Not Alone Part 1

Not Alone.

Sonja Spencer.

ANDY carried his shopping basket through the narrow aisles of the little mom-and-pop grocery store that serviced the lake resort patrons. He walked through the small produce area, choosing a head of lettuce, some tomatoes, and mushrooms. The store was small, but well-stocked. Reaching the condiment aisle, he looked for his favorite dressing. It was on the top shelf. carried his shopping basket through the narrow aisles of the little mom-and-pop grocery store that serviced the lake resort patrons. He walked through the small produce area, choosing a head of lettuce, some tomatoes, and mushrooms. The store was small, but well-stocked. Reaching the condiment aisle, he looked for his favorite dressing. It was on the top shelf. f.u.c.k being short! f.u.c.k being short! He looked around, eyes lighting on a tall guy dressed in the telltale blue smock bearing the grocery store's name on the back. "Excuse me, sir. I need help reaching something." He looked around, eyes lighting on a tall guy dressed in the telltale blue smock bearing the grocery store's name on the back. "Excuse me, sir. I need help reaching something."

Turning from where he was opening a box of canned goods, Eddie left the box and offered the small, very striking, blond man a courteous smile. "What would you like?" he asked, glancing up to the top shelf before looking back at the customer.

Andy reached up, s.h.i.+rt coming untucked as he gestured at the spot on the top shelf. "Creamy vinaigrette." He smiled shyly, eyes roaming over the huge man. He had big hands and even bigger shoulders, and he looked like a lumbering farm boy.

Eddie blinked, just smiling at him for a few seconds, enchanted by the elfin features before he shook himself and reached up for the bottle the customer requested. "Here you go," he said, meeting bright blue eyes again and mustering another smile. "Just let me know if I can help you with anything else," he said.

Andy took the bottle, startling as sparks pa.s.sed between them as their fingers touched. He lowered his eyes to a broad chest to see a name badge that read "My name is Eddie. Happy to be of service to you." He looked back up again, meeting brown eyes that matched plain brown hair. "Actually, Eddie, I'm new here and haven't met anyone. I've been lonely. Would you like to come and have dinner with me tonight? Salad for one is depressing."

The taller man's mouth dropped in surprise as he gaped at the customer, eyes wide. "I uh... uh...." Eddie snapped his mouth shut, still staring in shock, although he didn't look in the least offended. "Uh... okay?" he answered weakly.

Andy reached out a hand, offering a greeting. "My name is Andy Parker. I'm in the old Tanner cabin up on the lake. I inherited it from my uncle." He didn't know why he felt the need to spill his life's history.

Eddie shook Andy's slim hand, wrapping long fingers around it. "I know the Tanner cabin. Nice guy. Kept to himself but supported the local shopping." He smiled. "Oh, I'm, um, Eddie." He shrugged after looking down at the nametag. "I was born and raised around here, but left and only came back a few years ago."

The warm hand that wrapped around his own gave Andy a thrill of excitement. "I love it here," he murmured. "Perfect place to take some time off and forget about the rest of the world."

Eddie shrugged with a grin. "Or you can just stay and let the world go on without you. It's a great place to settle."

A slow, lazy smile spread across Andy's features. "I feel very welcome here." His voice was low. "But I notice... there's not a lot of men here, is there?"

Both eyebrows raised, Eddie ducked a little to hear Andy as he lowered his voice. "Oh, well, no, I suppose not. Most of the husbands work up in the city, so you'll only see them at night. The women stick around and run the resort, the shops, and restaurants."

Andy blushed a little, shaking his head. "No. I mean... well, I'm gay." He raised worried eyes to meet Eddie's. "That doesn't bother you, does it? I mean, this isn't a date or anything. I just want a friend."

Eddie blinked and then grinned. "No, hey, that's great. We're real accepting here. Tim Blakeman and Rodney Stewart lived down on Hall Street until a couple years back. Everyone sort of got over the novelty of it. I think you'll be fine," he said easily.

Andy bit his lip nervously. "But there's n.o.body else, is there? I'm going to be alone here."

Raising a shoulder, Eddie shrugged awkwardly. "I'm sure you'll have no problems making some friends. Just... invite people for salad," he suggested with a rea.s.suring smile.

Andy smiled somewhat wistfully. Friends were nice, but now that he had finally come to a point in his life when he wanted to settle down, there was no one to settle down with. He realized he was still holding Eddie's hand, so he squeezed it once more before pulling away. "Something tells me I've made my first friend here."

