Lord, Change My Attitude_ Before Its Too Late Part 6

START HERE.

Don't miss the chance to have G.o.d speak to your heart about the following questions.

Am I a contented person?

I know some will say, "Look to eternity? Yeah, I guess I think about death once in a while, but what does it mean to think eternal thoughts? What's that?" Well, here's an example: If all the grains of sand on all the beaches in all the world reprsent eternity, then you could say that one grain of sand represents life on this earth. And all the rest of the grains of sand on all the beaches in all the world represent that same amount of time in eternity. We're over here grinding this one grain of sand, our time on earth, to get everything out of it (and failing miserably)! But too often we ignore all the rest G.o.d has in store for us. To be content, focus on eternity. Let enough be enough. Learn by example. Get to the place where you can say yes to the question, "Am I a contented person?"

Am I seeing the blessings of contentment in my life?

Contentment brings blessings. Blessings such as joy in the present, and health and satisfaction in the simple things of life. Contentment brings a settled sense of sufficiency and a peaceful pace that proves "more" is not the focus of your thinking. You have life. What a privilege to be alive in this world! Contentment brings joy in the present.

Contentment also builds our capacity to enjoy ordinary pleasures. If you're content, simple stuff makes you happy. Like a nice walk. Go for a walk today with a member of your family, and hold his or her hand. Talk about important things. Enjoy a simple pleasure; for example, a loving conversation or a good meal without racing to your next appointment. Simple things: a nice piece of music savored. Cultivate your capacity to enjoy ordinary pleasures.

Contentment also promotes true joy in eternal things. You know, the angels have a party when one sinner is saved (see Luke 15:10). How phenomenal is that? They know how to have a good time!

If you antic.i.p.ate picking up your Bible and can't wait to hear G.o.d speak, that's contentment. If you can sit quietly rejoicing in a simple pleasure and not need to think of what you will do next, that's contentment.

Am I choosing contentment over covetousness moment by moment?

Contentment is a choice. When you choose contentment repeatedly, you create a lifestyle. Don't expect to replace covetousness with contentment in a moment. You don't wake up in the morning and say, "Wow, I think I got contentment last night. It just happened. This is so cool-." No; contentment begins with a choice. And then another choice. And then another. It happens moment by moment.

Put off covetousness; put on contentment. It's a choice. Thus, a desire for something comes into my mind. "Not necessary," I respond. "I have enough." That's contentment.

Paul said in Philippians 4:11, "I have learned to be content in whatever circ.u.mstances I am." "I have learned to be content in whatever circ.u.mstances I am." Contentment is something you learn. You can practice it. G.o.d wants us to improve at this every day we live. Contentment is what replaces wilderness att.i.tude number two. Take a moment to pray about that. Contentment is something you learn. You can practice it. G.o.d wants us to improve at this every day we live. Contentment is what replaces wilderness att.i.tude number two. Take a moment to pray about that.

Look Up Father, thank You again today for the truth of Your Word. Lord, I've learned by experience that hearing Your Word is not enough. I know I need to act upon Your Word. It's doing what it says that brings results! Lord, don't let me deceive myself today into thinking that I am changed because of what I have read. Let me be changed because of what I do in response to what I have read. Let my home and my place of work and my life this week be filled with contentment.

Lord, I do have enough-I have You. I have Your promises. I have Your faithfulness. I have Your strength and wisdom to pursue change in the hurtful areas of my life. I know I can trust You with my burdens. Forgive me for thinking that my happiness is in anything external. Help me to embrace the truth that G.o.dliness with contentment is great gain. All that I pray, I pray in the name of Jesus, who is my ultimate example of true contentment. Amen.

NOTE.

1. 1. Randy Frame, "Same Old Benny Hinn, Critics Say," Christianity Today Christianity Today , 5 October 1992, 52. , 5 October 1992, 52.

CHAPTER 5:.

REPLACE A CRITICAL ATt.i.tUDE...

NUMBERS 12:112 SAY IT IN A SENTENCE: SAY IT IN A SENTENCE:.

A continuously critical att.i.tude toward those around me will consume all that is healthy and joy-producing in my life.

A farmer stood by the road one day and observed a large wagon filled with household goods moving toward him. Dust flew as the wagon pulled to a stop and the driver shouted, "We're moving from Brownsville to Jonestown. How much farther is it?"

"About thirty miles," said the farmer.

"And what kind of people shall we expect to find there?" asked the traveler.

