Salve Roma! A Felidae Novel Part 10

After Umberto had finally collapsed, the general and the two killers yanked up their weapons and fired at the approaching missile. It was so loud that I quickly hid behind the altar, rolled up and buried my head in my fur.

But despite all defensive measures the rockets kept das.h.i.+ng towards their victims, which finally stopped the pointless shooting, dropped their weapons and fled towards Filarete's brazen gate. Umberto had done a very good job. Three explosions happening shortly after each other, roaring and accompanied by the disgusting sound of bursting flesh, finally ended this horrific episode.

When I dared to leave my dugout again, there were widespread pools of blood everywhere on the gla.s.sy ground. Umberto in his ca.s.sock had become a black island in the middle of a crimson lake. Headfirst, his face drowned in this thick fluid, but I didn't feel sorry for him a whole lot. Except for radially drifting-apart gushes of blood, only marginal signs of their former existence were left from the general and his killers. A ripped off finger here, a part of a foot there, covered by a rag of leather, which once had been part of a shoe. Wads of smoke hovered over this ground zero, and I had to throw up because of the smell of burned human flesh and dynamite. Through the windows, which were decorated with a thousand saints, I saw that outside the new day was dawning.

All of a sudden the soldiers of the Swiss Guard, which had reported for duty, opened the mighty, brazen gates of the cathedral. I ran outside, just in time, before I could get trampled by impatiently waiting hordes of tourists. Have fun in there! shot through my mind. In front of me St. Peter's square unrolled like a paradisiacal realm. I felt like I saw Rome, the beauty, for the very first time. The may rain had dispersed. The sun shone again, warmer and bright than ever, and the light reflexions of the puddles of water caused a funny itch in my eyes. I ran down the stairs and finally stood in the center of the plaza, surrounded by Bernini's Colonnades.

My thoughts wandered to Antonio. Had he just meant well? No! Nothing was good that was bought with other people's death. It sounded old-fas.h.i.+oned, not to say corny, but life was sacred. No statement fit better into this place than this. On the other hand I couldn't hide my sympathy for his way of thinking, or should I call it ideology? The world was full of two-legged devils, which tried to turn this place into h.e.l.l. They needed to be affronted. Yeah, if necessary they even had to be killed. "Ha ha, if necessary, a very catchy word indeed", I heard Antonio laugh. "A word at which every member of the Western civilization would nod approvingly, just to turn on the TV a moment later as to not miss his favorite show. But when is if necessary, il mio amico?" And what shall I say, he was right. Still, it rested on the Western civilization to keep a sound judgment and to not become evil during the fighting of evil. Intolerance was like dirt, which consistently acc.u.mulated on the body. One had to wash it off every day, or lick it off in our case, so that it didn't stiffen and harm the organism in the end. But even in the face of most stubborn intolerance, words benefit more than thousands of ultramodern weapons. Antonio had taught me this. As suddenly I missed nothing more than the affinity of the black cutie with the wedge-shaped face and the big funnel-ears.

But now I thirsted for my beloved Sancta, whom I had to deliver on my promise. I guessed that Gustav would be busy at the Forum Romanum for another two, maybe even three months, so that I could be busy with my Latin chattering G.o.ddess the whole summer long. And I didn't want to be called Francis the smart-a.s.s, if I wouldn't be able to tell Gustav by body language that I, Francis, yes his Francis, wanted to spend my life with this female alone for ever and always. O G.o.d, in the end I'd even long for something that hadn't been invented for my kind at all: Marriage! Brrrr!

However, time would tell. The air smelled like freshly picked lemons and the fear-sweat of Roman mice, which had probably heard my call already. My vacation lay before me like a dark horse, and the future was as appetizing as a flush plate of pagliata, coratella and trippa. I opened my eyes and gazed directly at the bright morning sun, so much it hurt. And I yelled at the eternal city of my dreams: Salve Roma!

Want to read the sequel?

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FELIDAE ON THE ROAD.

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Appendix.

1. For a long time, our species was able to brag about having a naturally unique extra skill: In the fas.h.i.+on of a fortuneteller, who looks into a crystal ball, humans antic.i.p.ate the future by pre-planning. Organisms, which are more humble intelligence-wise, don't seem to ever think outside the horizon of the current moment though and appear to be slavishly fixated on the present. Those parts of the brain, which were most developed at the evolution of humans, actually are occupied with the planning of future projects. So it was a lesson in modesty, when it turned out a while ago that also many of our fellow creatures have the mental warehouse for futurism and making plans for the future. African chimps for example sometimes undertake very long hikes to collect granite stones, which they need to crack certain savory nuts. Behind this are not only predictive thinking and the understanding of the tool, but also the ability to keep an abstract goal (finding nuts) in mind, while there must be altogether different challenges (finding their way) coped with first.

