The Mystic Masseur Part 18

They looked at him inquiringly.

'Feecher article.'

'The paper finis.h.!.+' Swami cried.

Partap said, 'Who go write the feecher?'

Ganesh said, 'People know my style. Is something for you people to write. Just gimme page one.'

'Serious, religious feecher on page three,' the boy said, 'to make up for page one which, if I ain't getting deaf, going to be a page of attack, attack.'

Swami said, 'I outa practice. In the old days, man, I coulda turn out a feecher in half a hour.'

Partap said hesitantly, 'A bright little thing about Parcel Post?'

The boy said, 'Serious and and religious feecher.' To Swami he said, 'But what about that one you show me the other day?' religious feecher.' To Swami he said, 'But what about that one you show me the other day?'

'Which one?' Swami asked casually.

'The flying one.'

'Oh. That That little thing. The boy talking, sahib, about a few words I scribble off the other day.' little thing. The boy talking, sahib, about a few words I scribble off the other day.'

Partap said, 'I remember the one. The New Statesman New Statesman send it back. Was nice, though. It prove, pundit, that in ancient India they did know all about aeroplanes.' send it back. Was nice, though. It prove, pundit, that in ancient India they did know all about aeroplanes.'

Ganesh said, 'Hmmh.' Then, 'All right, we go put it in.'

Swami said, 'I go have to polish it up a little bit.'

Partap said, 'Well, I glad that settle.'

The boy said, 'All you forgetting one thing. The name.'

The men became thoughtful once more.

Swami tinkled the ice in his gla.s.s. 'I better say it right away, sahib. I is like that, sahib. No beating about the bush. If you can't get a good name, blame me. I use up everything when I was a proper editor. Mirror, Herald, Sentinel, Tribune, Mail Mirror, Herald, Sentinel, Tribune, Mail. Everything, man. Use them up, Hindu this and Hindu that.'

Ganesh said, 'Something simple.'

Partap toyed with his gla.s.s and mumbled, 'Something really simple.' And before he had time to take it back Partap had said, 'The Hindu?' 'The Hindu?'

'd.a.m.n fool!' Swami shouted. 'How you forgetting that that is the name of Narayan paper? Is so stupid you does get working in the Post Office?'

The chair sc.r.a.ped loudly on the floor and Leela rushed out in a panic. She saw Partap standing, pale and trembling, with a gla.s.s in his hand.

'Say that again,' Partap cried. 'Say that again and see if I don't break this gla.s.s on your head. Who does work in the Post Office? You could ever see a man like me licking stamps? You, a d.a.m.n tout, running around licking but I ain't going to dirty my mouth talking to you here today.'

Ganesh had put his arm around Partap's shoulders while Leela swiftly retrieved the gla.s.s from his hand and cleared the table of the other gla.s.ses.

Swami said, 'I was only making joke, man. Who could look at you and say that you working in the Post Office? I could just look at you and see that you is a Parcel Post man. Parcel Post print all over you, man. Not so, boy?'

The boy said, 'He look to me like a Parcel Post man.'

Ganesh said, 'You see, they all say you does look like a Parcel Post man. Come on, sit down and behave like one. Sit down and take it easy and have some Coca-Cola. Eh, eh, where the gla.s.ses gone?'

Leela stamped her foot. 'I are not going to give any of these illiterate people any Coca-Cola in my prutty prutty gla.s.ses.'

Swami said, 'We sorry, maharajin maharajin.'

But she was out of the room.

Partap, sitting down, said, 'I sorry, mistakes are reliable. I did just forget the name of Narayan paper for the moment, that is all.'

'What about The Sanatanist The Sanatanist?' Swami asked.

The boy said, 'No.'

Ganesh looked at the boy. 'No?'

'Is a easy name to twist around,' the boy said. 'It easy to make The Sanatanist The Satanist The Sanatanist The Satanist. And too besides, my father ain't a Sanatanist. We is Aryans.'

So the men thought again.

Swami asked the boy, 'You think anything yet?'

'What you think I is? A professional thinker?'

Partap said, 'Don't behave so. If you think anything, don't keep it secret.'

Ganesh said, 'We is big men. Let we forget the boy.'

The boy said, 'All right, stop worrying. I go ease you up. The name you looking for is The Dharma The Dharma, the faith.'

Ganesh blocked out the name at the top of the front page.

The boy said, 'It surprise me that big big men sitting down drinking Coca-Cola and talking about their experience ain't bother to worry about the advertis.e.m.e.nts.'

Partap, still excited, grew garrulous. 'I was talking to the Head of Parcel Post only last week and he tell me that in America and England he was there on leave before the war they does have big big men sitting down all day just writing off advertis.e.m.e.nts.'

