Snapdragon: Tiny Threads Part 24

"I didn't say anything, Royal. We're just in the middle of a movie, and I don't want him all riled up. We're already in bed."

"In my bed? You're having a party without me, aren't you?" he asked, his voice soft. There was a bit of a tremble in his tone, and it immediately made me feel bad.

"We're all alone, and he was having a bad night. Don't be upset, Royal, and don't upset him. Please." I finally had Benji in a good mood. If Royal said one d.a.m.n thing to upset him, I would hunt him down and kill him.

"Give him the phone."

I rolled my eyes and looked down at Benji. "Daddy's on the phone, Baby."

He grabbed for it, ripping it out of my hands and pressing it to his ear. "Daddy! We're having a picnic party! Can you come?" he asked, and I cringed.

It was so innocent-so normal for him to expect Royal to come. I wished I could've heard Royal's response on the other line.

"Yeah," he said happily. "We have ice cream and cookies. She let me have chocolate milk, too!" He looked up at me with a bright smile, as if to show me how happy that made him.

"Okay, Daddy. I love you, too. Okay," he said, pausing before looking up at me. "Daddy said he loves you, too, Mommy."

"Tell him I love him too. Tell him to be safe and say good night."

"She loves you, Daddy, and she said I'm 'sposed to tell you be safe and tell you good night. Good night, Daddy."

He handed me the phone, and I hung it up with a sigh. Unfortunately, I hadn't paused the movie, so I worked with the remote and brought us back to the scene we'd left off on and cuddled further into the bed.

I must have dozed off at some point because when I woke up a little later, I noticed that we'd gained a body in our bed. I wanted to be angry when I saw Royal sprawled out next to me, but I just couldn't-not when Benji clung to him for dear life. His arms were around his neck, and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

I couldn't help it-I sobbed quietly. I hadn't cried in weeks. I'd held it together, hid it from the kids. But, alone in the room while the two of them slept, I let it go. It hurt knowing we were keeping Benji from something so special to him. He needed his dad. He wanted him there. I felt like such a horrible mother.

The days began to wear on me-both physically and mentally. I had constant headaches, I couldn't sleep, and I was eating horribly.

To add to the madness, Royal and I were still at each other's throats. He refused to go back to therapy-deeming it a crock of s.h.i.+t. If you asked me, he was being a coward. I was ready to lay all my faults and defects on the table, but he couldn't accept that we weren't perfect.

Again, I was the only one willing to get my hands dirty and do the work. He wanted to snap his fingers and make everything better. It just didn't happen that way.

What scared me the most was the uncertainty. We were at a standstill, and I had no solution to our problem. I loved him, wanted him, and missed him more than anything, but I still needed more. I was knee-deep in a losing battle, and the more I realized it, the more it hurt.

And then there was Macy. It was torture with her home on restriction. She thought it'd all blow over since Royal had never punished her before. Once she realized we were dead serious, she was an all-out bear to be around. I didn't feel sorry for her a bit, though.

I was worried about the risks she was taking with Austin. Although making out with boys was completely expected and normal for a girl her age, it seemed like she was moving a little quick for a girl that had only kissed a boy for the first time a few months before. From kissing to sitting topless on a boy's lap-it just screamed acting out.

I knew how quickly things could get out of hand. When I was young and got carried away with Royal, my clothes were off before I even knew what hit me. Every single time he touched me, it was like my brain turned off and my clothes disintegrated.

I always knew that when the time was right, I'd put the girls on birth control. I wasn't stupid enough to believe that they'd stay virgins until they were married. A mother could hope, though, but I wasn't that backwards. I was a teenage mother. s.h.i.+t happened. I just never expected the heavy weight in my gut that I felt as I drove her to the clinic.

Young love was so fast and intense that you ended up steamrolled before you had a chance to blink. She was at that stage where she just couldn't bear to be away from him.

She would most definitely give in to him. She was desperate to hold on to him-a terrifying thing to discover-and I had no doubt that sooner or later, my daughter would end up losing her virginity to Austin.

It scared the c.r.a.p out of me, but unlike Royal, I lived in the real world. If it wasn't Austin, it'd be someone else. Royal was in deep denial if he thought she'd take her virginity to the church. We'd been lucky that she'd been more interested in sports than boys up to that point. Sure, she'd had little crushes here and there and went on a couple of dates, but none of them were, well, Austin. He was the one.

The last thought I had that night before my head hit the pillow was that I needed a d.a.m.n vacation.

Chapter 17.

"What do you want for dinner on your birthday, Jenna?" Tara asked, sweeping the hair from around her station.

"I don't know. Maybe we can skip it this year."

She rolled her eyes. "We're not skipping it. You want to invite your parents and Sarah, right?"

I cringed. I still hadn't been able to bring myself to talk to her after what Macy overheard. "I'm not exactly talking to Sarah right now."

"I know-trust me. I have to hear all about it. Thanks for that, by the way. I just love talking to her for hours on the phone."

I shrugged. "Better you than me. I'm so angry with her. As if I don't have enough to deal with."

Tara dropped the broom and sat down next to my station. "She wants to apologize, Jenna. I know she was totally wrong, and I think she gets it. I don't know what to say to her, you know? I don't want to get all into it."

