A Fine Balance Part 10

But one of the childless wives had a more down-to-earth theory to explain their unborn sons. It could be, she said, that these two boys were not really Dukhi's. Perhaps the Chamaar had journeyed afar and kidnapped a Brahmin's newborns this would explain everything.

When the rumours started to spread, Dukhi feared for his family's safety. As a precaution, he went out of his way to be obsequious. Every time he saw high-caste persons on the road, he prostrated abjectly, but at a safe distance so he couldn't be accused of contaminating them with his shadow. His moustache was shaved off even though its length and shape had conformed to caste rules, its tips humbly drooping downwards unlike proud upper-caste moustaches that flourished skywards. He dressed himself and the children in the filthiest rags he could find among their meagre possessions. To avoid charges of pollution, he told Roopa not to appear anywhere in the vicinity of the village well; her friend Padma fetched their drinking water. Whatever task Dukhi was ordered to do, he did without questioning, without thought of payment, keeping his eyes averted from the high-caste face and fixed safely on the feet. He knew that the least annoyance someone felt towards him could be fanned into flames to devour his family.

Fortunately, the majority of the upper castes were content to wax philosophic about the problem of fallow wombs and leave it at that. They said it was obvious the world was pa.s.sing through Kaliyug, through the Age of Darkness, and sonless wives were not the only aberration in the cosmic order. "Witness the recent drought," they said. "A drought that came even though we performed all the correct pujas. And when the rains fell, they fell in savage torrents; remember the floods, the huts that were washed away. And what about the two-headed calf in the neighbouring district?"

No one in the village had seen the two-headed calf, for the distance was great, and it was not possible to make the journey and return by nightfall to the safety of their huts. But they had all heard about the monstrous birth. "Yes, yes," they agreed. "The Pandits are absolutely correct. It is Kaliyug that is the cause of our troubles."

The remedy, the Pandits advised, was to be more vigilant in the observance of the dharmic order. There was a proper place for everyone in the world, and as long as each one minded his place, they would endure and emerge unharmed through the Darkness of Kaliyug. But if there were transgressions if the order was polluted then there was no telling what calamities might befall the universe.

After this consensus was reached, the village saw a sharp increase in the number of floggings meted out to members of the untouchable castes, as the Thakurs and Pandits tried to whip the world into shape. The crimes were varied and imaginative: a Bhunghi had dared to let his unclean eyes meet Brahmin eyes; a Chamaar had walked on the wrong side of the temple road and defiled it; another had strayed near a puja that was in progress and allowed his undeserving ears to overhear the sacred shlokas; a Bhunghi child had not erased her footprints cleanly from the dust in a Thakur's courtyard after finis.h.i.+ng her duties there her plea that her broom was worn thin was unacceptable.

Dukhi contributed some of his skin, too, in wrestling the universe out of the clutches of Darkness. He was summoned to graze a herd of goats. The owner was going to be away from the village during the day. "Watch them carefully," said the man, "especially that one with the broken horn and long beard. He is a real devil." A gla.s.s of goat's milk was promised in return for the work.

Dukhi spent the morning minding the herd, dreaming about the pleasure Ishvar and Narayan would get from the milk. But as the day wore on and the afternoon grew hot, he fell asleep. The scrabbling animals strayed onto a neighbour's property. When the owner returned in the evening, instead of a gla.s.s of goat's milk, Dukhi got a thras.h.i.+ng.

It was a small price to pay, he felt, considering what the consequence might have been had it taken the man's fancy. That night, Roopa crept out to steal b.u.t.ter to apply to the welts raised on her husband's back and shoulders.

b.u.t.ter was something Roopa could steal without a second thought. In fact, she did not even consider it stealing. After all, hadn't Lord Krishna himself made a full-time job of it during his adolescence, aeons ago, in Mathura?

At the appropriate age, Dukhi began teaching his sons the skills of the trade to which they were born shackled. Ishvar was seven when he was taken to his first dead animal. Narayan wanted to go as well, but Dukhi said it was not time for him, he was still too young. He promised the child that he would be allowed to help with tasks like salting the skin, sc.r.a.ping off hair and bits of rotten flesh with a dull knife, and collecting the fruit of the myrobalan tree to tan the hide. This cheered Narayan up.

Dukhi and Ishvar arrived with a few other Chamaars at Thakur Premji's farm, and were taken to the field where the buffalo lay. An egret was perched on the dark mound, picking insects from the skin. It flew off when the men approached. Clouds of flies buzzed over the animal.

"Is it dead?" asked Dukhi.

