Knights Rebels MC: Infatuation Part 13

"Should I leave?"

"f.u.c.k no. Just let me stew for a while." He draws a deep breath in and then slowly lets it out.

"Feeling better?" I ask when a few minutes of awkward silence pa.s.s.

"Getting there."

I roll my eyes. "Are you going to let me clean you up?" I fold my arms in front of me. He follows my movements and shakes his head before lifting his mouth in a s.e.xy smirk.

"Have at it." He rests further back in his chair and allows me to proceed.

I step forward, open an antiseptic swab and begin removing all the dried blood first. I don't know what the h.e.l.l happened to stir this kind of reaction in him tonight. Beau's never spoken like this to me before. Yeah, he has his moments of shortness and bossy ways, but this, this was something else. And I'm not sure if it really has anything to do with the nightgown.

"This part might sting." I grab a clean swab and lean back over him. His eyes stay closed as I make short work of cleaning up the cut.

"It's not too deep. I'll just put a bandage on it to keep it closed." I reach back to the first-aid box and search for some sterile strips. "So what happened tonight?" I ask when I find them.

"Nothing you need to worry about." His eyes are still closed, his jaw tense. Being this close with free run to stare at him is dangerous.

What would he do if I pressed my lips to his?

"Well, I will if it means you're gonna come home and be an a.s.s, I might worry." His right eye opens at my sa.s.s and I shrug.

What does he expect? He pulls it out of me.

"Club business, darlin'. Not gonna talk about it with you." He shuts down my questions.

Club business. Don't ask.

"Fair enough." I let it go, and place the first strip over the cut. He doesn't flinch or show any sign of hurting. I use a second strip to make sure it's secure, this time pus.h.i.+ng a little harder. Again he doesn't react and it doesn't surprise me. The man is a pro at keeping his emotions in check.

"Done," I announce then step back and start clearing the wrappers from the strips and swabs.

"Thanks, darlin'." He opens his eyes, the fire slowly fading behind them.

G.o.d, he's handsome. The dark eyes, tanned skin. Beard. Ugh, the beard.

"No problem." I clear my throat and step over to the trash can. He doesn't say anything else and I wonder if I should push this. "Now that you're cleaned up, let's discuss the nightgown." I take a seat next to him. My mind and body are at war with each other. Some messed-up part of me wants to please him and not wear it just to make him happy. But at the same time, he doesn't get to tell me what to do.

"You can't wear s.h.i.+t like this if you want to live here."

"You're serious? What's wrong with it?"

"Everything." He keeps his eyes on his beer and I don't know if I want to slap him or kiss his face. Even just sitting there, in his p.i.s.sy mood, he affects me. I regard him for a minute, willing his eyes up, but he doesn't react.

"Okay, I'll start looking for a new place tomorrow." I stand and begin to walk away. I have no idea where this is all coming from. Yeah, sometimes it can be tense between us but this is a whole new level for us. One I'm not okay with.

"Why? Because I don't want you to wear the stupid dress around me?" he calls out. I turn back to face him.

"No, because clearly this living arrangement isn't working for us. And because you don't get to control me, Beau."

"I'm not trying to control you, Kenz."

"No? 'You can't wear your nightgown if you wanna live here, darlin'." I deepen my voice and quote his words back to him. "Is that not controlling?"

"I'm just trying to protect you." He growls, still not making any sense.

"What from, the cold? Last time I checked it's eighty out."

"Don't be a smarta.s.s. You know what I'm saying. You can't walk around here wearing s.h.i.+t like this and not have me react. It's the last thing you want." His honesty shocks me for a minute before I draw his meaning from it.

Okay, we're doing this now.

"Did you bother to ask me what I want, Beau?" I'm starting to lose my composure. Me standing here, exposed, yet he can barely look at me.

"You don't know what you want, Mackenzie."

"Oh, I know what I want. Maybe you're the one confused here." There, I said it. No point hiding it. Surely by now he knows this tension isn't going anywhere. Ever since I came back, it's been there. Both of us lying to each other isn't working anymore.

"Jesus, you're so f.u.c.king clueless."

"And you're so annoying."

He stands, pus.h.i.+ng the chair back and takes two significant steps toward me. I fight my need to cower. Instead, I straighten my back and hold his stare.

"You really wanna know why this will never work, Mackenzie?"

"Yes!" I practically shout in his face.

"Because you're right. I want to control you, darlin'. Not in the way your f.u.c.king ex did, in a way that makes you come apart."

A hot pulse of need shoots through me, igniting me with his words.

He leans in closer and I have to tilt my head back to keep eye contact.

"I want to f.u.c.king claim you. Tie you to my G.o.dd.a.m.n bed and force you to submit to me." He presses his mouth to the sh.e.l.l of my ear and I don't fight it, I wait.

Wait for everything and more.

"I want to do dirty things to you, Kenz. Things only dirty girls enjoy. I want to push every one of your limits so no man will ever be able to make you come like I do." His hot breath moves over my ear and I can't help the s.h.i.+ver that rolls through me.

"I. Want. To. Own. You." He pulls back when he's finished. Both of our breathing thick with need.

Holy s.h.i.+t.

How do you respond to that?

"Beau." I step back, unsure what to say. His eyes narrow at my retreat, but he doesn't say anything.

My body is alight, buzzing with need but also uncertainty.

