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Bring your b.r.e.a.s.t.s up to my mouth. Display them to me.
She didn't want to let go of him, but she did, cupping their weight and tilting them upward to increase the sensitivity of the nerves as his mouth closed over one. It took bravery for a woman to put her nipple in a vampire's mouth, but Anwyn had no fear when she surrendered her body to him.
"Oh." Her moans increased, her body undulating up against his. "Daegan. Come with me. Go over . . . together. Please."
Normally, he'd order her to come before him, but he didn't mind letting her have her way. He wanted to go over that cliff together. "Go, cher cher. I'm with you."
She renewed her efforts against him, and he drove her harder against the wall, straightening so that he braced one hand on the tile and kept the other cinched low and hard on her waist. Powerful thighs and b.u.t.tocks flexed under her heels as he thrust into her, strong and sure, stroking those tissues, striking her deep inside, bringing her hot, slippery core to the flash point. His c.o.c.k got impossibly harder, his b.a.l.l.s drawing up. If Gideon came in right now, Daegan wouldn't care if the hunter staked him in the center of the back. He wasn't stopping, wasn't pulling back.
She cried out as his c.o.c.k spasmed, jetting the first stream of hot seed into her. He felt the rippling of her c.l.i.t, the clutch of her c.u.n.t, and he pushed harder, wanting to give her some pain amid the delightful pleasure, the flavoring he knew would take her soaring even higher.
"Daegan . . ." I missed you missed you missed you . . . Oh G.o.d . . . Don't leave me don't ever leave me again . . . I missed you missed you missed you . . . Oh G.o.d . . . Don't leave me don't ever leave me again . . . Those shadow creatures didn't just cower back into the shadows. They were sent scuttling, disappearing down the tunnels and holes of her mind as the flash of climax detonated there. It was a fierce warrior's satisfaction to give her that, give her that moment of peace and pleasure, something that could be hers, if she trusted him to be in control. Those shadow creatures didn't just cower back into the shadows. They were sent scuttling, disappearing down the tunnels and holes of her mind as the flash of climax detonated there. It was a fierce warrior's satisfaction to give her that, give her that moment of peace and pleasure, something that could be hers, if she trusted him to be in control.
The emotions such trust elicited made his heart ache. It was good to be home.
There were so many meanings to that handful of words, he was glad their aftermath didn't require speech. They leaned against the wall, Anwyn still held securely in his arms, holding him right back, hearts thundering and bodies still shuddering with those delicious aftershocks, her p.u.s.s.y rippling against his c.o.c.k.
Have you ever had a home before me, Daegan?
He hadn't realized he'd opened his mind to give her that thought, but maybe he hadn't. Maybe she was so deeply in his heart, she knew what he was feeling. She had her head tilted back against the wall, but now she brought her chin down to gaze into his eyes.
"No, cher. cher." It was the simple truth. He'd never considered anyplace home, not until her, though he realized he'd never thought of it until she asked the question. "Not since I left my mother's home to go out on my own."
Her blue-green eyes softened and her hand lifted to cup his face. It was trembling, so he closed his own over her wrist, steadying her, still holding her securely about the waist. "No woman you've loved has ever given you a home?" she asked softly.
He stared down into her lovely face, wanting to press his lips to every cherished inch. Nuzzle her brow, tug her head back with that silky hair and touch his mouth to her throat, to the life-giving carotid. He knew at some point he'd p.i.s.s her off. She'd do the same to him. He'd hurt her, make her laugh, cry, frustrated, annoyed, happy, content . . . It didn't matter. He wanted to be everything for her, every emotion, good or bad.
"I've never loved another woman, Anwyn. You're the first." And the last And the last. He wasn't sure why he was so certain of that, but since he was seven hundred years old and she was his first love, he didn't think it was a wrong a.s.sumption.
The stunned amazement that crossed her face was a gift, one that he took with a kiss, another of those that lingered. As they held that way, she at last reached out with her mind. He followed that tendril, felt it touch Gideon, tug him to her. Slowly, Daegan let her down, sliding her off his now-semierect c.o.c.k. He held her against the wall still, though, caged within his arms so he could indulge that desire to taste her neck beneath her ear, work his way to the collarbone.
He sensed when Gideon was standing in the bathroom doorway. Anwyn beckoned him forward. "Take off your clothes and come join us, Gideon."
