The Book Of Good Manners; A Guide To Polite Usage For All Social Functions Part 15

HOW ADDRESSED. All mail and correspondence should be addressed to Rev. Mr. Smith, but in conversation a clergyman should be addressed as Mr. Smith. If he has received the degree of D.D.

(Doctor of Divinity)from some educational inst.i.tution, then he is addressed as Dr. Smith, and his mail should be addressed as Rev. Dr. Smith.

WEDDING CEREMONY. The officiating clergyman (minister or priest) is selected by the bride, who usually chooses her family minister, and the latter is then called upon by the groom with regard to the details. If a very intimate friend or relative of the groom is a clergyman, it is in good taste for the bride to ask him either to officiate or to a.s.sist.

If from any cause--as, living outside the State--the clergyman is unable to legally perform the ceremony, a magistrate should be present to legalize the ceremony, and should receive a fee.

CARRIAGE. A carriage should be provided by the groom to take the clergyman to the church, then to the reception, and thence to his house.

FEE. A fee should be paid the clergyman by the groom through the best man, who should hand it to him immediately after the ceremony.

If two or three clergymen are present and a.s.sist, the fee of the officiating clergyman is double that of the others. The clergyman should receive at least five dollars in gold, clean bills, or check, in a sealed envelope, or more, in proportion to the groom's financial condition and social position.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The clergyman should always be invited to the reception.

CLUB.

ADDRESS. If residing at a club, a man's visiting- card should have his club's name in the lower right-hand corner; if not, the name should be put in lower left-hand corner.

STATIONERY. This is always in good form for social correspondence by men.

COACHING. See DRIVING.

COACHMAN-TIPS. It is customary when a guest leaves a house party after a visit to give the coachman a tip.

COLLEGE DEGREES. Custom, good taste, and the fitness of things forbid a college man having engraved, on his visiting-card, his college degrees--as, A.B., A.M., etc.

COMMERCE, Secretary of--How Addressed. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary of Commerce.

COMMITTEES-PUBLIC b.a.l.l.s. Public b.a.l.l.s are conducted like private ones, and the etiquette is the same for the guests. The difference in their management is that, in place of a hostess, her functions and duties are filled by committees selected by the organization giving the ball.

CONCLUSION OF A LETTER. The standard conclusions of letters are: I remain sincerely yours, or; Believe me faithfully yours.

For business correspondence the standard conclusions are: Yours truly, or; Very truly yours.

For relatives and dear friends the standard forms are: Affectionately yours, or; Devotedly yours.

One should avoid signing a letter with only initials, Christian name, surnames, or diminutives.

MEN. In writing formally on business to a woman he knows slightly, a man could say: I am respectfully yours. When not on business he could write: I beg to remain yours to command.

He should avoid a signature like: J. Jones Wilson, but write: James J. Wilson

WOMEN. In social correspondence a married woman should sign: Minnie Wilson, and not: Mrs. John Wilson.

If she wants to make known in a business letter the fact of her being married, and may not know if the person addressed knows the fact, she may write: Minnie Wilson (Mrs. John Wilson) An unmarried woman would sign her name as: Minnie Wilson, and if wis.h.i.+ng not to be taken for a widow would sign: Miss Minnie Wilson.

CONDOLENCE.

CALLS. When death occurs in the family of a friend, one should call in person and make kindly inquiries for the family and leave a card, but should not ask to see those in trouble unless a very near and dear acquaintances.h.i.+p warrants.

For a very intimate acquaintance, cut flowers may be left in person or sent, together with a card, unless the request has been made to send none.

CARDS. A visiting-card is used with the word CONDOLENCE written on it, and should be left in person if possible, but may be sent or mailed to intimate friends only if accompanied by a note of apology. If out of town, it should be sent by mail with letter of condolence.

A MR. and MRS. card may be used at any time for condolence, except for intimate friends.

LETTERS. Only the most intimate and dear friends should send letters of condolence, and they may send flowers with the note unless the request has been made to send none.

CONGRATULATIONS.

BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF. If wis.h.i.+ng to send congratulations after a birth, cards should be left in person or sent by messenger.

Cut flowers may be sent with the card.

CARDS. A MR. and MRS. card can be used at any time for congratulations. If left in person, which is preferable, the card should be accompanied by a kindly message, and, if sent by mail or messenger' the word CONGRATULATIONS should be written on it. Business and professional men are not required to make personal calls, and so may send their cards. A Mr. and Mrs. card can be used for all but near friends.

When a card is left in person, with a message of congratulations, nothing should be written thereon.

A man may mail his card to a woman engaged to be married, if acquaintance warrants the action.

Congratulations upon the birth of a child may be expressed by a man to its father by sending a card with the word Congratulations written on it, or by leaving it in person.

A card should be mailed to a man engaged to be married.

WEDDINGS. Congratulations may be sent with letter of acceptance or declination to a wedding to those sending the invitations. And if acquaintance with bride and groom warrant, a note of congratulations may be sent to them also.

Guests in personal conversation with the latter give best wishes to the bride and congratulations to the groom.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. In accepting or declining invitations to wedding anniversaries, congratulations may be extended.