Meanwhile scientists have found the sense for future times in other animals, too. For example in African elephants, which go on pilgrimages to faraway waterholes, long before they become very thirsty. Or in Eurasian jays, which bury food storages for imminent intermittent starvation with surprising flexibility. Jeffrey M. Ma.s.son, a famous psychoa.n.a.lyst and cat expert from Berkeley, California, attributes "strategic" thinking to our cats also. Cats sometimes poise in front of a mousehole for a very long time. This gesture actually is an epitome of the core of the feline character. All mental and brain processes of the cat are highly geared to the needs of a solitary predator, which needs to a.n.a.lyze the hunting situation very quickly and always has to be one step ahead of the prey. Even when they lay dozing next to the heater, cats now and then bob up for no clear reason and follow some cryptical impulse. For instance, it might happen that they suspectingly inspect their food bowl (without eating) and then happily go back to the arms of Morpheus, if the world is in order. If one heads the animal off and distracts it with some toys, before it can actually put its plan into action, the plan often falls into oblivion and the cat goes back to sleep without having achieved anything. However, this means that the animal only had a lax idea in its mind and wasn't driven by strong environmental stimuli or intensive instincts.

Once a cute cat strayed to the a.n.a.lyst Ma.s.son. At night the visitor, who seemed to like it at the Ma.s.son's, made himself comfortable in the host's lap. "The astonis.h.i.+ng fact about this is that it was a scam, a plan, which he must have hatched in his sweet little cat heart." After a week when it was clear him that he was allowed to stay, he stopped this kind of "flirting" and never demeaned himself to do it again.

Literature: Jeffrey Ma.s.son: The Nine Emotional Lives of Cats: A Journey Into the Feline Heart. Ballantine Books 2003

2. Noah invited the animals to his ark in pairs. Later, one female and one male each were supposed to raise a family under G.o.d's watch. What Noah didn't think of in the heat of the moment: A lot of those couple on the s.h.i.+p might have been h.o.m.os.e.xual. Although a naturalist observed h.o.m.os.e.xual s.e.x between birds already two hundred years ago, for ages scientists smothered, concealed or simply ignored this "forbidden love" among animals due to prudery. "It is clearly proven", the anthropologist Volker Sommer from Gottingen says, "that all variants of h.o.m.os.e.xual behavior among humans can be found in animals, too. Many worms and sheep, seagulls and guinea pigs often additionally to a heteros.e.xual main interest show additional gay behavior and very openly practice things, which are still forbidden under penalty of death in Islamic theocracies.

In having s.e.x with "their own kind" males indeed are dominant in nature, but also many females are cut from the same cloth. Female dolphins push their fins into their partner's genital slit, male bon.o.bos suck at another male's p.e.n.i.s, and manatees give their partners a fin job, due to default of hands. From occasional escapades through to a livelong relations.h.i.+p, scientists have observed everything. h.o.m.os.e.xual herring gulls and penguin couples actually remain faithful to each other their whole life. 450 animal species were caught red-handed at the "gay research" by scientists. This is a tidy sum, as actually behavioral scientists by now have only soundly observed about 2000 of the approximately multiple million animal species in this world.

In the face of so much animal h.o.m.oerotism our cat doesn't stand apart. Even both cat s.e.xes have the apt.i.tude of having a s.e.xual role swap at least sometimes. Among a dozen tomcats one can always find a couple, which have a partiality for other males. Not only female house cats, also a couple of their big and wild relatives have been observed at lesbian flirts. According to Paul Leyhausen, the Konrad Lorenz of cat science, the gay coitus is a perfect copy of the heteros.e.xual cat love except from the penetration.

Nowadays, the belief that the pa.s.sive female role is totally unacceptable for tomcats is also confuted. Sometimes tomcats actually do slip into a female role when having s.e.x, they just have to be in the mood, in fact outside of a rape scenario. But even this happens. We know it from countless American police and prison movies. Strange tomcats, who are put into a cage with an established cat of the house, often become victims of s.e.xual violence.