"Well, what kind of people did you leave behind in Brownsville?"

"Oh, they were so negative and so cheerless, so deceptive and so ungrateful, just a G.o.dless bunch, all of them. That's the main reason we are moving. What kind of people will we find in Jonestown?"

"The very same kind, I'm sorry to say," said the farmer.

And he was right. He knew the traveler would find in the next town the same kind of people he perceived lived in Brownsville. Far more often than we care to admit, outlook determines outcome. The way that we look at a matter, the att.i.tude that we choose, has direct bearing on how we experience reality. Two people can look at the very same circ.u.mstance and experience it entirely differently based upon the att.i.tude they choose-the patterns of thinking that they have formed over a long period of time.

THE SPECK AND LOG SYNDROME.

Are you familiar with the words of Christ regarding a critical att.i.tude? He asked His followers during the Sermon on the Mount: "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3). (Matthew 7:3).

I have made a pretty big deal thus far focusing on the truth that we choose our att.i.tudes. I have focused upon that because it is true and because until we accept responsibility for our att.i.tudes, we will never be able to change. However, that concept of personal responsibility is in no way intended to ignore the role of background on our att.i.tude. Some of us struggle more with certain att.i.tudes because of the cultures we are from, the kind of homes we grew up in, or the kind of churches we attended during our formative years. Those factors have certainly influenced my tendency toward certain att.i.tudes.

Maybe you grew up in a home that was forever picking at the imperfections of others and finding fault with anyone and everyone. Maybe you sat through countless Sunday dinners of "roast preacher." Maybe you were endlessly criticized yourself and now hear that same att.i.tude in the way you talk to your children. Possibly you struggle in many public settings to simply relax and enjoy what is going on, because all you have known how to do is inspect and examine and form opinions about what you see and experience. If you grew up learning to criticize the speck in others' eyes while a logjam formed in your own, keep reading. If any of this rings true, you could be in for a breakthrough chapter. We're looking at "Replacing a Critical Att.i.tude," so let's get G.o.d's heart in the matter by opening His Word.

Back to the desert . . . And Wilderness Att.i.tude Three Open your Bible to Numbers 12. We've been going back and forth between the Old Testament and the New Testament, between failure and victory, between wrong att.i.tudes and right ones, between the wilderness and the Promised Land. Here we go again. Numbers 12 records one of the five events that led up to r ow#x2019;s decision to thrust the children of Israel into the wilderness because of their murmuring, murmuring, a summary term we are using for five wrong att.i.tudes. a summary term we are using for five wrong att.i.tudes.

Verse 1 begins, "Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cus.h.i.+te woman whom he had married." "Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cus.h.i.+te woman whom he had married." The words The words spoke against spoke against are translated in the are translated in the New Living Translation New Living Translation as as criticized. criticized. No doubt as he faced the heavy burden of leading the Lord's people, Moses needed leaders he could rely upon to help him shoulder the load. Miriam and Aaron were Moses' sister and brother, the people closest to Moses and the ones he trusted most. For a while it seemed like everything was going great. Then, all of a sudden, Miriam and Aaron made some choices. They got sideways on the tracks. Very quickly and without warning, the leader they were supporting-their own brother- became a target for their criticism. No doubt as he faced the heavy burden of leading the Lord's people, Moses needed leaders he could rely upon to help him shoulder the load. Miriam and Aaron were Moses' sister and brother, the people closest to Moses and the ones he trusted most. For a while it seemed like everything was going great. Then, all of a sudden, Miriam and Aaron made some choices. They got sideways on the tracks. Very quickly and without warning, the leader they were supporting-their own brother- became a target for their criticism.

A CRITICAL ATt.i.tUDE DEFINED.

We made a distinction in chapter 3 when we noted that complaining relates to situations, whereas criticism relates to people. Our negative thinking that relates to people is called criticism. Miriam and Aaron had definitely fallen into it big-time in regard to Moses.

Here's a definition of destructive destructive criticism, so we will be clear as we discuss this painful subject. Criticism is criticism, so we will be clear as we discuss this painful subject. Criticism is dwelling upon the perceived faults of another with no view to their good. dwelling upon the perceived faults of another with no view to their good. That's what we're actually doing when we engage in criticism. We're dwelling upon the perceived faults of another with no view to their good. That's what we're actually doing when we engage in criticism. We're dwelling upon the perceived faults of another with no view to their good.