The vampire hunter s.h.i.+fted. "You look like you're done. I can bring Daegan a towel if he'd like one."
When she slid her gaze toward him, Daegan noted the slight tightening of her lips at the evasion and felt that warning simmer to her blood, what he'd felt at the airport when Gideon had somehow thwarted her intent. She spoke calmly, but he could tell as well as Gideon that it was deceptive.
"Daegan needs blood. There's a reserve in the refrigerator, but I want to offer him the blood of my servant, hot and fresh from the source. He needs that, for his strength. I want you to allow him to drink from you while I bring you to climax with my hands, my body."
"No," Gideon said. While his response was quiet, his tone even, there was a leashed resolve that would detonate if she pushed it. "You already know I won't feed him, or any other vampire. Not ever. Only you."
"It doesn't matter, cher cher," Daegan said, earning a surprised look from both of them. "I won't drink from your servant."
Gideon's reaction stirred that impulsive anger in her, and from the hunter's significant glance Daegan realized her demand wasn't unexpected. Gideon apparently had been dealing not only with the seizures and bloodl.u.s.t, but the war between the Mistress, evaluating her slave's limits, and the reaction of the fledgling vampire, which believed everything was hers to take, struggling for the upper hand.
He shouldn't have been away so long. This was one side of the battle where his strength was specifically needed. Do not push him, Do not push him, cher cher. He nearly died for you.
You, who wouldn't let me s.h.i.+rk from being a vampire, wouldn't let me have a moment of panic, would cut him slack? She turned a gimlet eye on him. She turned a gimlet eye on him. Do you have a soft spot for him, Daegan? Do you have a soft spot for him, Daegan?
I am telling you that neither of us is your toy. That has never been the type of Mistress you are. Being a vampire will make you more demanding.
He came back to her then, touched her face to soften his next words. A hand shot out to knock his away, and he easily pinned it to the wall, continuing the cradling motion of her jaw without pause. Power has always been the delicate brush you wield on a willing canvas, because you knew it was about consent. The Mistress in you craves that power enough to take it, if you let the vampire side have too much control. You know that about yourself. Don't let being a vampire take that from you. You will have a harder fight with that than most, but you will do it. Power has always been the delicate brush you wield on a willing canvas, because you knew it was about consent. The Mistress in you craves that power enough to take it, if you let the vampire side have too much control. You know that about yourself. Don't let being a vampire take that from you. You will have a harder fight with that than most, but you will do it.
When that blood s.h.i.+fted, uncertain, he hardened his feelings. If you don't, you're less than I expected you to be. Don't do to him what Barnabus did to you. The Mistress knows the difference between rape and submission. So does the vampire, but the blood is hot and fresh in your veins. It takes time to settle it down. If you don't, you're less than I expected you to be. Don't do to him what Barnabus did to you. The Mistress knows the difference between rape and submission. So does the vampire, but the blood is hot and fresh in your veins. It takes time to settle it down.
She shuddered, but he saw the red tide turn as she pushed it back. Even managed to give him a defiant look, but the one he knew, tinged with s.e.xual challenge. You might be the head alpha in this strange new arrangement, but don't get carried away with yourself. You might be the head alpha in this strange new arrangement, but don't get carried away with yourself.
He suppressed a smile as she turned her gaze to Gideon, her blue-green eyes haunted.
"No apologies, remember?" Gideon said quietly, a towel for her already in hand. "It's been a stressful day."
"Yes. But I'll still apologize for that one. I could say I don't know what got into me, but of course, I do." She gave a half laugh, too close to a sob for Daegan's liking. "I guess I have a built-in excuse for being a heartless b.i.t.c.h, right?"
"Yeah, but don't take advantage of it too much." Gideon slid the towel over her shoulders as Daegan guided her out. He shut off the water, then pulled a towel off the rack as well.
"I'd like to go sit on the bed and talk about what happened at the Council," she said. Taking a deep breath, she glanced at them both. "There's something else I want to put out on the table. It's close to dawn now, but tomorrow night, I want to go out to dinner. The three of us."
Daegan looked toward Gideon. Before the man could give him a reading on whether or not it was advisable, Anwyn stomped on his foot, hard. Even though she was barefoot, her aim was enough to catch his attention. Her eyes flashed.