I reached over and settled my hand on her knee. "It's not fair to have you in the middle, Tara. I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "We're all family. We all need to figure our s.h.i.+t out. Give her a chance to talk about it. It'll be good for both of you. She loves you in her own weird, f.u.c.ked up way."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, well, she needs to support me, not work against me."

"So, dinner. Why don't you just make pasta or something? I really like that chicken fettuccini you make with the spinach and Alfredo sauce. That sounds good. I can put together a salad and garlic bread. That's easy enough."

She smiled. "That sounds good. There's something I wanted to ask you and feel free to say no if you want to."

"Okay, what is it?"

She looked down, nervous. "Would it be all right to bring Glenn?"

I snorted. "He's always invited, you know that."

She bobbed her head, nodding. "You don't need to have Royal pick him up. He'll come with me and Lily."

"Wow. I wasn't expecting that. When did this start-not that I'm hating this idea, but are you sure?"

She shrugged one shoulder. She wanted it-them- but she was scared. He could break her again with one word. One single action on his part would be all it would take to bring her down. I couldn't watch that again.

"I think it's great. I'm glad you two are getting along. It's good for Lily." I smiled, supportively.

"We're talking a lot. I've been driving him to his appointments, and it's given us a lot of time alone to talk. It's been nice talking again. You know?"

I did know.

"Good. I guess I should feel bad that I didn't invite Sarah, but it's my birthday, and I don't want any drama. Austin is going to be enough, thank you very much. Between Royal, my dad, and Glenn, we'll have our hands full."

She laughed. "Poor Macy. I'm so glad we didn't have a s.h.i.+tload of men to contend with. Can you image what that poor kid is going to go through sitting at the dinner table with those guys? I would pay good money if I had to. Bless her heart, but you have to admit-it's funny."

I didn't think it was funny at all. Macy was an emotional freak show. She was irritable and cranky from being cooped up, the stress from school and softball, and then not being able to see Austin. At least she was starting to talk to Royal again, and that was a huge breakthrough.

"Are we still on for lunch and girl's night?"

"Lunch, yes. As far as girl's night, I think I'm going to pa.s.s," I said.

She rolled her eyes. "You're going. I'll tell Royal to be at the house to watch Ben, and we'll go have fun and laugh and dance. You need this, Jenna."

I sighed. "We'll see."

She looked at me pointedly and snapped her fingers in my face. "Yes we will."

"Royal, do you have a minute?"

I stood against the counter watching him work on the sink for twenty minutes, listening to him b.i.t.c.h about what we put in the garbage disposal and trying to bolster the courage to ask him about Sat.u.r.day night.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Can you watch Ben Sat.u.r.day night?"

I chewed on the cuticle on my thumb and waited for an answer.

He looked up from underneath the sink and narrowed his eyes. "Why? I thought Macy's boyfriend was coming this weekend."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Of course he forgot my birthday. He always did.

"That's on Sunday."

He sat back on his rear and rested his elbows on his bent knees.

"Where are you going?"

"Out," I said quickly.

"Out? What do you mean out?"

I lifted my chin. "Yes. Out. Tara wants to go dancing, or I don't know-something-so I'm going."

He dropped his head and chuckled under his breath. "Well, that has bad idea written all over it."

That p.i.s.sed me off. "No one asked you what kind of idea it was. I asked if you had time to take care of Benji while I went out."

He pushed himself up and glared at me. "I always have time to be with my son, Jenna."

I nodded. "Good. It's all settled. We're going out to eat, too, so I'll need to leave around seven."

I turned to walk away, but he caught my arm. "Just be careful. You know how Tara gets."

I glared. "What's that mean?"

"It means Tara goes to the bars to get drunk and pick up guys. I don't think that's any place for you."

I smirked. "I don't think it's any place for you either, but it's never stopped you from going."

"You want me just to say it, Jenna? Do you? I love Tara, you know how much, but she's a tramp."

"Don't you do that," I snapped. "Just because she likes to socialize and have fun doesn't mean she's a tramp. She just wants to be happy, and who are you to begrudge her that? At least she's not paying hookers to suck her off like your brother. What's that make him? Hmm?"

"You need to watch your mouth," he hissed. "Don't you open your mouth about that in front of Tara, either. You know how hard it is for him, and it'd kill him if she found out."

I clucked my tongue and shook my head. Stupid men.

"If you think Tara doesn't know all about that, then you're an idiot. She knows."

He looked like I'd smacked him in the face.

"What? They're not together, and she knows it. They can do whatever they want."

His eyes turned pitch black. "We're together, Jenna."

I gave him a questioning look. "Huh?"

"We're not separated, Jenna. We're still married."

I nodded. "Of course we are. G.o.d, did you seriously think I'd entertain the thought of sleeping with someone else? Ugh. Stop being ridiculous."

"You first."

"I have to go to the grocery store and Target before I pick up the kids. Do you need anything?"

He nodded, picking up his wrench. "Yeah. Soap and deodorant. The stuff at my mom's smells like s.h.i.+t and it's itchy. I like my soap."

G.o.d. I'd taken away his soap.

The guilt was heavier and heavier every day. The weight of it was killing me.

"Why don't you just," I stopped myself.