Let's break down the definition. First, note the word perceived. perceived. The reason why I say "perceived faults" is because my perception of what is wrong with you is not necessarily accurate. There may be circ.u.mstances that I don't understand, or maybe the problem is actually with me, not you at all. In reality, we can become very critical of others, yet be entirely wrong in our opinion. Now let's move away from the issue of whether the faults are real or perceived, because either way the att.i.tude is destructive to us. So that's the first thing- The reason why I say "perceived faults" is because my perception of what is wrong with you is not necessarily accurate. There may be circ.u.mstances that I don't understand, or maybe the problem is actually with me, not you at all. In reality, we can become very critical of others, yet be entirely wrong in our opinion. Now let's move away from the issue of whether the faults are real or perceived, because either way the att.i.tude is destructive to us. So that's the first thing- the perceived faults. the perceived faults.

Now consider the words dwelling upon dwelling upon the perceived faults of another. That's the key issue, isn't it? Some people are very positive, upbeat, and encouraging. the perceived faults of another. That's the key issue, isn't it? Some people are very positive, upbeat, and encouraging.

But others are often critical of people and their actions. Are you a person who walks through life saying to yourself; "That's not right!" and "Who thought that looks good?" and "Someone should have taken care of that"? If you think that way, then you're dealing more directly with the dangers of a critical spirit than a person who is more positive and upbeat. Whether it's one fault in one person we lock into, or we get ourselves to the place where we can't see anything right, we are in danger of the wilderness att.i.tude called criticism.

Does this ever happen to you? You sit through a wors.h.i.+p service with your church, and you make mental notes. That's not the way that I would do that That's not the way that I would do that or or Why would they do that? Why would they do that? or or Why is he moving around that way? Why is he moving around that way? You think, You think, I would never do it like that. I would never do it like that.

If you're an a.n.a.lytical person, there is a lot of data surfing on those brain waves. You can't necessarily stop that general way of thinking. It's the way G.o.d made you. The problems come when you choose to dwell upon your observations-when you can't set them aside.

You might ask, "But how can I help a person if I don't dwell upon what they are doing?" Great question. That's why I added that last part to the definition: with no view to their good with no view to their good. It's not criticism to dwell upon a fault you observe in someone, provided: 1) you're gonna pray about it, and/or, 2) you pursue a solution. You have to dwell on the problem to pray about it, don't you? If you observe a brother or sister who is struggling in a certain area, it's not a negative, critical att.i.tude if you begin to pray for them and ask G.o.d to help them. Also, if you know them personally, it's not a critical att.i.tude to focus long enough to decide, "You know, I'm going to try to help her. I'm going to go to her and I'm going to talk to her."

SHOULD YOU TALK WITH SOMEONE ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE?.

When teaching about criticism, someone will inevitably ask, "What about talking to a third party about a person's fault? If I see something that's wrong in my friend's life, would it be wrong for me to talk to another friend about what I observed? Is that a critical conversation?" Not necessarily. It's only wrong if my intention is not to help the friend in whom I observe the fault. It's only wrong if my intention is not to help the friend in whom I observe the fault. It's not a critical conversation when the goal is trying to help. It's not a critical conversation when the goal is trying to help.

Has this ever happened to you? You want to help somebody, but you wonder, "Am I crazy? Am I just imagining something wrong here?" You feel like you want to go to someone else for some counsel. That's not wrong, provided the reason you're talking to the third party is to do a better better job of going to the person you want to help. You say, "That's kind of sticky." Yes it is! Here's how you keep from getting stuck. When you go to Sue about Sally, if you can't stop at the end of your conversation about Sue and say, "Now let's just stop for a moment and pray about this situation, because I really want to help Sally," you've got a problem. If you are not clear about your motives in sharing the situation with a third party, then you're probably practicing gossip and not a genuine, helpful spirit. job of going to the person you want to help. You say, "That's kind of sticky." Yes it is! Here's how you keep from getting stuck. When you go to Sue about Sally, if you can't stop at the end of your conversation about Sue and say, "Now let's just stop for a moment and pray about this situation, because I really want to help Sally," you've got a problem. If you are not clear about your motives in sharing the situation with a third party, then you're probably practicing gossip and not a genuine, helpful spirit.

By pulling all of those factors together, we should have a clear picture of the difference between constructive criticism and a destructive att.i.tude. A critical att.i.tude is a choice to dwell upon the perceived faults of another with no view to their good.

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE WILDERNESS ...