There are countless theses on why h.o.m.os.e.xuality is firmly fixed in the world of animals, although it does harm to the spreading of genetic material. The American biologist Bruce Bagemihl hypothesizes most provocatively, that it is nonsense to speculate about a rational sense when seeing a gay giraffe or a lesbian squirrel. In fact, he says, h.o.m.os.e.xuality is just an expression of nature's joy of playing nothing more.

3. Although the physical premises exist, it remains an unanswered question, if cats reach an o.r.g.a.s.m during s.e.x. To be precise, scientists still don't know when and why nature presents their creatures with the "bonus" of a s.e.xual climax. Princ.i.p.ally, it is absolutely possible to breed without pleasurable sensation just like some clerics would prefer. "I kept watching mating carpenter bees", the American zoologist John Alc.o.c.k explains, "but I can't see whether they feel anything comparable to our idea of joy." The simpler the creatures, the harder it gets to read ecstasy or joy of love in their reactions. The problems are even bigger than for a human Casanova, who already needs to rely on the woman's statements.

At any rate most mammals show striking interest in s.e.x and are willing to bear exertions in order to get it. The best sign for it being fun for them. With its whole habitus the male rat creates the impression of having a fantastical o.r.g.a.s.m when having s.e.x. After the e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n it thrusts hard another time, slowly gets up and its eyes glaze over which only leaves little room for doubt. So most scientists believe that at least male mammals including tomcats scale the height of s.e.xual pleasure. In tribal history it was actually very useful to pour the increasing greed for o.r.g.a.s.ms down the male animals throat. Because males are capable of increasing their genetic fitness and father more viable descendants, if they l.u.s.tfully jump at every chance of s.e.x. Females, who bear the brunt of procreation, would be ill-advised, if they got involved in every noncommittal romantic adventure.

Whether evolution sweetens the "breeding work" of female mammals with the ultimate gift of l.u.s.t, namely o.r.g.a.s.m, as well, strikes many scientists as doubtful. "The female o.r.g.a.s.m seems to be notably absence with most species", the American psychologist Roy E. Baumeister states, "and evidence suggest that male animals get more l.u.s.t out of s.e.x than females." After all women can be fertilized without o.r.g.a.s.m or any pleasant feeling. The autonomic nervous system of male mammals almost does somersault, when the s.e.m.e.n shoots out of the erect p.e.n.i.s with euphoric twitches. For example, the blood pressure of dogs heavily increases at the moment of e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n. The blood pressure of the b.i.t.c.h does show some fluctuation, but none is at all comparable to the sudden rise, which can be registered in the male dog at the moment of e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n. In the animal kingdom a point of culmination of arousal, which also marks the event of o.r.g.a.s.m in women, could only be found in female apes.

In the past, some scientists considered the possibility that the bizarre postcoital behavior of female cats hints at an orgiastic experience. Directly after the generic "quickie" cats utter an explosive cry and oppose their "benefactor" with sudden anger. In the early Middle Ages Arabian scientists concluded from this, that the tomcats merges acrid e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.e into his playmate. "She is in great pain because the sperm cauterizes, and she screams until she has ejected it." Then the female cat wriggles heavily and welters almost spastically. Repeatedly, she licks her v.u.l.v.a, and the female won't let herself get mounted until the strange "postlude" is ended. If this behavior really reflects a climax of arousal, which matches the male o.r.g.a.s.m, remains doubtful though. The sudden change of mind might rather have another reason. The tomcat's p.e.n.i.s is riddled with many thorns on its tip, which probably cause a painful irritation inside the v.a.g.i.n.a. This tractation triggers the so-called "induced" ovulation in the female cat.

4. In regard to the reproduction skills of cats, older men of our species can easily take a leaf out of their book. Tomcats stay in the "breeding business" up until old age, at which many grown men are able to fight gravity only with the help of v.i.a.g.r.a. Older female cats stay fertile until a point in life, which women of our species don't even reach with the most advanced reproduction technologies. There are proven cases of tomcats, which successfully bred even at the high age of sixteen years. This matches a human age of 78 years. Female cats still have provably conceived kittens at the age of 12. This equates to 65 human years. This extreme fertility allows a female to conceive about 35 litters or converted 144 kittens in an average lifetime.

In contrary to the cat and to our closest relatives in the world of animals human women lose their ability to reproduce long before their bodies lapse due to aging. Most women are still so tough at the time of their so-called "menopause" that they could easily live as much more years as they lived before they reached the climacteric period. In the animal world the fertile years of the females only end close to their biological end, at least most of the times. The invention of the menopause, namely a "post-reproductional" phase of life, poses the evolutionary biologists a giant riddle: If evolution really benefits the survival of those individuals, who successfully pa.s.s their genes on, why do women stop pa.s.sing their genes ahead of schedule?