"Don't look toward my servant to decide what I can and can't do."
Daegan caught her chin, jerking it up, and was satisfied to see he'd caught her her attention when those lovely blue-green eyes widened at the expression on his face. "Giving you my heart is not the same as snapping a collar on my t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es, attention when those lovely blue-green eyes widened at the expression on his face. "Giving you my heart is not the same as snapping a collar on my t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es, cher. cher. I've given you a great deal of lat.i.tude, to allow for what you are facing. Watch your tone and att.i.tude, or I will prove to you, quite quickly, who wears the collar in our relations.h.i.+p." I've given you a great deal of lat.i.tude, to allow for what you are facing. Watch your tone and att.i.tude, or I will prove to you, quite quickly, who wears the collar in our relations.h.i.+p."
Her eyes sparked, lips firming. He felt the temper simmering, deciding. This time it seemed goaded by Anwyn as well as her unstable mind, an improvement. He expected Gideon had learned to tell minute differences in her temperament from moment to moment, what was the result of her "gremlins" and what was her. It unfortunately underscored what the man had said in his room; his intimate knowledge of Anwyn's mind would be key to her success before the Council.
However, now the male had s.h.i.+fted forward a step. Daegan turned his gaze toward the hunter and read his body language easily enough. "Your Mistress will never come to any harm from my hands, Gideon. I swear that to you. But there are lines of etiquette, both in the vampire world she's entered, and the human world she still shares. You know it."
He glanced back down at the lovely, strong woman he knew hated not having control over the things happening inside of her. Now that he was back, and could help more directly, he'd given her another tool for dealing with it, whether she or Gideon realized it. The limits of Daegan's tolerance for bad behavior. Though she wouldn't appreciate the a.n.a.logy, the gremlins in her mind, those voices that could rise up and take over her reality, as well as her fledgling bloodl.u.s.t, were much like children, needing to learn boundaries from a parent. One day, he hoped that she would be that authority over them, but right now, every external source could help. He didn't mind being a formidable one. If he could, he'd hunt every one of the little demons out of her brain and skin them alive.
"At least for the immediate future," he noted, "you know you will be unique in our world. Your servant has far deeper and wider access to your mind than most vampires permit, because he is the one who can tell, better than the rest of us, what is you and what is the bad blood. The only time he gets confused is when it is tangled up with the odd balance of control and surrender developing between you, and the considerable emotional baggage he is carrying." He gave Gideon another look when the man scowled. "I will therefore look toward Gideon for that confirmation, not to demean you or relegate you to a lower status than your servant, but out of respect for you, and a desire to safeguard your well-being that overwhelms everything for me, even your pride."
He allowed his voice to soften, though his hand dropped to her throat, collaring it with a pressure that brought her gaze back to his. "Your pride is something I cherish as well, when it is a reflection of your deep self-confidence and inner strength. Not when it is a foolish worry that I think less of you for needing to depend on us more than you ever have. Can you not see how much we both cherish your trust? The trust of a Mistress isn't given lightly."
"What if I never learn control?"
"You've always been extraordinary, Anwyn," he responded. "Which makes me believe you will."
"I agree," Gideon offered. The vampire hunter met her gaze. "It's going to be a tough road, but you can't give up on yourself, Anwyn."
Remember our faith when you can't remember your own, cher cher.
Anwyn pressed her lips together. Perhaps the thing she hated most about the unstable vampire blood that Barnabus had inflicted upon her, as well as her transition, was that she could be turned into a dangerous, petulant child if thwarted. She hated not being able to stop her anger from surging forward into her mind, painting everything red. Though it was no fault of his own, Daegan had made it worse when he stepped back from her, leaving her cold against the tile, the water wet and unpleasant. When they'd both resisted her will, her mood had changed, becoming darker, uglier.
She'd wanted to taunt Gideon, ask him which he preferred; to let Daegan drink from him, or to f.u.c.k him. All she had to do was ask, and the answer would be there in his head. An answer she knew, even though he didn't want anyone to know that answer, even himself. Daegan was wrong. She would have been worse worse than Barnabus if she did that. How often would she have to ask their forgiveness for such things? than Barnabus if she did that. How often would she have to ask their forgiveness for such things?