Now, back to Numbers 12. "Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against . . ." Let's just stop there again for a second. Remember, these are Moses' sister and brother. Now, right off the bat, that's pretty tough, isn't it? How do you take unexpected and unfair criticism from those closest to you? The verb in Hebrew that means "spoke against" is in the feminine. That means that the primary critic in this case was Miriam. I guess Aaron sort of got dragged into it. That happens sometimes. One person gets a critical att.i.tude and drags other people into it. One person's bitterness can defile many people. That's what happened here.

Now, before we get too hard on Miriam, or for that matter ourselves, let's remember that Miriam was no slouch; in fact, she was a very G.o.dly woman. Big sister Miriam was the one who took Moses and put him into the bulrushes in the basket (Exodus 2:110). She also arranged for Moses to be nursed by his own mother even though Pharaoh's daughter adopted him as her own. Miriam loved loved Moses. Beyond that, during the Exodus, when the nation miraculously crossed the Red Sea, it was Miriam who wrote the song of wors.h.i.+p to celebrate that great victory (Exodus 15). Moses. Beyond that, during the Exodus, when the nation miraculously crossed the Red Sea, it was Miriam who wrote the song of wors.h.i.+p to celebrate that great victory (Exodus 15).

Miriam really was a G.o.dly, righteous woman, which tells us, among other things, that we don't want to think that we're so far along spiritually that we couldn't be guilty of a critical att.i.tude. We're just as vulnerable as Miriam. None of us can say, "Well, that's behind me," and "Criticism is just not an issue for me," and "I never-." Wrong! Everyone can struggle in this area.

"Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cus.h.i.+te woman whom he had married." Some translations say, Some translations say, "the Ethiopian woman whom he had married" "the Ethiopian woman whom he had married" (NKJV). Now that's strange, because we know that Moses' wife was Zipporah, and she was a Midianite. The text doesn't say here, but that phrase "for he had married" seems to indicate that maybe Zipporah had died and that Moses had chosen another woman as his wife. And guess what? Big sister didn't like the new choice. (NKJV). Now that's strange, because we know that Moses' wife was Zipporah, and she was a Midianite. The text doesn't say here, but that phrase "for he had married" seems to indicate that maybe Zipporah had died and that Moses had chosen another woman as his wife. And guess what? Big sister didn't like the new choice.

Do you think that's the issue? It may have been the surface issue, but reading a little further we find the root of the problem. "And they said, 'Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us as well?' And the Lord heard it" "And they said, 'Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us as well?' And the Lord heard it" (verse 2). Moses' wife was the surface issue, but the real issue was Moses' prominence. Their real beef was, "How come Moses gets all the attention? We're leading too! Why does he get all the perks and petunias? 'Moses this' and 'Moses that.' We're so sick of hearing Moses' name. What about us? What about our place? What about our role?" They said, (verse 2). Moses' wife was the surface issue, but the real issue was Moses' prominence. Their real beef was, "How come Moses gets all the attention? We're leading too! Why does he get all the perks and petunias? 'Moses this' and 'Moses that.' We're so sick of hearing Moses' name. What about us? What about our place? What about our role?" They said, "Has [G.o.d] not spoken through us as well?" "Has [G.o.d] not spoken through us as well?"

CRITICIZING A HUMBLE MAN.

Now look at verse 3. "Now the man Moses was very humble, more than any man who was on the face of the earth." "Now the man Moses was very humble, more than any man who was on the face of the earth." That's an amazing verse if indeed Moses wrote the whole Pentateuch (the first five books of the Bible) including Numbers. I believe he did; most Bible scholars believe he did; most important, Jesus believed he did. When Jesus referred to the Pentateuch, He often said, "Have you not read in the book of Moses . . . ?" (Mark 12:26; see also Luke 24:44). So, if Moses is the author of the Pentateuch, how can a guy who is the most humble man that ever lived write, "Now the man Moses was very humble, more than any man who was on the . . ."? That's an amazing verse if indeed Moses wrote the whole Pentateuch (the first five books of the Bible) including Numbers. I believe he did; most Bible scholars believe he did; most important, Jesus believed he did. When Jesus referred to the Pentateuch, He often said, "Have you not read in the book of Moses . . . ?" (Mark 12:26; see also Luke 24:44). So, if Moses is the author of the Pentateuch, how can a guy who is the most humble man that ever lived write, "Now the man Moses was very humble, more than any man who was on the . . ."?

