Weakness: No Longer Weak Part 14

"Yes. More than I ever thought possible. I don't know what I would do without her. She's like hot metal that has somehow forged itself beyond the steel wall I had put up. I didn't think love like this existed, but every time I look at her, happy like she is right now, it does something to me. It drives me crazy. It melts me to a liquid," I said.

Once they were out of sight, we handed our tickets to the flight attendant, who gave Luke and me that look. The one that said she would rip my clothes off and try to rock my world. It was hard for me to even look twice at another woman because I only had eyes for one. Luke turned around and smiled at the cute little blonde as we walked down the hallway that led to the entrance. Our seats were in the back, and I knew that by the time the flight was over, I would be miserable. The things I did for love.

Night flying was boring when flying over water. I much preferred day flights, but I'd had no choice. I closed the window, not even caring what was outside, and after we took off, I ordered drink after drink. The flight attendant refused to cut me off, though she should have. At one point, I thought about bursting through the doors of first cla.s.s just to see her. Luke shook his head at me and explained how that was a bad idea. d.a.m.n, I needed her like I needed fast cars, expensive wine, and s.e.x. But it was important to me that the next time we were intimate we were man and wife. Being apart from each other would make our flame blaze with pa.s.sion.

Instead of listening to my heart and going to her, I pulled out a small notebook and pencil that I had tucked into my pocket. Vows. They had to be written, and I had hours to put my feelings into comprehendible sentences. I wrote a few sentences, ripped the paper from the book, and crumbled it into a little ball.

"f.u.c.k," I whispered.

"Just imagine she was sitting right here, and they were the last words you'd ever be able to say to her," Luke said.

"I'd tell her to take off her clothes and quit playing. Will that do?" I burst into laughter and realized that I really did need to sleep off the booze, even if just for a few hours.

I woke when the plane landed. My hair was a mess, and Luke looked at me as though I were crazy.

"Was I snoring?"

"No, but you better duck before your bride-to-be sees you."

I tucked my head to my knees and watched Luke lift his hand and wave. Busted.

"Are we taking the same car to the hotel?"

"Of course we are. I know it drives her crazy that I'm right there, but she can't touch or see me," I said.

Luke stood and grabbed his bag from above the seat. "You're evil, Finn."

"Oh, Jennifer is just as evil as me. Just wait. You'll see that side of her." My head was pounding, and I needed an aspirin. Cheap booze and flying were a horrible combination.

Jennifer and Caitlyn waited by the sign that said Felton. Her arms were crossed, but her eyes were s.h.i.+elded. I stood behind her, breathing in her scent, and she tensed, feeling me close. For a moment, I thought she would lean into me, but she stopped herself. She swallowed and her breast rose and fell heavily. She was going crazy inside, and I loved it. Cait turned and shook her head at me and nodded as Luke rolled his eyes. Maybe I was evil, or maybe I just enjoyed pulling Jennifer's strings tight.

The limo was waiting outside the airport at seven in the morning, and it drove us to the Hilton Hawaiian Village Waikiki Beach Resort. I checked my phone-no missed calls. We were safe. The sun had barely risen over the mountains in the distance, and I soaked in the colors of Hawaii. There was no other place on earth like this. It had been so long since I had visited the blue water, white sand, and that rainbow on the side of the resort. After I slept off the flight and alcohol, I would walk to the beach and complete my vows. I only had today, because tomorrow was our big day.

Jennifer leaned her head against the seat, and it took everything I had not to touch her in some way. Just one brush of my hand or lips against hers would hold me over until tomorrow. I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned over her, my lips inches from her. Our warm breaths mixed, and when her bottom lip parted and she leaned in to connect the electricity that drew us toward each other, I pulled away. She exhaled an annoyed breath. Luke and Cait both shook their heads at me and smiled. This would be much harder than I had thought, but there was nothing wrong with being a tease. I wondered whether Jennifer knew she was my weakness.

JENNIFER.

Twenty-seven.

After the flight, we all slept. Though I hadn't seen him in almost a day, Finnley had played me like a piano, one key at a time. He was so close to me at times that I wanted to lean into him, touch him, kiss him, rip his clothes off, and stop the silly charade. Chords struck inside me, creating a resonance that would continue forever. I honestly thought he would be the one to sneak in and see me, but when he didn't, I realized he was taking this seriously. I was once again was his p.a.w.n. Just the thought of seeing him made me nervous.

