Gorgeous. Part 3

A smile broke slowly across his face, a wise-guy smile, crooked and naughty. "Senator from New York?"

"No, governor," I corrected. "No! Representative!"

He laughed. "Whatever you say."

If I'd had both feet on the floor at that point I still might've wobbled, but as it was, with one foot falling asleep up near my b.u.t.t, I lurched left, overcorrected, tipped right, and only managed to not fall flat on my face in front of Tyler Moss by whipping around into a drunken-looking pirouette and landing on my back.

"Interpretive dance of Mayor Morris?"

"Yeah," I answered. "Very symbolic."

"Definitely," he said, and smiled that smile again. "See, now I understand the whole Const.i.tution."

I closed my eyes, though truly, there was little chance I would fall again, since I was still on the floor trapped like a wannabe Houdini inside my own brown corduroys. I tried to look casual by propping myself up on my elbows. "Don't you have a cla.s.s first period?"

He shrugged and said, "Yeah, plumbing. But I can't find my plunger. Have you seen it?"

And then he walked away.

4.

I MANAGED TO KEEP MY MANAGED TO KEEP MY little flirt-fest to myself, luckily, because on our way out of school at the end of the day, with my Eleanor Roosevelt quote card tucked into my pocket beside my cell phone, Roxie and I rounded the corner near the gym and practically smacked right into Tyler Moss, who was leaning with his hand on the brick wall, and between him and the wall was Jade, gazing up at him and, I am not even kidding, batting her long eyelashes. little flirt-fest to myself, luckily, because on our way out of school at the end of the day, with my Eleanor Roosevelt quote card tucked into my pocket beside my cell phone, Roxie and I rounded the corner near the gym and practically smacked right into Tyler Moss, who was leaning with his hand on the brick wall, and between him and the wall was Jade, gazing up at him and, I am not even kidding, batting her long eyelashes.

"Get a room!" Roxie called to them as we strode out the door. If they had bothered to look away from each other, they would've seen us looking totally cool and self-possessed, I am sure, despite the fact that I was crumbling inside and carrying a plunger on the outside.

"He is such a s.l.u.t," Roxie said, laughing. Then she ranted as we walked out to the bus about the Fascist and how now she had to come up with a J. K. Rowling costume for tomorrow. I just agreed. The Fascist had been telling Roxie for weeks she couldn't do Harry. I slipped into the window seat with Roxie beside me and ignored Jade, who looked especially pretty, all flushed, when she got on the bus after us.

Roxie asked loudly if I wanted to hang out at her pool again. I didn't think I could handle another afternoon of self-loathing in front of Tyler Moss, especially after watching him and Jade look so cozy, so I made up an excuse about helping Quinn with her science project to get out of going back there.

I had no idea I was sort of telling the truth.

When we got home, Gosia told us that we should stay upstairs because Mom and Dad were on their way home to have a meeting with somebody and they'd need privacy in the study. Quinn pulled me upstairs and whispered to me, in her room, "You have to get this part down there."

She thrust the baby's-room part of the baby monitor at me.

"Me?" I asked.

"You're sneakier than I am," she explained.

I couldn't argue with that. I checked the batteries-dead. Quinn yanked open an a.s.sortment of flashlights and remotes around her mess of a room until she found functional batteries that fit the monitor and the receiver. We tested it twice.

"Go!" Quinn whispered urgently.

Her face was pale, with weird little blotches of red beside her nose and on her neck. So much for Miss Porcelain, So much for Miss Porcelain, I nastily thought on my way down the front staircase in my socks. I nastily thought on my way down the front staircase in my socks.

I was halfway through the silent living room when I heard a car pull up. I dashed toward the study and, sensing something nearby, straightened my back against the bookcases. Two seconds later, Gosia peeked in, plucked a microscopic piece of lint off the rug, and disappeared. My heart was thumping hard as I scouted around for a place to stash the monitor.

The desk was too obvious. The bookcase was probably too far to pick up anything.

A car door slammed. Then another.

My phone buzzed. Text from Jade: Hey. You don't still like Ty, do u? R U mad @ me?

I cursed under my breath.

No, I texted back quickly, and kept searching for a hiding spot. On the library ladder? No way, much too conspicuous. In the trash can? I stuck it in there. n.o.body would notice it. But would we hear anything? I yanked the trash can out so it sat just behind, but between, two of the chairs. I texted back quickly, and kept searching for a hiding spot. On the library ladder? No way, much too conspicuous. In the trash can? I stuck it in there. n.o.body would notice it. But would we hear anything? I yanked the trash can out so it sat just behind, but between, two of the chairs.

The door next to the kitchen opened. "Right through here," I heard Mom say.

I cursed again, and slapped my hand over my mouth. Then, realizing maybe Quinn would be listening, I said, whispering right into the baby monitor, "I think I'm trapped. Maybe I should just hide behind the desk here."

