being on the other side of this conversation, I had no idea. "Oh, I ..."

"You don't have to feel weird about it, though. She's been gone for a couple of years-a bad car accident. Everyone else here knows, so you may as well hear it from me. Anyway, you should go for it. He's a good guy."

She'd done perfectly what I'd never been able to do. Slipped it in casually, like she was long over it, and got on with the conversation. She hadn't even left me room to say "I'm sorry" before moving on to Tyler. But I couldn't not acknowlledge it.

"Wow. I'm so sorry. About your sister, I mean." I fumbled, but she rescued me.

"It is what it is. Sometimes life throws s.h.i.+tty surprises at you and there's nothing you can do about it, you know?" I nodded and inhaled deeply. It would have been a good moment to say "Yeah, I know what you mean" or something that let her know I'd been there too.

That I was back there, in a way. But I didn't. Instead I cleared my mind of everything except the rhythm of our feet in the dirt, my breaths, and the quiet understanding I felt growing between us as we matched strides.

CHAPTER 15.

Friday came more quickly than I'd expected. I'd spent the week waking up looking forward to first period, where Tyler and I snuck friendly banter back and forth when Mr. Strickland wasn't looking. My lunches were spent listening to Ashley and the two girls she'd befriended in dance cla.s.s chatter about everyone in school, from who they were dating to who they were wearing. I got myself transferred to a different English cla.s.s so I wouldn't have to face Joy again. And Jillian and I had just taken first and second in the opening meet, helping earn a win for our team. And now it was Friday.

We walked out to the parking lot, still in our uniforms, and she stopped when we got to her car. "Wanna go to the party at Celine's tonight? It's tradition after the first race ..." She threw her bag into the trunk. I was about to take her up on the offer, but we both turned at the voice that came from across the lot.

"Hey! Louanna!"

Jillian raised an eyebrow. "Or maybe you have other plans?"

I tried to tone down the immediate giddiness that spread out from my stomach. "No. Not yet.... Maybe?" I could always hope.

"Let's leave it open, then." She got into her car. "Call me if you decide you want to come, and I'll pick you up." Before I had a chance to answer, she winked, shut the door, and was backing out.

Tyler jogged up behind me. "Hey, I was trying to call you." I could hear the grin in his voice and I paused before turning, mostly to compose myself.

"Funny. I could have sworn you heard me tell Mr. Strickland that I go by *Anna.'"

"I heard you and Jillian killed it in your race today. Anna. Nicely done." He smiled his golden-boy smile at me, and that, in combination with his hair all wet and sticking up in every direction, was enough to make me-well, I didn't even know.

He smelled like chlorine, but I liked it on him. "Did you guys have a game today?" I grinned inwardly at a brief flash in my mind of him in a Speedo and the funny little water polo cap.

"No. First one's next week."

"Oh." For lack of a better response, I took a step toward my car.

Tyler went with me. "So, I didn't ever get to ask you-how was your dad about the whole party thing? I figure I don't have a job next summer, after that." I kicked a rock across a few empty parking s.p.a.ces. "He was pretty p.i.s.sed, but I think he'll let it go. He's done a few things that he owes me an apology for, so I'm gonna say we're even."

"What, like naming you Louanna?"

I gave him a look. "That was my mom's fault, actually. It was after her grandmother or something like that."

"If it makes you feel any better, my real first name is Frank. Tyler is my middle name. But same thing. I'm named after the grandpa I never met." I stopped at the back of my bus. "This is me."

"Yeah?" He eyed the surf racks on top of the bus.

"Yep." I opened the back window and threw my backpack in, then turned back to him and tried to think of something else to say.

"The cla.s.sic surf mobile." He smiled wide. "It suits you."

I smiled back. I had always loved the bus. "Yeah, we've been a lot of places in that thing. I'm not sure that it fits in here, though." I looked across the half-empty parking lot that held a mix of BMWs, Mercedes, and Range Rovers.

He waved his hand dismissively. "Cars like that are a waste. They've never been down a dirt road in Mexico that ended at the perfect surf spot." He patted the back window. "This one, though ... I bet it's seen some pretty cool places."

We were quiet a moment, and I looked at the ground. "I should get going," I managed, sounding as awkward as I felt. I didn't mention the party. Just in case he was about to invite me somewhere. I pinched my running jersey between my two fingers. "Gotta get out of this thing." Lovely. Remind him how gross and stinky you are right at this moment.

Tyler didn't seem to notice. "Yeah, I should get going too. My dad has some big business meeting late, and I promised my mom I'd go to dinner with her ..." He trailed off, and we both stood, unmoving. I was about to break the long moment of silence, but I saw something flicker over his face and waited.

"Hey. Just so you know, those cottages you were asking about-all the broken-down ones? Most of them aren't locked up. You wouldn't need your dad's keys to go look in them. You just have to find an open lock. I went through them all last summer. Kind of another rookie initiation."