"Of course it's dead," said the Thakur's man. "You think we can afford to give away live cattle?" Shaking his head and muttering about the stupidity of these achhoot jatis, he left them to their work.

Dukhi and his friends positioned their cart behind the buffalo; a wooden plank was sloped from the cartbed to the animal. They grabbed its legs and began inching its hulk up the plank, keeping the wood wet so the weight might slide a little more readily.

"Look!" said one of them. "It's alive, it's breathing!"

"Aray Chhotu, not so loud," said Dukhi. "Or they won't let us take it. Anyway, it's almost dead a few more hours at best."

They resumed the task, sweating and grunting, while Chhotu cursed the Thakur softly. "b.a.s.t.a.r.d hypocrite. Making us break our backs. Would be so much easier to kill it, skin the carca.s.s right here, chop it into small hunks."

"That's true," said Dukhi. "But how can Mr. High-Caste s.h.i.+t permit that? The purity of his land would be spoilt."

"The only thing high caste about him is his little meat-eating lund," said Chhotu. "It feeds on his wife's high-caste choot every night."

The men chuckled, then renewed their efforts. Someone said, "He has been seen in the town once a week. Gobbling chicken, mutton, beef, whatever he likes."

"They are all like that," said Dukhi. "Vegetarian in public, meat-eaters in private. Come on, pus.h.!.+"

Ishvar paid close attention to the men's conversation, joining in the effort with his little hands, as the men encouraged him. "Now we will succeed! Push, Ishvar, pus.h.!.+ Harder, harder!"

Amid the joking and cursing and teasing, the buffalo suddenly came alive, raising its head one last time before expiring. The adults shouted in surprise and jumped back to avoid the horns. But the tip caught Ishvar's left cheek, stunning him. He collapsed.

Dukhi grabbed the boy in his arms and began running to his hut. His legs swallowed the distance in urgent gulps. The stunted noonday shadow of their joined figures clung faithfully to his heels. Sweat poured from his brow, sprinkling his son's face. Ishvar stirred then, and his tongue emerged and tasted his father's salt at his lips. Dukhi breathed easier, heartened by the sign of life.

"Hai Bhagwan!" screamed Roopa when she saw her bleeding son. "Aray father-of-Ishvar, what did you do to my child! What-all was the big rush to take him today? Such a little boy! You couldn't wait till he was older?"

"He is seven," Dukhi answered quietly. "My father took me at five."

"That's a reason? And if you were injured and killed at five, you would do the same to your son?"

"If I were killed at five, I wouldn't have a son," said Dukhi, even more quietly. He went out to collect the leaves that would heal the wound, and chopped them very fine, till they were almost a paste. Then he returned to work.

Roopa bathed the gash and wrapped the dark-green ointment over it. Afterwards, when she was calmer, her fury at Dukhi subsided. She tied protective amulets to her children's arms, reasoning that it was the evil eye of the Brahmin women that had hurt Ishvar.

And the childless women were also rea.s.sured: the universe was returning to normal; the untouchable boy was no longer fair of face but disfigured, which was as it should be.

Dukhi came home in the evening and lowered himself to the floor in the corner which was his eating place. Ishvar and Narayan snuggled close to him, enjoying the smell of the beedi smoke that clung to his breath, temporarily diluting the stench of hides and tannin and offal. The fragrance of the baking dough made them hungry, as Roopa rolled out fresh chapatis.

The wound festered for a few days before starting to heal, and soon there was no cause for worry. The injury, however, left that part of Ishvar's face forever frozen. His father said, trying to make light of it, "G.o.d wants my son to cry only half as much as other mortals."

He preferred to overlook the fact that Ishvar's smile, too, could only be smiled with half his face.

The year that Ishvar turned ten and Narayan eight, the rainfall was excellent. Dukhi struggled through the monsoon months, scrounging armfuls of thatch to keep the hut from leaking. The fields recovered from the drought and the cattle grew healthy. Dukhi waited in vain for animals to die and yield their hides.

As the fine weather continued, promising a bountiful crop for the zamindars, for the landless untouchables it was a bleak season. There would be work for them when the harvest was ready, but till then they had to depend on charity or the paltry sc.r.a.ps of toil thrown their way at the discretion of the landlords.

After several idle days, Dukhi was grateful to be sent for by Thakur Premji. He was led to the back of the house where a sack of dry red chillies was waiting to be ground into powder. "Can you finish that by sunset?" asked Thakur Premji. "Or maybe I should call two men."

