The Book Of Good Manners; A Guide To Polite Usage For All Social Functions Part 17

A person should avoid all individual eccentricities and oddities in stamping, such as facsimile autographs, etc.

CRYSTAL WEDDINGS. This anniversary comes after fifteen years of married life, and the invitations may bear the words: No presents received, and on their acceptance or declination, congratulations may be extended. An entertainment should be provided for. Any article of crystal or gla.s.s is appropriate as a gift.

DANCES.

CARRIAGES. A man should secure his carriage-check when leaving his carriage. It is safer to take wraps and coats to the house in case of accidents.

When taking a woman wearing evening dress to a ball or dance, a man should provide a carriage.

DEBUTANTE. See DANCES--WOMEN--DEBUTANTE.

DRESS. Evening dress is worn by men and women.

DINNER INVITATIONS. The hostess issues two sets of invitations--one for those invited to both dinner and dance, and one for those invited to the dance only.

For the former, the hostess should use her usual engraved dinner cards, with the written words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter her usual engraved At Home cards, with the written words: Dancing at eleven.

A less formal way is to use, instead of the At Home card, a Mr. and Mrs. card, or Mrs. And Miss card, with the following written in the lower left-hand corner: Dancing at ten. March the second. R. S. V. P.

INVITATIONS. These should be acknowledged by an acceptance, or declined, with a note of regret within one week.

MEN. ASKING A WOMAN TO DANCE. A man asks for the privilege of a dance, either with the daughter of the hostess or with any guest of the latter or any young woman receiving with her.

On being introduced to a woman, he may ask her for a dance, and he should be prompt in keeping his appointment.

It is her privilege to end the dance, and, when it is ended, he should conduct her to her chaperone, or, failing that, he should find her a seat--after which he is at perfect liberty to go elsewhere.

If for any cause a man has to break his engagements to dance, he should personally explain the matter to every woman with whom he has an engagement and make a suitable apology.

DEBUTANTE. At a debutante's reception the first partner is selected by the mother, usually the nearest and dearest friend, who dances but once, and the others follow.

INVITATIONS. Invitations to b.a.l.l.s or a.s.semblies should be answered immediately; if declined, the ticket should be returned. A man should call or leave cards a few days before the affair.

SUPPER. At b.a.l.l.s and a.s.semblies where small tables are provided, a man should not sit alone with his partner, but make up a party in advance, and keep together.

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her table, she should provide a partner for him.

At supper the senior patroness leads the way, escorted by the man honored for the occasion.

If one large table is provided, the men, a.s.sisted by the waiters, serve the women.

When small tables are used the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.

TRONESSES. Their duties are varied and responsible--among them, the subscription to the expenses of the entertainments.

The patronesses should be divided into various committees to attend to special duties --as, music, caterers, supper arrangements, the ball-room, and all other details.

While affairs of this kind could be left in the hands of those employed to carry out the details, it is better and safer for each committee to follow the various matters out to the smallest details.

Those devising new features and surprises for such an occasion will give the most successful ball.

The one most active and having the best business ability should take the lead.

Lists should be compared, in order to avoid duplicate invitations.

The tickets should be divided among the patronesses, who, in turn, distribute them among their friends.

The patronesses should be at the ball-room in ample time before the arrival of the guests, to see that all is in readiness.

They should stand together beside the entrance to welcome the guests. They should see, as far as possible, that the proper introductions are made, and that every one is enjoying the evening, their own pleasure coming last.

If time permits, a hasty introduction to the patroness beside her may be made by a patroness, but it should not be done if there is the slightest possibility of blocking up the entrance.

A nod of recognition here and there, or a shake of the hands with some particular friend, is all that is necessary. Prolonged conversation should be avoided.

A patroness should not worry over the affair, or leave anything to be done at the last minute. If she has to worry, she should not show it, lest she interfere with the pleasure of others.

They should be the last to leave as well as the first to arrive, to see that the affair closes brilliantly.

SUPPER. The senior patroness leads the way to supper, escorted by the man honored for the occasion.

If one large table is provided, the men, a.s.sisted by the waiters, serve the women.

When small tables are used, the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her table, she should provide a partner for him, and in case of a previous engagement, he should notify her by mail.

WOMEN. A woman should always keep any engagement made, if possible. If, for a good reason, it is desired to break one, she should do so in ample time to enable the man to secure a partner.

It is bad form to refuse one partner for a dance and to accept another for the same dance afterward. After refusing to dance, a woman should lose that dance unless previously engaged.

A woman may refuse to dance at a public entertainment.

A young woman chaperoned should not accept a man's invitation, unless he first asks permission of her chaperone.

It is not good taste to keep late hours at an informal dance.

In round dances the man supports the woman with his right arm around the waist, taking care not to hold her too closely. Her right hand is extended, held by his left hand, and her left hand is on his arm or shoulder, her head erect.

When tired, the woman should indicate a desire to stop dancing.

When the dancing ends, the woman takes her partner's arm and strolls about a few minutes.

He then conducts her to her seat by her chaperone, and, after a few remarks, excuses himself.

When supper is announced, and the young woman and her chaperone are in conversation with the man who danced with her last, they should accept his offer as escort if they are not already provided with one.