Doctor Who_ The Adventures Of Henrietta Street Part 9

The Kingdom of Beasts Last Rites In the early hours of the morning, on December 1, 1782, Scarlette was to be found perilously close to the edge of the forest where the apes had been set free during the Revels. Witnesses describe her actions as 'erratic', by which they actually mean that she was drunk.

For some time she'd been pacing the forest, with her red uniform-dress stained by the dirt of the wilderness, and those who saw her admitted that they had no idea how she'd managed to navigate the tangled undergrowth without falling flat on her face. By two o'clock she'd made her way back to the TARDIS, on the cusp of the forest and the town. The last guest to pa.s.s her by saw her leaning against the faded blue paintwork of the box, caressing it in a way that 'displayed a form of affection'. Scarlette saluted to the onlooker as he walked past, and the guest swore that although he at first a.s.sumed that Scarlette was greeting him, she was in fact talking to the Device.

'You'll understand, of course,' she's said to have told the TARDIS. 'You've been through all this with him before.' (The TARDIS, incidentally, had by this point acquired a special significance for just about everybody on the island. Fitz had said that it was a pity there wouldn't be room for it in the vault during the wedding, as it would have qualified as old, new, borrowed and and blue.) blue.) The accounts make it sound as if Scarlette were losing her mind. But of course, the accounts are biased: most of the lodges still wanted to believe that this entire affair was a colossal joke. Still, it's clear that she was under a great deal of stress. Though Scarlette was no artist, she often liked to 'doodle' in the endpages of her diaries mostly grotesque, badly-scrawled caricatures of public figures like the King, or Charles Fox, or the multi-headed dragon that was Was.h.i.+ngton-Crane*Jefferson and in the back of her journal for this period is a picture that's hard to ignore. Sketched in pencil, it's a scene depicting a decadent, lascivious jungle-scene which wouldn't have been out-of*place in a Victorian penny-dreadful. We see a throne, surrounded by thick foliage, as though we're looking at the Empire of some great African chieftain. We see hastily-drawn stone idols all around, like baboon-faced totem poles. Yet on the throne sits a huge, fat, bloated human figure, pale and with ma.s.sive jowls, so corpulent that he almost seems to sink into the chair. His eyes are black blotches, making him look drunken and idiotic, and his sweaty bulk is squeezed into the clothes of an English gentleman.

It's clearly supposed to be Sabbath. The size of the figure is ma.s.sively exaggerated, certainly, and the other features of the drawing tell the viewer exactly what was on Scarlette's mind. Because sitting at the foot of the throne, naked and chained around the throat like a slave-girl, is a slight female figure who must surely be Juliette. She looks up adoringly at her master, while on either side drooling apes hold up enormous fern-leaves, fanning their Emperor and his concubine.

It's notable that Sabbath is shown in exactly the same surroundings that were a.s.sociated with the King of Beasts, even if Sabbath was quite plainly as keen on destroying the ape empire as the Doctor himself. It's also very tough on Juliette, which wasn't untypical.

On the evening of November 30, Scarlette held what in modern terms might be called her 'hen night', although the celebration was open to men and and women, with both s.e.xes believing it was largely staged for their benefit. The event was held in a tavern in the harbour-town, where, beginning at eleven o'clock, a Cyprian Auction was held. women, with both s.e.xes believing it was largely staged for their benefit. The event was held in a tavern in the harbour-town, where, beginning at eleven o'clock, a Cyprian Auction was held.

'Cyprian' was yet another eighteenth-century word for 'prost.i.tute', one that Scarlette particularly liked as it suggested an ancient tradition, a kind of sisterhood-c.u.m*guild. In London, Auctions were often held in the more notorious taverns, where the greatest of the city's courtesans would parade themselves before the clientele the rich rich clientele and the men would engage in a kind of primal contest by bidding against each other for the affections of society's most sought-after celebrity coquettes. Now Scarlette brought the practice to St Belique, for one night only. Tables were set up at the back of the tavern, and along this stage (the modern expression would probably be 'catwalk') would promenade all the working-women who happened to be available. clientele and the men would engage in a kind of primal contest by bidding against each other for the affections of society's most sought-after celebrity coquettes. Now Scarlette brought the practice to St Belique, for one night only. Tables were set up at the back of the tavern, and along this stage (the modern expression would probably be 'catwalk') would promenade all the working-women who happened to be available.

Mrs Gallacher was one of the first to take the stage, wielding the cat o'*nine-tails which had made her so popular in England. There were several Caribbean women from the island itself, as the audience consisted of cheering local men as well as the more bawdy wedding guests, who wasted no time in adapting to this curious foreign custom. About halfway through proceedings, Lisa-Beth put herself up for auction. She had a reputation on the island as a 'White Tigress', and she may have been deliberately playing on this image when she took to the stage with a sneer on her face and a complete disdain for the audience. Needless to say, she attracted high bids indeed.

The Cyprian Auction is worth mentioning for two reasons. First, because Juliette was one of those up for grabs. Not that she was in personal attendance, of course: this was another example of Scarlette's bitterness. Towards the end of proceedings, the head of a mannequin was brought before the crowd. The head was dressed in a bright red wig, its face smeared with make-up probably intended to make it resemble a child prost.i.tute. Though no body was attached, it sat on the shredded remains of a red dress (Juliette's old wedding dress?) with its face shrouded by a thin veil of dyed-red muslin. Scarlette, who for the most part acted as Mistress of Ceremonies, announced that this particular Cyprian was 'Mistress Rouge-Vierge, Purest Woman in London, whose integrity will be guaranteed to you for the price of a smoking-pipe'.

Needless to say, there were no takers. Indeed, as soon as Scarlette made her announcement the crowd began to boo and jeer, some even throwing their empty gla.s.ses at the stage. As Juliette's 'defection' to Sabbath wasn't public knowledge, one can only a.s.sume that Scarlette had primed the audience. It was, in a sense, another ritual. The ritual humiliation of Juliette, Juliette the traitor, even though the girl herself couldn't have been there to see it.

This makes Scarlette sound harsh, perhaps, but Scarlette saw the 'failure' of Juliette as a very personal failure. She'd adopted the girl, as part of her own kin: when she ridiculed Juliette, she must have known that she was ridiculing herself. It's not at all surprising that with Juliette gone, Scarlette might offer herself up as a proxy in the wedding ceremony (although, to be frank, she was closer to the Doctor than Juliette had been). Perhaps there was even a hint of jealousy in Scarlette's vicious parody, Scarlette acknowledging that her wedding was only the result of someone else's absence. There was a distinct air of self-hatred in the events of that night. Whenever a woman would be auctioned above 'a respectable value', Scarlette would down a gla.s.s of the local ale, much to the delight of the crowd who were cheering her on as much as they were cheering for the women on stage.

