Refusing to Serve Me? Then Off With Your Head! Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – The Imagined Great Qi Emperor

Actually, many years ago, Yan Ping, his small face flushed like fire, with grief and indignation, had defensively said “An Yi, I’m not h.o.m.os.e.xual!”

At that time, my chubby claws firmly grasped his slender wrist, exerting all the strength in my body, wanting to pull him to my side, and refusing to relinquish my hold.

The previous great Chen emperor was still alive then, and the great Chen palace, even amidst the chaos of war and the many va.s.sal states of the outside world, was still a beautiful place.

The previous dynasty’s great Liang emperor had been very licentious and tyrannical, causing the country pa.s.sed down by the ancestors to be lost completely.  Eighteen regions rebelled against the emperor.  Sixty-four regions were enshrouded in the smoke of war.  Xiao Huang‘s grandfather was one of those regions.  The great Chen dynasty hadn’t even existed for one hundred years when Xiao Huang’s grandfather had conquered the world, pa.s.sing it onto Xiao Huang‘s father. But even so, the current situation of va.s.sal states clas.h.i.+ng in an attempt to seize power was unstoppable.

When the previous emperor was still just the crown prince, he, my father, and Yan Ping‘s father were like good brothers, fighting shoulder to shoulder on the battlefield.

My father was cowardly by nature, but had extraordinary strength.  He swore he would be a scholar one day, using elegant and ornate words of justice and virtue to cleanse the world and save the common people.  Afterwards, after almost losing his life a few times in the chaos, he changed professions to become a pork butcher.  Then, after a long period of killing pigs, he went onto the battlefield to do the evil business of killing people. The army he was thrown into was precisely that of Xiao Huang‘s father.

That’s why, when I was very little, there was actually a period of time that Yan Ping and I spent a cheerful childhood together.

At that time, mother had already left this world and the previous emperor had already ascended the throne with two major chancellors under him.  One was Yan Ping‘s father, Yan Yu.  The other was my father.

I was naughty and stubborn since little, and compared to children of the same age, had much greater strength.  Every time the palace hosted a feast, Uncle Yan would bring Yan Ping along to attend.  When I saw this little boy, whose face was like a painting, my heart would become elated, often forcefully grabbing his hand to go play.

His strength was very little. With his slender wrist tightly grasped by my chubby hands, face flus.h.i.+ng so happily that he was nearly in tears, he would very bashfully refuse. “……Don’t……Don’t want……” (Was it that those were actually tears of fear?)

All of the uncles in the room had once been on the battlefield, so their voices were very resonant. Each of them would burst into laughter, “Brother Yan, this son your family is raising seems rather like a maiden.  If that were true, he could becomes An Yi‘s young wife. Just look at An Yi‘s delighted appearance…..”

When I heard these words, I became even more joyfully satisfied. Going forward, I smacked my lips twice, stamping a seal on each side of his cheeks, self-righteously laughing, “Wife, come play with me…”

Crying, Yan Ping was pulled away by me….

Actually, even when crying, my little wife still had a face that was like a painting. Drop by big drop of pearl-like tears rolling down, without even the smallest hint of snot drippings, he was very good-looking.

Not like me.  If father didn’t agree to satisfy my demands,  I would lay down on the spot, causing a scene, rolling around, using any and all methods to……being like that must also be extremely good-looking, right?

Afterwards, year after year, at every year’s palace feast, the number of uncles who attended the feast became less and less.  Father said they had all fallen on the battlefield……my little wife also cried less and less as time  pa.s.sed….. each time only using all of his strength to struggle with me, and when he was nine, there was finally a day where he, red-faced, angrily said, “An Yi, I’m not h.o.m.os.e.xual!”

That year, we were chosen to be the prince’s study mates, to accompany the then five year old Xiao Huang as he began to enter the palace to study.  Every month, for half a month, we stayed in the palace together.