It's a fair question. We believe that the inspiration of Scripture extends both to the writing and to the gathering of the books of the Bible. If you think that Moses sat down one day and wrote the Pentateuch, that's not how it happened. He wrote on many fragments and in different places at different times; he probably kept journals-all under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. After Moses' death, the fragments that Moses had written were gathered together into the Pentateuch. In several places in the Pentateuch, comments are added. For example, Deuteronomy describes Moses' death. Could he have written about his own death? Of course not. Moses died, and the people who gathered it all together wrote about his death.

So, that phrase about humility? Someone later on added the explanation, wanting us to understand how harsh it was to criticize Moses and how it would have wounded him. So here was the most humble man alive, and even he can't escape the pain of some self-appointed critics attacking the work he is doing for G.o.d.

Confrontation? No ...G.o.d-frontation There were consequences for this unjust attack. G.o.d commanded Aaron and Miriam to join Moses at "the tent of meeting." "In a pillar of cloud [G.o.d] stood at the doorway of the tent and called forward Aaron and Miriam" "In a pillar of cloud [G.o.d] stood at the doorway of the tent and called forward Aaron and Miriam" (see verse 5). G.o.d confronted Aaron and Miriam as Moses stood right there. G.o.d said this in verses 68: (see verse 5). G.o.d confronted Aaron and Miriam as Moses stood right there. G.o.d said this in verses 68: "'Hear now My words: If there is a prophet among you, I, the Lord, shall make Myself known to him in a vision. I shall speak with him in a dream. Not so, with My servant Moses, he is faithful in all My household; with him I speak mouth to mouth, even openly, and not in dark sayings, and he beholds the form of the Lord.'" "'Hear now My words: If there is a prophet among you, I, the Lord, shall make Myself known to him in a vision. I shall speak with him in a dream. Not so, with My servant Moses, he is faithful in all My household; with him I speak mouth to mouth, even openly, and not in dark sayings, and he beholds the form of the Lord.'"

In other words, G.o.d was saying, "Do you have any ide who you are talking about? I don't have another servant like Moses in all the world. I speak to him directly. Who do you think you are to be raising your voice in criticism against him?" "'Why then were you not afraid to speak against My servant, against Moses?' So the anger of the Lord burned against them and He departed" "'Why then were you not afraid to speak against My servant, against Moses?' So the anger of the Lord burned against them and He departed" (verse 8). (verse 8).

Notice G.o.d's deep feelings. Miriam and Aaron must have been scared to death. They didn't have time to think, "Well, we weren't being that that critical! We just pointed out a few flaws. I mean-wait a minute, n.o.body's perfect." G.o.d didn't wait for explanations, and they didn't wait long for the consequences. Verse 10: critical! We just pointed out a few flaws. I mean-wait a minute, n.o.body's perfect." G.o.d didn't wait for explanations, and they didn't wait long for the consequences. Verse 10: "But when the cloud had withdrawn from over the tent, behold, Miriam was leprous, as white as snow. As Aaron turned toward Miriam, behold, she was leprous." "But when the cloud had withdrawn from over the tent, behold, Miriam was leprous, as white as snow. As Aaron turned toward Miriam, behold, she was leprous." Just like that . . . Just like that . . .

Miriam was suddenly as good as dead.

Aaron pleaded to Moses for their sister. He realized that Moses was their only hope. "I beg you, do not account this sin to us, in which we have acted foolishly and in which we have sinned. Oh, do not let her be like one dead, whose flesh is half eaten away when he comes from his mother's womb!" "I beg you, do not account this sin to us, in which we have acted foolishly and in which we have sinned. Oh, do not let her be like one dead, whose flesh is half eaten away when he comes from his mother's womb!" (verses 1112). Then Moses, always humble, always compa.s.sionate, turned to the Lord. (verses 1112). Then Moses, always humble, always compa.s.sionate, turned to the Lord. "Moses cried out to the Lord, saying, 'O G.o.d, heal her, I pray!'" "Moses cried out to the Lord, saying, 'O G.o.d, heal her, I pray!'" (verse 13). The Lord had her quarantined for seven days, and the rest of the people waited, no doubt aware of the judgment. Finally Miriam was restored and they moved on (see verses 1316). Unfortunately, that seven-day time-out didn't have much of a lasting effect on the rest of the people. (verse 13). The Lord had her quarantined for seven days, and the rest of the people waited, no doubt aware of the judgment. Finally Miriam was restored and they moved on (see verses 1316). Unfortunately, that seven-day time-out didn't have much of a lasting effect on the rest of the people.