Is it really hard to believe that Scarlette should have had this self-destructive streak? As more than one commentator has pointed out, eighteenth-century courtesans were nothing like twentieth-century prost.i.tutes. If anything, they were more like twentieth-century rock stars and actresses. The 'pimp age' would change all that.

But the second thing that has to be noted about the Auction is that Scarlette was by no means completely completely dispirited. The last individual up for offer was Scarlette herself, by this time so drunk that even the toughest men in the crowd were astonished she could stand. Bids began high, and rapidly got higher. Scarlette egged the audience on by pointing out that this was her last evening of 'maidenhood' before her wedding, and if anyone wanted a born-again virgin then this was their last chance. When the bidding reached the stage where men were offering dispirited. The last individual up for offer was Scarlette herself, by this time so drunk that even the toughest men in the crowd were astonished she could stand. Bids began high, and rapidly got higher. Scarlette egged the audience on by pointing out that this was her last evening of 'maidenhood' before her wedding, and if anyone wanted a born-again virgin then this was their last chance. When the bidding reached the stage where men were offering bags of gold doubloons bags of gold doubloons, it became clear that this was all a game: as she herself announced, 'none of you can afford me and none of you are worthy of me'. The bidders then began making clearly ludicrous bids, including 'the philosopher's stone, given that one day I discover it' and 'all the sunken treasure of Port Royal', until Scarlette announced that anyone wanting to bed her would have to pay at least two two philosopher's stones and staggered off the stage, to much applause. philosopher's stones and staggered off the stage, to much applause.

Scarlette's auction wasn't the only celebration held that night. Other 'parties' were more low-key, however. just after midnight, as the day of the wedding officially began, the Doctor left the mysterious 'white room' for the first time in over a month.

Naturally, he still couldn't walk. It was Fitz who helped him out of his sick-bed. From somewhere in the pleasure-gardens of the TARDIS, Fitz recovered a 'contraption' (as Scarlette's journal later calls it), very much suggesting a modern wheelchair. Fitz pushed the Doctor all the way into the town, through the deserted streets and towards the harbour. There, he parked the Doctor on one of the stone fortifications which had originally been built to defend against privateer attacks from the sea. He then found a chair for himself, so that he and the Doctor could face each other while still being able to glance at the ocean below.

They drank together, there in the early hours of the morning. It was a quiet sort of bachelor party, but perhaps one that befitted the Doctor. Fitz produced a bottle of champagne, probably supplied by either Who or Scarlette, and the Doctor at least had the strength to lift the gla.s.s to his lips himself. Fitz later told Scarlette that although the Doctor's speech was slurred and (at times) confused, he was nonetheless able to continue a conversation.

'He understands, you know,' the Doctor allegedly said at some point. Fitz asked exactly what he meant by that.

'Oh, the nature of things,' the Doctor went on. 'A universe without elementals. I know more than he does, but he belongs here far more than I do. No wonder she left.' (Note that 'elementals' is the word Scarlette records, and it may not be the term the Doctor actually used.) Was this all senseless, delirium-inspired babble? Or was the Doctor talking about Sabbath? Fitz obviously didn't want to discuss the matter further. Between them they finished the bottle of champagne, and spent some time looking out across the darkened harbour below. There was a strong wind blowing that night, so it must have brought the smell of salt and timber up to the stone wall. It's easy to imagine the Doctor staring out to sea, just as Scarlette had done at Brighton, searching for any sign of a metal s.h.i.+p somewhere off the sh.o.r.e.

It would have been at around this time that Scarlette was seen on the edge of the forest, worse for wear after her experiences with the local ale. She and Lisa-Beth certainly left the tavern together. Scarlette was talking loudly, insisting that he he wouldn't allow the wedding to take place, that thanks to wouldn't allow the wedding to take place, that thanks to him him the jungle was closing in around them and the enemy was drawing closer... though Lisa-Beth admits that she didn't know whether Scarlette meant Sabbath, or the King of Beasts. However, she knew an opportunity when she saw one. It was now, while Scarlette was inebriated, that she finally said something she'd been meaning to say for some time. She told Scarlette, in no uncertain terms, that it was the jungle was closing in around them and the enemy was drawing closer... though Lisa-Beth admits that she didn't know whether Scarlette meant Sabbath, or the King of Beasts. However, she knew an opportunity when she saw one. It was now, while Scarlette was inebriated, that she finally said something she'd been meaning to say for some time. She told Scarlette, in no uncertain terms, that it was definitely definitely over. The House was gone, and Lisa-Beth's job description didn't generally involve the destruction of monsters. She announced that although she intended to stay for the wedding, neither she nor 'either of the other women' could be expected to carry on in this fas.h.i.+on, Indeed, Lisa-Beth went even further than that. She implied she was sick of the over. The House was gone, and Lisa-Beth's job description didn't generally involve the destruction of monsters. She announced that although she intended to stay for the wedding, neither she nor 'either of the other women' could be expected to carry on in this fas.h.i.+on, Indeed, Lisa-Beth went even further than that. She implied she was sick of the tantra tantra altogether, sick of the responsibilities it had brought her. She had, after all, only started out in this profession for the money. Significantly, it had been some months since she'd last painted her trademark red diamond on her forehead. altogether, sick of the responsibilities it had brought her. She had, after all, only started out in this profession for the money. Significantly, it had been some months since she'd last painted her trademark red diamond on her forehead.

Scarlette didn't even stop walking as Lisa-Beth said her piece. She kept on towards the edge of the forest, taking staggering but nonetheless majestic steps, not even looking back at her companion. And all she said was: 'Well, I know that that.'

Shortly thereafter, Lisa-Beth left Scarlette to head back to the TARDIS alone. She had business to attend to at the tavern.

Much later that morning, Lisa-Beth was awoken from her sleep at the stroke of eleven. She'd imbibed some quant.i.ty of alcohol herself, so in the end it was only the throbbing of the Church's bells that roused her. She woke to find that 'I had been reimbursed for my night's labours', but for once the money wasn't the first thing on her mind.

Outside the boardinghouse, in the rapidly-emptying streets of the harbour-town, the bell was still chiming. It was the day of the wedding, and the guests were being called to the ceremony.

Calvary If the meetings in the Church had been masquerades, then this was the carnival.