"I think we both told you a long time ago, until you get a handle on all this, you don't have to say you're sorry." Gideon came closer again, his jaw firm and resolute.
"Yes," she said quietly, pus.h.i.+ng aside her shame that he'd heard that thought and hoping he hadn't heard all of it. "I do. Because it helps me remember how I should behave."
She realized it was another important role Daegan would play, because she would in fact capitulate to a chastis.e.m.e.nt from him, where she wouldn't from Gideon. Balance of power and all that. G.o.d, their world had become a crazy place, but there was a logic to all of it, as Daegan had implied. It was ironic, because a Mistress was as likely as a vampire to exploit a submissive's aversion to something, particularly if she thought it wasn't revulsion but suppressed desire that turned them away from a certain path.
A part of her was still shaking from Daegan's quick response, but her own wry humor chided her. You said you wanted him to show his emotions more often. You said you wanted him to show his emotions more often.
The vampire heard that, a surprised look crossing his devilishly handsome face, dispelling some of the shadows lingering between them. She was still concerned about him needing blood. Maybe he would go out soon. Of course, Daegan Rei had been taking care of himself for a long time. It was pointless of her to worry over him.
Lifting her hand, she touched Daegan's forearm. Turning her hand over, she ran her knuckles up his arm, to the crook of the elbow. With her other hand, she reached out to Gideon. She noted he stayed a little behind her, using her as a buffer between them. When Daegan's eyes met the hunter's gaze, a faintly amused, taunting look in his expression, Gideon gave him his usual eat-s.h.i.+t-and-die look. The interaction between them helped steady her, made it much easier to regain her footing from these mini-episodes with the two of them working on her in a tag team.
"You haven't said, but from your face, I know we need to go to the Council. They didn't let me off on the validation requirement, did they?" At Daegan's nod, she drew a breath. "Okay, then. So I guess we need to rea.s.sess. We know I can't rely on my control as a sure thing. Not now, not a month from now. Maybe not ever."
She was proud the words came out smooth, steady, because inside they felt quarried out of her lower gut with a jackhammer. It might have been easier to say she had terminal cancer. It bolstered her, the way the two of them drew closer, closing ranks. Not rea.s.suring her with empty plat.i.tudes, but making it clear they stood with her.
"We know if I get stressed, it will override the injections. We should figure out a system, practice drills as if we're expecting a fire at any time. That will help give me some confidence when we go to the Council. I can't . . ." She stopped, shook her head. "Let's move into the bedroom. I'd rather talk in there."
She led the way, sliding onto Daegan's bed, putting her back against the pillows and folding her legs under her. Letting Gideon keep her as a buffer, despite Daegan's amus.e.m.e.nt, she tugged her servant to a sitting position on the edge of the bed next to her, one leg crooked up to balance himself, while Daegan took his own seat on the opposite side, forming a loose triangle.
"I need to say something, not because you don't know it, can't already see it, but because I need to show you that I understand. I want to take charge of this, as much as possible. Not because I'm a control freak, but because in order for me to go down this path, I'm going to have to be holding the reins, to know that even when I'm out of control, that what's happening is what I've asked to have happen, as much as possible. All right?"
Gideon nodded, and she received a flicker of acknowledgment from Daegan. "We know there are voices in my head I can't control. We know I now have a vampire's needs and cravings, and apparently the dominance that's so strongly part of being a vampire has been amped up by those markers already existing in me." She made a face at Gideon's expression. "Don't make me slap you."
The grin that crossed his features freed more of the tension in her gut.
"We have two weeks, cher cher," Daegan put in. "We can practice, just as you say. Develop keywords, systems for how to react, test different ways of helping you keep control or manage stress. You have two minds at your disposal. You can use both of them to help your own." He pa.s.sed a hand over her hair, easing the shadow that crossed her heart. "And remember, Gideon does know how to reach across your mind to mine, when yours is open. I can teach you to protect that conduit for him, so he can use it even when your mind is conscious but out of control. That should work, even if he's not in the same place as you are. He just has to be within a reasonable proximity to you."
So Gideon could be close, without being in the Council headquarters itself. That was rea.s.suring, since she'd already been dreading the fact that Gideon couldn't be with them. She saw Daegan glance toward Gideon, an unfathomable look, but she'd investigate whatever testosterone-inspired meaning that had later. She had enough to think about right now without delving into Gideon's head or interpreting Daegan.
