Mind Platter Part 8

Don't aim to be understood by others before you understand yourself. People may never understand your intentions. You know them. They may never understand why you do what you do or say what you say. You know the reasons. They may never understand why you treat them the way that you do, or why you treat others the way that you do. You know why. They may never understand the words that you say or the language your eyes speak. You understand these languages because you create them. They may never understand the strength it takes to be the way that you are. You know your weaknesses and your struggles, and you are the one who works to overcome them, so your strength means more to you than it could ever mean to anyone else. It really isn't about what they understand by just looking at you. It's about what they want to understand, and if they really want to, they won't a.s.sume. They will ask.

The Other Side

You may think that I share my strengths with you to put you down and to tell you that I'm better. But have you ever thought that I had to overcome the fear of you envying my happiness, hoping that you could be happy not for me but with me? You may think that I share you my weaknesses only because I need you to help me cope with them, but have you ever thought that I had to overcome my safe silence to express my words to you? Have you ever thought that I've made the decision to allow you to understand me? You may think that I am nice to you because I need something from you, but have you ever thought that I had to silence every disappointment I've had in the past, and every unnoticed effort, to be nice to you? You may think that I care for the person that I want you to be, not who you really are, but have you ever thought that if I thought you were not worthy of my care that I would allow myself to care for you?

Close Your Door

The moments when you feel de-realized from life are critical moments to reflect on what is essential to your existence. If you don't put yourself first, no one will. Learn to stop when you've done just enough. In the same way that you say sorry when you don't have to, you need to hear it, at least, when you rightfully deserve it. You know the things and people that you promise yourself will make you happy if you push yourself hard enough to get them? They will make you happy for a while until your inner need for happiness asks for something new. Real happiness comes from within, from what you have now, not from what you will have tomorrow. Close your door. If something belongs in your life, it'll knock. You have enough things and people around you to make you happy. Don't just look at them. See them. Appreciate them. Say no when you need to, not only inside, but say it loudly enough to be heard. Extend your hand only for as long as you need to and only to the extent that doesn't hurt you. You know why? It's because, once you fall, it's not what you want that will lift you up but what you already have.

Unjustified Excuses

There's absolutely nothing wrong with giving people excuses. It just goes to show how positive you are deep down, how able you are to see the good in people, and how able you are to see past the faces that they show. The real mistake is when you treat those people as if they've tried to express those excuses to you, as if they've put the effort forward to clarify their words or actions. The problem is when you make those excuses into apologies in your own head and forgive without being asked forgiveness or even being thought of as worthy of being asked for forgiveness. The problem is when you don't allow people to feel the need to make an effort to hold a spot in your life. If you're going to keep making them feel that you're okay no matter what they do, then don't wonder why they continue to do what they do. If you're willing to spend hours trying to justify their actions, what have you left to worry about your own?

Past What You See

If only we knew the tests that each of us has encountered, we would be much more compa.s.sionate towards one another. But no. We see beauty, and we wonder why we don't have it. We see riches, and we wonder why we don't have them. We see happiness, and we wonder why we don't have it. We see contentment, commitment, and success, and we wonder why someone else has them. Little do you know that, while you're envying a person's beauty, money, or success, they may be battling to live. Those things that they have that you don't have may be a way of helping them cope. Those things may be a way of proving to them that perfection does not exist. It cannot exist. Just because people don't complain to you, doesn't mean that they don't have problems. It means that they've learned to accept their problems and deal with them without wanting you to worry. They think of how to keep you happy while you wonder how they could be so happy. Don't judge. Don't give yourself the right to decide whether a person deserves what he or she has or doesn't have. If you were able to see through people's smiles and into their hearts, you would regret every judgment you wrongfully made. You would take back every wish you made, even between you and yourself, of harm happening to them. Worry about yourself. Appreciate what you have. Don't look past what you can't possibly understand. Be careful what you wish for. Life may give you something that you want but take away something that you need.