There were ten horses, all of which had presumably been acquired from the islanders, and all of which made their way through the town's streets towards the Church as the bell tolled. If the onlookers hadn't been scurrying for cover, they might have once again wondered how this could possibly have been a celebration celebration. It looked more like a scene from the Revelation, ten monstrous hors.e.m.e.n and horsewomen making their way to the place of final judgement. The horses were big, muscular, powerful: most of the guests had tried to make sure that their own mounts were more impressive than the others. Each one was ridden by a single figure, the majority of the attendees hidden by their chosen masks, although on this day they'd gone out of their way to make an impression. They came in robes of a hundred different colours, they came in clothes embroidered with silver and gold, they came as if they were the three magi following the star. Their faces were the faces of animals, of characters from the Commedia del Arte, or in some cases of creatures which didn't have faces at all. A skeleton; a medieval Devil; a white-faced harlot with red-painted cheeks; a snouted beast with the tusks of a boar and the red eyes of a Russian bear. Even Mr Van Burgh came masked this time, although n.o.body could quite understand what his mask was supposed to be, and the only one present who ignored the masquerade was the elder Mayakai Mayakai. Unable to ride unaided, her servants had provided for her something akin to a small version of an Indian paG.o.da, which had been mounted on the back of an enormous workhorse. The servants walked at her side, as most servants did.

One way or another, all thirteen of the parties who'd been invited had come, although for one reason or another three of them didn't arrive on horseback. In the procession through the town, a hurriedly-dressed Lisa-Beth stood in (ironically) as representative of the h.e.l.lfire Set on Scarlette's behalf, while Katya walked by the side of the Russian delegate, on the orders of the Empress herself. As the horses headed up the slope of the hill towards the Church, only one guest was truly absent. There was no sign of the show-offish Frenchman, who'd claimed to be a representative of Cardinal de Rohan and friend of Cagliostro. He'd sent an apology ahead of him, saying that he was having some troubles with his costume but that he'd be at the Church in time for the ceremony. Many of the other guests had been quietly glad of his absence.

Those a.s.sembled represented every great lodge on Earth, including those which rejected the very ideas of witchcraft or masonry. The guests included Catholics and Protestants, rationalists and freethinkers. It went beyond mere politics or methodology. The babewyns babewyns threatened all of them, and this was what had ultimately brought them together: the Beast which seemed to be the very embodiment of human ignorance. threatened all of them, and this was what had ultimately brought them together: the Beast which seemed to be the very embodiment of human ignorance.

(To the modern mind this may seem odd, as in later years the kind of 'witchcraft' practised by Scarlette Would be viewed as 'superst.i.tion' and therefore as a form of ignorance. In fact, the magical thinking employed by the eighteenth-century lodges was a cultural cultural process rather than a literal attempt to explain the world. As with Wessel's process rather than a literal attempt to explain the world. As with Wessel's Anno 7603 Anno 7603, the skills of the tantra tantra were a method of understanding the human psyche's relations.h.i.+p to time, s.p.a.ce, and the environment of mankind. Throughout his were a method of understanding the human psyche's relations.h.i.+p to time, s.p.a.ce, and the environment of mankind. Throughout his Ruminations Ruminations, the Doctor seems to imply that there's no difference between 'magic' and 'fiction': both are collections of words designed to alter the state of the human mind. Anyone who believes there was really a conflict between 'science' and 'superst.i.tion' during the Age of Reason may be missing the point. 1782 was the year in which Watt invented his new rotary steam engine, and really it's surprising that there's no record of the apes attacking him him.) The preparations for the wedding ceremony had begun early that morning. At around nine o'clock, Scarlette had been found asleep on the edge of the forest, curled up next to the rea.s.suring ma.s.s of the TARDIS. From dawn onwards, witnesses had seen her lying slumped against the device, according to one source 'with her hands spread across its surface as she slept... as if drawing power from its presence'. But at nine she'd awoken, to find the man with the blue-and*white rosette standing over her. The man had helped her to her feet, so the journal says, and had led her off to one of the boardinghouses in the town.

At around eleven the bells had started to chime, and that was when the people of St Belique had begun to withdraw into their own homes. Something of importance was about to happen here, and n.o.body within a hundred miles could have failed to notice it. The two main partic.i.p.ants in the wedding must have felt as if the world were ending. Scarlette was still in an upstairs room at the boarding house as the procession headed for the Church, watching from the window, by this point fully dressed. It was Anji who'd helped Scarlette with her gown, insisting that in her condition Scarlette needed needed help... although Scarlette grumpily insisted that she was quite capable of fixing a corset, whatever the hangover. Anji's role, as the closest thing Scarlette had to a bridesmaid, is ironic given that she still didn't trust Scarlette and thought this whole wedding was a bad idea ('the Doctor doesn't even know where he is, let alone what he's doing,' she reportedly said at one point). help... although Scarlette grumpily insisted that she was quite capable of fixing a corset, whatever the hangover. Anji's role, as the closest thing Scarlette had to a bridesmaid, is ironic given that she still didn't trust Scarlette and thought this whole wedding was a bad idea ('the Doctor doesn't even know where he is, let alone what he's doing,' she reportedly said at one point).

But it was Anji who helped Scarlette with her final preparations, in that old, damp room of rotting timber. It was Anji who rea.s.sured Scarlette that she looked fine, and Anji who ran through the checklist of ritual items which Scarlette had to take to the altar. Something old: Scarlette's gla.s.s totem, the one link to the glory days of 1762. Something new: the dress, by definition. Scarlette had already ordered the servants at the boardinghouse to take away Juliette's red dress and have it burned, and some days previously Dr Who had somehow managed to produce a new dress at short notice. Something borrowed: the key to the TARDIS. Anji and Fitz had become joint guardians of this most powerful totem, and Scarlette had admired this ritual of safekeeping. There in the room overlooking the street, Anji took the key from around her own neck and after some struggling hung it on the same chain as the gla.s.s totem.

Which just left something blue. The island's most mysterious visitor had thoughtfully left behind a gift, when he'd escorted Scarlette to the guesthouse. It was a flower, but a fake one, an intricate rose of blue and white satin. The petals were in a curious pattern, so that it resembled no known genus on Earth, and Scarlette balked at first as it so closely resembled the man's own Whig rosette, But the guest had explained that this was the whole point of the marriage. Traditions would be mixed: new bindings would be made. Scarlette had accepted this with a nod (she must have known it anyway), and allowed the man to pin the bloom to her dress even though it clashed horribly with the red velvet. It was, the man had insisted, what the Doctor would have wanted.

Thus armed, and meeting Anji's approval, Scarlette left the room and made her way downstairs. When she walked out into the street and headed up the slope to the Church, those who saw her noted that despite her dress she walked like a warrior on the way to a duel. Typically, for Scarlette even her own wedding was a great battle.

