Beautiful: Truth's Found When Beauty's Lost Part 5

Megan flopped onto her bed and looked at her black fingernail polish. "I don't know. Like our entire lives. Why do you care?"

"I don't care. I just wondered." Ellie looked at her sister through the mirror as she put on mascara. "He said he went to Brazil in fourth grade to live with his grandparents."

"Yeah."

"I had a little crush on him before that." Ellie laughed, thinking of it now. "Then he just disappeared. I thought he didn't like me, 'cause he didn't even say good-bye. Why did he go to Brazil?"

"It's some big long story. Ask him. I don't know why you two can't just talk to each other."

"What do you mean?" Ellie turned around. "He asks things about me?"

"Yeah, sometimes." Megan sounded annoyed. "Why all the Q&A? Are you tired of that boyfriend of yours?"

Ellie turned back to the mirror, taking a Q-tip to wipe away a dot of mascara on her eyelid. "He has a name, you know."

"Does he?"

"He's really nice to you, too, especially since you're mainly rude to him."

"He bores me."

"Who doesn't bore you?"

"Not many people. This conversation is boring me."

Neither of them spoke after that.

Ellie wore her black jeans and a red s.h.i.+rt with loose translucent sleeves that she'd bought at a new shop owned by a local artist/designer. Ellie loved going into Mich.e.l.le's to wander around and see the latest creations, both clothing and artwork.

A draft at her feet made her decide on boots instead of open-toed shoes. She grabbed a sweater, thinking it'd be a shame to cover the beautiful sleeves. She took a last look in the mirror. Her dark hair was straightened and s.h.i.+ny and looked fuller than usual. She wiped away a slight smudge of eye shadow. The dark makeup she wore tonight, mainly to cover the circles under her eyes and the fact that she felt fatigued, either looked good or made her look like a hooker-she hoped for the former.

Ryan stopped midstep up the walkway when she opened the door. It wasn't an act, and he tried to hide it. "You look . . . nice," he said in a soft voice.

"Thanks," she said, embarra.s.sed and pleased at the same time. "Where are we going?"

"That's the surprise." Ryan grinned.

"I thought this was a special night, not a surprise night," she said, narrowing her eyes.

"Patience."

"Since I'm such a patient person?" she said with a laugh. Even with her doubt about their future, the way he made her feel lighter and less stressed dispelled her concerns.

They drove north on Interstate 5, then turned off and up a winding road.

"Looks like we're headed toward Shasta Dam," she said. "Are we seeking more structures rising from the lake?"

"Okay, that does it," he said and pulled onto the shoulder. He handed her a black blindfold.

"You're kidding. Where did you get this?"

"I borrowed it from Sam. She made it for the pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game for her birthday party."

"Nice. I'm sure a six-year-old's blindfold will work great."

"Go ahead." He was serious.

"I'll get carsick if I'm blindfolded."

"We're almost there."

She let him tie it around her head, blocking out the view. She felt a quick peck on the lips. The car moved forward again, and Ellie grabbed the armrest to keep her balance. They went only a few miles and turns before she heard gravel under the tires, and Ryan stopped the car.

"Stay there, but don't take off the blindfold."

He turned off the engine and went outside. She heard the door shut and the trunk open and close, and then her door opened.

"Okay, here we are."

She blinked as he took off her blindfold. Then she saw the pathway of lights.

"What is this?" Small candles glowed from inside two rows of gla.s.s containers lined up along the sides of a path.

"Come on." Ryan's expression was sweet and excited. He took her hand, and the touch of his strong fingers woven through hers sent a s.h.i.+ver through her stomach.

"What's that?" she asked, nodding toward the bag on his shoulder.

"Nothing, nothing."

He led her down the short path, tall pines hovering overhead, until they turned a corner. Suddenly the trees opened up, and the trail of candles surrounded a blanket spread out on the ground before a view that stretched out above a huge canyon.

She paused, awestruck. The sun was setting-as if he'd planned even that.

Ryan smiled in satisfaction. "That was the look on your face I was hoping for."

"It's incredible."

"Hurry, let's sit down. We have three minutes before sunset."

"Three minutes? How do you know?"

"Google," he said and motioned for her to sit. The blanket was surprisingly comfortable, and she noticed a pile of rocks off to the side and the crunch of leaves as she sat down. So he'd even provided some cus.h.i.+oning. He'd placed the blanket perfectly with a view of the dam off to the right, the wide Sacramento River streaming far below, and the sun falling fast toward the mountains.

