Fruits of Culture Part 22

FAT LADY. Yes, no! Allow me, just one word! You say, "loss of strength."

And I was also going to say that, when I travelled with post-horses ...

the roads used to be dreadful in those days--you don't remember--but I have noticed that all our nervousness comes from railways! I, for instance, can't sleep while travelling; I cannot fall asleep to save my life!

PROFESSOR [makes another attempt, which the Fat Lady baffles] The loss of strength ...

SAHaTOF [smiling] Yes; oh yes!

Leonid Fyodoritch rings.

FAT LADY. I am awake one night, and another, and a third, and still I can't sleep!

Enter Gregory.

LEONiD FYoDORITCH. Please tell Theodore to get everything ready for the seance, and send Simon here--Simon, the butler's a.s.sistant,--do you hear?

GREGORY. Yes, sir. [Exit].

PROFESSOR [to Sahatof]. The observation of the temperature and the pulse have shown loss of vital energy. The same will happen in consequence of the mediumistic phenomena. The law of the conservation of energy ...

FAT LADY. Oh yes, yes; I was just going to say that I am very glad that a simple peasant turns out to be a medium. That's very good. I always did say that the Slavophils ...

LEONiD FYoDORITCH. Let's go into the drawing-room in the meantime.

FAT LADY. Allow me, just one word! The Slavophils are right; but I always told my husband that one ought never to exaggerate anything! "The golden mean," you know. What is the use of maintaining that the common people are all perfect, when I have myself seen ...

LEONiD FYoDORITCH. Won't you come into the drawing-room?

FAT LADY. A boy--that high--who drank! I gave him a scolding at once.

And he was grateful to me afterwards. They are children, and, as I always say, children need both love and severity!

Exeunt all, all talking together.

Tanya enters from behind the hangings.

TaNYA. Oh, if it would only succeed! [Begins fastening some threads].

Enter Betsy hurriedly.

BETSY. Isn't papa here? [Looks inquiringly at Tanya] What are you doing here?

TaNYA. Oh, Miss Elizabeth, I have only just come; I only wished ... only came in ... [Embarra.s.sed].

BETSY. But they are going to have a seance here directly. [Notices Tanya drawing in the threads, looks at her, and suddenly bursts out laughing]

Tanya! Why, it's you who do it all? Now don't deny it. And last time it was you too? Yes, it was, it was!

TaNYA. Miss Elizabeth, dearest!

BETSY [delighted] Oh, that is a joke! Well, I never. But why do you do it?

TaNYA. Oh miss, dear miss, don't betray me!

BETSY. Not for the world! I'm awfully glad. Only tell me how you manage it?

TaNYA. Well, I just hide, and then, when it's all dark, I come out and do it. That's how.

BETSY [pointing to threads] And what is this for? You needn't tell me. I see; you draw ...

TaNYA. Miss Elizabeth, darling! I will confess it, but only to you. I used to do it just for fun, but now I mean business.

BETSY. What? How? What business?

TaNYA. Well, you see, those peasants that came this morning, you saw them. They want to buy some land, and your father won't sell it; well, and Theodore Ivanitch, he says it's the spirits as forbid him. So I have had a thought as ...

BETSY. Oh, I see! Well, you are a clever girl! Do it, do it.... But how will you manage it?

TaNYA. Well, I thought, when they put out the lights, I'll at once begin knocking and shying things about, touching their heads with the threads, and at last I'll take the paper about the land and throw it on the table. I've got it here.

BETSY. Well, and then?

TaNYA. Why, don't you see? They will be astonished. The peasants had the paper, and now it's here. I will teach ...

BETSY. Why, of course! Simon is the medium to-day!

TaNYA. Well, I'll teach him ... [Laughs so that she can't continue] I'll tell him to squeeze with his hands any one he can get hold of! Of course, not your father--he'd never dare do that--but any one else; he'll squeeze till it's signed.

BETSY [laughing] But that's not the way it is done. Mediums never do anything themselves.

TaNYA. Oh, never mind. It's all one; I daresay it'll turn out all right.

Enter Theodore Ivanitch.

Exit Betsy, making signs to Tanya.

THEODORE IVaNITCH. Why are you here?

TaNYA. It's you I want, Theodore Ivanitch, dear ...

THEODORE IVaNITCH. Well, what is it?

TaNYA. About that affair of mine as I spoke of.

THEODORE IVaNITCH [laughs] I've made the match; yes, I've made the match. The matter is settled; we have shaken hands on it, only not had a drink on it.

TaNYA [with a shriek] Never! So it's all right?

THEODORE IVaNITCH. Don't I tell you so? He says, "I shall consult the missus, and then, G.o.d willing ..."

TaNYA. Is that what he said? [Shrieks] Dear Theodore Ivanitch, I'll pray for you all the days of my life!