Second Best Husband Part 7

" You won't be in the way," Stuart told her, but his voice was terse, and his earlier warmth and friendliness seemed to have chilled--or was she being absurdly sensitive, looking for problems, for rebuffs that inall probability did not exist? Had she allowed lan's rejection to makeher so sensitive. too sensitive? After all, Stuart was the one who hadasked for her help, who had sug1gested that she come and work for him.

The fact that he had kissed her. Sara swallowed, unhappily aware of thefact that this time, although he came round to her side of the LandRover and opened the door for her, he made no attempt to physically helpher down, even though he waited politely until she was safely on theground.

The fact that he had kissed her was something she would be well advisedto put completely out of her mind. What had it been other than anautomade male reaction to the proximity of a female?

Nothing. And it was obvious that Stuart had regretted the impulse almostas quickly as it had formed. Well, of course he would regret it,wouldn't he?

She had already gathered that he, like her, had lost someone he loved.

Obviously as a man he still felt all the normal male s.e.xual desires andneeds. and just as obviously he had no wish for her to misinterpret hismomentary reaction to her.

After what she had told him about Ian, he was probably concerned thatshe might be the kind of woman who made a habit of falling in love withher boss.

Well, if so it was up to her to convince him otherwise. or to tell himthat she had changed her mind about working for him.

But she wanted this job, needed it. not for the money, but for themental stimulation, for its ability to keep her mind off Ian and thepast.

The most sensible thing she could do was to show Stuart that what hadhappened this afternoon meant nothing whatsoever to her, that she fullyunderstood that it had been a momentary aberration and that as such itwas something best forgotten by both of them.

CHAPTER FIVE.

"hme to take a break. I've made some coffee and there's toast in the kitchen if you want it."

Sara looked up from the VDU, frowning slightly as she focused on Stuart.

She had been so deeply engrossed in what she was doing that she hadn'teven heard the door open, but now that he had mentioned coffee sherealised how much she was longing for a cup, and as for the toast. Herstomach made a gently discreet protest, reminding her that it had beenseveral hours since lunchtime.

" That sounds great," she told him, turning away from the screen andstretching her torso, relaxing her taut muscles.

" I hardly dare ask how it's going," Stuart told her five minutes laterwhen they were both seated at the kitchen table.

" It's going well," Sara a.s.sured him.

" The software is good, the program fairly flexible, although I mustconfess it is a little advanced perhaps for a beginner."

" There's no need to be tactful," Stuart told her ruefully.

" When it comes to growing trees, I pride myself on knowing what I'mdoing, and I'm likely to take umbrage if anyone says otherwise. When itcomes to handling a computer, we're in a different ballgame altogether.

Overtheir coffee and toast, Sara explained to him as simply as she couldwhat she intended to do, whilst he listened and watched her ruefully,commenting when she had finished," If I were that boss of yours, I'd bebeating a path to your parents' door, and begging you to come back..."He broke off, shaking his head.

" I'm sorry," he told her.

" I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean..."

" It's all right," Sara told him shakily.

" I've already accepted that Ian and all I'd hoped to share with him isin the past. It was all an idiotic dream anyway. I'm beginning torealise now that even if he had loved me it would never have worked."

She saw Stuart was frowning, and explained wryly," We're toodifferent--our views on life, our values. I'm still very much a countrywoman at heart. I would want to bring my children up somewhere likethis, somewhere, anywhere other than in acity, especially a city likeLondon; whereas Ian, even if he had agreed to have children, would have expectedme to hand them over to a nanny. He loves city life. He loves being atthe centre of everything. He would loathe living somewhere like this,and he's the kind of man--' She broke off, biting her lip, not wantingto admit what she was coming to realise: that Ian was too shallow, toovain ever to be the kind of man who could bear to be anything other thanthe centre of a woman's life. Children to him would be compet.i.tors,rivals. He would expect and demand always to come first, and, while shebelieved that a woman's relations.h.i.+p with her husband, the father of herchildren, must always be special and treasured, there were bound to betimes when the claims of a family, especially a young family, might meanthat adult relations.h.i.+ps and needs must take second place.

" It sounds to me as though you're better off without him," Stuart toldher grimly.

" Yes," Sara agreed.

" I expect Iam. Not that I ever actually had him."

She stopped, flus.h.i.+ng a brilliant shade of crimson, as she realised thes.e.xual connotations unwittingly carried by her remark, but Stuart seemedto be unaware of her embarra.s.sment and the reason for it as he turned away from her, asking calmly," Fancy another cup of coffee?"

By the time she had accepted, and he had poured it, her colour had gone back to normal and to her relief he seemed to have lost interest in the subject of Ian, and returned instead to the problems he had been havingin mastering his computer.

" Sally thought it was hilarious when I told her I was buying it," heconfided.

Sally? Sara felt her heart lurch. Who was Sally? Or could she guess?

Was she the mystery woman who had deserted him, who had allowed him tolove her and who had then rejected him? Already she disliked her. Herlaughter held painful echoes of Anna's laughter, Anna's cruelty.

" Did she? Wasn't that a little insensitive of her?" Sara demanded.