Daegan had s.h.i.+fted positions, parting the towel to show a lean and powerful thigh. She was already holding Gideon's hand, stroking his fingers, and now she ran her other hand along that expanse, which reinforced their connection, while stirring her nerves in a pleasant way. She needed the calming effect of both reactions, because her stomach was knotting. Daegan's words had reminded her how those shadow voices could make her a prisoner of her mind, helplessly watching from inside, like she had as she beat Gideon to death.
Memories like that, ambushes on who and what she'd been, chipped away at the foundation she was building, allowing those full-blown attacks in. Who was she kidding? It was going to take every ounce of her energy and focus to prepare and then hold it together for the Council visit. Her idea to go out to dinner tomorrow night was a bad one, indicative of how much she needed to work on her judgment. Her, in a restaurant? The things that could happen . . .
She couldn't overlook the fact she'd already be starting with a handicap when she traveled to Council headquarters. She'd have to go without Gideon. But he could stay somewhere nearby, where she could access the steadying influence of his mind, as Daegan had suggested. It wouldn't be the same as his physical presence, but it would be all right.
Yes, it was all going to be fine. She just needed more practice. She pushed aside the tired despair that tried to creep into her mind. Everything for the past month had been about learning to control this, and she longed for just one night of something different, something not these four walls. But she hadn't been trapped here for decades, only for a few weeks. She'd get by. It didn't matter that this transition had felt like decades, each day another ordeal of uncertainty and worry that she might accidentally kill someone.
As often as she'd had the affable desire to choke vendors or the occasionally difficult employee, who could have guessed what a stressor a true homicidal urge would be? Her humor fell flat, though, because it was truly awful, knowing what it felt like, the craving to snap the necks of her friends and coworkers with barely a thought. Inside her mind was a rabid cheering section, wanting her to do just that 24/7.
"Hey." Gideon put a hand on her bent knee. His concerned look told her that, even if he wasn't reading her mind, he was seeing her thoughts reflected on her face. "We'll get this worked out. Strategy is the stuff I'm good at. Much better than fixing your hair or helping you dress, like other servants probably do."
"If you occasionally brushed your own, you might be more aware of how it's done," Daegan observed. He mirrored Gideon's touch on her opposite knee, closing the circle between them.
"I can do a ponytail," Gideon defended himself. "Haven't tried pig-tails, but if you're planning a Catholic schoolgirl fantasy, I'll do my best."
She closed her hand over his, her other over Daegan's, and lifted them both to press a cheek to either set of male knuckles. "I'm not sure what I did to deserve the two of you. And yes, I intended that to be interpreted both ways."
"Ouch," Gideon said mildly, but she heard Daegan's chuckle. Even though the walls felt closer and darker than ever, she tried to believe that they were right.
But she couldn't help wondering. Had the mythology about vampires and coffins come from the way it felt to be a vampire? Already dead and shut away from the world, long before the grave had ever been dug.
6.
"WE need to take Anwyn out to dinner." Gideon pushed open Daegan's door with a knee as he thrust his knife into his back holster. "Before we leave."
Daegan was standing in front of his closet, dressing. The male was shrugging into a s.h.i.+rt, his jeans still open. "Oh. Sorry." Gideon glanced left quickly.
"Teach you to knock, vampire hunter. Do you usually blush in the locker room?"
"p.i.s.s off," Gideon mumbled.
"You want to look, Gideon. So look."
Instead, Gideon stared harder at the wall. "Just put your clothes on, will you? Stop flaunting it."
An irritating chuckle, but he heard the rustle of the s.h.i.+rt being b.u.t.toned, then zipping and buckling, though he could imagine in great detail the way all of it looked. Daegan tucking his s.h.i.+rt in, his hand sliding over his c.o.c.k to position it, the smoothing down over the zipper, the tightening of the belt on the lean, muscular waist. Jesus, he couldn't keep his mind off of s.e.x, with either one of them.
While he'd been more than eager to satisfy Anwyn's continuous desires in Daegan's absence, his return had ratcheted up all of their desires in an inexplicable way for the past few days. It had Gideon so wound up he had a compelling desire to go out and kill something just to relieve some of his tension, which was maybe why he'd felt the need to arm himself in the relative safety of the underground apartment. But there was no ignoring it. If it wasn't the soft fall of Anwyn's hair, her curvy body and that Mistress's way of getting his c.o.c.k to rise on command, it was Daegan . . . being Daegan.
