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They went to Italy for the honeymoon and came back to a small charming house in Westminster, and a short time afterwards Sandra's charming house in Westminster, and a short time afterwards Sandra's G.o.dmother died and left her a very delightful small Queen Anne Manor G.o.dmother died and left her a very delightful small Queen Anne Manor house in the country. Everything went well for the young married pair. house in the country. Everything went well for the young married pair. Stephen plunged into Parliamentary life with renewed ardour, Sandra Stephen plunged into Parliamentary life with renewed ardour, Sandra aided and abetted him in every way, identifying herself heart and soul aided and abetted him in every way, identifying herself heart and soul with his ambitions. Sometimes, Stephen would think with an almost with his ambitions. Sometimes, Stephen would think with an almost incredulous realisation of how Fortune had favoured him! His alliance incredulous realisation of how Fortune had favoured him! His alliance with the powerful Kidderminster faction a.s.sured him of rapid rise in his with the powerful Kidderminster faction a.s.sured him of rapid rise in his career. His own ability and brilliance would consolidate the position career. His own ability and brilliance would consolidate the position that opportunity made for him. He believed honestly in his own powers that opportunity made for him. He believed honestly in his own powers and was prepared to work unsparingly for the good of his country. and was prepared to work unsparingly for the good of his country.
Often, looking across the table at his wife, he felt gladly what a perfect helpmate she was - just what he had always imagined. He liked the helpmate she was - just what he had always imagined. He liked the lovely clean lines of her head and neck, the direct hazel eyes under lovely clean lines of her head and neck, the direct hazel eyes under their level brows, the rather high white forehead and the faint their level brows, the rather high white forehead and the faint arrogance of her aquiline nose. She looked, he thought, rather like a arrogance of her aquiline nose. She looked, he thought, rather like a racehorse - so very well groomed, so instinct with breeding, so proud. racehorse - so very well groomed, so instinct with breeding, so proud. He found her an ideal companion, their minds raced alike to the same He found her an ideal companion, their minds raced alike to the same quick conclusions. Yes, he thought, Stephen Farraday, that little quick conclusions. Yes, he thought, Stephen Farraday, that little disconsolate boy, had done very well for himself. His life was shaping disconsolate boy, had done very well for himself. His life was shaping exactly as he had meant it to be. exactly as he had meant it to be.
He was only a year or two over thirty and already success lay in the hollow of his hand. hollow of his hand.
And in that mood of triumphant satisfaction, he went with his wife for a fortnight to St Moritz, and looking across the hotel lounge saw fortnight to St Moritz, and looking across the hotel lounge saw Rosemary Barton. Rosemary Barton.
What happened to him at that moment he never understood. By a kind of poetic revenge the words he had spoken to another woman came of poetic revenge the words he had spoken to another woman came true. Across a room he fell in love. true. Across a room he fell in love.
Deeply, overwhelmingly, crazily in love. It was the kind of desperate, headlong, adolescent calf love that he should have experienced years headlong, adolescent calf love that he should have experienced years ago and got over. ago and got over.
He had always a.s.sumed that he was not a pa.s.sionate type of man. One or two ephemeral affairs, a mild flirtation - that, so far as he knew, was or two ephemeral affairs, a mild flirtation - that, so far as he knew, was all that "love" meant to him. Sensual pleasures simply did not appeal to all that "love" meant to him. Sensual pleasures simply did not appeal to him. He told himself that he was too fastidious for that sort of thing. him. He told himself that he was too fastidious for that sort of thing.
If he had been asked if he loved his wife, he would have replied "Certainly" - yet he knew, well enough, that he would not have dreamed of marrying her if she had been, say, the daughter of a dreamed of marrying her if she had been, say, the daughter of a penniless country gentleman. He liked her, admired her and felt a deep penniless country gentleman. He liked her, admired her and felt a deep affection for her and also a very real grat.i.tude for what her position affection for her and also a very real grat.i.tude for what her position had brought him. had brought him.
That he could fall in love with the abandon and misery of a callow boy was a revelation. was a revelation.
He could think of nothing but Rosemary.