Reluctant to share whatever slim reward was to come his way, Dukhi said, "Don't worry, Thakurji, it will all be done before the sun disappears." He filled the ma.s.sive stone mortar with chillies and selected one of the three long, heavy pestles lying by it. He began pounding vigorously, smiling frequently at the Thakur who stayed to watch for a while.

Dukhi slowed down after he left. The rapid rhythm could only be maintained when there were three people at the mortar, delivering the pestles in succession. By lunchtime he had finished half the sack, and stopped to eat. Looking around to see if anyone was watching, he reached into the mortar and sprinkled a pinch of chilli powder on his chapati. He was just in time, for the Thakur sent his man out with a can of water.

It was late in the afternoon, when the sack was almost empty, that the accident occurred. Without warning, as the pestle landed and rebounded the way it had been doing all day, the mortar split cleanly in two and collapsed. One side landed on Dukhi's left foot and crushed it.

The Thakur's wife was watching from the kitchen window. "Oiee, my husband! Come quick!" she screamed. "The Chamaar donkey has destroyed our mortar!"

Her screams roused Thakur Premji, drowsing under the awning at the front of the house, cradling a grandchild in his arms. He pa.s.sed the sleeping infant to a servant and ran to the back. Dukhi was sprawled on the ground, trying to bandage his bleeding foot with the cloth he normally wrapped around his head like a brief turban.

"What have you done, you witless animal! Is this what I hired you for?"

Dukhi looked up. "Forgive me, Thakurji, I did not do anything to it. There must have been a flaw in the stone."

"Liar!" He raised his stick threateningly. "First breaking it, then lying to me on top! If you did nothing, how can it break? A big thing of solid stone! Is it made of gla.s.s to shatter just like that?"

"I swear on the heads of my children," begged Dukhi, "I was only pounding chillies, as I have done all day. Look, Thakurji, the sack is almost empty, the work "

"Get up! Leave my land at once! I never want to see you again!"

"But Thakurji, the work "

He hit Dukhi across the back with his stick. "Get up, I said! And get out!"

Dukhi rose to his feet, limping backwards, out of reach. "Thakurji, have pity, there has been no work for days, I don't "

The Thakur lashed out wildly. "Listen, you stinking dog! You have destroyed my property, yet I am letting you off! If I wasn't such a softhearted fool, I would hand you to the police for your crime. Now get out!" He continued to swing the stick.

Dukhi dodged, but could not move quickly enough with his injured foot. Several blows found their mark before he had slipped through the gate. He hobbled home, cursing the Thakur and his progeny.

"Leave me alone," he hissed in response to Roopa's fearful inquiries. When she persisted, clinging to his side, begging to be allowed to examine his damaged foot, he struck her. Angry and humiliated, he sat silent in the hut all evening. Ishvar and Narayan were frightened; they had never seen their father like this.

Afterwards, he let Roopa clean and bandage the wound, and ate the food she brought him, but still he refused to talk. "You will feel better if you tell me," she said.

Two days later he told her, his bitterness overflowing like the foul ooze from his foot. He had not minded when he had been beaten that time for the straying goats. It had been his fault, he had fallen asleep. But this time he had done nothing wrong. He had worked hard all day, yet he had been thrashed and cheated of his payment. "On top of that, my foot is crushed," he said. "I could kill that Thakur. Nothing but a lowly thief. And they are all like that. They treat us like animals. Always have, from the days of our forefathers."

"Shh," she said. "It's not good for the boys to hear such things. It was just bad luck, the mortar breaking, that's all."

"I spit in their upper-caste faces. I don't need their miserable jobs from now on."

After his foot had healed, Dukhi turned his back on the village. He left at dawn and arrived in town before noon, getting rides in bullock carts and a lorry. He selected a street corner where there were no other cobblers nearby. With his metal last, awl, hammer, nails, cleats, and leather patches arranged in a semicircle around him, he settled upon the pavement and waited to mend the footwear of town dwellers.

Shoes, moccasins, slippers tramped past in a variety of designs and colours which intrigued and worried him. If one of them chose to stop, would he be capable of doing the repairs? It all seemed more complicated than the simple sandals he was used to.

After a while someone halted before Dukhi, shook the chappal off his right foot, and pointed at its broken cross straps with his big toe. "How much for fixing that?"

Dukhi picked it up and turned it over. "Two annas."

"Two annas? Are you paagal or something? I might as well buy new chappals if I am going to pay a mochi like you two annas."

"Aray sahab, who will give you new chappals for two annas?" They haggled for a bit, then settled for one anna. Dukhi sc.r.a.ped the soles to expose the groove in which the broken st.i.tches sat. The grime flaked off in large flat crusts. He decided there was no difference between village grime and town grime, it looked and smelled the same.