Eddie watched Andy as he looked away almost sadly, and he wished he could do something to see that smile again. Oh boy. This could be... an interesting development Oh boy. This could be... an interesting development. "So, can I bring anything tonight?"

"Just yourself. And maybe some cheap, local wine?" Andy joked. "I'll pick up a couple of steaks. I can grill them out on the dock. There's a lovely table out there. When the sun sets, it's...." He pressed his lips together, stopping his inane babbling. "It's a nice place to eat," he said instead.

Eddie swallowed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "When the sun sets it's romantic," he said softly.

At the tone of Eddie's voice, Andy asked, "I'm not pulling you away from a wife or a girlfriend, am I? I don't mean to."

Eddie's smile faded a bit, and he shrugged. "No. No girlfriend, no wife. I'm divorced since this summer."

Andy tilted his head to the side. "Divorced? Ah, that's too bad, I guess. Any kids?"

Nodding, Eddie's smile returned. "Yeah. Two girls. They stay with their mother in the city during the week and go to school, and I have them most weekends and awhile in the summer."

"Girls. Lovely. I always thought that I would have liked to have had daughters, but then, well...." Andy stopped his chatter. "So tonight? Around seven-ish?"

"Sure. I'll see you then. Rosemarie is at the register up front. She'll help you check out," Eddie said as he turned to head back to the boxes he'd been unpacking.

Andy nodded, stepping to the end of the aisle before turning back. "It was nice to meet you, Eddie."

"Welcome to town. I hope you'll like it here," Eddie answered, raising a hand in a short wave.

"Me too," Andy murmured, making his way to select steaks and then on to the register. "Rosemarie?" he guessed. "Can you help me check out?"

The teenager perched at the counter smiled and nodded. "Sure. I'm good with the register." She popped her gum and good-naturedly rung up Andy's groceries.

Andy watched, amazed as she did three things at once-talking, chewing gum, and ringing up and packaging his purchases. In short order, she had him checked out and headed toward the door. His head seemed to spin at the speed of it all. He handed her a bill. "Tip?"

Rosemarie giggled. "Thanks! That's very nice of you. Dad will even let me keep it, if I really earned it and all."

"Your dad runs the store?" Andy asked, confusion bringing his brows close together.

The young girl nodded, ponytail bobbing.

"He's around here somewhere. I can go get him if you want."

"Nah, that's okay. Just tell him you really deserved it and that I demand you be allowed to keep it." Andy smiled at the young, dark-haired girl.

"Great. Thanks! Hey, you're new here, aren't you? What's your name? You know mine," Rosemarie smiled charmingly.

"I'm Andy. I'm living at the Tanner cabin now. If your dad will let you, you're welcome to come swim. I have one of those diving platforms out in the lake. It's lovely there."

"Cool! Can I bring my sister and our friends? We're here for the summer, and we love to go swimming," Rosemarie enthused.

"Sure, as long as your dad says it's okay." Andy blushed a little at her enthusiasm. "It's pretty quiet up there, so having some people around will be great."

"Thanks, Andy!" An older lady came up to the register and Rosemarie waved to her. "I better go. Thanks for coming to Ferguson's, Andy. Come back any time you need groceries, okay?"

"Okay." Andy backed out through the door, fumbling for his key fob as he pressed the b.u.t.ton to unlock his car. He loaded his groceries into the back before looking back through the plate-gla.s.s windows of the store. "Ferguson's. Nice place."

Eddie headed up front at closing time to find Rosemarie locking up the register. "Everything okay, Rosey?"

"Yeah, Dad. Register balanced and everything. Hey, did you meet Andy? He's staying at the Tanner cabin and said we could go swimming." Rosemarie bounced in place with the overwhelming energy of a thirteen-year-old.

Eddie smiled and lifted a bag. "Yes, I met him, and I'm going to visit this evening since you and your sister will be at Katie's." He locked the door behind them as they closed the store and then hugged Rosemarie. "Have a nice night."

"See you tomorrow, Dad!" Rosemarie ran off down the road and around the corner. Eddie sighed and turned to start the walk over to the small liquor store, thinking ahead. Andy. Andy. One look at the man threw Eddie for a loop. He shook his head, not sure what to think. Just being close to him made Eddie feel warm and very aware. One look at the man threw Eddie for a loop. He shook his head, not sure what to think. Just being close to him made Eddie feel warm and very aware.