Her lovely laughing face, the rich chestnut of her hair, her swaying voluptuous figure. He couldn't eat - he couldn't sleep. They went skiing voluptuous figure. He couldn't eat - he couldn't sleep. They went skiing together. He danced with her. And as he held her to him he knew that together. He danced with her. And as he held her to him he knew that he wanted her more than anything on earth. So this, this misery, this he wanted her more than anything on earth. So this, this misery, this aching longing agony - this was love! aching longing agony - this was love!
Even in his preoccupation he blessed Fate for having given him a naturally imperturbable manner. No one must guess, no one must naturally imperturbable manner. No one must guess, no one must know, what he was feeling - except Rosemary herself. know, what he was feeling - except Rosemary herself.
The Bartons left a week earlier than the Farradays. Stephen said to Sandra that St Moritz was not very amusing. Should they cut their time Sandra that St Moritz was not very amusing. Should they cut their time short and go back to London? She agreed very amiably. Two weeks short and go back to London? She agreed very amiably. Two weeks after their return, he became Rosemary's lover. after their return, he became Rosemary's lover.
A strange ecstatic hectic period - feverish, unreal. It lasted - how long?
Six months at most. Six months during which Stephen went about his work as usual, visited his const.i.tuency, asked questions in the House, work as usual, visited his const.i.tuency, asked questions in the House, spoke at various meetings, discussed politics with Sandra and thought spoke at various meetings, discussed politics with Sandra and thought of one thing only - Rosemary. of one thing only - Rosemary.
Their secret meetings in the little flat, her beauty, the pa.s.sionate endearments he showered on her, her clinging pa.s.sionate embraces. endearments he showered on her, her clinging pa.s.sionate embraces. A dream. A sensual infatuated dream. A dream. A sensual infatuated dream.
And after the dream - the awakening. It seemed to happen quite suddenly. Like coming out of a tunnel into the daylight. suddenly. Like coming out of a tunnel into the daylight.
One day he was a bemused lover, the next day he was Stephen Farraday again thinking that perhaps he ought not to see Rosemary Farraday again thinking that perhaps he ought not to see Rosemary quite so often. Dash it all, they had been taking some terrific risks. If quite so often. Dash it all, they had been taking some terrific risks. If Sandra was ever to suspect - He stole a look at her down the breakfast Sandra was ever to suspect - He stole a look at her down the breakfast table. Thank goodness, she didn't suspect. She hadn't an idea. Yet table. Thank goodness, she didn't suspect. She hadn't an idea. Yet some of his excuses for absence lately had been pretty thin. Some some of his excuses for absence lately had been pretty thin. Some women would have begun to smell a rat. Thank goodness Sandra women would have begun to smell a rat. Thank goodness Sandra wasn't a suspicious woman. wasn't a suspicious woman.
He took a deep breath. Really he and Rosemary had been very reckless! It was a wonder her husband hadn't got wise to things. One reckless! It was a wonder her husband hadn't got wise to things. One of those foolish unsuspecting chaps - years older than she was. of those foolish unsuspecting chaps - years older than she was.
What a lovely creature she was... He thought suddenly of golf links. Fresh air blowing over sand dunes, tramping round with clubs - Fresh air blowing over sand dunes, tramping round with clubs - swinging a driver - a nice clean shot off the tee - a little chip with a swinging a driver - a nice clean shot off the tee - a little chip with a mas.h.i.+e. mas.h.i.+e.
Men. Men in plus fours smoking pipes. And no women allowed on the links! links!
He said suddenly to Sandra: "Couldn't we go down to Fairhaven?"
She looked up, surprised.
"Do you want to? Can you get away?"
"Might take the inside of a week. I'd like to get some golf. I feel stale."
"We could go tomorrow if you like. It will mean putting off the Astleys, and I must cancel that meeting on Tuesday. But what about the and I must cancel that meeting on Tuesday. But what about the Lovats?" Lovats?"
"Oh, let's cancel that too. We can think of some excuse. I want to get away." away."
It had been peaceful at Fairhaven with Sandra and the dogs on the terrace and in the old walled garden, and with golf at Sandley Heath, terrace and in the old walled garden, and with golf at Sandley Heath, and pottering down to the farm in the evening with MacTavish at his and pottering down to the farm in the evening with MacTavish at his heels. heels.