As early as the 1950s, evolutionary biologists presented an explanation, which was adopted in literature under the name of "grandmother hypothesis". According to this, it doesn't "pay" for women of a certain age to conceive additional children, because pregnancy comes with to many risks. Hyper-mortality in old age also creates the risk that those late-born children become orphans. So it's more useful for the maintenance of one's own genes to invest into already existing children and grandchildren.

As plausible as this explanation may sound, for a long time there was no empirical support at all. This situation only changed when anthropologists studied a tribal of hunters and gatherers in Tanzania the Hadza people. Their way of living may be seen as the closest approach to the human state of nature. The scientists found out that the grandmothers collected surprisingly much food for their grandchildren and took the pressure off their daughters in regard to search for food. The support enabled the daughters to conceive more children in less time. Basically, the grandmothers followed the genetic egoism, as their own genes survived in their daughters and grandchildren.

But without aiming for this purposely, with that strategy grandmas probably started a sheer "bluff failure" in tribal history at least that's what anthropologists believe: As women grew older and older, the human childhood prolonged, and with that the phase, in which humans gather knowledge. This caused the evolution of bigger brains, which enabled our ancestors to develop language, tools and culture. A totally different theory says that there are no fertile grandmas among us humans, because their fertility would have caused trouble in our evolutionary history. For example they would have survived their husbands and would have attracted other men due to their fertility. But with that they would have endangered their already existing children. It is a fact that among primitive peoples many stepchildren become victims of infanticides.

5. As a matter of fact, cats and Christians should have gotten along very well: They both had immigrated to Europe from the same corner of the world, and they both had made a very good start. The house cats shared the retreats with the first pious hermits and kept the mice away from the food. In the bible itself felines except for lions are not mentioned. They are said to have existed in the original transcripts, but were cut out later. As the saying goes, the Jews held the sacral role against the cats, which they played among their foes in Ancient Egypt.

In the beginning early Christianity was in favor of cats. According to a pious legend, in the year 600 a wandering monk received audience by Pope Gregory I. in Rome. In order to test the monk's obedience, the pope ordered him to kill the most valuable he got. At that the monk pulled a small cat out of the sleeve of his frock. The pope stopped him with a wave of his hand and also pulled a cat out of his sleeve. Above all, the poor people believed to the seal of Mother Mary in the "M" on the forehead of many tabby cats. Also, the cat was the only pet allowed in some nunneries. In pious paintings a kitten always accompanies the Virgin Mary.

But in the early Middle Ages when the influence of the heathen G.o.ds finally vanished and Christianity began its historical triumph, a fatal change of mind happened. All of a sudden the churchly thirst for power arose to exterminate all leftovers of atheist folk belief without mercy. The cats were hunted extremely grimly, because they were connected to the proscribed fertility cult. The same animal, which had been the perfect symbol of the female and the maternal, now was charged with the reputation of a "h.e.l.lsp.a.w.n". From this time one the icy wind of persecution blew at her.

In the middle of the 13th century, Brother Bertold of Regensburg, a Franciscan friar, preached from the pulpit that the cats' breath spread the plague. At the same time he got exited about apostates: "Der Ketzer heit deshalb Ketzer, weil er in seiner Art keinem Tier so gleicht wie der Katze! (The heretic is called heretic because his behavior reminds a lot of cats the German word "Ketzer" (heretic) sounds very similar to the German word "Katze" (cat).)" For cats the peaceful times of happy mouse-hunting and the cozy nap at the warm heater were well and truly over, when in 1484 Pope published the fatal bull: "Summis desiderantes affectibus". With this he mandated the persecution and killing of all cats and those who harbored cats. According to the church's opinion, the latter were wizards and witches, who were in league with the devil.

Between the 12th and the 14th century all miscreant sects were accused of wors.h.i.+pping the devil in the shape of a big black cat. Faith communities like the Templar and Cathari were villainized, as they were said to be hold unspeakable rituals, which colorably led to cannibalism, sacrifice of infants, excessive orgies and last but not least the solemn a.n.a.l kiss of a black cat. Together with heretics and "witches" cats were condemned to h.e.l.l and held up to the inquisition. With the rise of the witch-hunt, which lasted for about 300 years and reached its high-point in the 16th and 17th century, also countless cats lost their lives due to fire, sword or other gruesome acts. Often the possession of a cat was enough to be called a witch and be sentenced, especially when the cat was black and the owner was old and fragile.