ANDY put the steaks on the grill, checking his watch yet again. Still ten minutes until Eddie should be here. He straightened the tablecloth, fluffing the daisies in the vase as he rearranged the silverware. The salad was ready, dressing and all on the table already. The winegla.s.ses sparkled in the light given off by the citronella torches surrounding the deck. The moon was rising fat and full in the sky as the night darkened to twilight. He cast a glance around. f.u.c.k. put the steaks on the grill, checking his watch yet again. Still ten minutes until Eddie should be here. He straightened the tablecloth, fluffing the daisies in the vase as he rearranged the silverware. The salad was ready, dressing and all on the table already. The winegla.s.ses sparkled in the light given off by the citronella torches surrounding the deck. The moon was rising fat and full in the sky as the night darkened to twilight. He cast a glance around. f.u.c.k. This is too romantic for a friendly dinner. This is too romantic for a friendly dinner.

The wood creaked as Eddie walked out onto the dock, heading to the grill and torches that were little pinpoints of light. He could smell the steaks and his stomach growled. He grinned as he approached. "My good luck to get asked to dinner by a man who can cook!" he complimented as he arrived.

"My good luck to have such a handsome dinner companion," Andy countered as he raised his eyes to take in the relaxed appearance of the man who sauntered along his dock.

Eddie chuckled and bowed, holding a wine bottle in one hand, paper bag in the other. "Too kind. But since I brought wine and dessert, I suppose I should deserve a little stroking."

Andy lifted an eyebrow. "You do remember that I am gay. Stroking to me might imply a completely different outcome than it would to you, Mr. Heteros.e.xual."

Eddie smirked and set the bottle and bag on the table. "Let's just say I'm comfortable with who I am, that I can take a little teasing, and leave it at that, hmm?"

Andy grabbed the bag, opening it to peer inside. "Oh! I love you! Creme brulee!" He set the bag back down, opening the wine and pouring them both a gla.s.s. "Steak should be ready any time."

Chuckling, Eddie pulled out the bench and sat. "You've only known me six hours. Is that long enough for a declaration of love? Man, am I behind the times!" he teased, eyes sparkling.

Andy blushed a little as he opened the grill and flipped the steaks a final time. "Well, the empowered gay man doesn't hide his feelings. At least not according to Oprah."

Eddie's laugh rang out strong over the water. "Christ. Remind me to monitor what my girls watch on TV, okay? Lord help me if they decide they're empowered empowered."

Sitting across from Eddie, Andy took a sip of wine. "And just what will you do if they decide they are empowered empowered? My dad was surprisingly okay with my declaration that I was gay, but I was never very overt about anything."

Eyes growing big, Eddie winced. "Well, I hope I have at least a few more years before we have to start having talks about s.e.xuality. But I suppose I'll be more accepting than their mother; they'll need someone who will listen to their questions."

"How old are they?" Andy asked, picking at a thread on the tablecloth.

Eddie took a small sip of wine. "Hmm. Thirteen and eleven. Going on thirty," he said as he laughed.

Andy stood to take the steaks off of the grill, handing a plate to Eddie. "I bet they're lovely."

"They're a handful. But yes, lovely. I'm lucky to have them." Eddie took the plate and watched the other man moving smoothly. "So, no kids, I guess?"

Andy sat back down again, lighting the lantern on the table now that he closed the grill. "No, no kids. I had thought at one time that I might adopt a couple, but situations change. It's partly the reason I'm here now."

"Only partly? Although it's nice here, it's not exactly a place most people come to stay at permanently," Eddie said.

"I had hoped to try my hand at writing. I've always had a head for mysteries, and when things in New York went bad, I retreated here," Andy explained. "This isn't vacation for me. It's a change in lifestyle."

Eddie nodded. "You can make a life here. It's a great place." He cut into the steak and tried it. "And I was right: you're a great cook."

"It's all in the meat selection. Ferguson's has a great range. Good meat," he babbled as he tried his own cooking. "I hope I can make a life here. I'm banking everything on being able to."

"Everything?" Eddie echoed, looking up from where he was putting some salad on his plate.

