The Bedding Proposal Part 34

"Every day." Finding his lips, she proceeded to show him just how much.

"Let's go to your bedchamber," he murmured a long, breathless while later.

She nodded, expecting him to set her onto her feet. Instead, he swung her high into his arms and moved toward the stairs.

What seemed an endless time later, Thalia lay in a state of delirious naked bliss, the sheets and coverlet kicked into tangled heaps at her and Leo's bare feet.

She supposed they ought to cover up, but she was simply too boneless to move. He'd roused her to the most amazing heights with a pleasure so intense it made her blood burn all over again just to recall.

Even now, he played a hand over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, lazily fondling each one before moving lower in an arc across her stomach. Curling a finger beneath her chin, he tipped her head back and claimed her lips for a slow, indulgent kiss.

Sighing, she turned into him and snuggled closer, burying her face against his neck and closing her eyes.

"Thank you for a most excellent welcome home." He trailed his fingers over her shoulder and arm.

She smiled and kissed his neck. "It was my pleasure, believe me."

"How was your Christmas?"

"Quiet. How was yours?"

"Noisy. And crowded in spite of the dozens and dozens of rooms Braebourne has. I spent the entire time wis.h.i.+ng you were with me."

Warmth spread like a sun inside her chest. Leaning an arm against his chest, she looked into his eyes. "Me too." She stroked a hand against his cheek, loving the smooth feel of his shaven skin. "Thank you for my gift."

"The pearls? You like them?"

"Yes. How could I not? They're beautiful."

He arched a golden brown eyebrow. "And you're not going to try returning them?"

"Not this time." Sliding higher, she pressed her mouth to his for a long, slow kiss. "You chose the one thing I couldn't possibly bring myself to refuse."

"Good." She s.h.i.+vered deliciously as he smoothed a palm over her bare b.u.t.tocks. "I'll have to start thinking of the next impossible-to-refuse gift to give you."

"Don't."

He brushed a lock of hair away from her forehead. "Why not? I like giving you things."

"You know why not. We've talked about this before." She kissed him again with a sweet yet ardent demand. "This is enough. I don't want anything more than to be your lover. Truly."

"Well, what if I do?"

"What?" she said, her forehead creasing.

"What if I need more?" His arms tightened around her. "What if I want the right to shower you with as many gifts as I like with no one able to say a word against it?"

"But they will. You know they will."

"Not if you're my wife."

The breath froze in her lungs, her heart aching as if she'd taken a hard blow to the chest. "What?" she gasped.

His eyes warmed with excitement and he sat up, sat them both up, his arms still wrapped loosely around her. "I love you. Marry me, Thalia."

She stared, speechless.

"I realized how I felt when I was away at Braebourne," he continued. "How nothing felt right because you weren't there with me. I wanted you to meet my family, to show you off to them as my bride. I want to take you back so you can meet them now. They're going to love you. I know they will."

Gooseflesh popped out all over her skin, an arctic cold seeping into her bones. She pulled away, then knelt to reach for her robe, which was draped around the foot post. s.h.i.+vering, she drew it on.

But the wool didn't make her any less cold.

"I know you weren't expecting this," he said with a frown. "I suppose I should have picked a better time and place to propose. I can still get down on one knee, if you like."

"No."

"I can put on some clothes too, if it bothers you that I'm doing this in the altogether."

"It doesn't."

He looked at her for a long moment, then crossed his arms. "Then what is it? Why do I suddenly get the idea that you're going to refuse me?" Some of the light drained out of his eyes. "Is it because you don't feel the same? That you don't love me?"

Her eyes went to his. "No," she whispered, "I do love you."

Some of the tension drained from him and he lowered his arms, reaching out to her.

But she leaned away, avoiding his touch for once.

"Thalia, what is it? What is wrong? If you love me, then say you'll marry me. Whatever other problems there may be, we can work them out."

"But we can't," she said, her voice sounding dead to her own ears.

"Of course we can. Nothing is insurmountable."

"This is." She gripped her fingers together, fearing suddenly that it was the only thing keeping her from breaking apart.

She drew a deep breath. "I cannot marry you, Leo. I cannot marry anyone."

"What do you mean?"

She stared down at her hands, unable to look at him any longer. "The terms of my divorce are quite clear. They stipulate that while my former husband, Lord Kemp, may remarry, I may not. I am barred from taking marriage vows ever again."

Chapter 29.

Leo didn't say anything; he didn't quite trust himself to speak. Instead, he got out of bed and reached for his trousers, pulling them on with a few efficient tugs. He slid his arms into his s.h.i.+rt as well, but left the b.u.t.tons undone.