He inserted the straps in their slits and secured them with a row of new st.i.tches. Before trying on the chappal, the man tugged at the repair work. He took trial steps, wiggled his toes around, grunted his approval and paid.

Six hours and five customers later, it was time to start back. Dukhi made a few purchases with the money a little flour, three onions, four potatoes, two hot green chillies then took the homeward road. Traffic was spa.r.s.er than in the morning. He walked a long time before getting a ride. It was night when he reached the village. Roopa and the children were waiting anxiously for him.

After a few days at the street corner, Dukhi saw striding towards him on the pavement his friend Ashraf. "I didn't know you were cobbling in my neighbourhood," said Ashraf, surprised to see him.

Ashraf was the Muslim tailor in town. He was Dukhi's age, and it was to him that Dukhi used to go on the rare occasions when he could afford to get something for Roopa or the children the Hindu tailor did not sew for untouchables.

Learning about Dukhi's misfortunes in the village, Ashraf asked, "Would you like to try something different? Something which might pay more?"

"Where?"

"Come with me."

He gathered up his implements and hurried away with Ashraf. They walked to the other side of town, across the railway line, to the lumberyard. There, Dukhi was introduced to Ashraf's uncle, who managed the place.

From now on, there was always work for him at the yard: loading and unloading lorries, or helping to make deliveries. Dukhi greatly preferred the labour of lifting and carrying, walking upright among men, instead of crouching all day on the pavement, conducting conversations with strangers' feet. And the fragrance of fresh wood was a welcome respite from the stench of filthy footwear.

One morning, on his way to the lumberyard, Dukhi saw a lot of traffic. The bullock cart he rode in was swallowed by clouds of dust. It had to often pull over to the side, and once, when a large bus pa.s.sed, ended almost in the ditch.

"What is happening?" he asked the cart-driver. "Where are they all going?" The man shrugged, concentrating on getting his bullock back on the road. His prod failed to get results, and the two men had to jump off and help the animal.

On arriving in town, Dukhi saw the streets festooned with banners and flags. He learned that some leaders of the Indian National Congress were visiting. He wandered over to Ashraf's shop to tell him, and they decided to join the crowds.

The leaders started their speeches; they said they had come to spread the Mahatma's message regarding the freedom struggle, the struggle for justice. "We have been slaves in our own country for too long. And the time has come to fight for liberty. In this fight, we do not need guns or swords. We do not need harsh words or hatred. With truth and ahimsa we will convince the British that the moment is right for them to depart."

The crowd applauded; the speaker continued. "You will agree that in order to overthrow the yoke of slavery we have to be strong. No one can argue against that. And only the genuinely strong can employ the power of truth and non-violence. But how can we even start to be strong when there is a disease in our midst? First we must be rid of this disease that plagues the body of our motherland.

"What is this disease? you may ask. This disease, brothers and sisters, is the notion of untouchability, ravaging us for centuries, denying dignity to our fellow human beings. This disease must be purged from our society, from our hearts, and from our minds. No one is untouchable, for we are all children of the same G.o.d. Remember what Gandhiji says, that untouchability poisons Hinduism as a drop of a.r.s.enic poisons milk."

After this, other speakers addressed the crowd about matters related to the freedom struggle, about those who were spending time honourably in jail for civil disobedience, for refusing to observe unjust laws. Dukhi and Ashraf stayed till the very end, when the leaders requested the crowd to pledge that they would expunge all caste prejudice from their thoughts, words, and deeds. "We are taking this message across the nation, and asking people everywhere to unite and fight this unG.o.dly system of bigotry and evil."

The crowd took the oath that had been enjoined on them by the Mahatma, echoing the words with enthusiasm. The rally was over.

"I wonder," said Dukhi to Ashraf, "if the zamindars in our villages would ever clap for a speech about getting rid of the caste system."

"They would clap, and go on in the same old way," said Ashraf. "The devil has stolen their sense of justice, nah they cannot see or feel. But you should leave your village, bring your family here."

"And where would we stay? There, at least we have a hut. Besides, that's where my ancestors have always lived. How can I leave that earth? It's not good to go far from your native village. Then you forget who you are."

"That's true," said Ashraf. "But at least send your sons here for a short time. To learn a trade."

"They would not be allowed to practise it in the village."

Ashraf was impatient with his pessimism. "Things will change, nah. You heard those men at the meeting. Send your sons to me, I will teach them tailoring in my shop."