I heard something drop upstairs and then Quinn's voice yelling, "Allison!"

I had to stop myself from laughing out loud. Way to play it cool, Quinn Way to play it cool, Quinn. I heard Mom offering a drink to somebody as her heels clicked across the kitchen. I had maybe three seconds.

As I dashed from the study, I realized I'd have to cross paths with Mom and whoever. I froze for half a second. Ack!

I turned and squeezed myself behind the column that held a sculpture the decorator had chosen of a hideous fat baby. The thing s.h.i.+mmied. If it crashed, Mom and whoever would obviously see me, cowering behind the column and among the broken pieces of overpriced clay. Please don't fall, Please don't fall, I prayed, despite my atheism. The image of the devil I had dreamed flashed in my mind, and I thought, I prayed, despite my atheism. The image of the devil I had dreamed flashed in my mind, and I thought, Trade you one person thinking I'm gorgeous if you keep me invisible this once. Trade you one person thinking I'm gorgeous if you keep me invisible this once.

The thing stopped wobbling. Probably just because it had found its equilibrium.

I'm not saying the devil interceded.

Though I did silently say a quick Thank you Thank you as my mother and a very tall man with a completely spherical belly preceding him walked right past me and the hideous fat baby without noticing either one of us, and turned to go into the study. as my mother and a very tall man with a completely spherical belly preceding him walked right past me and the hideous fat baby without noticing either one of us, and turned to go into the study.

I didn't budge until after Dad followed them in, with an uncharacteristically stressed expression on his face. He closed the door behind him, and only then did I sprint silently up the front steps, contemplating my until-then-undiscovered and only gift: I could be a totally great cat burglar!

"You want to give me a heart attack?" Quinn complained.

I kissed her cheek. She hates when I do that.

What we heard was mostly static. We tried my room, which was no better. Phoebe, who wasn't around because she had track after school, got slightly better reception in her room, but the upstairs den was even better, and, following the signal, we found that the best reception was actually in one of the guest rooms behind the back stairs. We crouched over the night table, trying to hear what they were saying.

After Fat Man said "...legal ramifications...," Quinn said, "This is what I was afraid of."

"What?"

"It's Mom's lawyer," Quinn whispered. "Those guys at work totally screwed her."

I shook my head, unsure what Quinn was talking about, but not wanting her to know that.

Fat Man asked something about a paper trail, and Mom said she would get the doc.u.ments from her files. Quinn sank to the floor.

"I can't believe they screwed her like this," I said, trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about.

"I know it," Quinn agreed. "It's a team! They make the decisions on what to invest in together. They're going to make her seem like a total cowboy. She could get fired."

"Fired?" No way, No way, I thought. Mom is a very successful hedge fund manager. She has been on the cover of I thought. Mom is a very successful hedge fund manager. She has been on the cover of Working Woman Working Woman magazine. She's been in the magazine. She's been in the Wall Street Journal Wall Street Journal and the and the Columbia Business School Magazine Columbia Business School Magazine. She makes a ton of money. She's one of the Top Women of Wall Street. Fired? Fired?

"Probably not. Hopefully not. She won't." Quinn took a steadying breath and whispered, "If she gets fired, it's all over."

We heard the study door close and Mom's controlled voice saying, "Here's the time line," just as the back door opened and Phoebe came in yelling, "What's going on?"

"Get her," Quinn ordered.

I was halfway down the stairs before the thought occurred to me, Why do I always have to do everything Quinn decides? Why do I always have to do everything Quinn decides? But instead of dealing with that, I grabbed Phoebe and dragged her noisy self up. But instead of dealing with that, I grabbed Phoebe and dragged her noisy self up.

She is the loudest thing. She kept asking questions until I almost had to punch her in her b.u.t.ton nose. We had trouble hearing much more, especially with Phoebe there, and then they were walking back through the kitchen, so we scooted out of the guest room and across the upstairs den to my room and shut the door so we could talk about what was happening.

Phoebe was all You guys have to tell me You guys have to tell me, like Quinn and I had all kinds of secret knowledge between us. I wasn't about to blow it by badgering Quinn, too, so I was just acting like I was holding back my incredibly vast knowledge of what the h.e.l.l was going on instead of lacking it. In reality, I was just as anxious as Phoebe to hear Quinn's theory.

We were all sitting on my bed about to hear it when Mom and Dad opened my door and announced they were going for a ride and that our tennis instructor wasn't showing up again. Whatever.

Right after they left, Phoebe's boy-toy called on her cell phone, and she switched gears seamlessly from family-crisis mode to flirty-girl mode. Her voice got all feathery and sweet and, just like Jade, she was literally batting her eyelashes. Despite being on the freaking phone phone with the boy. with the boy. He can't see you, dim bulb! He can't see you, dim bulb! Ugh. I almost puked all over my bed, which she and Quinn had demolished anyway with their squirming around on it. Ugh. I almost puked all over my bed, which she and Quinn had demolished anyway with their squirming around on it.