Something about the rueful warmth in Stuart's voice as he mentioned theother woman increased her antipathy towards her, although she couldn'treally understand why, other than that she felt quite extraordinarilyprotective towards him. As a fellow victim? She doubted that Stuartwould ever have behaved as stupidly as she had done. Despite hiskindness, his warmth, his niceness, there was a very evident toughnessabout him; a maleness that suggested that he could when necessary be anextremely formidable foe. Only he and this Sally hadn't been foes, hadthey? They had been lovers.

Lovers. She swallowed painfully. Her eyes had started to ache and b.u.m.

Too long spent staring at the VDU, she told herself, totally ignoringthe fact that in the course of a normal day's work she spent far longerthan she had done today engaged in that very same task but it couldn'tbe tears. emotional pain that was making her eyes sting, could it?

She couldn't really possibly be jealous of mis Sally. No, of course shecouldn't. Perhaps a little envious. Not of her relations.h.i.+p with Stuart,but of the fact that she had known what it was like to have a lover, toexperience a man's desire, his physical compulsion to show her how muchhe loved and wanted her.

She had never known that. and now probably never would. At twenty-nineshe was quite definitely far too old to experience the intensity of suchpa.s.sion, such love, and even if she did. She s.h.i.+vered alittle. No, shedidn't want ever again to feel for someone else what she had felt forIan. It was too dangerous, too destructive.

Margaret had been right: what she ought to do was to form a nice saferelations.h.i.+p with a quiet pleasant man who, like herself, wanted tosettle down, to marry and have children. A man with whom she could livein quiet comfort without the highs and lows of pa.s.sion and love.

" Stop thinking about him. There's no point in tearing yourself apart--'" Over a man who doesn't want me," Sara supplied drearily.

" No, you're right. Although, as a matter of fact, I wasn't thinkingabout Ian."

Shedrank her coffee and stood up.

" I'd better get on. I've still got quite a bit to do before I call it aday..."

As she walked towards the door, she was suddenly acutely conscious ofthe fact that Stuart was watching her, although why she should be soaware of his silent regard now, after the time they had spent together,she really had no idea.

Sara worked on the computer for another hour, before feeling that shehad come to a point where she could reasonably stop.

Stuart had invited her tojoin him for supper, but she had refused hisinvitation to allow him to take her out for dinner as a thank-you forthe work she had done, pointing out that if she was going to work forhim he could not be expected to provide her with meals as well as asalary.

A little later, when he drove her back to her parents' home, he seemedrather withdrawn. Had she offended him by refusing his offer of dinner?

Surely not. As she contemplated the solitude of the evening that layahead of her, she half wished that she had after all accepted.

She would have enjoyed his company. There would not have been anystilted pauses in their conversation. He might be a man who preferred towork out of doors, but from the books she had seen in his study andsitting-room, from the conversations she had already had with him, sheknew already that he was a man with very widespread interests.

The kind of man, in fact, whom any sane woman would have been only toodelighted to have as a dinner companion, or as a lover.

She stiffened, resisting the thought as she had resisted it the previousevening. What on earth was the matter with her? In the days when herthoughts, when her life, had revolved entirely around Ian, it had nevercrossed her mind to think of any other man in terms of his s.e.xuality,but now. The moment Stuart brought the Land Rover to a halt, she openedthe door and started to scramble out, without waiting for him to comeround to her side of the vehicle and a.s.sist her.

The illumination from the security lights which had sprung on when theystopped showed her that his mouth had compressed in a grimly bitterline, giving him an air of distance and withdrawal, making her want toreach out to him, and beg him not to look at her so coldly.

She found that she was actually s.h.i.+vering as though the temperature haddropped by several degrees.

It dismayed her that she should be so distressed by Stuart's apparentchange of mood, and as he walked her to the door she was conscious of avery strong need to close the gap between them and to move closer to hisbody, something which astonished her since she was normally by naturethe kind of person who preferred to keep a definite physical distancebetween herself and others.

At her door she paused and turned to face him, saying quickly," If it'sall right with you, I'll start work at ten tomorrow and stay on untilabout three."

" You still want the job, then?"

" Yes," she a.s.sured him vehemently.

" Unless... unless you've changed your mind."

" No." He sounded abrupt, irritated almost.

" I'll probably be out when you arrive. I'll leave the back doorunlocked for you. We'll have to sort out something about a key."

He paused and Sara looked up at him. She was standing far closer to himthan she had realised, and a tiny but unmistakable quiver of sensationdarted through her body. She looked quickly away to avoid the temptationof focusing on his mouth. Thank goodness he had no idea of the effect bewas having on her. She could barely comprehend it herself, and couldonly put it down to some kind of extraordinary and totallyout-of-character reaction to the wounds inflicted by Ian and Anna; a desperate and reactionary attempt by her body to prove them wrong whenthey'ddescribed her as s.e.xless. Whatever was causing it, she hoped that.i.t would soon stop.

It was only later as she was eating her supper that she realised thatthe only occasion during the day on which she had thought about Ian hadbeen in conjunction with her awareness and responsiveness to Stuart,which must surely mean that she had made the right decision in returninghome; that it was going to be easier to put the past behind her here thanit would have been in London.