I raised an eyebrow and gave him my best mischievous smile. "Oh, yeah? well, I'll keep that in mind-although ... I'd be too creeped out to go in them alone, and my dad is working nights now, so he couldn't take me. But, yeah, one of these days I'll have to check them out." I couldn't have left him a bigger opening. I waited. Hoped. Opened the driver's side door and started to climb in.

He took a step closer and leaned a tanned arm on the open door. "Hey-"

I caught my breath and got ready to accept his offer to give me a full tour of the cottages.

"You should ask James. He knows all about the history of them and all that stuff-if that's what you're really interested in." He was looking straight at me with his ridiculous silver-blue eyes and the hint of a smile.

I put the key into the ignition, turned it hard, and did my best at nonchalance, despite the heat that crept up my neck. "Yeah, that's right. James." I looked at my watch. "Maybe we'll check them out tonight. He'll probably just be getting off duty when I get home, if I go soon." I put my sungla.s.ses on. He stepped backward, then shut the door softly for me. His hands rested on the open window frame, inches away from my shoulder.

I shrugged. "If not, maybe I will just bring a flashlight and go myself." He laughed a little, then looked down at his feet.

"What?" I asked, a bit more indignant-sounding than I would have liked.

He grinned at me and put his hands up. "Nothing, nothing.... I could show them to you one of these days too, if that's what you're interested in." I paused, trying to determine if this offer was out of sincerity, interest, amus.e.m.e.nt ...

"Yeah? If you ever want to come down, you know where I live." I smiled and put the bus in reverse. "Otherwise, I'll see ya around," I said brightly, hoping that it sounded casual, but mortified he had read me that easily.

He pushed off the door and waved as he took a step back. "Bye, Anna."

I nodded when I drove by, and he did the same. In the rearview mirror, I watched as he kicked a rock, sending it bouncing across the asphalt. Then he shook his head and laughed, and I was sure the humorous thing was me. Ugh.

It was close to five by the time I parked the bus in front of our cottage. I shut the motor off and looked out through the winds.h.i.+eld for a moment, straight at my mom's cottage. I didn't even know she'd lived in it. Had she grown up there? Spent summers? How many nights had she stood on the tiny balcony and breathed the ocean air?

A wave broke the stillness, and I shook the thoughts from my head before getting out. I looked up to the north end of the beach, where falling-down cottages dotted the hill and the bluff above. The sun hung low in the sky, spilling orange warmth onto them. crystal COVE BEACH COTTAGES: ISLANDS IN TIME ON THE CALIFORNIA COAST. That's what the sign over the little park store said. Again, I had a feeling maybe that's what my dad was after in coming back here. To go back to an easier, happier time in his life. I could see the draw, the charm he saw in it. His history ran deeper here than I had ever cared to ask about. My mother's, too, which was the problem. I'd done all my asking about her a long time ago, taken the simple answers, and packaged them up neatly in the back of my mind. And it would have been easy for them to stay that way had we not ended up here, on an island in time.

I pushed the thought from my head and headed up the front steps, but stopped short when something on the doormat caught my eye. It was a small folded piece of paper, weighted down with a cobalt blue piece of sea gla.s.s. With my name scrawled on the front.

I stared at it, running through the few possible people it could be from. But the sea gla.s.s narrowed it down to only one, and I felt guilty just thinking about her. After that first day of school, I never went back to Joy's cla.s.s. Getting switched to another English teacher was surprisingly easy once I told my counselor what was mostly the truth-that I couldn't take Joy seriously as a teacher when she'd been such a close family friend. Since then I'd done the best I could to put her and all she knew about my mom out of my mind. I'd wanted to at least bring her book back, but each day I carried it in my backpack, I found another reason to avoid her hall way altogether.

I set my bag down and knelt to pick up the gla.s.s and the note. Then I sat on the front step, placed the still -folded note in my lap, and examined the gla.s.s in the afternoon sun. It was the size of a small marble, time-smoothed and thick, and the color blue that could have been a vase, or a medicine bottle, or ... a mermaid tear. I stared down at the note, and waited a breath before I opened it.

Dear Anna, Found this on the beach today and I knew you would appreciate it. I want you to know, I understand your choice to leave my cla.s.s. I shouldn't have a.s.sumed you'd want to talk about your mother with me. For that, I'm sorry. I knew a sparkling, artistic side of her and would love to share that with you one day. But I realize that sometimes our histories can feel too fragile to sift through. If you decide you'd like to, come find me. And please, keep the book. It was a source of inspiration for her.

Maybe it can be for you, too.

Fondly, Joy I sat still, aware only of the rhythmic crash and rush of the waves and the closing-in sensation all around me. I wanted to know about her, I did. I ached to.