Lesson Learned

Sometimes we get so stuck on fixing things that we forget that it could be more worth it to throw them out. And sometimes it's not the things that are broken but the way we think of them, because of the past they remind us of or the fact that we think of them in the first place. That's why it's good to have people in your life who will tell you when you're wrong or when you need to stop thinking. Not people who will tell you what you want to hear but people who will tell you what you need to hear so that you may truly be a better person and perceive reality the way it is, not the way you think it is.

Take Care

Some people deserve your eyes if they need them, and some people don't deserve a look from your eyes. But, life isn't about what people deserve or don't deserve. Life is not fair. Be honest with yourself. Half the time you probably don't give yourself what you deserve. You allow your heart to love before your mind can tell you, Stop. You deserve more. You allow yourself to extend your hand before your mind can tell you, Be careful whose hand you're holding. You say yes knowing that soon you will wish you said no. You walk down a path without knowing that you can come back. You even believe in others more than you believe in yourself sometimes. You believe in others' ability to make you feel better more than in your own ability to do so. So, before you expect others to be fair with you, be fair to yourself. Before you get disappointed that people didn't give you what you think you deserve, give yourself what you deserve. Those who tell you that it's a rich man's world know what they're talking about. It's not about the money but the degree to which you think of yourself. Don't confuse taking care of yourself, your self-worth, and self-esteem with selfishness, egocentrism, or being stuck up. It's not black or white. Create the shade of balance between the care that you give and that which you receive that is perfect for you.

That Path

The breaks you create on the inside can break you down more than those on the outside. Any stranger on the street will help you get back up when you fall and hurt yourself, but rarely will you find someone who will see the agony in your eyes and work to replace it with a smile. You claim to be the one to see the sadness in others' eyes, while it is you who creates the sadness in their eyes to give yourself the excuse to make them happy. Because you want to make them happy. Because you tie your happiness to theirs. And those who actually care about you, you ignore, gracefully, telling yourself that they don't need you. Because you don't need them. Because you couldn't tie your happiness to theirs.

Accept Yourself

Don't look for acceptance. Look for respect. If you get it, give it back, and if you don't, be the first to give it. If you don't get it back, keep moving forward. If you kill yourself over every person who doesn't treat you the same way that you treat them, you'll waste your time worrying about changing people who don't care about changing themselves in the first place. If you make yourself believe that you need people to accept you, then you are giving them the right to reject you. You don't need anyone to accept you. You need to accept yourself. You need to respect yourself. You can't make anyone understand you. You can't make anyone listen to you. You can't make anyone love you, trust you, or even like you. In the same way that you decide to make them important to you, give them the right to make that decision too. If they don't, it's not your responsibility to change the way they think of you. It's your responsibility to change the way you think of yourself. Before you expect people to put themselves in your shoes, put yourself in your own shoes. Worry about changing what you need to change.

It's You

You have to realize the difference between people who consistently disrespect you because of the way you deal with them and those who disrespect you because of who you are. Often, you blame yourself for the way that people treat you. Let me tell you, you're right to believe that it's something that has to do with you. You know why? It's because they just might be jealous of who you are. So give yourself a pat on the back for being good enough to make people envy a quality in you. They won't admit it. In fact, they will claim to praise you for it, but deep down they may be burning to see you lose it. They will push you to the limit to make you just like them. What a world we have to live in where living happily and peacefully means being silent, following without questioning, and living without dreaming. Don't ever allow anyone to make you feel that being a good person is something bad. Don't ever allow anyone to make you feel that you need to prove anything to them. You don't have to prove anything to anyone if you've got the proof you need for yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe in goodness. Live your life the way you know you want to. Think of yourself but don't be selfish. Seek wealth of knowledge and spirit not wealth of money. Love and allow people to love you. Give more than you take. Take, but don't be greedy. Respect people, but don't allow them to walk all over you. Speak, but only when you need to. Choose silence unless it's going to hurt you. It's better for your words to hurt others than for your silence to hurt you. But trust me, you don't need to have people in your life who will make you choose between those two options.