"I sold my share of my business in New York. It's enough to live on comfortably for a few years, but if I can't make it, I'll have to go back and find a job." The thought depressed him. "I was partial owner of a nightclub. A gay nightclub. I co-owned it with my partner. And then he decided he needed to make a break. It was either buy his half and stay or sell my half and leave. I chose the latter."

"You're making a clean break, then. You'll be better off for it," Eddie offered. "And this is a great place to lick your wounds," he added ruefully. "I offer that from experience."

"Does it take a long time?" Andy mused out loud. "Because I feel like I've not mourned the relations.h.i.+p long enough. But I'm glad it's over."

Eddie sighed and sobered a little. "I was glad it was over too, but it still hurt," he said, obviously referring to the divorce. "And though I love my girls like nothing else, they are a daily reminder, so it makes it difficult to leave it behind."

Andy nodded. "I understand that, I guess. What will you do if you ever decide to move on? How will your girls react to that?"

"Move on?" Eddie said through a mouthful of salad and a confused look.

"Find someone else. Say the most gorgeous person-woman-in the world walks into Ferguson's and asks for help selecting a cuc.u.mber-"

Eddie's eyebrow lifted at that.

"-and you just decide you want her. Have to have her. What then?"

Eddie's lips twitched. "Ah, well, I guess I'd see if the girls could stay at their friend's house for a night. To start with, anyway."

Andy leaned back, smirking. "So you'd take her home?"

"Well, you said 'have to have her', and I'd like to think that if that were the case, I'd be brave enough to do something about it," Eddie answered, picking up his winegla.s.s.

"I'm sure there are enough lovely single ladies around here, that you could at least have a summer fling with someone. What's stopping you?"

Eddie made a face. "I don't think I'm interested in casual, actually. Too much chance it will hurt me or my girls."

"Ah. Makes sense," Andy murmured. He found himself staring at Eddie, noticing the way the dark eyes sparkled in the moonlight. He shook himself mentally. "Maybe someone will come along. A forever type of someone."

"Maybe," Eddie echoed. "But in the meantime, I could use a good friend," he said, meeting Andy's gaze.

"Well, I can be a friend," Andy answered in a falsely jovial tune, not so sure that he could hold back any feelings that might develop, but willing to give it a try. "So use me," he offered in a dramatic tone.

Eddie smiled. "Well, such an invitation. How can I pa.s.s that up?"

"Don't tease me, Eddie," Andy warned. "You might get more than you bargained for."

Raising both eyebrows, Eddie called Andy's bluff. "All right then. How much teasing is too much? And what more might I be risking? Let's talk here, new buddy o' mine."

"Too much teasing is when it gets personal." Andy clarified, "Anything other than that is okay. Just be prepared to suffer the consequences."

"Personal?" Eddie said with a grin. "You say 'So use me' and then tell me not to get personal or I'll suffer the consequences? What sort of consequences are we talking?"

Andy sat back, blus.h.i.+ng in the dim light of the moon. "You know what it's like to be turned on and to want to take whatever it is you want, consequences be d.a.m.ned? If you tease me, turn me on, I'm going to want you."

Eddie blinked. Andy might want me? Andy might want me? A flush of warmth streaked through him as he thought about that. He studied Andy speculatively. "Not that I'm trying to be cruel or anything here, but that would be bad, why? Other than the obvious, of course," he hurried to add. "I mean, it's a h.e.l.l of a compliment, if you ask me." A flush of warmth streaked through him as he thought about that. He studied Andy speculatively. "Not that I'm trying to be cruel or anything here, but that would be bad, why? Other than the obvious, of course," he hurried to add. "I mean, it's a h.e.l.l of a compliment, if you ask me."

"It's cruel," Andy a.s.sured Eddie. "To want you and not be able not be able to have you." His voice was pa.s.sionate as he spoke. "That's what I mean by personal. Don't make me fall in love with you if you're not willing to love me in turn." to have you." His voice was pa.s.sionate as he spoke. "That's what I mean by personal. Don't make me fall in love with you if you're not willing to love me in turn."

"But what if I am willing? You can love close friends. It doesn't automatically translate to a s.e.xual relations.h.i.+p," Eddie said carefully, not wanting to anger the other man, but truly wanting to know what exactly Andy wanted.

A kind of disappointed relief washed over Andy. So Eddie wanted to be friends. At least Andy knew what to expect from him. "I'll be your friend, Eddie," he offered. "Just don't play with me. Don't play with my feelings."