Then on the way downstairs, Phoebe had to twist the knife by asking how it went with Tyler Moss. I explained to her as calmly as I could that Tyler Moss was an obnoxious jock whose name I never wanted to hear again. During the explanation, I may have left a permanent bruise in her flawless upper arm with my vise grip on it.

As the devil had said, alas.

And then things got really fun when at dinner Mom announced that she had been fired.

So it was was all over, apparently. all over, apparently.

Though exactly what was all over I had no idea, and wasn't about to ask, with Quinn, Phoebe, and Dad all silently eating their dinners. I pushed mine around and stood up as soon as Quinn did and followed her up the stairs.

"Fired," I whispered.

She closed her eyes slowly and opened them even slower.

"Like some shoplifting checkout bagger at the Food Emporium," I whispered. "Not promoted, or decided to take a job at another firm, like a normal parent. Fired."

Quinn, paler than ever, turned to me at the top of the stairs and said, "You're an idiot." Then she went to her room and closed her door softly.

Phoebe was coming up the stairs behind me, so I went into my room and closed the door, too. I taped the Eleanor Roosevelt card from Jade up on my bathroom mirror and reread it: Do one thing every day that scares you. Do one thing every day that scares you. I thought, I thought, Just one thing? Is that a dare, or a limit? Just one thing? Is that a dare, or a limit?

I surfed the Net for a while, then read, then just listened. Nothing going on. Was everybody really going to sleep at ten? Peeking out my door, all I saw was everybody else's closed doors, so I snuck back down the stairs to retrieve the baby monitor. Not so stupid for an idiot, huh, Not so stupid for an idiot, huh, I was thinking. A big cardboard box blocked the study door. It was full of Mom's stuff: the portrait of the five of us in the silver frame, her Orrefors vase. So they'd made her clean off her desk and clear out, box of junk in hand, right in front of everybody. How humiliating. I was thinking. A big cardboard box blocked the study door. It was full of Mom's stuff: the portrait of the five of us in the silver frame, her Orrefors vase. So they'd made her clean off her desk and clear out, box of junk in hand, right in front of everybody. How humiliating.

I was just seeing what else was there when Mom suddenly sprang up behind me and screamed that I'd better get my hands off her belongings and get myself up to bed; the last thing she needed right then was trouble from me.

Great. Well, that killed my sympathy for her pretty fast.

I said some nasty stuff about her not needing to take out her work stress on me, and as much as she liked to blame me for everything, I was not the one who got her fired. She yelled back, but I wasn't listening, so I don't know which details she was highlighting about my horrible personality. A random track from The Greatest Hits of Allison Sucks. The Greatest Hits of Allison Sucks.

I slammed my door, muttering curses under my breath. Was.h.i.+ng up, I dimmed my bathroom light so I wouldn't have to see my hideous face.

5.

FRIDAY, JADE SAT DOWN next to me on the bus in the morning. Serena sat glumly across the aisle. "You want to come over before we go to the movies tonight?" Jade asked. next to me on the bus in the morning. Serena sat glumly across the aisle. "You want to come over before we go to the movies tonight?" Jade asked.

So she had forgiven me, and our movie plans were on again. I'd been thinking I'd be spending the night trolling the Internet at home, alone.

"Sure," I said.

"What should we wear?" Serena asked, leaning toward us.

Jade rolled her eyes subtly, just to me, and then said, "Just henley s.h.i.+rts and Hard Tails, I think. Right?"

"Yeah," I agreed. "Whatever. I'll probably wear a hoodie."

"So stylin'," Jade teased me. She pulled a pale pink lip gloss out of her bag and handed it to me. "I got an extra one for you at Sephora. My mom dragged me to the mall with her yesterday, so this was my reward. Try it."

I smoothed some across my lips, reluctantly.

Jade looked at me critically. "Nice," she said. "You definitely need gloss, Allison, or your lips disappear. And if you don't look good, I don't look good."

I tried to return her smile without losing my lips.

"So you don't like Ty anymore?" Jade whispered.

I shrugged.

"If you still do, he's dead to me."

"Thanks," I whispered back. "But, I mean, he's free to...Anyway, he's probably out of my...whatever. So go for it, if you want."

"He's probably way out of my league, too."

"I don't know about that," I said, sinking lower. "Thanks for asking, though."

"Friends first," Jade said. "Absolutely. But if you aren't putting a hold on him..."

"He's not a library book."

"Okay, Miss Snippy." She smiled at me, her smile that let me know I was being a bit obnoxious, but that she forgave me, all at once.

"Sorry," I muttered.