Knights Rebels MC: Infatuation Part 8

Deciding not to have it out with him, I flip him off and walk to the door. He laughs at me, but I ignore it and the fact he's right.

Yeah, I've spent every night here. So f.u.c.king what?

Doesn't mean s.h.i.+t.

And the call outs are only less because I've taken on more of an administration roll to begin taking over the operation. Not that he gives a f.u.c.k.

His bike starts up, the rumble of the pipes filling the air just as I step inside.

"Mackenzie?" I call out when I walk into the main living area.

"In the kitchen. Go clean up. Dinner will be ready in ten," she shouts back and I can't seem to hold in my smirk at the routine we've found ourselves in.

Jesus, who would have thought?

Not wanting to delay in seeing her, I make my way to her. The clubhouse is quiet for a Wednesday and I'm grateful for it. Between work and dealing with trying to find Chad, I haven't had much alone time with her this last week, so dinner has become our thing.

"Hey, darlin'." I rest up against the door and watch her move about the kitchen like she owns it. She may as well, she spends most of her day in here, cooking and baking. The whole clubhouse is in love with her and her baked treats.

"Oh, you're ready?" She spins around and graces me with one of her smiles, and just like the first time I ever saw it, it f.u.c.king hits me. "How's your day?" She goes back to the pots on the stove, stirring one with a wooden spoon. It smells good, and as I enter the kitchen all the way, I try to spy what she's making tonight.

Fettuccini Carbonara.

"Busy, had a meet with Jackson." I decide to fill her in and take a seat at the table. I've learned over the last month she likes to fight me when it comes to food. It's starting to become our thing. Tonight I'd rather just sit and let her feed me.

"Detective Carter?" She stops and looks up. "Is everything okay?" She stills as a flash of panic distorts her smile before she covers it up.

"No, still no word. The Mayor has the department looking into it like a missing person. It's all bulls.h.i.+t if you ask me. They're just protecting the f.u.c.ker." I deliver the bad news wis.h.i.+ng I could wipe the disappointment away.

"Well, maybe it's not such a bad thing he's missing. Maybe something happened. Maybe he's not coming to find me anymore." Her voice lowers to a whisper.

Yeah, maybe not, darlin'.

"Do you honestly believe Chad is going to give up?" I call her out on it. We both know who we're dealing with; this a.s.shole won't rest till he wins.

"I'm just trying to stay positive." She moves back, grabbing some plates from the cabinet and setting them on the counter. I watch her face. With the worry marring her forehead, I can almost sense her despair from across the room.

"You should be positive, Kenz." I rise from my seat and take the few steps to stand in front of her. "Your a.s.shole ex is not going to get to you here. I won't let him, I promise."

"You can't promise that, Beau. I'm not always going to be here. You're not always going to be able to protect me."

"That's where you're wrong, darlin'. I'm always going to protect you." She looks up, eyes blazing, and it breaks me. The uncertainty calls to me. Like I've been where she is and I'd do anything to stop her from feeling like this. I know I'm close to overstepping some kind of line here, but it's like I don't give a f.u.c.k anymore.

"And when I leave?" She hands me a plate of fresh steaming fettuccini and I have to force my fingers to grip it tighter to stop myself from dropping it.

"Leave? What the f.u.c.k are you talking about, darlin'?" I stand there confused, watching her set herself up at the dinner table.

"Well-" She stops, realizing I haven't followed her over. "Come sit." She pats the spot next her. Clearing my throat, I follow her over and take a seat.

"So, I've been thinking. They're no closer to finding Chad-"

"You don't know that," I cut her off, not wanting her to lose hope.

"I know, but I need to begin moving on with my life."

"What the h.e.l.l are you talking about, Kenz?" I bark, taken aback by where this conversation is going.

"I was talking to Kelly and Hunter today. I didn't even know they were related, did you?" She starts to ramble, but gets back on track. "Anyway, Hunter said there's an empty apartment in the complex he lives in. I've been saving my pay from Nix. I have enough for a deposit."

"Hunter?" Rage boils in my body the second his name leaves her lips.

f.u.c.king Hunter.

"Yeah." She eyes me slowly, catching on to my change in demeanor.

"Kenzie, you can't move out, not when Chad is still out there." My hand moves to my beard and I rub hard trying to calm my anger.

"I can't just sit around here anymore, Beau. I'm going crazy. I need normal. I need to be away from the parties, the women. You've all been so welcoming here, taking me in and giving me protection, but Chad hasn't come for me yet."

"It's too dangerous, Kenzie." I'm not okay with this plan and I'm not backing down.

"So I should stay here until you find him? Living in fear like I was doing in Ohio."

"I don't understand you, Mackenzie." I stand and move to the fridge for a beer. I think I'm gonna need a few for this conversation.

"You don't understand I want to be happy?" I pop the top of my beer and take a seat back down.

"I don't see why you would want to risk your safety." I pick up my fork and dig in, twisting it to roll up some pasta.

"Are you happy, Beau?"

I swallow a mouthful of food before I answer. "What does that have to do with you leaving our protection, Mackenzie?"

"Just answer me, Beau."

"Yeah, I'm happy." I shrug, not really sure what she's trying to achieve here. "I mean there have been times I haven't been," I add, deciding she needs the truth. "There've been plenty of times throughout the last ten years I've questioned myself, what I've been doing, where I'm going. But I finally found a head s.p.a.ce I'm happy in." I fill my mouth with another serving of pasta.

"You think it's a head s.p.a.ce?" She looks back up, my answer surprising her.

"I don't know. Sometimes I think it has to do with in here." I tap the side of my temple. "You just need to be in the right heads.p.a.ce and make it happen."