And then there was the Doctor. Since his illness had begun he'd become thin and frail-looking, and on that morning both Fitz and Nie Who sharing the role of best man, at this late hour must have known that to act as if this were his 'big day' would be, as it were, a little tasteless tasteless. The Doctor had spent the entire morning on the island's fortifications, looking out to sea, eyes open for once. But shortly before noon, Fitz had cleared his throat and asked whether the Doctor wanted to get ready now. Somehow, the idea of him wearing anything other than his 'usual' clothes at the altar had seemed... ridiculous. The Doctor had nodded,and asked to be taken somewhere private so that he could change out of his nightgown and into the green jacket and ruffled s.h.i.+rt he'd worn when he'd first arrived in London.

As far as can be established, the Doctor dressed himself that morning. Reading the notes that survive, it's easy to get the impression that he simply didn't want to disappoint Scarlette by turning up to his own wedding as a vegetable. 'But he never rose from the wheelchair as he pulled on his clothing. He only seemed determined to show his strength when Fitz moved behind the chair, to push him to the Church.

At this point, the Doctor refused point-blank. As Fitz and Who looked on, he began to squirm in his chair, trying to pull himself up on to his feet. It must have seemed an impossible task. Even apart from the sickness, the Doctor hadn't supported himself in over a month. Fitz stayed close at his side, ready to catch him if he fell, but the Doctor was persistent. Thirty seconds later he stood, limbs shaking yet fully upright, finding his balance again.

Many of the accounts of the day tell stories of the Doctor's long walk to the Church. By that time the guests were a.s.sembled inside the building, so they can only have seen him through the doorway: a figure of tragedy, supported by his two friends, but nonetheless insistent on keeping his dignity. They saw him not as a dying man, but as the last survivor of a tradition they could scarcely imagine. As he made his way up the slope, step by painful step, they must have felt as if the universe itself were rejecting his presence and trying to stop him reaching the chapel.

More than once, he had to stop. On one occasion Fitz believed that he was about to collapse, and it seemed as if he were trying to avoid retching. But after a while the Doctor looked up at his companion, and smiled, and carried on as if nothing had happened.

'This has gone on long enough,' he's said to have muttered, as he began the last stretch before the Church. 'Juliette will be waiting.'

Fitz corrected the Doctor's error, something which must surely have made him uncomfortable.

'Yes,' the Doctor replied. 'Scarlette will be waiting too.'

When the Doctor reached the grand stone arch of the Church, those a.s.sembled inside apparently stepped back, as one man, to allow him entry. He stood on the threshold, unsupported, Fitz and Who standing anxiously behind him in case he should pa.s.s out. The Doctor looked puzzled, at first. He took in the Conclave, the myriad of masked, unearthly faces around him, as if he couldn't understand why he'd suddenly found himself surrounded by so many monsters.

'So,' he's said to have mumbled. 'You've all come for me, at last.'

Then his eyes fell on the figure at the back of the crowd, dressed in red from her neck to her train. The moment when the Doctor faced Scarlette in the Church is another scene which appears in most of the accounts, but the best is probably the record of Lucien Malpertuis. It may be the stuff of legend, but it makes the point well.

The Mistress [Scarlette] moved on to meet her groom... the Doctor's eyes lit up in flames when he saw her. I heard somebody say later that her countenance had reminded him of why he was here and who he himself had to be. Mistress Scarlette with much ceremony lifted her arm, and there was no expression on her face. All eyes were on the Doctor to see what he would do. There was some relief among his companions when he slowly raised his own arm, allowing Mistress Scarlette to join with him [i.e. link arm-in*arm] . After this had been done the Mistress turned, towards the main body of that House of G.o.d...There were those who considered the ceremony to be a great performance and nothing more, but I know there [was] not a single man or woman who did not feel relief when the bride and groom walked towards that stairway which led down into the depths. On their pa.s.sage there was especial satisfaction on the face of the gentleman with the Whig rose[tte] upon his collar, who had kept his head bowed until the Doctor had pa.s.sed him by.

As has already been mentioned, there was already a sense of something great and fundamental unfolding, a feeling across the island that the thunderhead was about to break. And even the most sober, serious records maintain that the second both the Doctor and Scarlette were inside the Church, something did indeed happen to the world outside. There was a sensation of closeness closeness reported in the homes of the townspeople, not so much because of the heat but because everyone became aware of a lurking, sweating presence which pressed against their lungs and made their skins p.r.i.c.kle. reported in the homes of the townspeople, not so much because of the heat but because everyone became aware of a lurking, sweating presence which pressed against their lungs and made their skins p.r.i.c.kle.

These reports are at least feasible. The Doctor the old elemental order was about to be bound to Scarlette, and thus to the Earth itself. It's not surprising that the Earth should have noticed, and, indeed, that those forces waiting just beyond the Earth should have noticed too. When the screaming started from the poisonous machineel trees, even those on the island who had no connection to the lodges must have suspected that it was the messengers of the King of Beasts, declaring absolute war.

Before events reached their conclusion, the battle proper would have begun and many of those now inside the Church would be dead.

Upside-Down It was as the Wrath of G.o.d Himself.

That was how the 'storm' over St Belique was recorded, by those a.s.sembled from the Masonic tradition. A curious choice of words, as by the 1780s 'G.o.d' was no longer the Big Man of the establishment. British government had broken the back of the Church in the early 1700s, and although it made something of a comeback in the late eighteenth century it did so only as an arm of the state. It was now the Church's task to lend moral authority to the gentlemen of Westminster and, where necessary, to reinforce the belief that everything was a matter of property property. (This included women, incidentally. Perhaps this is where the 'pimp age' truly began.) So it's hard to know how the Englishmen at the Wedding would have reacted to the priest who'd been chosen to conduct the ceremony. Robert Ashton Kemp had been an Anglican priest in Birmingham before he'd been spirited out of Britain by Scarlette and her coterie. He was a Man of G.o.d with something of a reputation, even apart from the fact that he was notorious for turning up at services as drunk as a lord. Tolerated within the Church simply because it would have been too much trouble to s.h.i.+ft him, he once gave a sermon, probably while intoxicated, in which he claimed that G.o.d was almost certainly a woman or at least a man with certain womanly features womanly features, in order to have birthed the universe. (If this claim makes him sound progressive, it should be pointed out that he'd also gone on record as saying that the Garden of Eden had probably been located in the South of France and that Pitt the Younger was actually a mechanical homunculus constructed by Pitt the Elder... Kemp had a flair for making trouble rather than for original thought.) When the wedding guests filed down the stone steps into the underground chambers of Saint Simone, with the Doctor and Scarlette moving solemnly forward at their head, this alarming priest was already waiting for them. The guests therefore found themselves being led into the undoubtedly cramped vault, where Kemp was standing on the great wooden thirteen-sided table, which Who had transformed into a stage just for this occasion. A series of wooden steps had even been erected, leading up to this new altarstone. As the guests looked on, Scarlette and the Doctor the former keeping her head held high, witnesses said, the latter stumbling slightly and obviously relying on his partner for support moved with agonising slowness to the foot of the steps. Some accounts claim that Kemp was as drunk as ever that day, although they may have been unfairly influenced by his reputation.