Stuart's offer of a job was an additional bonus which she had notexpected.

Not only would it help to pa.s.s the time, it would also give her anoutlet for her mental energy; give her something on which to focus otherthan Ian and the pain he had caused her.

And as for her extraordinary and embarra.s.sing reaction to Stuart as a man.

Well, that would begin to fade, she was sure, once her emotions began torecover from the blows they had been dealt.

CHAPTER SIX.

one week pa.s.sed and then another. Her parents had returned, and hermother had been delighted to learn that she intended to stay at home foran indefinite period and even more delighted with the information thatshe was working for Stuart.

Her mother, as Sara quickly discovered, liked Stuart very much indeed.

She had never met Ian, but Sara knew from her reaction to the news thatshe had given up her job with him that her parents were not sorry thathe was no longer a part of her life.

Nothing had been said about her real reason for handing in her notice.

If her parents had guessed how she had felt about him they were beingvery tactful in not saying so.

For the first few days after they return home, the new baby and theirexisting two grandsons had been the main topic of their conversation.

They had taken photographs so that Sara could see her new niece who, hermother a.s.sured her, was the very image of how she herself had been atexactly the same age.

Privately Sara suspected that her mother was exaggerating, but wiselyshe said nothing, care D fully returning the photographs to theirwallet, and trying to suppress the tiny ache in her heart. She loved hersister and liked her brother-in-law, but this was the first time she hadactively found herself envying her sister. Two healthy boisterous sonsand now a little girl, and Jacqui was after all only five years hersenior.

She reminded herself that she was still not thirty, and that there wasplenty of time for her to settle down and marry, but the ache inside herbody when she looked at the photographs of her new niece warned her thather instincts were growing impatient with her. that her need and desirefor children were daily growing more urgent, more powerful. So much sothat more and more often she found she was turning over in her mindMargaret's advice to her.

She had loved Ian all her adult life, but Ian didn't want her, wouldnever want her, and she could not in all honesty visualise herselfallowing herself to fall in love again. It had proved too painful, beentoo selfdestructive.

No, she didn't want to take the risk of falling in love again, butneither did she want to give up her dreams of having children. Whichmeant. which meant that perhaps she ought to take Margaret's advice: tostart thinking seriously about a relations.h.i.+p founded on something thatwould be far less exciting, far less idealistic than falling in lovewith Ian.

She frowned, remembering how at Christmas, before the blow had fallen,when she had returned from her parents' to London and had been invitedround to Margaret's to view the children's Christmas presents, Ben hadremarked what a good mother she would make, and she had admitted howmuch she loved and wanted a family. Obliquely, or so it had seemed then,Margaret had commented that she could not see Ian taking well tofatherhood.

Then her denial of Margaret's comment had been instinctive andautomatic, but now she was forced to realise that it had been the truth,and that a part of her had always known this, and yet despite that,despite the fact that in so many ways their outlooks on life weretotally in conflict, she had stubbornly gone on clinging to her idioticdaydreams, to her hopes.

She had been a fool, she recognised, and worse. she had stubbornly andself-destructively ignored what her common sense had often tried to tellher: that Ian, no matter how much she was in love with him, was notreally someone with whom she could ever truly live in harmony.

Well, one thing was certain, she told herself humorously. She wasn'tgoing to have much chance of finding herself a potential husband andfather for her children while she was working for Stuart.

She had now reduced the chaos of his paper work to something approachingorder. She was waiting for him to produce for her written lists of hisstock, which she intended to categorise into type, age, height, etcetera, so that in future when he received enquiries for trees a mere flick on the computer would be able to furnish him with a printed listof this information on demand.

When she had pointed this out to him, he had grinned at her, and pointedout that he already carried all this information in his head.

It had been hard not to share his amus.e.m.e.nt. She had told him severelythat he wasn't super human and that there might well come a day when forone reason or another he was not available when such information was required.

She was getting on better and better with him as she came to know himbetter.

They shared a similar sense of humour; a deep love of the countryside,and the need to preserve and main tain it. Stuart had already beenapproached to sit on several local conservation committees, and, as hehad told her, now that she had tamed his paperwork he hoped to have thetime to play a much larger part in the affairs of their small community.

Somehow or other, the four hours a day which they had agreed Sara wouldwork had extended to six and then sometimes closer to eight, as shewillingly took on more and more of the indoor mnning of the business. Itpleased her that Stuart was so prepared to trust her, and she found sheenjoyed the challenge of expanding her knowledge and making use of it.

By the time she had worked with him for a month, she was able to talkwith awareness and authority to would-be customers about the feasibilityof transplanting a variety of trees, calmly soothing their fears thatsuch mature wood could not be safely moved.

A date had been fixed for the christening of her new niece, and, alittle to her consternation, her mother had insisted on issuing Stuartwith an invitation to share in the celebration with them.

Ignoring her own protest to her mother that she was sure that Stuart hadfar better things to do, he calmly accepted. When he was free to do so,he had taken to picking her up in the morning and running her home atnight, claiming that it was unfair to expect her to risk damage to herown car on the rough lane that led to the manor.