Swami said, 'I ain't have the contacts I use to have for getting advertis.e.m.e.nts.'

Ganesh asked the boy, 'Think we need them?'

Swami said, 'Why for you asking the boy? If you ask me my my advice, I go tell you flat that unless a paper have advertis.e.m.e.nts it does look like nothing and it go make people think n.o.body does read the paper.' advice, I go tell you flat that unless a paper have advertis.e.m.e.nts it does look like nothing and it go make people think n.o.body does read the paper.'

Partap said, 'If you ain't having advertis.e.m.e.nts, it mean having more columns to full up. Two and two is four, and four columns on the back page make eight columns, and one on the front '

Ganesh said, 'We having advertis.e.m.e.nts; and I know one man bound to want to advertise. Beharry. Beharry's Emporium. Front Page.'

'Who else you know?' the boy asked.

Partap furrowed his brow. 'The best thing would be to appoint a business manager.'

Swami smiled at Partap. 'Very nice nice idea. And I think the best man for business manager is Ganesh Pundit.' idea. And I think the best man for business manager is Ganesh Pundit.'

The vote was unanimous.

The boy nudged Swami and Swami said, 'And I think we have to appoint a sub-editor. The best man for that job is this boy here.'

That was agreed. It was further agreed that, on the first page of The Dharma The Dharma, Swami should appear as Editor-in-Chief, and Partap as Editor.

There were times during the next two or three weeks when Ganesh regretted his plunge into journalism. The film companies were rude. They said they had enough advertis.e.m.e.nts as it was and they doubted whether any reviews in The Dharma The Dharma, however favourable, would stabilize the film industry in India. That was Ganesh's contention. 'The Indian film industry,' he said, 'isn't as healthy as it looks. Let the effects of the war wear off and bam! things are going to get bad.' The executives advised him to stick to religion and leave the film industry alone. 'All right,' Ganesh threatened. 'No reviews for you. Not a single little word. The Dharma The Dharma will ignore the very existence of the Indian cinema. Not a single word.' Quick thinking had, however, shown the two culture columns on page two as a blank and he had relented. 'I am sorry I lost my temper,' he wrote. 'Your treatment of me shall not influence my treatment of you.' Still the film companies refused to issue free tickets to will ignore the very existence of the Indian cinema. Not a single word.' Quick thinking had, however, shown the two culture columns on page two as a blank and he had relented. 'I am sorry I lost my temper,' he wrote. 'Your treatment of me shall not influence my treatment of you.' Still the film companies refused to issue free tickets to The Dharma The Dharma and Ganesh had to pay for the boy to go and see the two films for review. and Ganesh had to pay for the boy to go and see the two films for review.

Being a business manager was embarra.s.sing. It meant going to see a man he knew and talking about the situation in India before springing the request for an advertis.e.m.e.nt. It wasn't very wise either, because Ganesh didn't want it known that he was too closely a.s.sociated with The Dharma The Dharma.

In the end he threw up the idea of getting advertis.e.m.e.nts. He got two or three inches from those of his clients who were shopkeepers; but he decided thereafter to print unsolicited advertis.e.m.e.nts. He thought of all the shops he knew and wrote copy for them. A difficult business, since the shops were nearly all alike and it wasn't satisfying to keep on writing 'Best Quality Goods at City Prices' or 'High-Cla.s.s Commodities at Compet.i.tive Prices'. Finally he became inventive. He described superlative bargains in fict.i.tious shops in unknown villages.

Swami was pleased. 'A master job, sahib.'

Partap said, 'This place you mention, Los Rosales, where it is?'

'Keskidee Bargain Shop? Brand-new place. Open only last week.'

The boy handed in libellous reviews of the films.

'We can't print this, man,' Ganesh said.

'Is all right for you to talk. You just go around getting advertis.e.m.e.nts. Me, I had to spend six whole hours watching those two pictures.'

The reviews were rewritten.

The boy said, 'Is your paper, pundit. If you make me lie, is on your head.'

'How about your article on the Dest.i.tutes Fund, sahib?'

'I have it right here. It go make Narayan a laughing-stock. And printing this report by Leela next to it, Narayan go have good h.e.l.l knock out of him.'

He showed the report.

'What is all these dots over the paper?' the boy asked.

'Crossing out punctuation marks.'

'Is a nice little report, man, sahib.' Swami's voice was mellow.