Scowling, he went across to the fireplace and tossed a fresh log onto the fire, sending up a small cloud of red-hot embers.

He tapped a fist against his thigh, then turned again to face her. "There must be a way to nullify that section of the divorce decree. Do you have a copy of the doc.u.ment?"

"Not here. My barrister has the original at his office. And there are others filed with Parliament and the courts, of course."

"Well, I'm your new barrister from this moment forward. I'll find a way out of this for us. I know people, and my brothers know even more, especially Ned. I'll explain matters to him, see if it's possible for him to circulate a private bill in the Lords on your behalf."

"I rather doubt the Duke of Clybourne will be eager to dirty his fingers with my old difficulties."

He shot her a look. "He will if I ask him to."

"Don't. Please." She sighed. "If there is one thing my former husband is good at, it is getting his way. He took great pains to make sure I could not marry again, so I am certain whatever legalities the lawyers used to ensure his wishes, those terms are unbreakable."

"Nothing is unbreakable."

"This is. I accepted it long ago and you must now."

"Well, I don't accept it." He glared at her, raking a set of fingers through his hair. "What I don't understand is, why are you not more upset? Why do you not want to fight this?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she hugged her arms to herself.

As he watched her, his chest tightened with an unexpected dread. "You do want to marry me, don't you?"

The look she flashed him seemed almost helpless. "Leo, I-"

"Is that it, Thalia?" he said, his voice growing louder, harder. "Is it because you don't want to marry me? That you are relieved you have an excuse to say no?"

"No, I . . . I can't explain."

"Try anyway."

She shook her head. "Let's just go back to the way things were before. We were happy."

"Were we? So happy that I had to leave you here alone for Christmas? Happy that I can't openly claim you for my own? Can't introduce you to my family as the woman with whom I want to spend my life?"

"That's just the way it is. You knew how things would be between us when all this began."

"But that was before I fell in love with you." He went to her and wrapped his hands around her arms. "We can't go back and I don't want to. Now tell me why you won't marry me. And not the legal reason this time," he added when she opened her mouth to protest.

She closed it again and looked away.

"You said you loved me. Were you lying?"

"No," she whispered.

"Then what is it? Make me understand."

"It's because I do love you," she told him on a trembling breath, "that we can never have anything more than a temporary arrangement. I cannot allow you to waste your life on me."

"Waste my life? What nonsense are you spouting?" he demanded.

"It's not nonsense. It's . . . it's . . ." She broke off as if choked by the words, the emotions.

"It's what? Tell me now before I explode."

She looked away, her face awash with pain. "I cannot give you children. I am barren. It's the reason Gordon got rid of me. Because he knew I would never be able to give him an heir."

Thalia pushed her way free of his hold and walked across to stand in front of the fire. She was still so cold, as if her bones had turned to ice. A s.h.i.+ver raked through her, her chest aching with a pain so deep it felt ancient.

For this was indeed an old pain, a sorrow about which she tried never to think but that was with her constantly. It was like a quiet undertow, flowing and ever patient, as it waited to catch and pull her down when she least expected.

She would never be a mother.

She'd come to accept that fact years ago. Yet it haunted her still, lingering with an emptiness like the rooms of the third-floor nursery that would never know the clamor of tiny footsteps or the laughter of childish voices.

Another sort of quiet hung in the room, Leo's silence telling her everything she needed to know. She didn't look at him. She couldn't.

Then he stepped up behind her, laying his hands on her shoulders. "I am sorry, Thalia. Are you quite sure? Sometimes it is the man-"

"No," she said with a sharp shake of her head. "I am very certain it is me. The last time I lost . . . the last time . . . the doctor said there would be no more. And there were not."

"Lost?" he questioned softly. "A child, you mean?"

"Children." Just saying the word made her break a little more inside. "I miscarried three times during the first four years of my marriage. Then nothing for a long while until . . . until . . ."

"Yes?"

She drew a ragged breath. "I'm sorry, I cannot talk about it." She shrugged against his light hold, trying to shake him off.

But rather than release her, he turned her and enfolded her in his arms. His lips moved over her hair, her forehead. "Tell me."

She shook her head again.

"Tell me," he murmured soothingly. "What happened that last time?"

Tell him? She'd never told anyone, not even Jane and Mathilda. How could she tell him? Yet maybe if she did, it would prove there was no hope and give him reason to move on.

Then again, she would have to explain about Gordon.

A heavy shudder went through her, memories rolling over her, black as the blackest of clouds.

"If I do tell you," she said, "you must promise to do nothing. I must have your word, as a gentleman, that you will take no action based on what you learn."