"I've been trying for a long time you know, even when I was in Ohio. I made some friends, had a good job. I thought I was happy. But in the quiet times like this, I wasn't. It didn't matter how hard I wanted to be happy or tried to make it happen, I couldn't." I know life hasn't been good for Mackenzie in a long time. First living with Chad, then escaping him, but I didn't realize how low she has been feeling.

"Maybe because there wasn't where you needed to be, Kenz." I reach my hand across the table and place it over hers. She doesn't pull back like I expect her to and I celebrate briefly at the win.

"You think this is where I need to be? Here. Hiding from the world." She shakes her head, not accepting this as her fate.

"You're not hiding, darlin'. You're surviving."

"Hiding under the protection of the club isn't surviving." She pulls her hand back, breaking our connection.

"I don't know what you need for me to say here, Kenz. I thought this is what you wanted? Why you came back. You just want to leave now?" I want to give her a decent shake. Make her see she's not thinking right.

"I do. I want to be out on my own. I'm just so frustrated. I thought I could come back and have it all. I realize now it doesn't work like that."

"You can have it all."

"Not here I can't, Beau. I need more independence. I'm thirty-five years old. What am I doing with my life?"

The room falls quiet between us, our dinner growing cold in the unease of the conversation.

"You want out, then move into my place." The words leave my mouth before my brain can think it through.

"What?" Her brows furrow in confusion.

"You want out of here, I want to keep you safe. Move in with me." Again with my mouth blurting before I can think. f.u.c.k.

"Beau-"

"Mackenzie, I promised you the night I saved you I would protect you."

"And you did."

"And I will continue to, darlin'. I can't stop you from leaving, but I can offer you a place where I can protect you." I can't let her move out on her own, not when I know Chad is just waiting for the perfect time.

"Beau, you're not always going to be able to protect me."

"I will if you let me." She draws in a deep breath, her hands going to her temples.

"We'll drive each other mad. Have you ever lived with a woman before?" I can tell she's clutching at straws; this back and forth is almost funny. But I'm going to keep coming back at her.

"I have a big place, and we've practically lived together here since you've been back."

"I don't think it's a good idea." She's fighting it, but the more I let the idea grow, I think it's the best idea I've had.

"You stay with me, or you stay here. I'm not budging on this." I need to be able to keep her safe, and I can't keep her safe when she isn't close.

"Do you really think this is the best idea?" She folds her arms in front of her, and from what I've come to learn about Mackenzie, this move means she's ready to argue with me.

"No parties, no women. You have your own s.p.a.ce and I'll still be looking out for you." I hit her with all the pros. She doesn't reply straightaway and I can see her resolve start to slip.

"What's happening here? Between us, Beau?" I don't know what to take from her question, so I answer it like I would if Nix had asked.

"You know what's happening here, darlin'. I'm just doing what I promised," I lie, not sure what I really need or want from her. She is nothing like I've ever wanted before. Part of me knows offering her this is too f.u.c.king dangerous, but the other part of me-the part that connects my d.i.c.k to my heart-thinks it's the best idea ever.

"So we're just friends?"

"You want to be friends with me?" I tease, not impressed with labeling us as friends. Do friends want to f.u.c.k each other's brains out? I don't think so.

"Quit playing. I'm serious, Beau. Living together, it's not something I thought about, so you can't just come in here and demand I live with you. I need to know how this works."

"Nothing changes. You stay at my place until Chad is found."

"Until it's safe."

"It's only going to be safe when he's found, darlin'." She diverts her gaze like she wants to argue, but she doesn't.

At this moment I'm torn. As much as I want the f.u.c.ker found, I'm not sure I'm ready for Mackenzie to stop needing me.

"And I'll be free to come and go as I please?" she presses for more leeway, darkening my mood.

"You let me know where you're going so I don't worry." I'm not okay with these stipulations, but if it means I have her in my home, why the f.u.c.k argue? She won't know I'll have a tail on her at all times.

She thinks about it for a few moments before she holds her hand out for me to shake. "Deal." I raise a brow at her, but she doesn't drop it. "Shake on it, Beau." I give in and place my hand against hers. Her touch is soft, but firm and my mind moves straight to how it would feel wrapped around my c.o.c.k.

s.h.i.+t, down, boy.

"Thank f.u.c.k we're done with arguing. Now, can we eat?" I release her hand and pick up my fork.

"Yep, dig in." She picks up her own fork and places a small mouthful of pasta in her mouth then follows it with a soft moan and all I can do is watch.

Jesus, I'm a f.u.c.king idiot.

This woman will be in my home. How the f.u.c.k will I control myself then?

"Okay, I'm heading to bed." Mackenzie breaks the silence an hour later. After eating dinner and our normal light conversation, I managed to convince her to leave me to wash up. As with everything else, she put up a fight, but eventually gave in and ended up sitting on the counter telling me about her day working for Nix, and about a girls' night Kelly and Holly invited her to next week.

Like I'd be okay with her going out for a girls' night right now when she's meant to be laying low.

I kept her talking and we moved it out to the back deck to have a few beers.

"Yeah, I should too." I stand from the chair and start picking up the empty beer bottles. She walks inside while I check everything over one more time. Security fencing surrounds the club, but having Mackenzie here has opened us up for an attack. By who, we don't know, but I wouldn't put it past Chad to put a hit out on us.

"Thanks for dinner, Kenz," I say when we move to our rooms.

"You're welcome." She slows then comes to a stop just outside my room. "It's the least I could do after everything you've done for me." She goes up on her toes and presses her lips to my cheek. Before I can stop myself, my hand moves to her lower back, holding her close to me. I wait a minute, expecting her to freeze under my touch.

"Beau." Her breath is warm, and I antic.i.p.ate more of an argument, but she doesn't say anything. Instead, she presses in closer.