He had felt rather like someone who is recovering from an illness.
He had frowned when he saw Rosemary's writing. He'd told her not to write. It was too dangerous. Not that Sandra ever asked him who his write. It was too dangerous. Not that Sandra ever asked him who his letters were from, but all the same it was unwise. Servants weren't letters were from, but all the same it was unwise. Servants weren't always to be trusted. always to be trusted.
He ripped open the envelope with some annoyance, having taken the letter into his study. Pages. Simply pages. As he read, the old letter into his study. Pages. Simply pages. As he read, the old enchantment swept over him again. She adored him, she loved him enchantment swept over him again. She adored him, she loved him more than ever, she couldn't endure not seeing him for five whole more than ever, she couldn't endure not seeing him for five whole days. Was he feeling the same? Did the Leopard miss his Ethiopian? days. Was he feeling the same? Did the Leopard miss his Ethiopian?
He half-smiled, half-sighed. That ridiculous joke - born when he had bought her a man's spotted dressing-gown that she had admired. The bought her a man's spotted dressing-gown that she had admired. The Leopard changing his spots, and he had said, "But you mustn't change Leopard changing his spots, and he had said, "But you mustn't change your skin, darling." And after that she had called him Leopard and he your skin, darling." And after that she had called him Leopard and he had called her his Black Beauty. had called her his Black Beauty.
d.a.m.ned silly, really. Yes, d.a.m.ned silly. Rather sweet of her to have written such pages and pages. But still she shouldn't have done it. written such pages and pages. But still she shouldn't have done it. Dash it all, they'd got to be careful. Sandra wasn't the sort of woman Dash it all, they'd got to be careful. Sandra wasn't the sort of woman who would stand for anything of that kind. If she once got an inkling - who would stand for anything of that kind. If she once got an inkling - Writing letters was dangerous. He'd told Rosemary so. Why couldn't Writing letters was dangerous. He'd told Rosemary so. Why couldn't she wait until he got back to town? Dash it all, he'd see her in another she wait until he got back to town? Dash it all, he'd see her in another two or three days. two or three days.
There was another letter on the breakfast table the following morning. This time Stephen swore inwardly. He thought Sandra's eyes rested on This time Stephen swore inwardly. He thought Sandra's eyes rested on it for a couple of seconds. But she didn't say anything. Thank it for a couple of seconds. But she didn't say anything. Thank goodness she wasn't the sort of woman who asked questions about a goodness she wasn't the sort of woman who asked questions about a man's correspondence. man's correspondence.
After breakfast he took the car over to the market town eight miles away. Wouldn't do to put through a call from the village. He got away. Wouldn't do to put through a call from the village. He got Rosemary on the phone. Rosemary on the phone.
"Hullo - that you, Rosemary? Don't write any more letters."
"Stephen, darling, how lovely to hear your voice!"
"Be careful, can anyone overhear you?"
"Of course not. Oh, angel, I have missed you. Have you missed me?"
"Yes, of course. But don't write. It's much too risky."
"Did you like my letter? Did it make you feel I was with you? Darling, I want to be with you every minute. Do you feel that too?" want to be with you every minute. Do you feel that too?"
"Yes - but not on the phone, old thing."
"You're so ridiculously cautious. What does it matter?"
"I'm thinking of you, too, Rosemary. I couldn't bear any trouble to come to you through me." to you through me."
"I don't care what happens to me. You know that."
"Well, I care, sweetheart."
"When are you coming back?"
"Tuesday."
"And we'll meet at the flat, Wednesday."
"Yes - er, yes."
"Darling, I can hardly bear to wait. Can't you make some excuse and come up today? Oh, Stephen, you could! Politics or something stupid come up today? Oh, Stephen, you could! Politics or something stupid like that?" like that?"
"I'm afraid it's out of the question."
"I don't believe you miss me half as much as I miss you."
"Nonsense, of course I do."
When he rang off he felt tired. Why should women insist on being so d.a.m.ned reckless? Rosemary and he must be more careful in future. d.a.m.ned reckless? Rosemary and he must be more careful in future. They'd have to meet less often. Things after that became difficult. He They'd have to meet less often. Things after that became difficult. He was busy - very busy. It was quite impossible to give as much time to was busy - very busy. It was quite impossible to give as much time to Rosemary - and the trying thing was she didn't seem able to Rosemary - and the trying thing was she didn't seem able to understand. He explained but she wouldn't listen. understand. He explained but she wouldn't listen.