In the time spent at home during the other half month, the amount of homework would increase tremendously.  Father invited many people, hoping to teach me at every opportunity.  No matter how unreasonably I acted, it was no use.  One time, I threw too violent of a fit, so I was given a ruthless beating by him and locked into a dark room.  From outside the door, he threatened, “Girl, if you don’t willingly put effort into your martial arts practice, a good for nothing, tomorrow I’ll go to court and personally beg his majesty to let you enter the palace as the crown princess…..who told you to be inept at literature and incompetent at martial arts, unable to stand strong in these chaotic times?”

I thought about the five year old Xiao Huang looking at me with a foolishly happy face, and was unable to repress a s.h.i.+ver……

Father, you are too heartless!

Furthermore, how could I cast aside my wife, who was as delicate as a flower, as precious as jade?

Even though he said I was a h.o.m.os.e.xual, I wasn’t angry in the least.

That’s because I had a dream: one day, I wanted to wear women’s clothing in front of him.  Not like at present, just two people who live together in the side hall of Dong palace.  He however, usually just makes a cold face, as though he wished to death that his face could really become an ice block, freezing my smile.

But father said, a person should be thick-skinned and black-hearted, able to endure a strike and withstand indifference.  Only then will there be a day of success and recognition.  Even though I’ve never once thought about bringing honor to the ancestors, my desire to have a good ending with Yan Ping is matchless in its sincerity and urgency.

It’s just that that year, I was too young, not understanding that the affairs of life were ever-changing. No matter how cold he was, I would still relentless fawn over him.  In the early morning I would bring him face-was.h.i.+ng water, and at night, I would desperately wish that I could bring him  feet-was.h.i.+ng water……but was always forcefully blocked by the palace maids.

The main point is, when bringing him face-was.h.i.+ng water early one morning, half the basin of face-was.h.i.+ng water was splashed onto his body, just as it was close to winter……as a result, even before night fell, he began to sneeze. The Dong palace servants were scared until their souls nearly scattered and flew away.  They feared that this small cold would infect his majesty, the crown prince.  With lightning speed, they transported Yan Ping out of the palace…..

I was really disappointed.

Even more disappointing was that for the next half a year after, Yan Ping, under my incessant and close care, continued to remain sick. In the end, the Empress and Uncle Yan Yu both came to a conclusion: Yan Ping was incompatible with the palace!

His studying period came to an end.  His misery was boundless.  Taking the initiative, he decided it wasn’t too late to retreat, leaving only me to accompany Xiao Huang, to struggle against the waves.

Xiao Huang was ridiculously happy because of this for several days.  Everyday he would pull on my clothes, dragging me to the main hall of Dong palace……I’d struggle for half a day, but could not resist the evilly bright and foolish smile spread across his face, eventually laying down my weapons in surrender, accompanying and living with him in the main hall of Dong palace….

My recollections came to a grinding halt.  Those years belonging to the great Chen imperial palace always brought with them an air of golden luxury. Compared to the prison cell before one’s eyes, in the dusky light and muddy air, it couldn’t be anymore different.  The man outside had a rather mocking look.  The face that was once picturesque had now become much more valiant.  Having pa.s.sed through many unstable years, my skin was already as thick as a city wall; my heart as dark as an ink stone.  These few mocking words could not change my face color nor could it cause me heartache in the least.  On the contrary, it caused a wide smile, “These words of General Yan are wrong! Even if I’ve sunk down low enough to be a prisoner, sentenced to beheading, I still ought to get a meal before my head comes off right?  It wouldn’t do to starve to death before the beheading right?”

His gentle eyes became cloudy.  I was used to laughing at his cold face. Showing a mouthful of white teeth, “Although An Yi might lack seven tenths in appearance, there still exists three tenths.  If I’m hungry, even these three tenths will be gone.  With what then, can I hope that his highness the great Qi emperor will take pity on and preserve this life of mine?”

Obviously very angry, he slammed his palms against the prison wall, temporarily stirring dust into the air.  “An Yi, if you don’t want to die, then stop speaking thoughtless words!  As far as I know, his majesty the great Qi emperor isn’t h.o.m.os.e.xual!”