For a moment, Dukhi's eyes lit up, imagining the promise of the future. "No," he said. "Better to stay where we belong."

The harvest was ready, and Dukhi stopped going to the lumberyard. His vow to shun the landlords had weakened, for the distance to town was long when the transport was unreliable. He left for the fields before dawn to bring in the crop, returning to his family after dusk with an aching back and all the news from surrounding villages that he had missed in the last few months.

The news was of the same type that Dukhi had heard evening after evening during his childhood; only the names were different. For walking on the upper-caste side of the street, Sita was stoned, though not to death the stones had ceased at first blood. Gambhir was less fortunate; he had molten lead poured into his ears because he ventured within hearing range of the temple while prayers were in progress. Dayaram, reneging on an agreement to plough a landlord's field, had been forced to eat the landlord's excrement in the village square. Dhiraj tried to negotiate in advance with Pandit Ghanshyam the wages for chopping wood, instead of settling for the few sticks he could expect at the end of the day; the Pandit got upset, accused Dhiraj of poisoning his cows, and had him hanged.

While Dukhi toiled in the fields and leather-work remained scarce, there was no work for his sons. Roopa tried to keep Ishvar and Narayan busy by sending them to search for firewood. Occasionally, they also found stray, unclaimed cowpats overlooked by the cowherds, though this was rare, for the precious commodity was zealously collected by the cows' owners. Roopa did not use the dung for fuel, preferring to daub it level at the entrance to the hut. After it dried, hard and smooth, she enjoyed for a while a threshold as firm as terracotta, like the courtyards of the cattle-keepers.

Despite their ch.o.r.es, the boys had many empty hours to run around by the river or chase wild rabbits. They knew exactly what their caste permitted or prohibited; instinct, and eavesdropping on the conversation of elders, had demarcated the borders in their consciousness as clearly as stone walls. Still, their mother worried that they would get into trouble. She waited anxiously for the thres.h.i.+ng and winnowing to finish, when they would be occupied under her eye, sifting the chaff for stray grain.

Sometimes the brothers spent the morning near the village school. They listened to the upper-caste children recite the alphabet, and sing little songs about colours, numbers, the monsoon. The shrill voices flew out the window like flocks of sparrows. Later, in secret among the trees by the river, the two would try to repeat from memory what the children had sung.

If curiosity drew Ishvar and Narayan too close and the teacher spotted them, they were immediately chased away. "Shameless little donkeys! Off with you or I'll break your bones!" But Ishvar and Narayan were quite skilled at spying on the cla.s.s; they could creep near enough to hear chalks squeaking on slates.

The chalks and slates fascinated them. They yearned to hold the white sticks in their hands, make little white squiggles like the other children, draw pictures of huts, cows, goats, and flowers. It was like magic, to make things appear out of nowhere.

One morning, when Ishvar and Narayan were hidden behind the bushes, the students were brought into the front yard to practise a dance for the harvest festival. The sky was cloudless, and s.n.a.t.c.hes of song could be heard from the fields in the distance. The labourers' melodies contained the agony of their aching backs, of their skin sizzling under the sun. Ishvar and Narayan listened for their father's voice, but could not separate the strands in the chorus.

The schoolchildren held hands and formed two concentric rings, barefoot, moving in opposite directions. Every now and then, the rings reversed the pattern of movement. This was cause for much mirth because some children were late in turning, and there were mixups and tangles.

After watching for a while, Ishvar and Narayan suddenly realized that the schoolhouse was empty. They went around the yard on all fours till they were behind the hut, and entered through a window.

In one corner, the children's footwear was arranged in neat rows; in another, beside the blackboard, were their lunchboxes. Food odours mingled with chalk dust. The boys headed for the cupboard where the slates and chalks were kept. Grabbing one each, they sat cross-legged on the floor with the slates in their laps, as they had so often watched the children do. But the two were uncertain about what came next. Narayan waited for his older brother to begin.

Ishvar was a little nervous, his chalk poised above the slate, fearful of what might happen. Gingerly he made contact, and drew a line, then another, and another. He grinned at Narayan how easy it was to make his mark!

Now Narayan, his fingers shaking with excitement, chalked a short white line and displayed it proudly. They grew more adventurous, departing from straight lines, covering the slates with loops and curves and scrawls of all shapes and sizes, stopping only to admire, marvelling at the ease with which they could create, then erase with a sweep of the hand and re-create at will. And the chalk dust on their palms and fingers set them to giggling too it could make thick funny lines on the forehead just like the caste marks of the Brahmins.