On holidays notably s.a.d.i.s.tic "exorcisms" were done to cats. Alone or together with witches, infanticides, bandits or the wicked they were hung or tied up in sacks and drowned. They were coated with pitch, got their ears and tails cut off and were thrown into boiling water. At the Feast of St. John the Baptist cats often were put into a basket, which was solemnly set on fire by the bishop. In Ypern in Western Flanders it was a common ritual to throw living cats from the steeple during the "cat month" February. At some remote period this spectacle turned into an unburdened funfair.

Despite this relentless prosecution, many people stuck to their heathen belief and created the premises for fact that the old cat mythologies survived the inquisition. For example, the symbolic cross connection between women and cats celebrates a comeback in modern culture; in Northern Europe black cats are seen as lucky charms again, and even the Egyptian belief in cats' divine origin has partially survived the Dark Ages.

6. "Man is a reasoning animal", the Roman philosopher Seneca once said. Cats have a similar relations.h.i.+p with swimming than their two-legged masters have with reasoning: They know how to do it, but they avoid it whenever it's possible. Most cats would never put themselves into the wet element by choice, and salt water seems to stick in their claws the most. When it comes to saving their own skin though, even the most hydrophobic p.u.s.s.yfooter comes up with respectable arts of swimming. A swimming cat is unlikely to drown, unless it is totally exhausted or has to struggle against high waves. The Ancient Egyptians by the way didn't just have cats to guard their granaries but also to a.s.sist them with fis.h.i.+ng.

The instinctive revulsion of water seems to have its cause partially in the fact that moisture steals the cat fur's ability to insulate. In warmer Southern areas cats are a little more sympathetic with water. The "Turkish Van", which is also called Turkish Swimming Cat and whose name comes from the salty Lake Van in Turkey, even has a blast with HO: This cat loves to jump into the water, and sometimes it even swims towards arriving s.h.i.+ps. Among the wild relatives of our soft mousers real nixies can be found. In contrary to the lion, which is able to swim like all cats but is not a real friend of water, the tiger displays an extraordinary love for the wet element. The kittens already splash around in water, and in the summer heat there doesn't seem to be a more comfortable thing for tigers than a nice pool time. Jaguar and serval also swim and fish with pa.s.sion. The Southeast Asian fis.h.i.+ng cat naturally wades through shallow water and is said to hunt for fish even by swimming and diving. The Indian bengal cat even managed to resettle from the mainland to surrounding islands by swimming.

Although house cats are able to keep their heads above the water, we can't just leave them to the wet element with no strings attached. Dangers lurk in half-filled bathtubs, rain barrels and swimming pools. Slippery rims can easily mean death by drowning. Therefore don't leave half-filled bathtubs unattended, and cover rain barrels, which are not filled to the bursting point. The deathtrap of a swimming pool can be defused with an angular ramp. It's rather unlikely that cats drown in a pond. To keep them from tangling in water plants or not being able to climb up the pond bank, one should leave the littoral zone free from winders. It is possible to revive a drowned cat by grabbing the rear legs and swinging the cat heavily between one's own legs. This should remove the water from its lungs and stimulate breathing. If the breathing doesn't return, an artificial respiration and/or a cardiac ma.s.sage may be required.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR.

Akif Pirincci.

Pirincci was born on the 29th April 1959 in Istanbul. He began to write fiction at a young age, and published his first novel Tranen sind immer das Ende (literally meaning "tears always are the end") in 1980, at the age of 21. His next literary work, published in 1989, was the novel Felidae, a work of crime fiction with cats as the main protagonists. The novel has been translated into 17 languages and became an international bestseller. Due to the enormous success of the novel, Pirincci expanded his concept of "cat crime fiction" and published several sequels to Felidae, out of which only one, namely Felidae on the road (Felidae II), has been translated into English. An animated movie based on Felidae, the script of which had been co-written by Pirincci, has been produced in Germany in 1994, and was also dubbed in English. Pirincci has published several other novels which were not set in the fictional reality of the Felidae series. He had a big success with his fantastic thriller "The Back Door" which was made into a German moving picture and will be remade by Hollywood.

Pirincci currently lives in Bonn, the former capital of the Federal Republic of Germany.

Wikipedia.

Visit Akif Pirincci at Facebook and www.akifpirincci.blogspot.com.

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