If it were anyone other than Beau saying these words, I'd probably be thrown back into the past with Chad. A past I want no future in. But this is Beau. He doesn't frighten me or want to hurt me. He cares for me and I care for him.

"I don't-" I begin to reply but stop because I have no idea what I want to say.

"Save it. I'm not doing this with you. Wear your f.u.c.king revealing nightgown. I don't give a f.u.c.k." Beau takes my pause the wrong way, turns and walks out, leaving me alone to process the last ten minutes on my own.

Holy s.h.i.+t, what just happened?

"Kenz?" A knock at my door and Beau's voice stirs me out of my sleep. My room is dark, the low glow of the hallway light peeks through under the bottom of the door.

"Yeah?" I call back before checking the clock.

Just after ten. I've barely been asleep an hour. After Beau left me standing in the kitchen highly aroused, I closed the house up, turned everything off and made my way to bed.

"Can I come in?" he asks and I roll to sit up. I quickly fix my hair and look down.

s.h.i.+t, I'm still wearing his s.h.i.+rt.

"Ahh, yeah, come in." I pull the cover up, hoping to hide behind it. He pushes the door open and steps inside. "Is everything okay?" I lean across to the bedside table and flick the bedside light on.

"I f.u.c.ked up, darlin'. That s.h.i.+t out there, it wasn't right." He sighs, resting his shoulder against the wall.

"It's okay, Beau. Things were heated," I agree, wanting him to know I'm not angry or scared like he thinks I am.

"It's not okay. It's not me, or more than that, it's not how I want to be when it comes to you." He runs his fingers through his beard and I want to tell him to p.i.s.s off with his s.e.xiness. But I can't.

I can't because I care for him, and I can see he's struggling with all of this.

"I'm not sure what you want me to say, Beau," I offer, just as lost as him. He kind of just left me hanging out there for me to process everything alone.

"I don't want you to say anything. I don't want you to think about any of this. It's the last thing you need right now."

"Well, it's kind of hard not to when it exists between us. Has ever since I've been back," I counter, still not sure exactly how to process all this.

Did his words stir something in me? A need I didn't know I would or could want? Yes. But if I'm honest, it also frightened me a little. I mean I'm not some blus.h.i.+ng virgin who doesn't know her way around her body. Yeah, I haven't been with anyone since Chad, but before I met Chad, I had a couple of partners, each one opening me up to a new experience. But what it sounds like Beau is into, is something entirely different.

"Yeah, I know and I didn't mean to put it on you at all. I know you have your past, and I'm a f.u.c.king idiot for thinking it would be okay to lay it on you like that. This can't happen." I try not to be affected by his words, but I can't help it. In the beginning, I was this person who wouldn't even consider what he is offering, but I've been working so hard not to be that broken woman anymore.

"I don't need to be handled with kid gloves, Beau. I'm not saying what you shared didn't affect me, but I'm not cowering away from it."

He doesn't say anything for a while, and I worry it's too late.

"I'm not trying to handle you in any way, Kenzie. Clearly, we're both feeling this, whatever this is between us. Since you showed up at the clubhouse, it's been there. But you came to me for help, darlin'. Not for me to introduce you to my kind of kink."

I begin to argue, but he holds his hand up, stopping me before I even begin.

"No, let me just get this out. Now, I'm not gonna lie, you've come to mean something to me, darlin', and as much as I want this, I'm not prepared to go there with you. You have your own s.h.i.+t to deal with. Chad and getting your life back on track. This thing between us now isn't the right time. We need to focus on the other issues and keep our heads clear."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I know he's right. Now isn't the time to be caught up in a relations.h.i.+p with Beau, regardless of how we both feel. It's stupid to think I could handle anything right now, not with an unknown future that could come back to bite me at any time.

"You're right, Beau. I agree," I finally say, hating this for what it is.

"You do?" I don't miss the change in his tone. I'm just not sure how to read it.

"Yeah. I think things are still fresh. It's clouding our judgment. We should take a step back, focus on what's important."

We're both old enough and wise enough to know this thing between us could end badly, with my past and his tastes. We shouldn't mess anything up by forcing it.

"Well, s.h.i.+t. I wasn't expecting you to agree."

I laugh a little at his confession. Maybe an hour ago I would have argued for more, but sitting here now, I can see it. "Well, I don't always like to push you," I joke, hoping to break some of the bad tension still hanging around us.

"Could have fooled me." He chuckles, the tension lifting a little.

"So we're good. Tonight didn't happen. We'll just move forward and forget it." Again.

"I think it's for the best, darlin'."

"Okay." I force a smile and hope he doesn't see through it. I honestly don't think it's possible to forget what happened tonight.

"Okay. Night." He returns my smile then reaches for the door, preparing to leave. "Oh, and Mackenzie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll be needing my s.h.i.+rt back," he adds before pulling the door closed and leaving me red-faced.

"Well, it's this or the scandalous nightgown. You choose," I yell back, not sure if he heard me. His laugh travels through the door, but it does nothing to bring us back to where we were before.

s.h.i.+t, can I do this? Stay in this house with this man when I have these feelings and urges for him?

I want to say yes. I can move on, staying just friends and hope I stop thinking of him this way, but I'm not sure it's possible.

It has to be, though. Beau is my friend. He came into my life for a reason, and that reason changed everything. I wouldn't want to lose what friends.h.i.+p we had built. Not now. Not ever.

It's going to be hard to push these feelings away, and maybe I'm not strong enough, but I have to try.