It read: REPORT OF OF MY MY S SOCIAL W WELFARE W WORK.

by Leela Ramsumair1. In November last year I in my very small and humble way treated 225 dest.i.tutes by way of cash and refreshments. The expenses for this treat were met by donations willingly and cheerfully given by private individual Trinidadians.2. In December I treated 213 poor children. Expenses were met by me and my husband, Pundit Ganesh Ramsumair, B.A., Mystic.3. In January I was approached by Dr C. V. R. Swami, the Hindu journalist and religious organizer, with a request for immediately monetary a.s.sistance. He had been organizing a seven-day prayer-meeting, feeding on an average anything up to 200 brahmins per diem, in addition to about 325 others (Dr Swami's figures). He had run short of food. I gave him monetary a.s.sistance. Therefore he was able, on the 7th and last day of the prayer-meeting, to feed more than 500 brahmins in addition to 344 dest.i.tutes.4. In February I visited Sweet Pastures Estate where I was met by approximately 425 children. They were all dest.i.tute. I fed them and gave 135 of the very poorest toys.5. In March, at my residence in Fuente Grove, I treated more than 42 children of the very poorest. I think it advisable to state that while I was able to feed them all I was able to give clothes only to 12 of the very poorest.6. In presenting this incomplete report for the inspection of the Trinidadian public, I wish to make it publicly known that I owe very much to the very many private individual Trinida-dians who willingly and cheerfully donated money to bring comfort and solace to children of the very poorest without distinction of race, caste, colour, or creed.

The Dharma Dharma went to press. went to press.

The boy handled the layout of the paper with relish. He had a banner headline on page one and another on page three. At the top of page three he had, in twenty-four point italic: Today the aeroplane is a common or garden sight and it is commonly believed that progress in this field has only been made in the past forty years. But diligent research is proving otherwise and in this learned dispatch Dr C. V. R. Swami shows that 2,000 years ago there was And in huge black letters: FLYING IN IN ANCIENT ANCIENT INDIA INDIA.

He knew all about cross-headings and used them every paragraph. He put the last paragraph of every article in italic, with the last line in black letter.

Basdeo, the printer, told Ganesh afterwards, 'Sahib, if you ever send that boy again to have anything print, I think I go wring his neck.'

10. The Defeat of Narayan

'IF I NEEDED any further proof of the hand of Providence in my career,' Ganesh wrote in any further proof of the hand of Providence in my career,' Ganesh wrote in The Years of Guilt, The Years of Guilt, 'I had only to look at the incidents which led to the decline of Shri Narayan.' 'I had only to look at the incidents which led to the decline of Shri Narayan.'

In Trinidad it isn't polite to look down on a man because you know he handles public funds unwisely. As soon as he is exposed the poor man becomes ridiculous enough, a subject for calypso. After The Dharma The Dharma came out Narayan didn't have a chance. came out Narayan didn't have a chance.

'Now is your chance to finish him off, pundit,' Beharry said. 'Give him two three months to recover and bam! people stop laughing and begin to listen to him again.'

But no one could think of a plan.

Leela said, 'I would do like my father and give him a good horse-whipping.'

Beharry suggested more lectures.

The boy said, 'Kidnap the son of a b.i.t.c.h, pundit.'

Swami and Partap thought a lot but came up with nothing.

It was the Hindu wedding season and The Great Belcher was very busy.

Suruj Mooma was still thinking when Fate, unfortunately for Narayan, took a hand.

Two days after the publication of Volume One, Number One of The Dharma The Dharma it was announced in the it was announced in the Trinidad Sentinel Trinidad Sentinel that a Hindu industrialist in India had offered thirty thousand dollars for the cultural uplift of Trinidad Hindus. The money was being kept in trust by the Trinidad Government until it could be handed over to a competent Hindu body. that a Hindu industrialist in India had offered thirty thousand dollars for the cultural uplift of Trinidad Hindus. The money was being kept in trust by the Trinidad Government until it could be handed over to a competent Hindu body.

Narayan promptly claimed that the Hindu a.s.sociation, of which he had the honour to be President, was competent enough to handle the thirty thousand dollars.

Leela said, 'They could handle a lot more, if you let them.'

'Is G.o.d Self send this chance, pundit,' Beharry urged. 'But you have to act fast. Narayan a.s.sociation having their second General Meeting in four weeks. You couldn't do something there?'

'I thinking about it all all the time,' Ganesh said and for a moment Beharry recognized the old, pre-mystic Ganesh.

Four days later the San Fernando correspondent of the Sentinel Sentinel reported that Pundit Ganesh Ramsumair of Fuente Grove was planning the formation of a representative a.s.sembly of Trinidad Hindus to be known as the Hindu League. reported that Pundit Ganesh Ramsumair of Fuente Grove was planning the formation of a representative a.s.sembly of Trinidad Hindus to be known as the Hindu League.

That day, in an interview, Narayan claimed that the Hindu a.s.sociation was the only representative Hindu body in Trinidad. It had a fine record of social work, it was founded long before the League was even thought of, and it was clear to all right-thinking people that the League was being formed only with thirty thousand dollars in view.

Letters flew from both sides to the Sentinel Sentinel.