He booked the spa for Caitlyn and I. That night, we stayed in, ordered room service, and watched ridiculous movies. The morning came early, and my nerves were singing "Flight of the b.u.mblebee."

I showered, then stood in front of the full-length mirror and just stared. Caitlyn unzipped my dress and helped me inside it. Carefully, I made sure my makeup was perfect, and I twisted my long bangs back and secured them with a bobby pin. After everything was absolutely perfect, I turned and looked at her, and she tilted her head at me.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm nervous." I held out a shaky hand, and she grabbed it, then she placed her warm palm on my cheek. It was like my mother was here with me. A jolt of both sadness and happiness streamed through me. My emotions were conflicting with nerves. I sucked in a deep breath and smiled.

"That's normal. Now what does your heart say?"

"I can't live without him, and that I love him with every single cell in my body. I am not myself without him. Finnley makes me whole."

"Then what are we waiting for? You've got a groom waiting for you, Jenn, who feels exactly the same way."

I sucked in a deep breath and swallowed down my doubt. We rode in silence to the top of a hill. My mouth dropped open as I saw a field of purple. No matter how hard I tried to picture my wedding, I couldn't, because this was too magical to imagine.

I stepped out of the car, and so did Caitlyn. The smells of lavender and dots of purple surrounded us. The scene took my breath completely away, and I didn't want to catch it. I closed my eyes to burn the images into my mind. This was really happening.

"Don't be nervous. This is the beginning of the rest of your life, and you look so beautiful. You're steps away, Jenn. Don't make him wait." She swept a strand of loose hair out of my face and gave me a hug. I held a small bouquet of yellow flowers tightly. My hand shook, and Cait placed hers over mine then smiled. I smiled back, then turned and faced the open field.

In the distance, Finnley was standing with his hands in the pockets of his crisp, black tux, with one foot on the bottom step of the gazebo on the hillside. I couldn't focus on anything but him. I swallowed, but my feet seemed glued to the dirt path that led straight to him. One step at a time, I repeated.

The fields of purple were only bushels grouped together. It was beautiful to think that something as small as the lavender bushels could create pastures of purple.

My heart pounded in my chest as I thought about the walk to meet him, but I knew this was right. Not a single doubt lingered inside my body, and to know that, to really feel a strong peacefulness about my choice, brought so many emotions alive that I couldn't fully describe them. When our eyes met, a burning fire spread. I kept walking toward him, not stopping, not wavering in my step. He smiled, and I wanted to bottle up the look he gave me and keep it forever. Love. True love radiated from him, and it was for me. When I turned my head, I caught sight of Luke with a violin in his hand, and Caitlyn moved in beside me.

Was I living a dream? And if so, when would I awake? There, at that moment, I had everything I had ever wanted back in my life: family.

I had lost so much over the past few months, but as I walked forward, I realized how much I was gaining.

The s.p.a.ce between us slowly diminished. I was a comet entering the Earth's...o...b..t, breaking into smaller pieces until it was gone. Soon, Jennifer Downs would be no more. Soon, I would be Jennifer Felton.

At the edge of the patch, Luke smiled with so much joy and happiness as he placed his instrument on his shoulder. Then he played beautiful, moving music. Chills ran up my arm and streamed down my legs, and I was smiling at Finnley, who smiled back at me. I had never seen him so happy. Together, as I walked to him, we were lost in each other's gazes. Emotions overcame me, and I felt so overwhelmed that a single tear streamed down my face. Finnley grabbed my hand and wiped it away.

The Vera w.a.n.g dress hugged my waist and flared at the bottom. As the breeze blew, the chiffon clung to the wind, allowing fabric to flow like waves in the sea. It really was like Vera herself had created that style specifically for me, and I felt like the most beautiful person in the world wearing it.

As I stood beside him, he grabbed my hand and squeezed three times, his way of saying "I love you" without ever saying it.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered.

I was living a real-life fairytale.

A short plump man wearing black slacks and a collared s.h.i.+rt gave us a wide grin, and as soon as the music stopped, he began the ceremony. Luke and Caitlyn stood on either side of us.

"I've been told that you have written your own vows. Please don't let me get in the way."

Finnley pulled a small piece of paper that had been folded and unfolded several times from his pocket. His hand shook, slightly.