There was, of course, something of a hubbub in the air when the guests shuffled into their positions (loosely, it's got to be said) around the table. Awed silence wasn't their style. Kemp quietened them all by slowly turning to face the entire congregation, then shouting: 'If you b.u.g.g.e.rs will give me a moment's peace, I can get this over with.'

An unconventional start to an unconventional ceremony. In the vault, though, Scarlette's red gown seemed nowhere near as odd as it might have done anywhere else. In the corner the local musicians had gathered, once again playing The World Turned Upside Down The World Turned Upside Down instead of a more traditional wedding march. It was a bitter-sweet choice of tune: the song had been the 'theme' of the American Revolution, the anthem of order overturned. Perhaps the Doctor himself had chosen it, reminding those a.s.sembled that a new order was being forged here, but at the same time reminding them of past failures (i.e. America). Mr Van Burgh can't have complained. While the guests shuffled their feet and waited for the priest to begin his litany, the women of Henrietta Street stood at the rear of the vault and watched their feet, either too respectful or too nervous to look up. They were in House colours, but only because the invitations had requested it: they didn't wear their uniforms. The clean-shaven man with the Whig rosette, at his s.p.a.ce by the table, also kept his eyes low. Fitz and Anji are described as 'waiting' near the doorway, which suggests that they were reluctant to get any nearer to the table. One almost gets the impression of people who don't want to be too close to an explosion. instead of a more traditional wedding march. It was a bitter-sweet choice of tune: the song had been the 'theme' of the American Revolution, the anthem of order overturned. Perhaps the Doctor himself had chosen it, reminding those a.s.sembled that a new order was being forged here, but at the same time reminding them of past failures (i.e. America). Mr Van Burgh can't have complained. While the guests shuffled their feet and waited for the priest to begin his litany, the women of Henrietta Street stood at the rear of the vault and watched their feet, either too respectful or too nervous to look up. They were in House colours, but only because the invitations had requested it: they didn't wear their uniforms. The clean-shaven man with the Whig rosette, at his s.p.a.ce by the table, also kept his eyes low. Fitz and Anji are described as 'waiting' near the doorway, which suggests that they were reluctant to get any nearer to the table. One almost gets the impression of people who don't want to be too close to an explosion.

As the priest Kemp cleared his throat and began to speak (one record insists that he spat out phlegm, but there's no reason to take this seriously), the Doctor and Scarlette are said to have turned to each other and smiled. It was a genuine smile, say the observers, if a weak one. For the Doctor it was an acknowledgement that things were about to change, that despite everything the two of them could achieve what they'd set out to achieve. He was weak, he was pale, he was staggering, but he was still the Doctor. And for Scarlette it was a smile of true affection, even if it wasn't the most heartfelt heartfelt kind of love that bound them together. kind of love that bound them together.

There was no alchemy here, no peculiar witchcraft. It was an ordinary, straightforward ceremony. The Doctor and Scarlette tore their glances away from each other and obediently looked up at Kemp, waiting for the moment when they'd have to make their vows. The words 'I do' were spoken twice, without irony or drama or anxiety or pretension. They were simply spoken, as they had to be. And the guests watched in silence, at least until the priest asked the question which was always likely to cause embarra.s.sment: whether any man or any woman or any woman knew any reason why these two should not be bound in lawful matrimony. knew any reason why these two should not be bound in lawful matrimony.

It was always going to be a sticking-point. There were so many present who might want to intervene, who could point out that the wedding wasn't being performed quite quite in accordance to tradition or that the Doctor didn't even exist according to the records of the British government. But Scarlette kept her eyes fixed firmly on the priest. There were no threats, no warning glances, not even any awkward throat-clearing. n.o.body in the vault made any comment. in accordance to tradition or that the Doctor didn't even exist according to the records of the British government. But Scarlette kept her eyes fixed firmly on the priest. There were no threats, no warning glances, not even any awkward throat-clearing. n.o.body in the vault made any comment.

At least, not until the sound of opening doors drifted down from the Church above. The eyes of the guests, and the eyes of the red-and*black bridesmaids, must surely have focused on the stairs as the footsteps were heard. Moments later, a new figure entered the vault. The very sight of him elicited a nervous mumble from the crowd.

It was, everybody immediately guessed, the Frenchman: the servant of Cagliostro who'd failed to materialise in time for the procession. But now his tubby body was hidden, by the most ornate costume in the vault. His frame was concealed under numerous silks, overlapping robes of glittering gold and green, neutral colours in this war between red-and*black and blue-and*white. He looked like one of the stage magicians of Vienna, in oversized sleeves and with an oversized train at his heels. But what really seized the attention was the mask. This stout, clownish man had never worn a mask before, and yet now he wore one which could hardly have failed to make an impression. It was the mask of an ape. It was grotesque and exaggerated, its jaws wide open, presenting the a.s.sembly with a gaping black maw where a human face should be. The mask was fas.h.i.+oned out of genuine grey fur, the eyes gleaming red spheres, like polished billiard b.a.l.l.s.

At first it seemed like the height of bad taste. But then this ape-faced newcomer moved towards the table-altar, with a determination that convinced those a.s.sembled to make way for him. By now even the Doctor and Scarlette were watching, blank-faced and slightly thrown. The ape-guest stepped right up to the stairs, at the feet of the bewildered priest, and there he made what can only be described as 'eye contact' with Scarlette. For some moments he looked her dead in the face, like a staring contest with only one genuine pair of eyes.

When the ape ape eventually lost the staring contest, by taking a deep and respectful bow to this bride who wore red, the guests must have breathed a collective sigh of relief. Once he'd finished bowing to Scarlette, the ape bowed to the Doctor; then to the disgruntled Kemp; then to the a.s.sembled guests. Finally, with a dramatic sweep of the cloak, he turned away from the table and made his way to the back of the vault. There he stayed for what remained of the ceremony, arms folded with his hands inside his big silk sleeves, simply watching. After a few moments the guests realised he'd finished his party-piece and turned their attention back to the ceremony, although the bridesmaids looked nervous at having him stand so close. eventually lost the staring contest, by taking a deep and respectful bow to this bride who wore red, the guests must have breathed a collective sigh of relief. Once he'd finished bowing to Scarlette, the ape bowed to the Doctor; then to the disgruntled Kemp; then to the a.s.sembled guests. Finally, with a dramatic sweep of the cloak, he turned away from the table and made his way to the back of the vault. There he stayed for what remained of the ceremony, arms folded with his hands inside his big silk sleeves, simply watching. After a few moments the guests realised he'd finished his party-piece and turned their attention back to the ceremony, although the bridesmaids looked nervous at having him stand so close.