I continuously shook my head, sighing “Tch, General Yan leading troops all year round, even your temper is growing more and more bad!  There’s just one thing I’m afraid General Yan doesn’t know……An Yi isn’t h.o.m.os.e.xual either!”

His angry stare having not once lessened, he gave a cold humph: “Since when? I didn’t realize that the person little General An likes is actually a woman!”

Contrary to expectations, this sentence was the truth — He has always known that since young, I’ve never fancied anyone other than him!

It’s a pity that that was only in the past.

I smiled brightly, “An Yi has originally always been a woman.  How can I like another woman?”  After so many long years, using my own mouth, I finally said this sentence to him.  My heart immediately felt relieved, and my whole body felt extremely worry-free.

“You….”

He was utterly stunned, the eyes used to look at me even stranger than ever seen before. It was as if his facial nerve could act independently, his cheek muscles violently pulsed a few times.  Eventually he calmed, “You…you are really a woman?” Surprisingly, even his words carried a slight tremble.

Seeing him like this was very fascinating.  I couldn’t help but laugh heartily, and again, carelessly “How about I let you examine?”  So saying, I stood up, removing my belt and pulling aside my outer garment with a rueful heart.  Just for a bite, I have to sacrifice my body.  Am I really that easy?

He stupidly watched me, dazed as though he had lost his spirit.  “You…don’t continue.  I…I will go find something to eat and bring it over right away.”  Unexpectedly, it seemed like an att.i.tude of surrender.

Too bad I’ve always acted quickly.  Not waiting for him to finish his words, I was already free from my undergarments, exposing the white cloth that bound my chest within.  Having heard his words, I hastened to bundle back up and laughingly said “It’s best if you believe!  Starving this major criminal, I’m afraid you wouldn’t gain any benefits either! His majesty the great Qi emperor isn’t muddle-headed like that one of ours…..” As I spoke, I jerked my chin to indicate that guy in the opposing prison cell, who was sleeping intoxicatedly.

Remembering the year that he and I were officials in the same court, Xiao Huang was also extremely affectionate towards him, never bound by the propriety that should exist between sovereign and subordinate.  He would often euphorically call him “Brother Yan Ping….”  His majesty the great Qi emperor of the present, Feng Zhao Wen, is a black-faced, pungent-hearted ruler, strictly restraining the officials;it can be a.s.sumed that Yan Ping has lost the privilege of being called brother by his majesty the emperor.

His face was very unsightly, as though his beloved item was stolen by someone. “An Yi, you’re actually that impatient to be with his majesty the great Qi emperor?”

Pointing at his face, very much surprised, “General Yan, these words were strangely said. Presently, I’ve been reduced to the status of a prisoner.  Of course I’m thinking about ways to save my life. Don’t tell me I’m supposed to sit still and wait for death?  General Yan’s expression is very unsightly like this, as if someone is forcing you to go be with his majesty the great Qi emperor?!”

As soon as these words left my mouth, my heart regretted them tremendously, as my stomach was still hungry.  According to his past temperament, hearing these words, he will definitely be upset.  Rubbing my  hungry and flat stomach, I immediately tried to salvage the situation.  On my own face, I lightly gave two slaps and flatteringly said, “Look at this mouth of mine.  How could it speak such nonsense?  General Yan, please quell your anger, quell your anger!  This lowly one, once my stomach is hungry, my head would become dizzy.  Once my head becomes dizzy, I would speak thoughtless words….”

Although his face became even more unsightly by a bit, he never became angry, and even his voice was uncommonly gentle, “You….you don’t have to be this way.  I’ll go look for something to eat and bring it over at once!”

I nodded my head as if pounding onions, deferentially following his exit with my eyes.  When falling back onto the pile of straw, I couldn’t help but be immeasurably self-satisfied:  could it be that, after pa.s.sing through three years of destiny’s manipulations, my flattering skills have gone up a level?

But ordinarily, it doesn’t seem like Xiao Huang makes me put this skill to use?!