"Love. The word is simple. Four letters. One syllable. There is nothing special about how it sounds when it leaves my mouth. It's almost bland, and if one were to look up the definition of love, it would say something simple like a deep feeling. The word and its definition incompetently describe the emotions that it draws. It's not extravagant or pretty, and when I say it, it doesn't fully justify the meaning whatsoever. But when you've experienced and really felt love, it holds something more. I. Know. Love. I have cried tears of love. I have hated, laughed, almost died, and would fight the rest of my life for love. There are people in this world who have no idea how powerful that one tiny word is. No idea that it even exists. They read the definition and move on. I pity them. There are others who have experienced love, but no longer have it, and they may never find it again. Love is nothing more than a memory for them, but at least they experienced the power of it at one point, and that . . . that can never be taken away. Love tends to leave an impression of itself on our hearts and has the ability to move our souls. Human life is so beautiful, so precious, and we are lucky enough to be able to fully comprehend and understand the emotion. Love and moments mix together and create memories that we, as humans, can cherish until the day we die.

"When I look at you, Jennifer, I feel love. I know love, and I vow to love you for the rest of my life. Love you when we are old. Love you when you are mad. Love you no matter what. As long as you are with me, love will live. I love you, my friend, my partner, my lover, and I can't wait to spend my eternity loving you and falling in love with you over and over again."

Tears streamed down my face. Tears of happiness. Tears of love. Tears of feelings I couldn't comprehend. My words were insignificant compared to his. I swallowed down my emotions and pulled the little folded piece of paper from the pocket in my wedding dress. I had folded and unfolded it maybe as many times as Finnley had his. When I tried to speak, the wind seemed to carry my voice. It was shaky and uneven. He squeezed my hand, and that was all I needed to start. The only person with me was Finnley. It seemed the entire world around us had disappeared.

"I tried to imagine a world without you, and I couldn't. When I thought of my future, the only constant thing in it was you. My parents loved each other every single day of their lives together. I've always wanted that same kind of relations.h.i.+p, and I know that with you, I will. No matter what happens, good or bad, I want to experience it with you. I want to start a family with you. Grow old with you. Make traditions with you. I know that I love you more than I did yesterday, and tomorrow I will love you more than today, because when I'm with you, love has no boundaries. It's infinite. As your wife, I want to inspire you. Make you happy when you're sad. Encourage you to follow your dreams. Find you when you're lost, and make you feel whole when you're a half. Forever. Because you already do that for me. I promise to always be faithful. I promise to always be truthful. I promise to love you with everything I am. Not long ago, you asked me whether I knew what love was, and today, I can firmly say yes, I do. You are love, Finnley, and I choose you for the rest of my days," I said as tears streamed down my face. I wanted to kiss him right then, right there. I wanted to hold him, to touch him, to be one with him. The emotions inside me had spilled over into a pool around me. Never in my life had I felt such love and adoration for one human being, until now.

"Please exchange your rings."

Finnley pulled a diamond eternity wedding band from his pocket and slipped it on my finger. I watched him, smiling the entire time as he placed it on my finger. Caitlyn handed me his ring, a black t.i.tanium band with black diamonds along the top, and I slipped it on his. After it was on, his fingers intertwined with mine. I couldn't stop smiling as I stared into his eyes. He mouthed, "I love you."

"I want you two to remember this day for the rest of your lives. Look at each other. Memorize the looks on your faces, the way you feel, how you felt when you gave your vows. Look up at the sky, look at the people around you, and then look back at each other. Soak in the moment. Treasure it. Let it be imprinted on your hearts so that this memory will live with you forever. Mr. Felton, you may kiss your bride."

Finnley threaded his fingers through my hair and kissed me so pa.s.sionately that he very well may have stolen my soul. He let go of my hands, wrapped his arms around my waist, and pulled me closer. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and ran my fingers through his messy hair. After we kissed as husband and wife, Luke whistled and Caitlyn clapped.

Finnley's smile brushed across my lips and broke our kiss. I burst into laughter, because the moment had completely encapsulated us both.

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Felton," the man said.

Finnley shook his hand, and I gave him a simple nod.

We were as we were supposed to be: together, as man and wife.

Finnley looped his pinky with mine as we walked down the dirt pathway. The smells of lavender and purple surrounded us.