But I worried that Joy was wrong. That it wasn't history that was too fragile, but me. I folded the note up tiny and shoved it down into my bag, along with the gla.s.s. Not tonight. Tonight I'd go out with Jillian, away from the cove, and I'd feel better.

When I emerged from the steamy bathroom, our house all golden-warm with late afternoon sunlight-it seemed like forgetting about it all might actually work.

CHAPTER 16.

Jillian wasn't answering her phone, but I wasn't in a big hurry. I had no idea what the dress code might be for the party, so I pulled on some comfy shorts and a tank top and plunked myself down in my green chair to wait for her to call back. Outside, the beach was deserted except for an elderly couple walking hand in hand along the waterline. They were both barefoot, with their pants rolled up to their calves, which struck me as unusual and especially sweet.

My mind wandered to Tyler and his easy confidence. I'd actually most like to be going somewhere with him tonight, but that hadn't panned out. Either he was completely oblivious or just not interested. Both possibilities ended with him being unattainable.

And then there he was. Literally. Walking down the beach, carrying a bag and drink tray from the Beachcomber.

I shot up, smoothed my hair, and sat back down, all in quick succession. A minute later, when his face appeared in one of the gla.s.s panes of our front door, I was sitting in my chair, casually flipping through the first book I'd grabbed. I was the picture of relaxation.

He knocked, and I gave a little jump, then squinted at the door like I didn't know who it could possibly be. When we made eye contact, I gave him a puzzled look, which was quickly replaced by a smile before I got up and walked over to the door as casually as I could. Then I opened the door and felt stupid. He was still in the same clothes I had left him in, and I was basically in my pj's.

Luckily, they were cute and little.

I noticed him notice. "Hi." His eyes moved quickly over me before he brought them back to my own.

I smiled, my confidence bolstered by this small thing. "I thought you had a dinner date ..."

"Yeah, well . She stood me up. Conference call with her new business partner. So I had these burgers from up there." He motioned to the Beachcomber.

"You hungry?" I scanned the beach for any sign of my dad's truck before answering, which must have caused a too-long pause.

"You do eat ... right?"

"Yeah." I brought my eyes back to his. "Sorry. You just surprised me."

He shrugged. "I could probably eat them both if you're not interested. I was thinking I'd just sit all by myself down there on the sand and then take my flashlight and go check out some of the cottages all by myself too."

I rolled my eyes. "All right, enough. If you wanted to hang out with me that bad, you could have just asked. Lemme grab a blanket." He raised an eyebrow. "To sit on," I said flatly, though I was flattered by the implication, however tiny. I stepped back. "You can come in. I'll just be a minute." I grabbed my phone and sent Jill a quick text: "Guess I do have plans. See you Monday." He scanned the beach just as I had a moment before, then stepped in and stood in front of the window. "So this is what you see every day. Must be nice." I moved some pillows aside and opened one of the storage benches in the little alcove. "You saw it every day at work." I pulled out a multicolored quilt, faded and worn thin after many a day spread out on the sand.

"Yeah, I guess. But I wasn't relaxing in my living room. I was at work. You get to live the life every day." He turned slightly, so that he faced my mom's cottage, then nodded at it. "I think we should try to get in there. That's the only one I haven't been in."

"No!" I said, with more force than I had meant to. "I mean, I just think it'd be too easy to get caught in there," I covered. "Too many people walk up and peek in the windows. I watch them all the time. Plus, my dad drives by a couple times a night, and he'd notice a light in there, believe me. Let's walk up to the north ones."

"All right," he said as we walked out the door. "Let me just warn you, though-there's a reason they're condemned. Grab your shoes. And maybe a sweats.h.i.+rt or something."

He stood aside for me, and I led the way down the stairs, which I was happy to do because the b.u.t.terflies in my stomach felt like they must be obvious on my face. Now the night felt like possibility. So much so that I almost didn't glance over at her cottage as we made our way onto the cooling sand.

Neither one of us said anything as we spread the blanket out. I sat down, and Tyler did too, close enough so that I caught a hint of chlorine again. He pulled two paper-wrapped burgers and a box of fries out of the bag, then some napkins. He handed me one of the sodas from the tray, then held his cup up.

"Cheers. To making it through your first week at Coast." We each sipped from our straws, then he twisted his cup into the sand and leaned back on his elbows.

"So, what do you think so far?"

I cleared my throat and briefly imagined telling him that I had never found wild hair and the smell of swimming pools so attractive. "It's not too bad, I guess." I ran my fingers through the sand next to the blanket. "People are definitely different here from my last school." He swallowed a mouthful of food and washed it down with a gulp of soda. "In a good way or a bad way?" I looked out at the ocean and tried to suppress a smile. "I don't know yet. I'll tell you when I decide." He nodded. "I don't doubt it. You don't seem to be the type to hold back much."

I c.o.c.ked my head a bit, surprised at this. He had no idea how much I could hold back.