PRINCIPLE ONE: CRITICISM IS WRONG.

This story about G.o.d's judgment on one critical person gives us insight into how G.o.d feels about critical att.i.tudes. Miriam was not the only critical person. Remember that just two chapters later, in Numbers 14, we can read of how G.o.d sent a whole bunch of them to die in the wilderness because of incessant murmuring, which certainly included critical att.i.tudes. Miriam's experience ill.u.s.trates a number of principles about criticism that were typical of G.o.d's people (and us).

The main one should be obvious: Criticism is wrong.

You don't have to be a Bible scholar to pull that one from the text: Criticism is a sin, and the pa.s.sage says so. Aaron said, "Do not account this sin to us, in which we have acted foolishly and in which we have sinned." "Do not account this sin to us, in which we have acted foolishly and in which we have sinned." Criticism is a sin. Obviously, we want to soften the judgment on criticism; we want to believe that it's a weakness. We would rather call it a bad habit. Criticism Criticism is a sin. Obviously, we want to soften the judgment on criticism; we want to believe that it's a weakness. We would rather call it a bad habit. Criticism is is those things, but beyond those characteristics, from G.o.d's perspective, criticism is a sin. G.o.d is totally not into it when we dwell on the perceived faults of another with no view to their good. The point of this whole pa.s.sage is that G.o.d hears the criticism and judges it as sin. those things, but beyond those characteristics, from G.o.d's perspective, criticism is a sin. G.o.d is totally not into it when we dwell on the perceived faults of another with no view to their good. The point of this whole pa.s.sage is that G.o.d hears the criticism and judges it as sin.

EFFECTS OF A CRITICAL ATt.i.tUDE.

Principle number one-criticism is wrong-also means consequences for this sin (as there are for any sin). Indeed, when we develop a critical att.i.tude, we experience some of the same consequences that came to Aaron and Miriam. First, Criticism ruins our fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d.

It doesn't destroy our relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d, but criticism changes our capacity to sense His love and presence.

If you have come to the place in your life where you turned from your sin and embraced Christ by faith as the only basis for your forgiveness, all of G.o.d's judgment for your sin was placed upon Christ at the cross. Your relations.h.i.+p with Him is established. Yet there are judgments for sin that are not related to that-not vertical, eternal judgments, but horizontal, temporal judgments related to ongoing sin. The horizontal judgments upon sin that everyone has to deal with are often called consequences. consequences. The primary consequence of a critical att.i.tude is seen in our fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d. Sin hinders our fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d. The primary consequence of a critical att.i.tude is seen in our fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d. Sin hinders our fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d.

We see this principle at work in human relations.h.i.+ps. Having a critical att.i.tude toward your wife doesn't mean she stops being your wife, but it definitely affects your fellows.h.i.+p with her! Miriam and Aaron started out criticizing their brother, but ended up feeling the consequences most in their relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d. G.o.d pays attention to the way we treat each other.

If you have a critical att.i.tude, it is hindering your fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d. If your spiritual life is like a wilderness-dry, dead, cheerless, and joyless-maybe it's because you've allowed a critical att.i.tude toward a person or group of people in your life. It's a choice that not only injures your relations.h.i.+p with that person, but also with G.o.d If my fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d is broken, what do I do? G.o.d gives us the answer. First John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." The Greek term The Greek term h.o.m.ologeo h.o.m.ologeo translated by the word translated by the word confess confess is insightful. It's made up of two words: is insightful. It's made up of two words: h.o.m.o, h.o.m.o, meaning meaning the same; the same; and and logeo, logeo, meaning meaning to say. to say. To confess is To confess is to say the same thing. to say the same thing. Now my fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d is hindered when I'm saying something different about my critical att.i.tude than G.o.d is saying. What is G.o.d saying about my critical att.i.tude? G.o.d is saying, "That's sin! That's wrong!" Now my fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d is hindered when I'm saying something different about my critical att.i.tude than G.o.d is saying. What is G.o.d saying about my critical att.i.tude? G.o.d is saying, "That's sin! That's wrong!"

"Oh, but you don't know my situation. You don't know how hard it is for me, and she's driving me crazy. Somebody has to point out the truth in her life, or their situation . . ." We all have rationalizations to justify our critical att.i.tudes. But our fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d can only be restored when each of us "says the same thing G.o.d says" and acknowledges that criticism is sin. You and I have to agree with G.o.d, "Yes, Lord, that critical att.i.tude is not acceptable. I am sorry; it's sin and I choose to stop."