Reluctantly, he acknowledged Daegan's absence had given him a temporary reprieve from a variety of disturbing issues and realities. In a way, Gideon understood what had sparked Anwyn's temper with him in the shower on that first night of Daegan's return, when she'd wanted him to take Daegan's blood. It hadn't been so much about him letting Daegan drink, but about how Gideon viewed her. During that time when it was just the two of them, Gideon could focus on her as the victim, not the vampire she was becoming or even the Mistress she hadn't exercised as fully due to the circ.u.mstances. Daegan's presence underscored the vampire and dominant side of her. The moment he'd come back, she'd noticed the return of Gideon's wariness with her, something that hadn't been there, at least not as obviously, in the past several weeks. Part of it was him not trusting vampires, but part of it was something deeper, something he rebelled against even more violently.
When the three of them had been on Daegan's bed, ostensibly talking about Council matters, Gideon had been tense as a board, wondering how he'd deal with it if she tested that side of herself. In Daegan's absence, he'd told himself, a hundred times, if she played that game with him again, allowing the male vampire a few intimate touches, some seductive moves to get her juices going, he'd tell her flat out that wasn't his thing and back away from it.
Now he wasn't sure what he'd do, and that scared him to the bone. He'd rather face three vampires than deal with that.
Guys had a compulsive need for s.e.x, right? They responded to it, whenever it happened. It explained why sailors at sea for a year or two would sodomize one another. Or some priests, obeying a centuries-old, now-irrelevant political mandate to remain chaste, started to see altar boys as Penthouse Penthouse pinups. It didn't mean anything. But h.e.l.l, he wasn't even like that, because he'd never had a glimmer of interest in guys until he got around Daegan and Anwyn. It was the way the two of them played off each other; that was all. In a s.e.xual situation with them, his c.o.c.k was going to respond to stimulation, whoever offered it, but it was Anwyn he wanted. That was that. pinups. It didn't mean anything. But h.e.l.l, he wasn't even like that, because he'd never had a glimmer of interest in guys until he got around Daegan and Anwyn. It was the way the two of them played off each other; that was all. In a s.e.xual situation with them, his c.o.c.k was going to respond to stimulation, whoever offered it, but it was Anwyn he wanted. That was that.
He ignored the fact his mental argument was getting old and thin. Especially when it was just him and Daegan in this room, and he was having a hard time keeping his eyes off the guy's body. Maybe it was something chemical about the third mark, and he just had to shut it down. He'd been good at shutting things down for a long time, right? This was some sick, twisted-s.h.i.+t side effect, no different from what Anwyn was fighting in herself. He could do it, too.
d.a.m.n it, that wasn't why he was here. Anwyn was occupied, working on her computer, so he had to deal with this, not his own baggage.
"We can't risk it," Daegan was saying. "It's too soon. It may be many months-"
"It may be never," he said, more brusquely than he intended. "She can't handle never, Daegan. That's why she went upstairs to the club, that day she had to give me the third mark. I still feel guilty as h.e.l.l about it, but it was a sign. As intolerable as confinement is to her, she's handled it pretty d.a.m.n well. Now we're going to go see the Council when she's barely adjusted to all this. We're going to have to test our preparedness, and I'd rather test it here than at the Council. We all know we're about to go into a situation that's going to be pretty high-risk, a lot of stress and tension. It will be able to trip her off faster, and knowing that is worrying her more and more. She needs a night to see what the good possibilities are, and that we'll be an effective safety net for her, so she can enjoy those possibilities. It will rea.s.sure her like nothing else."
"She tried that when she went up to visit her club."
"We weren't prepared then. She hadn't accepted it could happen anytime, or that she needs to depend on us to help deal with it. She has now."
Daegan gave him a narrow look. "If you want her fully prepared for the Council, it is past time to tell her you intend to walk into Council chambers with us, not just stay somewhere nearby. It's been nothing short of miraculous that she hasn't already figured it out. It will not be pleasant if she looks into your mind at an inopportune time and discovers that."
"She's been preoccupied and I'm good at not thinking about things I'd prefer to avoid."
"No argument there."