At first it might look like a childish stunt. However, the wedding was a symbolic one, and this was the most symbolic act of all. The ape, the enemy, had simply bowed as if to say: See! Even the ape-lords can't stop you now. See! Even the ape-lords can't stop you now.

The man behind the mask had played things perfectly. It's written that Scarlette, on realising that the newcomer meant no disrespect, only nodded seriously as acknowledgement that this was all part of the ritual. And though the Doctor had furrowed his eyebrows in puzzlement it's fair to say that he was used to somewhat less symbolism, in his attempts to save the world he raised no objection.

So it was that Kemp reached the part of the ceremony in which he instructed the Doctor to place the ring upon the finger of his intended. At that the Doctor turned to his right, where Dr Nie Who was waiting, and with a little bow that one suspects might have owed something something to the Chinese quack's showmans.h.i.+p Who pa.s.sed the silver ring into the Doctor's hands. The Doctor nodded and mumbled something, n.o.body knows exactly what, as he accepted it. to the Chinese quack's showmans.h.i.+p Who pa.s.sed the silver ring into the Doctor's hands. The Doctor nodded and mumbled something, n.o.body knows exactly what, as he accepted it.

One final glance pa.s.sed between the Doctor and Scarlette before he slipped the ring on to her finger. He already wore the other other silver ring himself, and had done for several days. The Doctor himself had suggested that he should only put his ring on as part of the ceremony, but Scarlette had refused, saying that 'his heart sealed the pact on his side'. The Doctor had ostensibly looked alarmed at this, as if he were meant to take it as a literal threat. As for the glance at the altar, however, there are many interpretations as to what it might have meant. One of the Servicemen present describes it as 'a look of the greatest apprehension... they were guilty about what they had done'. Mrs Gallacher, on the other hand, says that 'they were unsure, it's true... but I saw the little nod they gave each other at the last'. The uncertainty was felt outside the Church, as well. Some held that the screeching from the forest grew worse than ever, and that there was the sound of scratching and sc.r.a.ping, as something prepared to make its way out of the tree-line for the first time. silver ring himself, and had done for several days. The Doctor himself had suggested that he should only put his ring on as part of the ceremony, but Scarlette had refused, saying that 'his heart sealed the pact on his side'. The Doctor had ostensibly looked alarmed at this, as if he were meant to take it as a literal threat. As for the glance at the altar, however, there are many interpretations as to what it might have meant. One of the Servicemen present describes it as 'a look of the greatest apprehension... they were guilty about what they had done'. Mrs Gallacher, on the other hand, says that 'they were unsure, it's true... but I saw the little nod they gave each other at the last'. The uncertainty was felt outside the Church, as well. Some held that the screeching from the forest grew worse than ever, and that there was the sound of scratching and sc.r.a.ping, as something prepared to make its way out of the tree-line for the first time.

Whatever the truth, the ring was on Scarlette's finger, and Scarlette was seen to smile again as it slipped over her knuckle. Fitz and Anji were seen grasping each other's hands, while the courtesan-bridesmaids clenched their teeth. Maybe they, too, could feel the approaching threat. There wasn't even a break in the tension when the priest said, with great ceremony: 'I now p.r.o.nounce you... man and wife.'

In the calm that followed, the Doctor and Scarlette paused to look at each other. They stared into the details of each other's faces, their feelings unknown, their certainty clear to all. Hardly anybody even noticed the priest informing the Doctor that he could now kiss the bride. It was all just a formality. But everybody heard the Doctor, quite distinctly, as he whispered the words: 'Are you ready?'

And everybody heard Scarlette, as she nodded and told him: 'As always.'

The Doctor and Scarlette kissed, there before the thirteen-sided table. The pa.s.sion and exact nature of the kiss aren't known, though. When they came to write their memoirs, all the surviving witnesses would focus instead on what happened next, the very instant after that kiss sealed the pact, and the great scream swept in from the forest. By all accounts, this was the point at which the world disintegrated.

'Look On My Works, Ye Mighty...'

It seems unfeasible, in retrospect, that n.o.body on the island of St Belique saw anything anything. In later years, when asked about the events of December 1, the locals would tell stories of the great apes which came vaulting out of the forest. They would say that the animals poured through the harbour-town in their dozens, perhaps in their hundreds. They would say that the creatures began a kind of stampede, which thankfully ignored the houses to either side of the dirt road and instead headed straight up the hill-path towards the Church. And yet if anybody asked these locals who'd seen this sight, or asked how one could be sure it wasn't simply another legend of the obeah obeah*people, the locals would just shrug and claim that they'd heard it somewhere. Actual witnesses, there were none.

In fact, according to native lore, n.o.body on the island even ventured out on to the street until the noise of the howling, clawing cavalcade had faded completely The first few locals to come out into the light of day found that the storm had pa.s.sed, that there was no sign of any apes, or of thunder, or of western sorcerers. It might have been a perfectly normal, peaceful day in the Caribbean if it hadn't been for the women who left the Church, some minutes later.

Of all those who'd attended the wedding ceremony, only two stepped out of the Church. These 'survivors' were Lisa-Beth and Rebecca. The women were somewhat dazed as they left the Church and stepped out into the blazing light of day. They quietly walked down the dirt road into the heart of the town, where the natives greeted them with some caution. Sadly, n.o.body asked them straight out how the Church could be so quiet after so many wild animals had poured through its doors. One native man did tentatively ask what had happened to the other visitors, to which Lisa-Beth replied: 'They won't be back today.'

Later on a few of the natives ventured into the Church, hunting-spears at the ready. The weapons were all tied with red ribbon, naturally. They found the building empty, the wooden table in the vault overturned, the decorations slashed to pieces. There were no people to be found, alive or dead. The only thing of interest they discovered was a wreath of flowers, red blossoms from Europe, which had been trampled underfoot by persons unknown. It was taken by a local woman and for some months afterwards hung on her door, as a charm against whatever horrors the island might still present.

Apparently, n.o.body had caught the bouquet.

So where had those inside the Church, the guests, the priest, the bride and the groom, gone? And why had Lisa-Beth and Rebecca been spared? The latter question might at least have a simple answer. Whatever had happened during the wedding ceremony, it had removed all the a.s.sembled members of the world's lodges. Lisa-Beth and Rebecca had both expressed a desire to leave Scarlette's employ, for their own reasons. They, and they alone, were no longer part of any tradition. Then again, that still begs the question of why Katya was taken along with the others. Perhaps it was because Katya was a representative of the Russian Ereticy Ereticy. Alternatively, it could have had something to do with the secret ballot taken by the House's women in September... it's hard to even guess.