"Oh, your stupid old politics - as though they were important!"
"But they are -"
She didn't realise. She didn't care. She took no interest in his work, in his ambitions, in his career. All she wanted was to hear him reiterate his ambitions, in his career. All she wanted was to hear him reiterate again and again that he loved her. again and again that he loved her.
"Just as much as ever? Tell me again that you really love me?"
Surely, he thought, she might take that for granted by this time! She was a lovely creature, lovely - but the trouble was that you couldn't talk was a lovely creature, lovely - but the trouble was that you couldn't talk to her. to her.
The trouble was they'd been seeing too much of each other. You couldn't keep up an affair at fever heat. They must meet less often - couldn't keep up an affair at fever heat. They must meet less often - slacken off a bit. slacken off a bit.
But that made her resentful - very resentful. She was always reproaching him now. reproaching him now.
"You don't love me as you used to do."
And then he'd have to rea.s.sure her, to swear that of course he did. And she would constantly resurrect everything he had ever said to And she would constantly resurrect everything he had ever said to her. her.
"Do you remember when you said it would be lovely if we died together? Fell asleep for ever in each other's arms? Do you remember together? Fell asleep for ever in each other's arms? Do you remember when you said we'd take a caravan and go off into the desert? Just the when you said we'd take a caravan and go off into the desert? Just the stars and the camels - and how we'd forget everything in the world?" stars and the camels - and how we'd forget everything in the world?"
What d.a.m.ned silly things one said when one was in love! They hadn't seemed fatuous at the time, but to have them hashed up in cold blood! seemed fatuous at the time, but to have them hashed up in cold blood!
Why couldn't women let things decently alone? A man didn't want to be continually reminded what an a.s.s he'd made of himself. continually reminded what an a.s.s he'd made of himself.
She came out with sudden unreasonable demands. Couldn't he go abroad to the South of France and she'd meet him there? Or go to abroad to the South of France and she'd meet him there? Or go to Sicily or Corsica - one of those places where you never saw anyone Sicily or Corsica - one of those places where you never saw anyone you knew? Stephen said grimly that there was no such place in the you knew? Stephen said grimly that there was no such place in the world. At the most unlikely spots you always met some dear old school world. At the most unlikely spots you always met some dear old school friend that you'd never seen for years. friend that you'd never seen for years.
And then she had said something that frightened him.
"Well, but it wouldn't matter, would it?"
He was alert, watchful, suddenly cold within.
"What do you mean?"
She was smiling up at him, that same enchanting smile that had once made his heart turn over and his bones ache with longing. Now it made made his heart turn over and his bones ache with longing. Now it made him merely impatient. him merely impatient.
"Leopard, darling, I've thought sometimes that we're stupid to go on trying to carry on this hole-and-corner business. It's not worthy, trying to carry on this hole-and-corner business. It's not worthy, somehow. Let's go away together. Let's stop pretending. George will somehow. Let's go away together. Let's stop pretending. George will divorce me and your wife will divorce you and then we can get divorce me and your wife will divorce you and then we can get married." married."
Just like that! Disaster! Ruin! And she couldn't see it!
"I wouldn't let you do such a thing."
"But darling, I don't care. I'm not really very conventional."
"But I am. But I am," thought Stephen.
"I do feel that love is the most important thing in the world. It doesn't matter what people think of us." matter what people think of us."
"It would matter to me, my dear. An open scandal of that kind would be the end of my career." the end of my career."
"But would that really matter? There are hundreds of other things that you could do." you could do."
"Don't be silly."
"Why have you got to do anything anyway? I've got lots of money, you know. Of my own, I mean, not George's. We could wander about all know. Of my own, I mean, not George's. We could wander about all over the world, going to the most enchanting out-of-the-way places - over the world, going to the most enchanting out-of-the-way places - places, perhaps, where n.o.body else has ever been. Or to some island places, perhaps, where n.o.body else has ever been. Or to some island in the Pacific - think of it, the hot sun and the blue sea and the coral in the Pacific - think of it, the hot sun and the blue sea and the coral reefs." reefs."