A second kind of fallout from criticism being wrong is this: Our critical att.i.tude hurts us.

Criticism deeply affects us personally in a negative way. It takes a costly toll from us as spiritual beings.

Though I teach my church from many different places in G.o.d's Word, we return to some principles again and again. Here's one: Choose to sin; choose to suffer. Choose to sin; choose to suffer. G.o.d is not some arbitrary being up in heaven who says on a whim, "Well, that is right and this is wrong." Everything G.o.d calls sin is injurious to us as human beings-everything. When G.o.d says, "Don't!" what He really means is, "Don't hurt yourself!" G.o.d is not some arbitrary being up in heaven who says on a whim, "Well, that is right and this is wrong." Everything G.o.d calls sin is injurious to us as human beings-everything. When G.o.d says, "Don't!" what He really means is, "Don't hurt yourself!"

When G.o.d says, "Don't criticize," it's not because He is trying to deprive us of some satisfactory experience. He is actually saying, "That goes against the nature of who I have made you to be." Fish were made to swim. Birds were made to fly. People were made to live in fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d. When we sin, we break our fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d. We hinder our human happiness, and life becomes like a wilderness.

Now even people who don't claim to know the Lord are observing the negative effects of sin, of criticism, upon human beings. Dr. David Fink, the author of Release from Nervous Tension, Release from Nervous Tension, worked with thousands of people who were mentally and emotionally disturbed or troubled. Most of them asked Dr. Fink for some kind of a short-term quick-fix; they asked, What is the secret to emotional health? So many peple, all with the same questions. In his search for answers, he studied two groups: The first group was made up of thousands of people who were suffering in some way-tension, emotional turmoil, significant stress; the second group contained only those-thousands of them-who were free from such internal struggles. worked with thousands of people who were mentally and emotionally disturbed or troubled. Most of them asked Dr. Fink for some kind of a short-term quick-fix; they asked, What is the secret to emotional health? So many peple, all with the same questions. In his search for answers, he studied two groups: The first group was made up of thousands of people who were suffering in some way-tension, emotional turmoil, significant stress; the second group contained only those-thousands of them-who were free from such internal struggles.

Gradually one fact began to stand out: Those who suffered from extreme tension had a single trait in common-they were habitual faultfinders, constant critics of people and things around them. Meanwhile, the men and women who were free of all tensions were the least critical of others. No doubt about it then: The habit of criticizing is a very personally destructive pattern of thinking.

That's why we have listed a critical att.i.tude among the habits G.o.d wants to replace. It puts you in the wilderness. Look out if you're always, "Why didn't she?" and "Why can't he?" and "When will he ever learn?" and always negative all the time. Criticism can destroy you! It carries you into the wilderness.

If criticism is wrong for our fellows.h.i.+p with G.o.d and for us personally, then, just as surely, it's wrong for our relations.h.i.+p with others.

A critical att.i.tude destroys our fellows.h.i.+p with others.

As a pastor, I frequently hear people say, "I just don't seem to be able to find any friends" or "Every time I try to find friends ..."And before they're three sentences into their sad story, you just want to say, "Do you know what? It's your att.i.tude! It's your critical, negative, faultfinding att.i.tude. Do you know why you're alone? They're not into your att.i.tude."

Who wants to spend Friday night with someone who they know from experience will consume most of the conversation updating everyone on their top-ten-people-to-hate list? You can go out with them if you want-I'm staying home; Wheel of Fortune Wheel of Fortune reruns are more appealing than that dinner party. Are you getting this? There is fallout in our relations.h.i.+ps with others when we become known as critical people. Criticism is wrong. reruns are more appealing than that dinner party. Are you getting this? There is fallout in our relations.h.i.+ps with others when we become known as critical people. Criticism is wrong.

The complaints of Aaron and Moses clearly point to principle number one: Criticism is wrong. Let's look at five other principles from Numbers 12.

PRINCIPLE TWO: CRITICISM IS PETTY.