The Little Things

Give yourself time to evaluate what happens around you. Don't read into everything. Learn to dissociate from the past and focus on the present. See the positives. Learn to believe that what others do or say cannot affect you unless you allow it to. So, although your tired little heart might hurt despite how strong it wants to be, despite how strong it knows that it can be, you need to protect it.

Your Opinion of Me

Sometimes it hurts more to stay away from what hurts you than to keep allowing it to hurt you. That's why you make excuses when they don't exist. That's why you create hope that, ironically, makes you hopeless. That's why you put locks on doors before you try to open them. Life is simple. Love is everywhere. You just have to change where you're looking. You have to change what you're seeing. See the best in yourself before you see it in others because, if you can't see the best in yourself, you will come to believe the worst that people believe of you. You will fool yourself into believing that their opinion of you is essential to your happiness. Be honest with yourself for a moment. Those who see the impact that they have on your life and choose to use it in a manipulative way do not belong in your life. A true leader will tell you to stop following him if he notices that you're following. A manipulative person will be happy to see your willingness to do whatever is asked of you. I'm not saying that you need to remove these people from your life. I'm just telling you to stop a.s.sociating your happiness with theirs if they don't consider you a part of it. Stop equating your worth with their opinion of you.

No Time to Waste

Life's too short, and it's so easy to convince yourself that you need to just worry about working as much as you can, making as much as you can, while you can. Come to think about it, there has got to be more to life than this. What's your purpose from all of it? At the end of your life, what do you want to look back and see that you've accomplished? What did you invest your time in? What things and people did you put first? What and who did you neglect? Some things are more important than others, and to be honest, we often neglect those who love us the most. Most times, this is not intentional but is because their love is so great for us that it makes us feel so safe. So safe, in fact, that we feel we will never lose it, that we will never lose them, that they will always understand. Those people did not have to love us, but they chose to love us. Those people chose us over sleep when they needed it most, chose us over money when they could have made more of it. Those people are your parents. They brought you into this world, and all of a sudden, you became their world. You filled up a s.p.a.ce that they didn't know they had. You helped them discover a kind of love they didn't know existed. You always had to worry about yourself, but they had to worry about you and them too. Don't wait until it's too late to show them your love and grat.i.tude.

My b.u.t.terfly

See yourself through the eyes of those who love you. They see all of the goodness in you when you fail to see it. They see the best in you when you see the worst. They are always ready to lift you up even before you fall down. They see every reason why you deserve happiness, love, and joy when you may feel that you're the furthest thing from deserving all of that goodness. Learn to care about those who care about you before you try to make those who don't even notice you turn your way. If you can't see happiness in what you already have, you're fooling yourself if you think that getting what you want will make you happy. If you can't see happiness in the simplest of things, you won't be able to see happiness in what's bigger. If you can't see the beauty of the stars, you may never appreciate the beauty of the moon. Don't a.s.sociate your happiness with things that you can get. a.s.sociate it with what you already have. Life has no guarantees except for what you are living now. So live simply, but don't be afraid to dream. Love consciously. Take care of yourself and those who need your care first. Cherish every moment that you're alive, healthy, and capable of being the person that you are. You are different. You are unique. Unless you truly believe that, happiness will stay that beautiful b.u.t.terfly that you keep chasing but cannot catch.

Choose Happiness

The happiness that your dreams promise you may be right around the corner, but you can reach them only if you're willing to turn the corner. Walk away from your safe place of hopeless uncertainty. Unchain your heart from the uncertainty that's been grounding it to misery. Choose happiness and walk away.

Imagine

The reality you live in is partially up to you. The fantasy you live in is entirely up to you.

Pure

I've learned to a.s.sume good intentions before bad ones, not because I'm naive, but because I'd rather a.s.sume good and be wrong than a.s.sume bad and be wrong.