He did think of it. A South Sea Island! Of all the idiotic ideas. What sort of a man did she think he was - a beachcomber? of a man did she think he was - a beachcomber?
He looked at her with eyes from which the last traces of scales had fallen. A lovely creature with brains of a hen! He'd been mad - utterly fallen. A lovely creature with brains of a hen! He'd been mad - utterly and completely mad. But he was sane again now. And he'd got to get and completely mad. But he was sane again now. And he'd got to get out of this fix. Unless he was careful she'd ruin his whole life. out of this fix. Unless he was careful she'd ruin his whole life.
He said all the things that hundreds of men had said before him. They must end it all - so he wrote. It was only fair to her. He couldn't risk must end it all - so he wrote. It was only fair to her. He couldn't risk bringing unhappiness on her. She didn't understand - and so on and so bringing unhappiness on her. She didn't understand - and so on and so on. on.
It was all over - he must make her understand that.
But that was just what she refused to understand. It wasn't to be as easy as that. easy as that.
She adored him, she loved him more than ever, she couldn't live without him! The only honest thing was for her to tell her husband, and without him! The only honest thing was for her to tell her husband, and for Stephen to tell his wife the truth! He remembered how cold he had for Stephen to tell his wife the truth! He remembered how cold he had felt as he stood holding her letter. The little fool! The silly clinging fool! felt as he stood holding her letter. The little fool! The silly clinging fool!
She'd go and blab the whole thing to George Barton and then George would divorce her and cite him as co-respondent. would divorce her and cite him as co-respondent.
And Sandra would per force divorce him too. He hadn't any doubt of that. She had spoken once of a friend, had said with faint surprise, that. She had spoken once of a friend, had said with faint surprise, "But of course when she found out he was having an affair with another woman, what else could she do but divorce him?" That was another woman, what else could she do but divorce him?" That was what Sandra would feel. She was proud. She would never share a man. what Sandra would feel. She was proud. She would never share a man.
And then he would be done, finished - the influential Kidderminster backing would be withdrawn. It would be the kind of scandal that he backing would be withdrawn. It would be the kind of scandal that he would not be able to live down, even though public opinion was would not be able to live down, even though public opinion was broader-minded than it used to be. But not in a flagrant case like this! broader-minded than it used to be. But not in a flagrant case like this!
Good-bye to his dreams, his ambitions. Everything wrecked, broken - all because of a crazy infatuation for a silly woman. Calf love, that was all because of a crazy infatuation for a silly woman. Calf love, that was all it had been. Calf love contracted at the wrong time of life. all it had been. Calf love contracted at the wrong time of life.
He'd lose everything he'd staked. Failure! Ignominy!
He'd lose Sandra...
And suddenly, with a shock of surprise he realised that it was that that he would mind most. He'd lose Sandra. Sandra with her square white he would mind most. He'd lose Sandra. Sandra with her square white forehead and her clear hazel eyes. Sandra, his dear friend and forehead and her clear hazel eyes. Sandra, his dear friend and companion, his arrogant, proud, loyal Sandra. No, he couldn't lose companion, his arrogant, proud, loyal Sandra. No, he couldn't lose Sandra - he couldn't... Anything but that. Sandra - he couldn't... Anything but that.
The perspiration broke out on his forehead. Somehow he must get out of this mess. Somehow he must make Rosemary listen to reason... But of this mess. Somehow he must make Rosemary listen to reason... But would she? Rosemary and reason didn't go together. Supposing he would she? Rosemary and reason didn't go together. Supposing he were to tell her that, after all, he loved his wife? were to tell her that, after all, he loved his wife?
No. She simply wouldn't believe it. She was such a stupid woman. Empty-headed, clinging, possessive. And she loved him still - that was Empty-headed, clinging, possessive. And she loved him still - that was the mischief of it. the mischief of it.
A kind of blind rage rose up in him. How on earth was he to keep her quiet? To shut her mouth? Nothing short of a dose of poison would do quiet? To shut her mouth? Nothing short of a dose of poison would do that, he thought bitterly. that, he thought bitterly.