But all those who vanished that day, and who survived their later experiences, had a story to tell. All the stories seem unbelievable, and yet all of them are in accord. it was as if this one great ritual, this bonding of the Earth and the elemental, had pushed all those a.s.sembled over the edge and into the Kingdom of Beasts.

In his own memoirs, Lucien Malpertuis treated the whole thing as a poison-induced hallucination of the kind which was once common in Saint-Domingue (whose ritualists, to this day, use potent fish-venom in their work). He claims that when the Doctor and Scarlette came together, 'the world itself did open': his English was always a bit on the pompous side. He goes on to say that he and the other Maroons from the vault, led by emondeur, spent several days wandering through a jungle much like that of Hispaniola. But the wilderness, he Said, was bleached grey. The trees seemed calcified, the colours worn out of the leaves and buds, and though they resolved to treat this environment as no different from the Frenchman-hunting*grounds of home it soon became clear that the Maroons Maroons were the hunted ones here. were the hunted ones here.

The story becomes clearer in combination with the testimony of the Masons. Far from arriving in any wilderness, the Masonic parties present insist that they discovered themselves to be in a 'vast library'. Though it's never explicitly stated, it's described in the Archive as being almost exactly like the Archive itself, the hidden repository of all Masonic wisdom in Musselburgh. The chamber was large, its ceiling vaulted and a good thirty feet high, with bookshelves lining every wall and piles of ancient, heavy volumes surrounding the bemused guests. Everywhere there was the smell of rotting paper, while through the tall, stately, Georgian windows those present could see ...the very bluest of skies without... though the light which fell upon the Earth, and which illuminated the magnificent volumes within the library, was tainted with the black of ignorance.

Predictably, the library was overrun by apes. The animals paid the travellers little attention, but squatted on the reading-tables and hunched themselves on top of the stepladders. They were fondling the books 'in a most improper manner', suggesting something almost obscene. The apes clumsily pulled ancient tomes from the high shelves, thumbed through them with claws covered in blood and bile, browsed without understanding anything they saw. They ripped pages out at will, stuffed the paper into saliva-rich mouths, or even (horror of horrors) wiped their backsides on the knowledge of generations. One of the witnesses even claimed he saw an original Key of Soloman Key of Soloman, that most valuable and mythical of occult texts, being carelessly thrown back and forth by the beasts: beasts which would occasionally stop to open the book and sharpen their claws on its pages. Many of the Masons fled the scene through the library doors, while the apes smashed the windows and threw age-old codices from the higher shelves.

Then there were the other stories. The Servicemen found themselves in a place much like Westminster itself, where idiotic animals filled the benches of Parliament, picking fleas from each others' pelts while the 'leader of the House' threw dung at the creatures in Opposition. Mrs Gallacher, flagellator and procuress, later told her friends that she'd found herself in a boudoir much like that of any semi-reputable English bordello. She'd seen a woman laid out on a bed, she'd claimed, but perching on that woman's stomach (in a manner not unlike Fuseli's Nightmare Nightmare) had been a b.l.o.o.d.y-snouted ape which had already torn open the poor woman's chest 'in a moment of casual cruelty'. The ape had turned to glance at Mrs Gallacher as she backed away towards the door, but seemed too concerned with picking over its meat to follow her.

Easy to recall what the Doctor had already learned about the realm of the apes. Whenever the traveller visited the place, he or she took a piece of him or herself too. Whenever the traveller visited the place, he or she took a piece of him or herself too. It was as if every one of those present at the wedding had seen his or her own territory, defiled by the enemy, like a vision of his or her tradition's own future. No account survives of what Mr Van Burgh, the Virginian, saw. The white-fronted houses of the new America, perhaps, stained with filth and claw-marks. Maybe even apes wearing the polite hats of American slave-drivers, whipping the white men who laboured in the tobacco fields. It was as if every one of those present at the wedding had seen his or her own territory, defiled by the enemy, like a vision of his or her tradition's own future. No account survives of what Mr Van Burgh, the Virginian, saw. The white-fronted houses of the new America, perhaps, stained with filth and claw-marks. Maybe even apes wearing the polite hats of American slave-drivers, whipping the white men who laboured in the tobacco fields.

The most detailed, though not necessarily the most reliable, story comes from Scarlette herself. Though she hadn't known exactly exactly what to expect at the moment in which she bound herself to the Doctor (and vice versa), by her own admission she expected to be transported alongside him. Not so. When she vanished from the Church, she was to find herself among ancient ruins, old even by the standards of the Kingdom. what to expect at the moment in which she bound herself to the Doctor (and vice versa), by her own admission she expected to be transported alongside him. Not so. When she vanished from the Church, she was to find herself among ancient ruins, old even by the standards of the Kingdom.

There were grand pillars, but the pillars had cracked and fallen. There were idols, graven images of enormous elephantine heads, with huge circular eyes and grill-like mouths, snapped tusks protruding from their faces. But the statues had sunk into the dirt, and been overgrown with grey, dull foliage. There were things which might have been pyramids (Scarlette's description is vague), or at least stepped ziggurats like those of the forgotten South American civilisations. Every surface, she says, was inscribed with the symbolic languages of dead races. All this under a blue sky, all this under a black sun.

Her accounts of oversized, animalistic structures are more than a little suggestive of Polynesian ruins, of the buildings which might have been left by the Mayakai Mayakai if the if the Mayakai Mayakai hadn't been so thorough in destroying their own culture before their extinction. There were no apes to greet her in this desolation. Her only company, she claims, was a single female figure who stood among the fallen totems and bleached creepers. It took her a while to recognise her companion, as it turned out to be none other than the elder hadn't been so thorough in destroying their own culture before their extinction. There were no apes to greet her in this desolation. Her only company, she claims, was a single female figure who stood among the fallen totems and bleached creepers. It took her a while to recognise her companion, as it turned out to be none other than the elder Mayakai Mayakai warrior, the woman commonly believed to be the last surviving member of her race. warrior, the woman commonly believed to be the last surviving member of her race.