The second principle is criticism is petty criticism is petty. That principle was at work when Aaron and Miriam criticized criticized Moses for marrying the Cus.h.i.+te woman. "I don't like the woman he married. I don't know why he married her. Why didn't he check with us first? Why didn't he talk to me? I would never have-" The real issue was not Moses' wife. Moses' wife was the petty-criticism cover-up for the real issue of their own jealous hearts. Someone needed to stop them and yell, "Hey! What's really bothering you?" What's behind this petty criticism? There was a lot behind it, and very little of it had to do with Moses. Moses for marrying the Cus.h.i.+te woman. "I don't like the woman he married. I don't know why he married her. Why didn't he check with us first? Why didn't he talk to me? I would never have-" The real issue was not Moses' wife. Moses' wife was the petty-criticism cover-up for the real issue of their own jealous hearts. Someone needed to stop them and yell, "Hey! What's really bothering you?" What's behind this petty criticism? There was a lot behind it, and very little of it had to do with Moses.

I see this often in my role as a marriage counselor. I sit down with couples and try to help them with their marriage. Out come the petty complaints. "I don't like his job; he travels too much." But that's not the problem; that's what the person's criticizing. There is something behind that. Could it be she's insecure? Maybe he hasn't been the nurturing husband he should be. So every time he is out of town, you're not sure; you're insecure. The criticism is a petty covering for the real issue. The concern may be justified, but your criticism won't get you to the truth.

Or take another frequent criticism, "He (or she) doesn't like my parents." Why doesn't he? What's behind that? Get past the criticism to the deeper issue. "She loses my socks." Yeah, as if your marriage is cracking because of that. Or she says, "He never picks things up." The critical, petty things are covering up the real problems. If you want to go forward in that relations.h.i.+p, get to the real issue. I know this firsthand. Together, couples and I solve the problem they raise, and before they can get to the car, guess what? They find something else wrong. The reason they're on to something else is because the petty criticism is a covering for the real heart issue.

Did you hear the cool story in Aesop's fables about a man and his grandson traveling to town? The old man walked while his grandson rode the donkey. But some people said, "Would you look at that old man suffering on his feet while that strong young boy who is totally capable of walking sits on that donkey?" So the old man, hearing this, switched places and began to ride the donkey while the boy walked. Now he heard people saying, "Would you look at that? A grown man taking advantage of that little boy. Can you believe it?" And so the man and the boy both rode the donkey. Then they heard people saying, "Would you look at those heavy brutes making that poor donkey suffer?" So they both got off and walked until they heard some people say, "How pitiful, a perfectly good donkey not being used!" The final scene of the story showed the boy and the old man staggering along as they carry the donkey. The point is this: If a person's heart is to criticize-if their heart is to find fault-there is absolutely nothing that can satisfy them. Behind the petty issue is a real heart issue. Let's talk about those "real issues" next. At least three significant issues hide under the covers of criticism. One of them is a blend of unforgiveness a blend of unforgiveness. Unforgiveness and the bitterness that goes with it fuel criticism. I was traveling out of state recently, and I met a family who love the Lord with all of their hearts. At one point, I was talking to the mother of the home, whom I respect as a G.o.dly woman. That's why I was amazed by what happened when the subject of a family member came up. This sweet-spirited lady, who just a moment ago had been discussing the Scriptures and the things of G.o.d, suddenly burst out- "He's a jerk! I hate him!"

Whoa! I couldn't believe it. All this bitter stuff poured out of her about her feelings toward this family member who had caused so much injury. I could certainly see there had been a lot of hurt, but unforgiveness and bitterness were causing those wounds to fester rather than heal. The criticism was not the real issue; it only covered the deeper issue of unforgiveness and bitterness. When unforgiveness is in the heart, criticism will be on the lips.

Second, criticism masks envy, jealousy, envy, jealousy, or or resentment. resentment. People are often critical because they are envious of the success of another. So they try to pull the person down. As they dwell on the other person's good fortune, they begin to be overcome by resentment and start to find fault with what that person is doing. Again, the real issue is not the critical att.i.tude; that's just a petty covering for the problem of jealousy. People are often critical because they are envious of the success of another. So they try to pull the person down. As they dwell on the other person's good fortune, they begin to be overcome by resentment and start to find fault with what that person is doing. Again, the real issue is not the critical att.i.tude; that's just a petty covering for the problem of jealousy.

A third heart problem that lies under the covers of criticism is personal failure personal failure. People can become critical of others because they're living in defeat themselves. Maybe you're discouraged about the direction of your life, or what you have been able to accomplish so far. Maybe you're struggling with a personal sin that has you defeated most of the time. How easy it is to become critical of others to sort of level the playing field. "Well, they don't have it together, either" and "Yeah, maybe I'm struggling, but he's not perfect. She's doesn't have it all together, either."

Criticism is pety. And it covers serious issues that lead to wilderness living.