Ryan opened the bag, which turned out to be a sort of picnic basket, and handed her a bottle of San Pellegrino mineral water-her favorite. "Maybe this will cheer up your bad week."

"Bad week?" she said, still in shock over everything he'd done. And for the life of her, she couldn't remember what had been bad. Oh yes, the funeral, and the relatives, and the missing bracelet.

"This is really amazing."

"Don't sound quite so surprised," he said, unzipping another section of the picnic bag. "I have a lot of surprises up my sleeve."

"Well, this was certainly one of them."

"There it goes," Ryan said, watching the sun disappear.

But Ellie was watching Ryan, his strong jaw and perfect lips. This was not a Ryan that most people knew or expected. He was the cool and friendly jock that most everyone loved- just a good guy who also happened to have a great body and looks, but wasn't especially deep, sensitive, or creative.

"How did you do this?" she asked.

"Well, I had to recruit a little help."

"The guys?" she said in surprise.

"Actually, my mom, Ca.s.s, and Sam."

"Really?" Ellie didn't know his mom as well as she should by now. But his little sisters always asked her to come over and play with them when she'd see them at the football games.

I should be totally and completely in love with this guy. And she wanted to be. Perhaps there was some love mechanism broken within her.

They ate crackers with a gourmet spread, olives, sourdough bread, Brie, and slices of Italian salami, Ryan's favorite.

"We've been going out for nearly six months."

Ellie popped an olive into her mouth and nodded.

"What do you think . . . What do you see . . ." He shook his head and laughed. "I'm not saying this very well, am I?"

And Ellie thought, Please, no, don't ask these things now. Let's enjoy this perfect moment.

"We have a lot of fun together," Ellie said, and surprised even herself at how lame that sounded. She tried to correct it. "I'm always happy with you."

"Okay," he said, nodding. "So . . ."

"I don't know," Ellie said. "It sort of surprised me when we started going out. We went on the first date after I lost that bet." She smiled. "Then we just kept going out. It still sort of surprises me sometimes."

"Because I wasn't part of your five-year goals." Ryan fiddled with the lid to the olives.

She nodded, laughing. "You might be the most spontaneous thing I've ever done."

"I've thought that was a good thing."

"Me too, actually."

"And I, on the other hand, who usually live on a whim, have been strategic about all of this."

Ellie wondered what that meant. Strategic about getting her, being with her, sleeping with her?

"Why are you with me?" Ryan asked suddenly.

"What does that mean?"

"It's pretty clear."

"I'm with you because . . . because we get along so well, because we have so much fun together." And, Ellie thought, could this be it? Maybe it should be, if it wasn't going to work anyway. He'd done so much to make tonight special, and now they were so quickly on the brink of ending it.

"I'm ready for more." He stated it clearly, matter-of-factly.

"What more?" So this is about s.e.x?

"Everything more. I want to tell you that I love you, and you say the same back. I want to talk about college, maybe try to get into the same one. I want to be with you, get closer, all of it."

And even as Ryan said it, she knew that he knew she wasn't there yet. The nighttime shadows crept around them, and Ellie couldn't distinguish his expression. She s.h.i.+vered, and he noticed.

"No response to that, huh?" He rose quickly and started packing up the bag. "Forget I said it, then."

Ellie stood and picked up their drinks. She needed to say something. But what could she say that wouldn't hurt him? He'd seemed happy in their relations.h.i.+p. Why change it, when changing it only seemed to point one way?

They carried the bag and blanket back to the car; then Ryan turned and marched back down the trail. All she could see was the trail of candles disappearing one at a time, and something about it transfixed her until he returned.

"You know how easily I could get someone else?" he said.

"Oh, that's nice. Cla.s.sic Ryan."

"And what does that mean?"

She shook her head and got into the car. "Why don't you just fit right into the jock stereotype?"

He closed the trunk and got into the driver's seat, turning on the engine. "I've already lived the stereotype."

"Well, maybe I don't want to be another of your 'been there, done that' girls."

"Is that what you think?"

"I don't know what I think."

Neither spoke as the car idled softly. An old love song played, something from Aerosmith.

"I shouldn't have said that." Ryan rested his elbows on the steering wheel.

She loved his arms, the perfect contour of muscle and the smoothness of his skin.

"It's just not easy having a girlfriend who isn't really into me."

Ellie felt a sting of guilt. How could she explain it to him?

"Ryan, there are so many places I want to see and so much work I want to do. This place pulls you in and keeps people. My dad had all these dreams once, and look at him."

"What's wrong with your dad? He teaches kids, probably makes a huge impact in their lives."