It's unlikely, of course. The elder Mayakai Mayakai was confined to bed, after all... and the Kingdom of Beasts isn't described, even in the most fanciful of texts, as some astral dream-realm of unlikely encounters. It was a harsh, brutal place, where the real world overlapped the horizon and bloodshed was always the result. Yet here, Scarlette claims she met the woman who'd helped tutor and initiate her, an aged amazon-c.u.m*sorceress who couldn't possibly have stood on her own two feet. Perhaps it was another metaphor. Scarlette's next recollections are almost reminiscent of the later writings of Sh.e.l.ley: was confined to bed, after all... and the Kingdom of Beasts isn't described, even in the most fanciful of texts, as some astral dream-realm of unlikely encounters. It was a harsh, brutal place, where the real world overlapped the horizon and bloodshed was always the result. Yet here, Scarlette claims she met the woman who'd helped tutor and initiate her, an aged amazon-c.u.m*sorceress who couldn't possibly have stood on her own two feet. Perhaps it was another metaphor. Scarlette's next recollections are almost reminiscent of the later writings of Sh.e.l.ley: I looked about this fallen grandeur, and did despair... and I asked the Mistress, to whose word I had always held, why it should have come to this. She could only croak in her own tongue... [that] this was the nature of things, as even the Moak Moak [giants] had commanded it. This struggle, she wished to remind me, was intended to firm the future of all our kind. To this favour, as Shakespeare might have said, the present had to come... [giants] had commanded it. This struggle, she wished to remind me, was intended to firm the future of all our kind. To this favour, as Shakespeare might have said, the present had to come...The Mistress was never one for delicacy of thought. It was a harsh lesson, to which I did not altogether subscribe.

And what of the Doctor himself? Barely able to even walk on his own, it's easy to think of him as an invalid, as helpless in all this chaos. This doesn't seem to have been the case. Weak as he may have been, his presence was still strong enough to influence the writings of all those connected to these events. The story of the Doctor is recorded in four separate accounts four separate accounts of his wedding day... even though not one of the wedding guests witnessed what happened to him. It's as though all those at the Church realised that he was the important one, that they had to be aware of his actions even if he were a million miles away. of his wedding day... even though not one of the wedding guests witnessed what happened to him. It's as though all those at the Church realised that he was the important one, that they had to be aware of his actions even if he were a million miles away.

The Doctor, say the stories, emerged from the transition on the slope of a hill much like that on which the Church of Saint Simone had been built. He was weak, at first, and finding n.o.body around him he was forced to sit down on the dead and blackening gra.s.s. Looking down into the valleys below, he saw the whole of the Kingdom of Apes laid out before him. He saw the English roads collapse into the architectures of Vienna and Rome, as dark-pelted animals lazily ripped apart the frescoes and cloisters. Beyond that he saw the coast, an ocean of slurry with a harbour created out of the presence of Sabbath and his s.h.i.+p. He even saw the Square alarmingly described as being much like the Place du Carrousel in Paris, site of the guillotine in years to come where an enormous throne of bone and dirt had been erected, and where the Doctor could ostensibly see the bloated King of Beasts himself, howling out orders to his minions.

It was while the Doctor sat and observed these things that he found somebody approaching him. A man was walking towards him across the gra.s.s of the hill, a man with a blue-and*white rosette on his lapel. The four versions of the story differ wildly as to what the man had to say, one claiming that he simply congratulated the Doctor on his wedding, the next maintaining that he'd come to announce the beginning of the final, apocalyptic battle. The third version, its provenance unknown and its text found only in the 'Sabbath Book', is stranger still. It records the conversation in detail, incomprehensible as much of it is.

DOCTOR: Have we met? I'm sorry, my memory isn't what it was. I shed most of it a long time ago.THE MAN: Met? Oh, I'd say so. Believe it or not, we used to know each other quite well.DOCTOR [with recognition?]: Good grief.THE MAN: Ah. Spoken like the man I used to know.DOCTOR: You've lost that terrible beard, then.THE MAN: But of course. I have whatever it is you lack. And vice versa. Have you forgotten? Oh, I'm so sorry. You've forgotten everything everything, haven't you? [Irony?]DOCTOR: You're behind all this? No, of course you're not. Not your style at all.THE MAN: Here, Doctor, I'm simply a guest. Thank you for the invitation, by the way. Most touching. Admittedly, I would have preferred something more personal...DOCTOR: And would you mind telling me what that rosette's meant to be?THE MAN: A sign of my allegiance to the great Whig cause. I've become an exponent of democracy.DOCTOR: Why does that not sound convincing?THE MAN: My dear Doctor, I'm telling you the truth. I told you. I have to offer the universe whatever you can't. If you've decided to take on the colours of your new sweetheart, then it's up to me to side with the Opposition. Perhaps one day you'll consider destroying the universe. Then I'll be in the awkward position of saving it.DOCTOR: You don't expect me to believe that, surely?THE MAN: Your friend in red came closest to the truth. What does she call you, again? Her 'elemental champion'? Very perceptive of her. There are only four of us left now, you know. Four of us in all of the universe. We have certain standards to uphold.DOCTOR: Then I suppose you're going to say that you don't want to kill me.THE MAN: It's hardly the time for that any more, wouldn't you agree? While our kind still walked tall, we had the whole of s.p.a.ce and time as our battlefield. These days, I'm afraid our little duels would be utterly meaningless. You've met Sabbath, of course.DOCTOR: Yes. He reminds me of you. I think.THE MAN: How interesting. He reminds me me of of you you. Our replacement, Doctor. The new breed. All our kind in one, and a mere human being, too. We can hardly return to our old routines, with his kind in charge. Can we?DOCTOR: I'm sick. I'm helpless. You must know that.THE MAN: I rather think that's my point. Do your duty Doctor. However tedious it may be. Save the universe. Become King of Time. Go after that irritating black object in the sky. Whatever you think is necessary. Once you've done that... well, perhaps the universe will be ready for us again, who can say? Then we can set about destroying each other properly. Otherwise, I'm afraid this is hardly our arena any more.

Or, as in the fourth version of the story, the man might have simply pointed to the harbour below him. According to the story there was a s.h.i.+p in that harbour, s.h.i.+ning like metal in the black sunlight. It's written that when the Doctor saw the vessel, and the tiny, red-haired figure who hung from a noose on the deck, he immediately leapt to his feet (despite the obvious disability, one notes) and hurtled down the hill towards the dock.

In the world more familiar to mankind, however, one more thing should be added. Some hours after the bizarre wedding ceremony, Rebecca Macardle investigated the lodgings of all all the visitors to the island in the hope of finding some trace of them. All the rooms were empty, except for one, that of the exuberant Frenchman with the fat grey horse. She found the Frenchman himself there, half-naked on his bed, both bound and gagged. Once she released him, he informed her that he'd been there since dawn, when person or persons unseen had entered his room and struck him a blow from behind. the visitors to the island in the hope of finding some trace of them. All the rooms were empty, except for one, that of the exuberant Frenchman with the fat grey horse. She found the Frenchman himself there, half-naked on his bed, both bound and gagged. Once she released him, he informed her that he'd been there since dawn, when person or persons unseen had entered his room and struck him a blow from behind.

So it couldn't have been him, who'd dressed in the mask of an ape and given his wordless consent to the marriage of Scarlette and the Doctor. It must have been some other stout, some would say overweight, gentleman with a flair for drama. By the time night drew in on December 1, however, the guest list was hardly the issue.

11.

The Universe The Neck in the Noose Christmas came and went, with no comment other than the usu