Finnley leaned down and kissed me. Over my lips, he whispered, "I love you so much, Mrs. Felton."

"I love you too, Mr. Felton," I said, and I meant it with every piece of my being.

Before we walked any farther, Finnley lifted me into his arms and carried me back to the car. I turned my head and saw Caitlyn and Luke laughing at us. I waved at them and they waved back.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said over Finnley's shoulder.

Luke shook his head with a huge smile on his face. Then Finnley set me down by the rented BMW and stole a kiss.

"I think I'm the happiest and luckiest person in the entire world," he said as he opened my car door.

I turned and looked at him.

"Don't look at me like that, Jennifer. It makes me want to do bad, terrible things to you s.e.xually," he said. When he leaned in to kiss me, I grabbed his bottom lip between my teeth and tugged. He growled, and when I let go, he bit where I had just held. I sat inside, and he shut the door then walked over to Luke and Caitlyn. He gave Luke a huge hug, and then one to Caitlyn. We were a family. I had a family. I couldn't stop smiling.

Finnley was wrong.

I was the happiest person in the world.

JENNIFER.

Twenty-eight.

"I love it here," he said as we drove toward the coast.

"I love being here with you."

He took my hand in his and held it as he zoomed down the streets that lined the crisp blue water. It was as if he knew Hawaii like the back of his hand. After a few more turns, I could see the blue water or the sun barely hanging on to the horizon. Pinks and purple streaked the sky with a tinge of yellow that hugged the water. It looked just like the pictures. Palm trees hung over the streets as we pulled into the paved driveway of a large house that looked like it was made of gla.s.s. The beach was so close that the tide might wash it away, but I knew better.

"What do you think?" Finnley asked.

"I should have expected something like this," I said with a smile on my face. "It's gorgeous."

"It's ours," he said.

I leaned back in my seat and jerked my head toward him. "Wait, what?"

"It's ours. I couldn't imagine spending the first night as man and wife in a hotel, or in a bed that other people had shared. I purchased a place that we could visit and make our own memories in."

"I don't know what to say."

"I've already managed to steal your voice, Mrs. Felton. That's cute."

When he called me Mrs. Felton, b.u.t.terflies fluttered inside me. A big smile crossed my face, and Finnley ran around the front of the car to open my door. Always the gentleman. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and I wrapped mine around his waist as we walked inside.

"Our suitcases?"

"We won't be needing those." He lifted an eyebrow and smirked.

I gulped.

He punched in a code, and the front door unlocked. We walked inside. Mason jars full of candles and a layer of sand had been arranged all around the house. He leaned down and kissed me so sweetly, then walked to the kitchen and grabbed two champagne gla.s.ses. When he turned around, I saw a small white wedding cake with a plastic couple topper.

"You thought of everything, didn't you?" I asked.

"I wanted it to be everything you've ever wanted," he said. He opened the champagne, and the cork didn't fly. I smiled, thinking back to the moment when he had explained the proper way to open champagne. He poured two gla.s.ses and handed me one. Then we intertwined our arms and sipped.

"Our first drink as man and wife," he said.

With a knife, he cut a small bite-size piece from the cake. I grabbed it while he cut another. I placed the cake in his mouth, and he did the same for me. Vanilla and sugar mixed together to create the most wonderful cake. Before he pulled his finger from my mouth, I sucked. With intense eyes, he watched. Just like a magnet, his mouth was on mine. His lips were soft and greedy as we exchanged breath-stealing kisses. I didn't want to wait any longer. I wanted and needed him as much as I needed air to breathe.

He took his suit jacket off and laid it on the back of the chair in the kitchen. While walking toward me, he undid his tie. Then our hands were locked together, and he was leading me down a hallway.

At the end, the master bedroom faced the ocean. The entire wall was made of gla.s.s, which opened up to the patio. From the bedroom, I saw white sand and blue water, and I could hear the sounds of cras.h.i.+ng waves.

"I know you hate the beach, but my goal is to change your opinion. I think after tonight, you'll love it."

"I already do," I whispered.

Finnley leaned in and kissed the softness of my neck. His lips trailed up to my earlobe. "You're beautiful, Mrs. Felton," he said. I didn't think my body could take anymore. He ran his fingers through my hair as he kissed the other side of my neck. Teeth mixed with kisses as he unzipped the back of my dress. I stepped out of it, and he took a step back.